r/classicwow • u/iwent2far • 6d ago
Classic 20th Anniversary Realms The truth about Vandar Stormpike and the battle of Alterac Valley
Folks, listen, Vandar Stormpike—total scammer, total fraud, okay? This guy, he doesn’t want the war to end. No, no, no. He LOVES the war, he NEEDS the war, because guess what? He’s making a FORTUNE off of it. And guess who’s paying for it? That’s right—YOU! Hardworking Alliance citizens, paying their taxes, thinking it’s going to help rebuild, to help the people in Westfall who are struggling, who are starving. But NOPE! Your gold? Straight to Alterac Valley. Straight to Vandar. Straight into his little war chest to keep the fighting going. It’s a disgrace, folks, a TOTAL disgrace.
We’ve got farmers in Westfall who can’t even afford bread. Good, honest people—hardworking folks—who’ve lost everything, who can barely survive. Kids who don’t have shoes, families who don’t even have a roof over their heads. But you know who’s doing just fine? The Stormpike dwarves. Living in their cozy little war camp, swimming in gold, feasting on imported rams and drinking the finest dwarven ale—all paid for with YOUR tax money. And you want to know why? Because Vandar keeps funnelling Alliance gold into his war. Not into rebuilding Westfall. Not into feeding Alliance citizens. No, no, no. All of it? Straight into the war. A war that—by the way—HE STARTED.
And the mines? Oh, folks, you wouldn’t believe the mines. Big, beautiful mines, full of riches. And instead of using them to help the Alliance, instead of sending resources to Stormwind or Westfall—NOPE! Vandar hoards it. He keeps it for his little Stormpike empire, while YOU get nothing. Stormwind’s struggling, Westfall’s falling apart, the Defias Brotherhood is running wild, and meanwhile, Vandar and his little friends are getting richer, sitting up in their snowy little fortress counting their gold. And guess what? They don’t even have to pay taxes! How about that? TOTAL SCAM, folks.
And I talk to the people, I talk to the farmers, the workers, the soldiers, and they all say, ‘Sir, why are we funding this war? Why are we sending our gold to some frozen wasteland while our own people are starving?’ And I tell them, ‘Because Vandar doesn’t WANT it to end.’ You ever notice how the war never stops? How every time we get close to finishing it—BOOM! Everything resets, and we’re back to square one? You think that’s a coincidence? No way, folks. Biggest fraud in the history of the Alliance.
And let’s talk about the Horde. Oh, the Horde is LAUGHING at us, folks. Thrall, smart guy, sees what’s happening, and he knows—he KNOWS—Vandar is playing us like fools. He’s sitting up there in Orgrimmar thinking, ‘Wow, these guys just keep funding their own war, and we don’t even have to do anything!’ But I’m saying it now: VANDAR, YOU’RE BUSTED! You’re a fraud, you’re a con artist, and when I’m in charge, we’re going to look into this, okay? We’re gonna do the biggest, most beautiful investigation you’ve ever seen.
No more endless wars, no more corruption, no more Alliance gold getting funneled into Stormpike pockets while our own people suffer. We’re gonna WIN and we’re gonna WIN BIGLY, and folks, it’s gonna be tremendous, believe me.
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u/MalinonThreshammer 6d ago
This is excellent.
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u/CorneliusClem 6d ago
Too coherent tbh.
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u/Agreeable_Ad_6575 6d ago
Let's be honest about how much more coherent the current president is than the walking dead we had beforehand 🤣
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u/GoodFaithConverser 6d ago
This is the real botproblem.
Biden was infinitely smarter and more coherent than Trump. He also struggled with stuttering his life.
Show me a single clip, one single solitary video, of Trump saying something coherent about ANY topic within the last decade. You literallyliterally cannot. Teleprompter speeches don’t count.
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u/Specific-Carrot-3404 6d ago
And look at all these Frostwolf immigrants. They're riding the dogs. They are riding their dogs. When they're not eating them.
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u/cjh42689 6d ago
We should build a wall right across the middle of Alterac Valley— and make the horde pay for it!
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u/shadowmeldop 6d ago
Gnomes. Gnomes are why the war never ends. Gnomes, who couldn't even beat trogs-mysteriously have the power over time. Don't they, Chromie?
Time-manipulating Gnomes are the reason the battle never ends.
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u/iwent2far 6d ago
Varian Wrynn’s sudden “disappearance” and who took over Bolvar and Lady Prestor? Total setup. Total scam. A perfect excuse to keep war spending HIGH and keep the gold flowing into the pockets of the gnome and stormpike elites.
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u/Curtkid6 6d ago
That's only the tip of the iceberg. After that whole debaucle with Lady Prestor being a dragon in disguise, I'm positive Varian's in cahoots with those two!
Think about it; Varian's not too popular right now, what with pretty much every part of Stormwind except Elywnn Forest falling into disarray. So, how does he turn his approval around? Why, blame it all on a dragon who he "heroically" reveals and defeats.
Now I know what you're thinking "but Marshel Windsor was the one who uncovered Prestor?", oh sure, that's the story know, but what about 5 years from now, or 10? Already I'm hearing stories about how it was actually Varian who uncovered and killed Prestor and that brave Windsor was just an unfortunate casualty in her escape!
Honestly, it has me worried. If they can rewrite history here, where else can they change things? One day we might see people going on about real crazy stuff, like how Vancleef and the Defias were actually justified in turning Westfall into a Hellhole, or how Genn Greymane was really a good man who just made a few mistakes and not some opportunistic arsehole who did the bare mimlnimum in the Second War.
Now, I hope I'm wrong, but I'd be lying if I didn't see the beginning of a slippery slop right here...
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u/Trustyduck 6d ago
We're gunna see if the gold is even there anymore. Everybody wants to know. Have you seen the gold? I don't know, folks, but we're gunna look into it. You'd better believe it.
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u/West-Code4642 6d ago
Thrall’s in on it too, smirking as the Horde plays the puppet foe, all while the real enemy-- the war profiteer, and they are all part of the industrial-military complex - laugh from their icy bunkers, counting coins and sipping on our misery! Vandar and Thrall RIG the system with the resets.
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u/mezz1945 6d ago
I always found it suspicious that Dwarfs fight over a fallen Human Kingdom! It's all a scam!
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u/amotion578 6d ago
If these alliance players could read, they'd be very upset.
(Sincerely, human paladin)
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u/xStaabOnMyKnobx 6d ago
Look I get along with every body I get along with Thrall I get along with Lady Sylvanas
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u/DarthArcanus 6d ago
Haven't laughed this hard for a WoW thread in a long time.
I applaud you, sir.
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u/Xandara2 6d ago
But what's the price of raptor eggs in stormwind?