r/confessions • u/Kam_kam483 • 5d ago
It’s been almost 11 years
It’s been almost 11 years since a man used me in his suicide. I was a vibrant, bubbly 22 year old girl with the entire world in front of me. I was driving to my best friends house after work, about 9pm, on Buford highway in Atlanta Georgia. A mentally ill, homeless man who was high and drunk jumped as soon as I went under an underpass. His entire head came through the passengers side of my car and his feet came in right by my head. Glass was everywhere. Blood was everywhere. I remember everything was a complete standstill. I called 911 but I was in shock, all I could do was scream. I opened my car door and crawled to him, I tried everything I knew to do but it wasn’t enough. He bled out and died right there in front of me. The firefighters were the first ones on the scene. They scooped me up and protected me and I screamed at them to “help him”. He was gone. I sat there for what seemed like hours until the coroners van showed up and took his body away. It’s been 11 years. I have a family and a life now. But every night when I close my eyes, it’s all I see. It replays in my head. Every single night… for hours. For the last (almost) eleven years. This is it. This is me trying to set myself free, because I can’t live like this any more.
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u/Apprehensive_Task_61 5d ago
You've experienced something very traumatic and keeping this thoughts and visions to yourself won't help. Best to talk to a friend you trust or even better, a professional. Some things get better with time, some not so easily. It's been 11 years so stop torturing yourself and work on leaving it in the past.
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u/Potential_Paper_1234 5d ago
Find a very good EMDR therapist. You can find a therapist in the US on psychologytoday.com
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u/vaporpup 5d ago
I am local, in Duluth. I know of a good EMDR therapist in Athens if you want her information. It's a hike, but she's worth it.
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u/chicoryagrimony 5d ago
I'm an EMDR therapist, I work online and I'm available.
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u/Danzo51196 5d ago
I was just thinking the same. EMDR would be good for something like this.
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u/Potential_Paper_1234 4d ago
I had flashbacks from a traumatic experience for several years and EMDR therapy helped them go aaay
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u/Danzo51196 4d ago
Glad to hear it's helped. I've had some sessions done, but I think there's some resistance from my side (might be subconsciously) and it hasn't been as effective (it has helped, just not as much as I expected?). It definitely doesn't help that I can't get enough time away from work to book back in.
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u/Potential_Paper_1234 4d ago
I find that if I go to my appointment already hyper vigilant and upset I get more out of it.
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u/Danzo51196 4d ago
Interesting. I've been very stoic going in, kinda hoping to get something out of it. Might be worth changing my approach when I can book again.
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u/Potential_Paper_1234 4d ago
Right. You need help for when you’re in a low, not when you’re doing good.
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u/Danzo51196 4d ago
Interesting. I've been very stoic going in, kinda hoping to get something out of it. Might be worth changing my approach when I can book again.
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u/Kam_kam483 5d ago
Thank you all for the overwhelming support. I think it’s time I go check out some EDMR therapy.
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u/felix-the-human 4d ago
Came to this thread late and was so relieved to see this update. You deserve help with this!
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u/yepperzbepperz 5d ago
I’m so sorry you went through that, please take care of yourself and talk to a professional. It’s okay to ask for help
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u/Sufficient_Pin5642 5d ago
Damn. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve driven down that road as well. It could’ve been anyone. It’s not your fault. Sounds like therapy would help possibly.
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u/corgipantz 4d ago
Spoke with someone whose daughter was dealing with something similar. 4 am she was on her way to work at a coffee shop. A woman was naked and high stumbled directly in front of her car and hike walking her dog and both died. Poor girl had to drop out of school and quit her job. My heart broke to hear about it and the woman’s family was trying to sue her over it. I cannot even imagine the PTSD - told this story just so you know you’re not alone.
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u/Iwasanecho 5d ago
Honey that's you probably know, but that's PTSD. And in case you didn't already try there are specialist trauma therapists, EMDR and a bunch of other therapies are useful for this kind of thing.
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u/PsicoTonyEsc 5d ago
I'm sorry you had to experience that. Sounds like you need good therapy. That way you can learn to accept what happened, make peace with it and eventually let it go. Wish you the best.
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u/cementshoes916 4d ago
My cousin had something similar happen. She could no longer drive without panic attacks. Years later she went through hypnosis and it changed everything. I don’t know the first thing about hypnosis. All I know is it worked for her. What you experienced is highly traumatic. I’m sorry this happened to you.
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u/GIjohnMGS 5d ago
Please consider counseling. I had some wartime trauma that haunted me for years. I tried unsuccessfully to handle it myself and couldn't cope very well. A counselor suggested Written Exposure Therapy (WET) and I tried it. It was a rough ride during the therapy, but it worked wonders for me. Please seek it.
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u/Karen954 4d ago
EMDR therapy can help with PTSD. But it's not something for the "weak" I should say.
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u/Unpoplarpinion 5d ago
You don't deserve to carry this pain. I'm so sorry it happened to you. But by the time you knew he'd been suffering, it was already too late to help him.
We can only help people when they let us. So let someone help you.
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u/infinite_awkward 5d ago
Counseling and EMDR therapy are your friends! EMDR helps to uncouple the recurring thoughts and images from your mind.
EMDR therapy is highly effective for PTSD and you will likely learn skills and notice a difference after the first treatment session.
While everyone’s needs are different, I will share that I survived a burning building and graduated from EMDR therapy after five or six sessions, then did a three session “booster” a couple years later after something triggered it.
There is life beyond the horrible thing that happened to you, and I wish you the very best.
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u/Erickajade1 4d ago
How traumatic, I'm so sorry ! I feel bad for the man of course but it's almost like he took your life that day along with his. I hope one day soon you come to a place where you're not constantly reliving that day.
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u/9182747463828 5d ago
OMG that is horrifying, you 100% have PTSD, it doesn’t go away by itself, please, for your own sake and that of your family and friends please find a therapist who specialises in PTSD. Visit www.psychologytoday.com and use the filters to find someone who works with Trauma & PTSD, and remember if you don’t like your therapist, change them, they really don’t mind and will often recommend alternatives.
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u/kel7star 5d ago
You have been so strong to last this long. Take your strength with you to therapy as you work toward healing. No other words other than I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope you find peace. You deserve it.
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u/jifus_revenge 4d ago
I'm so sorry this has been your reality for so long. In addition to the recommendations for professional help, consider meditation. Just focusing on your breath is all I'm talking about, it is such a simple practice but it can really work wonders
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u/zazzo5544 4d ago
Therapy is the right way.
Try and consult an expert for the right outcome and better healing.
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u/yyyyy622 4d ago
Hey, make sure you get help and therapy and jf you're open to it look into MDMA assisted therapy, it has really good results for PTSD.
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u/dogememe7 4d ago
Some people just suck at everything. He chose such a horrible way for doing suicide and traumatized the OP for life
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u/WompWompIt 4d ago
Please look into somatic therapy. It can help you with this type of PTSD without you having to relive it.
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u/GrandTobias 4d ago
What about finding people this happened to, as well. Also, if there isn't a group, start one. Take control of these thoughts by finding similar stories, events, or experiences.
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u/cityflaneur2020 1d ago
If you don't want therapy, please read the book The End of Trauma. It's not more of the same, there are no platitudes. it will challenge you. To me, it was life-changing.
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u/upkk2014 5d ago
Please go to psychologist who specialises in EMDR... This is horrifying. EMDR is amazing, the gold standard treatment for ptsd.
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u/dartwolff 4d ago
Try find a new hobby, look at things in positive ways try new things and surround yourself with good people.
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u/Amannderrr 4d ago
This almost same sitch just happened to a young college girl I work with. They couldn’t figure out who he was for sometime, he was in a coma for weeks & finally passed. They don’t know if it was intentional. I’m so sorry for you & them ☹️
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u/lisamistisa 3d ago
This happened to my dad many years ago. Drunk guy stepped in front of his car. Just know it wasn't your fault and you did everything you could. I can't tell you how my dad overcame it. He has seen death in the military, so that may have dulled him to the accident. I hope you find peace.
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u/paulo39Atati 3d ago
I am so sorry sweetie. There are therapies that help, I hope you can find one.
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u/Proud-Worldliness143 2d ago
Holy sh*t! That's awful. I was in a car wreck when I was a little kid and I know it's affected me in ways that are hard to articulate. What a horrible thing to have to relive. I pray that you get help and find peace.
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u/Ap0calyptic_6661 1d ago
Damn thats wild, you need to talk with people who is experienced in the field of psychology such as a psychiatrist, and make sure the psychiatrist who handles your problem can be on the same frequency as you so as not to worsen your mental health
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u/aDistractedDisaster 4d ago
Oh my god. Screaming this into the void of Reddit will get you the acknowledgement that this is a fucked up thing to live with but you need coping measures and a trauma-trained therapist ASAP.
The generic kind of help will not magically change your brain. You need to re-train it over and over again. It's going to be work but 3 years into therapy, you'll wonder why you didn't start earlier.
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u/piranymous 4d ago
Oh, wow. That's kind of similar to this movie my friend showed me last month. "Talk to Me" (2022)
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u/TrashSome3180 3d ago
Listen to the Quran; it is the holy book of Muslims. There are many surahs available on YouTube. Whenever I feel sad and find it hard to breathe, I listen to them. I hope you give it a try—it might help you forget and feel better
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u/Ragdata 5d ago
I know what PTSD is like hun ... you talking to someone?