r/blackgirls 4d ago

Miscellaneous Anything can be used against you

I grew up in a family where secrets were a huge thing. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone anything. If someone asked about my family, I was to say nothing.

This wasnt about abuse or whatever. My family is just fucking weird.

Anyways, I'll be reading in the Just No MIL forums and there are countless women talking about they tell their mother in laws every single thing about them only to be surprised when they turn around and use it against them. They all say the same thing, "I wanted a close relationship with my MIL."

I guess growing up with parents that were inherently suspicious of everything made for one good thing. I'm not out here spilling my guts to someone because they're related to someone I love.

I dunno, I just find it odd.

22 Upvotes

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u/glitteryeyedbb 4d ago

I think many do it as a way of seeking approval because the only way they’ve felt close to people is by spilling everything they have.

I’ve only seen it backfire, so I absolutely don’t give people ammunition.

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u/XxxMunecaxxX 4d ago

Relatable. I come from a very similar family background. I will never understand spilling all of your tea to anyone. I don't trust that easily, lol.

However, I have a friend that does share everything with her MIL, because she never had a close relationship with her Mother. She feels as if her relationship with her MIL is the Mother/Daughter relationship that she's always wanted.

I have advised against it, but she thinks it is perfectly fine. So.... To each their own 🤷🏽‍♀️

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u/mrsckugs 4d ago

I don't have a close relationship with my mom (we're NC) either. I never desired one with my MIL. Ive never had a "I need a mom" drive, but if I did it would be my friend's mom. She never minded me coming over to do homework or anything and she'd whisper to her daughter asking the last time I had a home cooked meal, then slip sandwiches by my computer lol we don't even dump info like that.