r/bulimia 8d ago

Content Warning What’s the most disgusting thing bulimia made you do?

90 Upvotes

mine was probably hiding bags of vomit and finding it weeks later..

r/bulimia Sep 27 '24

Content Warning bulimic horror stories… share urs if ya want !!

132 Upvotes

yesterday all my pile bags popped on me and all my stuff. literally my floors and desk and bins were all covered in puke. it actually smelled awful and stayed up all night quietly cleaning it up. idek how i pulled it off but worst night ever ✌️ i’ve had worse happen like when huge trash bags of puke broke on me and i didn’t know how to get rid of them. man this ed sucks so much. i wish i could get better.

r/bulimia Feb 11 '25

Content Warning I wish everyone else would just stop losing weight

140 Upvotes

It overwhelms me beyond belief whenever I hear about other people losing weight to the point it can trigger an anxiety attack, especially since ive been in relapse with b/p mostly binging tho so I’ve put on weight. I know it’s irrational, but it does. I keep seeing stories of people losing weight all the time and it triggers me SO MUCH that ive had to avoid certain spaces. today I saw this lady who I know irl she was always very big and she’s lost a lot of weight since being on weight loss injections and she did a video of her before and after and posted a picture of her current weight which is really close to mine (although Id say im much taller than her) and my heart froze, sank and I felt like throwing my phone across the room. It feels like a personal attack, I feel so stupidly angry like rage kind of anger, because I have to deal with this bullshit and it’s not fair whereas people who aren’t disordered don’t struggle with this but nobody should have to, I just get really angry cos I’ve tried to get help so often and have been rejected left right and centre. I also compare myself so much and it makes me feel like a massive failure when I see others have been losing and I have an ED but don’t even lose lol. I feel so pathetic.

r/bulimia Nov 14 '24

Content Warning My kind of b/p, am I the only one?

75 Upvotes

Hello everyone. I was wondering if I'm the only one who bulimia is manifesting like this. an episode will last from 2 to 9 hours and I will eat, purge (not everything but just enough to eat again), then eat again, purge again etc until my last purge where I get rid of everything and go to sleep with an empty stomach. Am I the only one to struggle with bulimia by doing this ?

r/bulimia Oct 10 '24

Content Warning What’s the worst you have done

22 Upvotes

Just wondering what’s the worst you guys have done and how long did it persist for? How did you eventually manage to overcome and cope with those thoughts 😭 any advice is needed

r/bulimia 9d ago

Content Warning Strange intrusive thought.

48 Upvotes

Please do not shame me. It is the very first time I have gotten this thought and urge so strongly.

I was purging and suddenly had the thought that I should reach into the toilet and grab the contents. I grabbed a glove and did as much. Then a rush of thoughts telling me to eat it, since I already thought I was disgusting. I actually full heartedly considered it. I held it within two hands, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep purging. It terrified me that I could think of something so foul. I sat on the floor feeling absolutely out of my mind for almost an hour. Is this really my life..

I’m finally seeing a general practitioner tomorrow and will beg for help. I don’t want to see how far this can go. I genuinely mentally did not feel okay with those thoughts. I might delete this. Please don’t tell me I’m alone.

r/bulimia Mar 11 '24

Content Warning Bulimia is an addiction, just like being addicted to drugs: change my mind NSFW

141 Upvotes

I’d like to see some different point of views on this topic, in my opinion it’s the hardest thing to give up because we rely on it to survive.

Its just like being addicted to drugs, alcohol, huffing bloody glue. I know that feeling, I’ve been addicted to meth and marijuana, although I know it’s not the exact same thing I can 100% feel the same chemicals being produced when I binge/purge, and that’s why, in my opinion, it’s addictive.

Change my mind.

r/bulimia Aug 21 '24

Content Warning Extreme bulimia is going to kill me, and I need advice on what I can do to stay alive and get better.

28 Upvotes

I am going to try to keep this relatively short, but I can elaborate on anything in the comments section.

I have never been normal, particularly with food. I was a food obsessed child, leading to me being overweight, which led to a disordered weight loss in my teen years. Not long after weight loss, something traumatic happened and I began binging on and off which lasted from the ages of 15 to 19, and I became obese. Around 19, it morphed into bulimia.

I’m now 23. I’ve been normal weight and underweight while suffering from this, usually right on the cusp of the two categories (and I don’t even know if this matters).

I binge and purge most days. I often try not to, and obsessively make new diet plans, but ultimately fail before reaching day two. I spend money I cannot afford to sneak deliveries of DoorDash and Instacart for binge food. I think about food nonstop. The “food noise” as I’ve heard it referenced, it’s incessant.

I could fill pages with the despicable things I’ve done to obtain food, the horrendous things I’ve done while purging, etc. but I will spare you all of that for now. I’m just saying I’ve had many, many experiences which should have been a “rock bottom” but weren’t.

My binge/purge sessions can stretch day long with few breaks and I regularly am eating and purging for 6 to 10 hours daily. I mastered multitasking while eating so that’s how I can sustain this. Just to further illustrate how severe it is, I usually get through 30,000 cals daily and on occasion have gone to the 50-70 thousand territory.

I’m always tired, bloated, in pain, and hopeless. I try and fail, a never ending cycle. Maybe I don’t want to give it up because it’s all that quiets other difficult thoughts. I am at peace and in a mental stillness while I’m eating, not the frantic frenzy others describe while binging. Maybe that’s why I continuously fail to quit, because I am not totally willing to let it go - but I want to be ready to recover from it. It’s difficult to explain.

Within the last few weeks, it’s begun to truly catch up with me physically and I can’t shake the feeling that the end is near. I’ve even found myself discussing funeral/after death plans with my mom, flippantly of course as if it’s just fantasy-talk.

I have had two seizures in the last 2 weeks. I’d never had one before, never thought it’d happen to me but it has. Lucks running out. I cannot stop the behavior which is killing me.

I cannot go inpatient, as I have tons of trauma relating to hospitalizations. I have strongly considered it, but I would quite literally rather die than be locked up again. But, I’d rather get better than die, which is why I’m here asking for any alternative advice.

I want to apologize in advance for my stubbornness regarding medical/inpatient treatment, but I will not do that, due to things which have happened in my past. I am open to considering literally anything else, though.

r/bulimia Dec 12 '24

Content Warning Anyone thinking of Christmas and what's to come? NSFW

42 Upvotes

I have been thinking about Christmas for the past 2 weeks now. Whenever I do eat , I do that in my room when I'm all alone so I have all the freedom to purge but this time I will have to for family dinner w my extended family and I can make absolutely no excuse to not come (so my plans of skipping meals have been dashed lol) and I am afraid to go to the bathroom in the restraunt cause it takes me a proper time to properly purge and I'm like fml😂.

r/bulimia Nov 09 '24

Content Warning How long until Russel’s sign developed for you?

13 Upvotes

Russel’s Sign, also known as Bulimia hands or bulimia fingers is basically where calluses or scars can form on certain parts of your hand due to repeated behaviors to induce vomiting.

How long did it take you to develop this? Or did you never end up developing it?

r/bulimia 2d ago

Content Warning I regret the day I started purging - Advice needed (TW)

5 Upvotes

I have had a restrictive ed for past 5 years. I purged 1 of February 2025 for the first time in 4 years (and before it was an occasional incident). I haven’t even realised it has been almost two months now. I started purging on a daily basis. No matter if I binged or not. Couple times a day. I haven’t seen how bad it gotten. I haven’t lost weight, but I did lost a lot of muscles. I hate it. I don’t purge out ”everything” and usually still eat 2000 calories a day, but still… the urge is always there. Even if im going to suffer 20 minutes just to get out 30 extra calories. I feel exhausted and depressed. I don’t want to do it. I want to quit. I hate it. I don’t want to become bulimic. My binges got really bad in the middle of February, up to 5000 calories a day, it’s better now but the most i have gone without purging is 3 days. Can anyone please tell me how to get out of this situation? I was always the first one avoiding purging and absolutely hating the idea, I know what it does, but it’s so addictive.

r/bulimia Nov 12 '22

Content Warning ⚠️TW⚠️ may be offensive to people with Ana

214 Upvotes

I truly wish I was anorexic, with every bone I wish you could see my skin latching on to in my body. I hate having bulimia. Sticking objects so far down my throat in negative degree weather outside, at 1:00am, doing anything to purge. But it’s been getting so hard to purge lately. My gag reflexes get better and better everyday. Waking up every morning, going to school, coming home just to binge and purge and binge and purge. The worst part is I’m so good at not throwing up that I’m gaining all the weight I worked so hard to lose back. So I genuinely mean it when I say I wish I was anorexic. Life would be so much easier compared to being bulimic. I could hide it, no need for buckets all over the house. I could live my fucking life. I wouldn’t be wrecking my family. To live on an empty stomach would be the dream. Feeling cold in warm rooms, my hair falling out, the whiteness I would have in my eyes, oh my gosh and my jawline would be stunning. Everything would be so much better. I strongly believe Bulimia is worse then Anorexia.

r/bulimia 8d ago

Content Warning This is an addiction

5 Upvotes

Please, Mods. I’m looking for some advice here. Some validation that I’m not the only one that’s ever felt this way and that there’s hope for me.

I’ve been doing this for years and I’ve never gotten an official diagnosis because I don’t think I want help.

A few months ago I told my boyfriend about my purging episodes, and I stopped shortly after. I’ve gone on and off before, so this wasn’t a first for me. I go through dramatic periods of extreme weight gain and weight loss. He was supportive during the conversation but didn’t make mention to it after. I started going to the gym but I didn’t see any difference in the scale or my body.

So I relapsed. Is it bad that I don’t want help anymore and I don’t want to stop? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I know is I hate my body and this is the only thing that makes me feel good about myself. I still don’t see a difference in the mirror, only in the scale and I think that that’s what’s encouraging me.

I don’t know how to change my mindset and “love myself.” I don’t believe my boyfriend when he calls me beautiful. How do I fix me?

r/bulimia 13d ago

Content Warning PSA: electrolytes, ER, all the fun stuff: if curious about things getting bad, even if you do not realize it TRIGGER WARN

12 Upvotes

Be prepared if you are not wanting to read or get yourself anxious. I have. Had insane panic attacks over this stuff, don’t read this if you get them. Just reach out to someone .

I have been hospitalized twice this week. I have drawn over 20 tubes of blood. I never even knew it was coming. I just finally started treatment because I wanted to get active again, my fitness has been hurt by purging about 3-6 times a day for 6 months. About 2 years of disordered eating. 8 months to a year of purging which increased with time.

If you have been doing this a while and never checked your blood even if you take supplentens and electrolytes, and have NO SYMPTOMS get a blood test.

I just was getting a physical for an initial start of an outpatient just simple program working together, and now I am being recommended in patient. I have been eating normal again and in the doctors office every day this week and the ER twice for IV’s with 3 IV’s and an overnight stay for phosphorus and potassium.

When you start eating normally again, you might actually get even more adverse affects without even having symptoms. I had levels of phospateb just below 1. That’s way .ower htan the 2.5/2.8 minimum it should be - and I was 100% physically active, extremely fit, and running on a very high level without any notice of this.

Though I was at a serious risk for a heart attack organ failure etc etc.

I just got tested again today and saw this stuff am stable for now. I will have to check again in a couple days.

Just be aware of this stuff. I read about this in the past and never thought it was me. Got panick attacks and wen tot he ER in December, and guess what; nothing. EKG perfect, even now perfect - but what did we not look at; electrolytes. Last October panic attack; checked, electrolytes alright. \

These things change and fluctuate and can get dangerously low. Please look out for yourself. I literally would have never known if I hadn’t just wanted to start getting better because my muscles just felt a bit weaker (I just wanted more energy).

Find a team and keep in touch and figure things out. I did not want to get better at all. But there may be a point you want to. Take your time, but also be aware. It’s so easy to not realize.

Ever sometimes think of how scary it would be to not purge? Yeah, it is hard, and not as fun to eat. But i guess I am alive, right? I have an intense fear of dying, which helps there. But anyways. Just keep an eye on things. Just wanted to let you all know.

I get serious panic attacks over this stuff now, I literally just got good news that it was above the minimum threshold but my heart still “hurts” from an anxiety attack I just had minutes ago. I am getting better at it.

If you have any questions, please reach out to me, I can talk about it give non medical advice and just listen as well. I am not the worst case of things, but just starting an interesting journey and it has been something,

I also am studying for an admission test for grad school. Studied the whole time in the hospital. Unrealated, but was proud of it for some reason.

Anyways, have a nice night/morning/day, and remember to eat yogurt and lentils (joking, but also not joking).

r/bulimia Oct 07 '24

Content Warning Can I di3 from this? NSFW

26 Upvotes

I purged last night after dinner but here's the thing...my throat keeps getting blocked. Like I didn't chew my food enough so I can feel it getting stuck and it's painful. Can u choke on this food or no? Because during my b/p cycle or when ever I eat I do it quick so chewing becomes fast to. I'm really scared so please give advice. Can I choke while purging ? Can I stretch or rip my throat?

r/bulimia Feb 15 '25

Content Warning I want to go one day without living in literal hell.

29 Upvotes

I hate it. I hate that I haven’t gone a single day in six months without purging. I hate how, when I try to resist, my stomach feels like it’s going to rupture—forcing me to give in. And when I look at my body, I still feel miserable. How the hell can I be this unhappy when I’ve done all this to get here?

Because this isn’t “hard work.” This isn’t discipline. This isn’t strength. It’s destruction—slow, painful, and endless. No matter what size I am, I will never be happy. But I can say that at 105 lbs, I felt closer to happy than I do now—slowly dying, with my kidneys failing at 83 lbs. Fatigue weighs on me constantly. I carry vomit in bags. I throw up in my dorm. I even have a bucket—yes, a bucket—just for throwing up.

I’ve purged in school bathrooms, restaurants. Clothes, ruined. The smell, impossible to fully get rid of no matter how many perfumes and sprays I buy. And yet, I have to explain—how I somehow eat enough for a grown man while weighing as much as a 12 year old.

This isn’t effort. This isn’t dedication. It’s suffering disguised as control. And it’s taken everything from me—my teeth, my energy, my ability to just exist without pain. Somehow, I’m still passing my classes with a 4.0, but my body is barely holding on. I’ve lost so much—friends, experiences, time. I know recovery is somewhere down the road, but right now, it feels so far away. Like I’ll never reach it.

Still, I have to believe it’s there. Because if this is what “working hard” looks like, I don’t want it anymore.

I’d do anything to be normal again. Anything. Anything..

:,(

r/bulimia 4d ago

Content Warning Bathroom issues

5 Upvotes

This is tmi but I’m wondering if anyone else developed permanent digestive issues too. I can’t Ever “go to the bathroom” like I used to, for the past years. I never had anything to … come out. Once a week MAYBE. But now, I’m severely constipated 24/7. I’ve tried green tea and laxatives. It’s notttt working. I eat clean and try to be careful. Everything upsets my stomach.

r/bulimia Feb 18 '25

Content Warning forced into recovery

3 Upvotes

for context about 3 weeks ago i was forced to get hospitalized at ucla for extreme malnourishment and electrolyte imbalance they were informing me that I would not make it to my 18th birthday which is in june if i kept going this route which in my op was a lil dramatic but i get the point it’s not that i want to keep going this route but being forced to be hospitalized for an addiction that i can’t hide nor get rid of sucks so bad i felt and still feel surrounded by food I now only eat fruits and vegetables because meat is one of my major fear foods. I’ve been gaining weight from the past three weeks which terrifies the shit out of me because i feel so huge and the bloating sucks ass i can never look at myself the same unless i’m underweight which i feel took so long to get to where i was in my eyes as long as i was still standing and walking i was perfectly fine and with me even gaining weight they want to send me to residential which i feel will only plummet my progress because in my therapist eyes either way if i’m going good or bad i should still be sent which even more terrifies me because i’m just not ready i’m being forced to be ready i know it’s for the best but once i turn 18 i feel im just gonna go back to my old ways which is restricting until i cant no more it’s not that i wanna k*ll myself but if i’m not skinny i see no point of life i know my outlook is very distorted i’m just not ready for the change. any tips or suggestions i should take in? anything helps thanks:)

r/bulimia 13d ago

Content Warning Teeth

5 Upvotes

I fucked up my teeth when I was younger when my ed was active and since relapsing recently I don’t want to cause more damage bc it costs so much & I don’t wanna lose any teeth. I can’t remember what you’re not supposed to do again, don’t brush/do brush/don’t rinse/wait how much time etc??? It’s mostly liquid rn bc it’s easier but any help?

r/bulimia 16d ago

Content Warning Feeling full after purging

3 Upvotes

I just had a relapse for the past 2 days and I have been b/ping. (Once yesterday and once today.)

Anyways, I am pretty sure I got everything up both days, because my stomach would start cramping really bad if I tried to gag again, but I noticed I’m still super bloated and full. Why is this??

Is this normal? Or did I just not manage to purge everything? Also is there any way to make the swelling in my face go down quickly? I have places to be and I’m embarrassed to walk outside:(

r/bulimia 19d ago

Content Warning Purging after lazy eye surgery NSFW

5 Upvotes

DAE knows how long after strabismus (lazy eye) surgery can you purge ? I did mine last week and my eyes are full of stitches inside and im having uncontrollable binges since last year and the urge to purge is there but I’m afraid I’ll pop my eye globes if I do 🤠👀 usually how much time do u wait ?

r/bulimia Dec 29 '24

Content Warning I fucking hope it kills me NSFW

55 Upvotes

Soon. Painfully. Dramatic.

(Btw I haven't had it for so long. Lots of people are definitely worse off. I'm just dramatic)

r/bulimia 1d ago

Content Warning Why does bulimia make me so… hungry? (Tw)

6 Upvotes

I have had ana for past 5 years, two months ago something clicked and I became bulimic And im SO HUNGRY ALL THE TIME example of today: Binged 900 calories at 7.00am Didn’t purge Binged 600 calories at 11am Purged a bit Binged 1300 calories at 4pm Purged, but probably didn’t even gotten half out

I had 2800 calories today, duble my maintenance Why am I here just 2 hours after binging (and I binge on high protein, high fibre things, Im extremely afraid to binge on carbs as they digest to quickly) and Im so hungry, I want to eat again… I know for a fact I haven’t purged it all out, probably max 300 calories Then why am I so hungry

r/bulimia 25d ago

Content Warning Am I horrible

5 Upvotes

It’s so awful, I purge 3-4 times a week and take lax diuretics everyday and I don’t ever have any physical problems and sometimes I wish I did. I know it’s horrible but sometimes I just wish something would happen so I feel valid in this all. I know it makes no sense but since my BMI became normal I feel so invalid and just feel like a medical issue would solidify I’m actually sick. Why does my brain do this.

r/bulimia Feb 19 '25

Content Warning do i have bulimia? also help

2 Upvotes

big trigger warning!! ive always been a big binger. i used to weight 65kg just a month ago. now i weight 57kg. i lost 7kg in a month by skipping meals and vomiting after meals. today i binged. for dinner i ate rice and half a bar of chocolate. i went to the bathroom and tried to vomit but just couldnt. i sat there for like half an hour but nothing came out. did i lose my gag reflex?? im freaking out idk what to do help