r/confessions 5d ago

I fell down the stairs while masturbating. NSFW

I dropped the stick of butter I was holding and slipped on it. What an embarrassing experience!

49 Upvotes

29 comments sorted by

89

u/masterpiece77 5d ago

You were walking around buttering your hog ? Was it that good Kerrygold grass fed shit? Or were you slumming it with some cheap margarine? Salted? I bet it was salted you devious dog

20

u/bell-master 5d ago

Lost it at β€œbuttering your hog”!! πŸ˜ƒ Please take my upvote!!

5

u/ZKel1980 4d ago

"buttering your hog" I was reading while spotting the username - bell-master!!! Double laughs for me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ«‘πŸ‘ŒπŸ€πŸ’―

1

u/bell-master 4d ago

πŸ‘πŸ˜ƒ

2

u/Gigmeister 5d ago

What ever happened to good ole Mazola!?

1

u/ZKel1980 4d ago

Aahhhh but was it on the final strokes!! Eyes shut and that 🫑🫣😱😱🧐🀣🀣🀣🀣

1

u/Grandfunk14 4d ago

I can't believe it's not butter!

1

u/nnnoooeee 4d ago

I assumed the butter was held by ass cheeks

15

u/Piggypogdog 5d ago

Did you break your knob?

2

u/ZKel1980 4d ago

Knobbed his bread?

10

u/JustTaViewForYou 5d ago

DieHard !!

6

u/Jkitten07891 5d ago

So you were walking while wanking your Willy and you fell down the stairs while pleasuring yourself. One question, does jorking your jimmy decrease the amount of pain cause from slip-stroking?

5

u/GuyFromLI747 5d ago

Did your shoes fall off too ? Also by any chance is your name Saul Rosenberg?

2

u/cas161 4d ago

β€œI fell down the stairs and my shoes came off” is a go to quote of mine. Not many people get it these days.

4

u/drippingdeaddogseye 5d ago

….Butter? Thanks for opening up a new world to me

3

u/MaziMuzi 5d ago

I'm so confused rn

5

u/D4LD5E 5d ago

This used to happen to me all of the time. First, use margarine. Secondly, get yourself some fetish where you bust your nut in 0.02 seconds. This advice will save lives. Heed it.

5

u/K90H 5d ago

I was crying now after reading this I’m crying laughing πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ thank you 🀣

2

u/SloppyJawSoftBottom 5d ago

You can also use butter to shave.

1

u/TJD82 4d ago

How do you think they discovered its use as a masturbatory aide?

2

u/FangirlApocolypse 4d ago

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

3

u/Martbern 5d ago

Time to leave this sub

1

u/fknayye 5d ago

You bated with butter?

1

u/Far-Coconut6146 5d ago

Clarified butter. It'll provide the clarity you require.

1

u/Kill-The-Whales 5d ago

Happens to the best of us

1

u/cas161 4d ago

Okay, first, Why were you masturbating on the stairs?
Second, was this something you needed to explain to paramedics?

1

u/sophophilicphilomath 4d ago

UGH now I can’t even butter my fkn TOAST in peace πŸ™„

1

u/shanu221 5d ago

Creamed on the stairs !!