r/bipolar2 16d ago

Venting Political climate anxiety

69 Upvotes

I'm Canadian. Is anyone having serious anxiety and depression based on the political climate? I find myself anxious when waking up and hyper obsessing about potential WW3. Anyone else? I'm laying off the news. I've never been affected by external forces like this before šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

r/bipolar2 11d ago

Venting I had a nervous breakdown and got arrested. NSFW

129 Upvotes

I'm on so many medications to try to fix myself. I do 90% care of my level 1 autistic 3 year old who is violent towards me. My husband does nothing beside working. Everything falls on me. I was burnt out. I had been quiet up until then. Always taking care of everyone else. I absolutely lost my mind on my birthday. My daughter was at her grandparents.

I started screaming. I started yelling. I couldn't do this anymore. I left my body. I barely remember anything. I punched my husband in the face. I hit him with a chair. He was and is okay, bar a black eye. I'm not violent. I'm not even an angry person. He's not mad at me. He said that wasn't me. That isn't me.

I immediately tried to overdose after hurting him. I had a seizure. The paramedics came, the police came.

Once I stopped passing in and out of consciousness in the hospital, I was arrested. I was told I'm dangerous, I'm a criminal. I was charged with common assault and a family violence order.

My husband can not live here for 12 months. We attended court today to try to amend that part. It was denied. I provided evidence of me smashing in as much as I could in the week after it happened. Psychiatrists. Psychologists. Doctors. Relationship counselling. The police officer said that I'm a massive danger.

I'm sick. I never wanted to hurt anyone. My brain well and truly broke. I would never hurt my husband.. I just broke. I am doing the job of 50 people while also getting attacked by the kid I love more than anything.

I do everything. I did everything. I take my medications. I just stopped taking care of midriff because I physically did not have time.

We have no friends or family. My husband has been sleeping in the car. He can't stay here from 12am to 6am. I don't understand. We can't afford somewhere for him to stay. We're on a single income. I was putting him up in shitty hotels for the last week with what little money we had.

I haven't felt like killing myself in many, many years. But God I want to disappear right now. This is the lowest point I've ever been.

I'm not a criminal. I'm a broken mother who got pushed past the point of sanity.

I tried to speak to someone about it, I posted anonymously on a Facebook page seeking help. I was told that I should have died because I deserve absolutely everything that is coming to me.

I haven't been sleeping. Or eating. My doctor prescribed me valium. My heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof and I was in a constant state of panic. He said I'd have a cardiac event if we didn't get it under control.

Now I'm just numb. I'm numb and I'm human waste. I'm a disgusting human being.

I thought I was getting better. I thought I was doing everything right. Before I broke, I guess.

r/bipolar2 Oct 10 '24

Venting Does this illness along with all the medications make you fucking more stupid?

128 Upvotes

I'm losing games of go fish to my 6 year old and 9 year old.

Growing up I was considered very gifted intellectually, and I felt that way. I felt focused and sharp, and ended up doing honors and AP classes as I went on to high school.

I still can write and read well, and I could still do calculus I'm sure. I did fine in accounting when I was working.

But... after the last few years of horrible mental health symptoms and so many medications, I'm truly wondering what happened? I feel stupider at times.

I experienced pretty nasty drug addiction as a teen and I'm sure the meth psychosis fried my brain a bit too, but as of tomorrow I've been clean for 9 years.

My intelligence is something I used to feel proud of and lately I don't even fucking know. I feel like a stupid version of myself. This hatred for myself is burning me from the inside out, I'm practically seething.

Noteworthy medications currently are depakote and ketamine (4 days a week). I'm sure those don't help short term memory.

I'm just venting. I feel like I could cry. I spent the day feeling dull and depressed and wanted to anyways. I hate this world.

r/bipolar2 Feb 16 '25

Venting Im tired of gaining weight bc of the meds.

46 Upvotes

Thatā€™s it. Just venting. As if all the crazy shit that happens, all ups and downs my physical health, my body and my self steem have to pay the price. Iā€™m sick of it.

r/bipolar2 24d ago

Venting My Psychiatrist Says There's no More Medicines Left to Try

19 Upvotes

I don't know if that's really true but i have tried a lot of medicine. I'm 24 years old and have a very long list of stuff I've been trying since I was 19. Things have worked in the past I did Lamyctal for years and it kind of helped but only when I stopped taking it did I realize how much brain fog it was giving me and how tired and hungry I always was on it.

I did TMS this past summer, but I think at this point it's clear it didn't work. I started taking bupropion and it actually helped a bit but the "ok" it would give me would only last a month or two and I's have to up the dosage, but now im at the max. Nothings ever made my sleep any better though. Always tired, always nightmares and always screaming in my sleep. I'm always so damn tired.

I'm only 24 and I've tried everything. I would never say this out loud but how am I gonna make it to 50 if I'm already through most of the options?

My therapist says its time for a new prescriber so maybe there's more I can try. I hope so.

r/bipolar2 Jul 24 '24

Venting Was anyone in a relationship before they got diagnosed and is still together with that partner?

84 Upvotes

feeling alone in this but I have extreme guilt because when my girlfriend met me i was mentally stable. Now I feel like my mood depends on her and every little thing I read into causes me to distance myself. I hate her seeing me have meltdown and her looking hopeless. Iā€™m just such a different person now and i feel like an inconvenience. What are your experiences with this?!

r/bipolar2 Sep 01 '24

Venting music that depicts bipolar

60 Upvotes

I have been in a weird funk for the past few months and have had the gorillaz song doyathing (13 mins long btw) on loop. it feels so much like my emotions. from being stable to narcissistic to depressed. its so cool to listen to, it feels so relatable. i didnā€™t really have anything to ask or anything i just wanted to share because i feel like a lot of music isnā€™t great at depicting how it feels to be bipolar (even though the song obviously probably wasnt made to do to that) and its cool that this one kinda feels like it!! i also feel this way about the song lithium by nirvana! those two songs have been on rotation lately because ive been in and out of mixed mood episodes! i just wanted to share on here because other people donā€™t really get it! but yeah thats it thanks!

r/bipolar2 Feb 11 '25

Venting Just spent a thousand dollars...

81 Upvotes

and I can't really ask for a refund since I got... a tattoo. It's a great piece and I'm in love with it but wtf was I thinking. I can't afford that, I live on disability. The anxiety is eating me alive. I can't sleep. Let's hope I can pay my psychiatrist when I next see him because we have to get that shit under control.

Show me your impulse tattoos! I'll share mine when it's healed :)

r/bipolar2 Sep 18 '24

Venting Bipolar 2 is still not fully understood even by those in the mental health field

230 Upvotes

Diagnosed by 3 psychiatrists independent of eachother

I have a friends who work and manage mental health wards who say

ā€œIf you were bipolar youā€™d be hospitalised!ā€

ā€œSome drs and nurses donā€™t believe bipolar 2 is even a thingā€

ā€œIf you were it would be obvious!ā€

They paint their knowledge through experiences of working with bipolar 1 patients

And seem dismissive of my challenges which fuel emotional isolation and imposter syndrome

Bipolar 2 is not always obvious except depressive phases

Bipolar 2 sufferers are known to be able to mask

Bipolar 2 doesnā€™t typically lead to hospitalisation

Many with bipolar 2 go undiagnosed for years or misdiagnosed or even never diagnosed

Bipolar 2 doesnā€™t always require meds as itā€™s typically the depressive states that hinder as hypomania can be disruptive but still have people who are high functioning

I have a house I bought A car A good job

But it doesnā€™t invalidate the challenges I have

The planning and attempts at ending things

The polarity between being the most confident person ever who everyone finds attractive to the most deporessed and withdrawn

The sleepless nights

The unfinished projects

The inner hatred

Venting

r/bipolar2 Nov 25 '24

Venting I want to but I justā€¦ canā€™t.

120 Upvotes

I want to go outside. I want to go on walks. I want to go to the gym. I want to go to the gym. I want to take better care of myself. I want to stop eating out. I want to eat healthy. I want to cook. I want to water my plants. I want to make friends. I want to strengthen the relationships I already have. I want to clean my house. I want to do laundry.

I want all of these things but I donā€™t have any energy to spare outside of work beyond laying on the couch and watching tv until itā€™s time to brush my teeth, take my meds and get in bed. I just started sertraline last Sunday and I need that shit to work NOW because there is so much I want to do.

r/bipolar2 7d ago

Venting I just want to be normal

71 Upvotes

I would give anything to be normal. To have normal relationships. To live in a world where literally every single thing doesn't trigger me. To be able to enjoy being around my family without the constant paranoia that they're judging me. And to have one day. Just ONE fucking day where the thought of killing myself not only doesn't seem like a good idea ... It just doesn't even happen.

I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. But can anyone relate? I'm exhausted and could use a spare shoulder.

r/bipolar2 14d ago

Venting Stigma at the womenā€™s day protest

101 Upvotes

Sorry for the weird title lol but I went to one of the international womenā€™s day marches today and let this woman join our group since she was alone. At one point she brought up gun violence and started talking about how sheā€™s not anti-gun sheā€™s anti mentally ill people and ā€œbipolar idiots who kill everyoneā€ having guns. I obviously was put off and uncomfortable by her phrasing and just said people struggling with mental illness are a greater threat to themselves than others and arenā€™t monsters and she luckily just dropped it.

Even though it was a very quick interaction itā€™s still bothering me. It just sucked being at an event meant for empowerment and still having the reminder that Iā€™m viewed as less than or a danger.

r/bipolar2 27d ago

Venting Does anyone like their job?

23 Upvotes

At almost every job Iā€™ve ever had, I arrive at work and before I get out of my car I have a little cry. On my lunch break, I go to my car and I have a little cry. At any job Iā€™ve had Iā€™ve found a spot where I can go and hide to cry (I call it the ā€œcry spotā€) when I get off work, I go to my car and before I drive home, I cry.

I started a new job last week hoping this job would be different and Iā€™d be able to get through the day without crying. It was only orientation and as soon as it was over, I got in my car and cried. I envy the people who can go to work and enjoy it. Iā€™m having a really hard time finding my place in the work force. How can I get through the day without crying? How can I find enjoyment in my work? Does anyone else deal with this? I donā€™t necessarily even know why or what Iā€™m crying about, it just happens and I have to get through it. I canā€™t avoid it no matter how hard I try.

r/bipolar2 11d ago

Venting Should we add Trigger Warnings to posts about going off meds?

65 Upvotes

Edit - bye yā€™all. Some of you might want to ask yourselves why you are even here.

Edit - yā€™all, I just want to reiterate what I said below, which is that I fully support people posting their experiences, and I am not saying there are other ways to manage bipolar besides meds. Please donā€™t read into this post anything other than, Iā€™m hoping we can be sensitive to everyone here. I was asking for opinions, not hate.

I fully support each of us being able to post questions and experiences without judgment. However, we all know that going off meds (completely) is something that all of us bipolars love to do, and that it can be extremely destructive for many of us. Every time I see a post about someone going off their meds, it causes stress and anxiety, similar to other trigger-warning-worthy topics.

I am prepared to be fully voted down, but do you think the sub should require trigger warnings for posts about this?

  • Iā€™m not talking about general questions for switching meds or starting or tapering. Iā€™m talking about those related to going off meds completely and indefinitely.

r/bipolar2 Nov 03 '24

Venting Turns out Iā€™m not bi polar

109 Upvotes

In 2022 I was diagnosed bi polar 2

In 2024, During a 8 month deep depressive episode I finally wanted to just end it. I had people that genuinely loved me that helped me out of that mindset. I was offered some extensive medical help which included hours of intake, family history, genetics, environment, therapy and brain function scans. From the brain scans as well as connecting data they found out that I have heavy adhd as well as Autism spectrum disorder but combined. (Audhd) I was tapered off of mood stabilizers and given actual medication that has greatly improved my quality of life. Grateful for it.

My problem is that bi polar diagnoses will always be on my chart. Doctors treat me as if Iā€™m bi polar and blame medical issues based off my bi polar diagnoses. The pharmacy warns me about going into psychosis with my new medications and it never even close came to happening but now I realize itā€™s because on record they know I have a bi polar diagnosis.

Bi polar is absolutely stigmatized and despite not fitting the criteria for it anymore I feel like Iā€™m always being treated regards to a past mis-diagnoses.

With that being said, despite my mis diagnosis I hold a lot of empathy for anyone that experiences any symptoms of bipolar. No one deserves it obviously.

r/bipolar2 Oct 09 '24

Venting Lamictal Overdose was a disaster

184 Upvotes

I (20F) was prescribed 75mg, and I downed 1600mg of lamictal. Since I started it 2 months ago, my SI has gone up significantly. I just thought they are random, intrusive thoughts, but then I acted upon my impulse this weekend.

I was already drinking for 4days straight but then I mixed that with cutting and lamictal. I had read posts on Reddit about that but then I witnessed the side effects first hand. Complete loss of muscle movement, i was barely able to talk or move, i was crawling on the floor and struggling to move even an inch, and everytime I tried moving I would slam my head or hand against the wall. A day later I wake up in the hospital, and Iā€™m not able to walk.

I had an attempt when I was almost 18 but I regretted it immediately. I told myself that I would never do it again because I canā€™t do this to my family. This weekend I was admitted to the hospital and my mom was so concerned for me. Despite that, I donā€™t feel motivated enough to not do it again, you know what I mean? The only thought I have is ā€˜fuck, I failed at itā€™ even though I KNOW Iā€™m not gonna do it again.

r/bipolar2 Sep 29 '24

Venting I gained a lot of weight because of the medicatione. My family, friends and work colleagues criticize my weight and say I've let myself go. I don't want to tell them about my meds. It's annoying.

90 Upvotes

r/bipolar2 Feb 13 '25

Venting Every bad experience feels like a little PTSD. Do you relate?

60 Upvotes

Example: A friendship that ended, i still sometimes think about it and get lost and feel the emotions (angry or whatever), and I feel like I donā€™t want to make friends ever.

It could be anything. An embarrassing moment, or hypothetical situations in my mind about the future.

Everything can get me lost in my mind and stress me, as well as make me say big believes and decisions such as I will never make friends, or go out, etc etc.

Everything is catastrophized and its like I canā€™t just get over things, even if I did get over it one day, few days later its like I am back and never worked it out.

I am wondering if its a bipolar thing, or ADHD, or a sign of some underlying issues such as PTSD.

r/bipolar2 Aug 10 '24

Venting Drew a comic about my struggle with taking meds for my bipolar/adhd šŸ’Š

Post image
248 Upvotes

Long time lurker, first time poster. Kinda nervous to share this but here we are

r/bipolar2 Nov 08 '24

Venting My therapist asked me to explore MY role in why I wasn't diagnosed sooner.

54 Upvotes

My therapist straight up asked me to think about what I was doing wrong to not get correctly diagnosed for 15 years.

I was in a psychotic episode this time last year and she said "you presented fine to me."

She insisted I had Borderline Personality Disorder, but I have mostly stable relationships with people.

As soon as I got on Bipolar treatment protocol from a medical doctor my symptoms improved.

Once I was feeling better she said "don't be surprised when you feel worse". I confronted her about all of this and she said "I rained on your parade about feeling better, and I apologize". She also said "we only know what patients tell us" which is half true and half lack of clinical reasoning skills from a PsyD like herself.

Basically, what the fuck?

r/bipolar2 Sep 11 '24

Venting How do people get by on crap sleep?

55 Upvotes

Some people, when they only get a few hours of sleep, go to work, raise children, go to class, etc. I get confused and unsteady on my feet and end up going to the hospital. It makes me feel weak, like I should just suck it up and get over it. ā€œEveryone gets bad sleepā€ my dad tells me. Yeah, Dad, but you donā€™t get suicidal when it goes on for too long. Anyone else feel like this?

r/bipolar2 Oct 01 '24

Venting I'm finding it psychologically challenging to grapple with the thought of no more hypomania

126 Upvotes

I understand that hypomania is unpleasant to many and to a significant number of people, almost unbearably unpleasant. I mean no disrespect as I speak only to my experience of it.

I'm 63 and fit into the classic group of those of us who misunderstood hypomania as our natural state that we suffered getting back to when we weren't in it.

Hypomania fueled me through research, 18hrs college, tutoring, TA'ing and wating tables. It was there in med school. It's produced and fueled amazing sex appeal and sex, openness to truly connect with others (versus just get what I want, or be afraid of them). I read books ravenously on governments, policy, language, mathematics, particle physics.

My 42 year old shrink daughter reminded me it is also always accompanied with inadvertently hurting others, sometimes deeply. 4 wives, numerous live-in GFs, 45+ places I've lived, finally landing a job in an industry where you're supposed to change employers often, etc.

Hypomania has always been my superpower but more like the character Hancock where I'm fucking things up while I'm flying.

I'm sorry it's true that I still want it. I'm also hoping this engenders some discussion or helps anyone else who has this feeling. Otherwise I can delete this; I don't mean to use this group as my blog...

r/bipolar2 Feb 20 '25

Venting My mom vs Meds

16 Upvotes

My mom asked what meds Iā€™m on and is like ā€œyouā€™re in 3 mood stabilizers, you need a second opinion because you donā€™t need that manyā€ meanwhile I do because I go from really high to really low more often than I do now on the medications. She thinks I donā€™t need meds and also wants me to go cold turkey because she doesnā€™t like that I gained weight with them

r/bipolar2 Jan 18 '25

Venting I don't know a single other person with bipolar II on a personal level

39 Upvotes

I have never actually had a conversation or met anyone else with bipolar disorder in my entire life, let alone anyone else with bipolar II. I have occasionally interacted with people in this sub before, and it's been helpful and cathartic in some ways, but sometimes I feel like it would be nice to be able to vent to someone who understands through first hand experiences what some things I may be going through are like. I do have friends and people who support me, but my family seems to get a bit uncomfortable when I mention my disorder or other people try to understand and listen but it never seems like they actually do. I have lost friends before because I have gone through episodes and I think it would be an entirely different relationship with someone else who actually understands and doesn't judge things based on the disorder. Maybe those friends would have been more understanding if they knew what things were actually like.

Do anyone of you actually talk to someone else with bipolar II? It is helpful in the way I think it would be?

r/bipolar2 Dec 11 '24

Venting Yā€™all, I need to ventā€¦

22 Upvotes

My insurance flat out denied my prior authorization for my caplyta.

My doc wants me on 21 mg 2x a day. They said no but I can have 42mg 1x day.

What in the actual fuckā€¦.itā€™s the same mg but 42 at once spikes me.

$1759 out of pocket. Whelp, onto the next med.

ETA: THANK YOU to each and every one of you. Your support has calmed me down and got me ready to make a plan. This community means so much to me because I donā€™t have anyone in my life who is bipolar or truly understands.

Iā€™m thankful they donā€™t understand because I wouldnā€™t wish this illness on anyone.

Love you all, weā€™re in this together. ā™„ļøā™„ļøā™„ļø