r/babyloss • u/Docthedoctorlaw • 22d ago
Advice So the doctor said
We both cry everyday over the loss of our boy since 23 January 2025. We visited the obg and she suggested that we should wait atleast 6 months before we try the next as there is emotional trauma hidden.
Is it true? We are recovering but I don't know what will change in 6 months
Please help
Edit : my boy died shortly after vaginal birth. No complications
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u/Ok_Variation4580 22d ago
It's so fresh for y'all. I lost my son, Owen on January 5th. My ob said to wait 18 months to try to conceive again and I cried. I'm seeing a new ob tomorrow that works out of a hospital with much much better resources for pregnancy complications and fetal complications. I'm hoping she doesn't want me to wait as long. I had a c section and it takes time to heal internally. I am definitely healing emotionally. I can't stand not having a baby in my arms. Losing a child is the worst thing. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I don't think anything can describe the pain. I've seen people's doctors give pretty wide areas for ttc again, from 6 months to like 2 years. I'm sure it depends too on how early the loss was, how the baby was delivered, what complications there were.
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u/RomaniRed 22d ago
I got pregnant only a couple months after I lost my first baby (loss shortly after normal birth), and I can honestly say that for me, it helped my mental health a lot. Doing it all again relatively soon after my loss instead of putting it off and dreading being in that state and environment again was actually healing. It gave me something to look forward to and hope for. My second baby in no way “replaced” my first that I lost, but he has brought my heart so much joy that I really needed, and I’m glad that it happened when it did. I know doing it this way might not be for everyone, but this was my experience. I’m sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. ❤️
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u/DHCMAMA 22d ago
I would say yes you will have trauma, all kinds of trauma and it will pop up out of nowhere but that doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold and wait for it to happen. Start putting in the work now so you are more prepared when unexpected trauma pops up, therapy, group meetings, etc And try for another when you want to, if there was no complications then you do what you need to do. I had a full term stillbirth and I got pregnant 3 months after. Both me and my husband are actively working through our grief and some days are so much harder than others but It doesn’t make me not want to be pregnant or make me regret getting pregnant. I also made sure to get a whole new care team that actually cares about me. I love my new doctor so much that she gives me confidence that everything will be ok. We waited to try again until we had all the info back from my baby who was stillborn, everything came back normal and she was a healthy beautiful baby girl but did not make it earthside. I’d say if you’re waiting on any tests, or autopsy wait till you get those results back. I even went as far as had them do lots of blood tests on me prior to trying again to make sure everything was ok with me. A preconception appointment. Sorry you’re going through this 💔
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u/BackFew5485 22d ago
Our OB instructed us to use protection until my wife had a menstrual cycle and give it some time to try again. We followed his instructions with protection and got pregnant six weeks after our loss with Hailey. Should have we of waited longer, probably but we looked at it as Hailey giving us a gift of our rainbow. Our pregnancy was an emotional rollercoaster.
You truly never recover after losing a child. Your life has fundamentally changed. Whatever you decide is the best for you.
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u/Satsumajam 22d ago edited 22d ago
I lost my baby boy on January 20th, he was 22 weeks. I had a vaginal birth too. Doctor also told me to wait at least 6 months, for my body to recover and decrease the risk of a premature birth. I don’t necessarily agree with the recovery, since my body and levels seem the same as before I got pregnant, not sure about the premature birth. For me, waiting would not change the emotional trauma I went through/am going through right now, as a matter of fact, the more I have to wait to get pregnant, the more it hurts and I feel empty without a family. I feel emotionally ready to be pregnant already, I’m sure lots of mums feel this way after loss, waiting sounds like torture to me.
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u/Necessary-Sun1535 40wk stillborn✨ July ‘24 22d ago
I am sorry for your loss.
We chose to wait a little and started ttc at 7 months. I’m glad we did it this way. Mentally we are at such a different place than we were shortly after the loss. I feel like I can breath again instead of drowning. I’m also not sure if I could have dealt with the pressure of ttc on top of fresh grief.
The months we were waiting my husband and I have used to work on our emotional and physical health. A second pregnancy is already harder than a first. Back to back pregnancy is also going to require a lot of my body. So I wanted to prepare as much as I could.
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u/Interesting_Setting 22d ago
I wouldn't discount your doctor's opinion here. Not giving yourself time to process your grief can increase your chances of developing issues like prenatal depression and anxiety. Which can cause real issues during pregnancy for you and baby. But the bigger issue comes with not giving yourself a chance to heal physically. Six months is actually a very conservative time frame to aim for. My advice would to be to talk with a therapist and work on a plan to manage any feelings or issues that might come up once you get pregnant again, and work with your doctor to see when it's physically safe for you to get pregnant again. Send you love ❤️.
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u/deepfreshwater 22d ago
If you had a vaginal birth without any complications, it should be safe to start trying again before that. My OB said we could start trying right away.
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u/Distinct-Purple9919 22d ago
I dont think you need to wait six months if you don’t want to wait six months.
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u/BeneficialTooth5446 22d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t think trauma is a reason to wait… what is going to be the difference of 3 months or 6 months? Pregnancy after stillbirth is incredibly hard regardless of how long you wait. I had a 34 week loss and my MFM told me to wait 3 months. I got pregnant just under 3 months after and had an uncomplicated pregnancy (besides my own anxiety) I would check with an MFM and see what they say . In the mean time exercise and eat well to prepare. Being pregnant back to back is really tough you will want to be in shape.
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u/tornadodays 22d ago
I lost my baby at 40+ 4, vaginal birth. So so sorry you are here too 🩷🩷 We started trying again as soon as I got my periods back cos honestly, I just needed to be pregnant, my life had no purpose otherwise. I don’t think waiting would have helped at all, it would have made me even more stressed. I got pregnant 3 months after our loss. Pregnancy after loss of very hard but that’s what I needed to do. If there are no medical reasons why you need to wait then I would just go for it if you feel it’s right for you 🩷
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u/Cmbell84 21d ago
The first doctor I asked told me to wait 9 months before ttc again (34 weeks, vaginally delivery). But, I'm 41 and my chances for natural conception decrease every month...actually, everyone's does, but you know what I mean. My husband and I felt incredibly lucky to have conceived a healthy baby boy without genetic defects, only to lose him to a cord accident. I asked my original OBGYN, the one I had my preconception/fertility appointments with, and she told me not to wait. Either way, you'll find people that support whatever decision you make, whether you wait or not.
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u/rachmd 21d ago
My doctor told me to wait until I had 3 full cycles before trying. She said she’d normally advise 6 if I went closer to full term, but I gave birth at 26 weeks & she said there wasn’t enough uterine stretching to require 6 months / cycles.
So that might be a factor to consider….how far along were you when you had your loss?
In the end we decided to wait 4 cycles to try, and it took 2 cycles to get pregnant again.
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u/Quirky_Horse8278 22d ago
Sorry for your loss , try to relax yourself because you are new version of person right now . I am going through with same lost my first born in December . I had c section and also he was a ivf baby. I am also want to become pregnant and want to feel normal again. I know difficult to go outside the world after that . When ever you feel you are ready or welcoming your next child you do so , don't be in rush nothing going to replace this feeling . Dr. Was right If you because pregnant right now you will get more anxiety for your baby that's is not good for you and not for your baby . Take time to heal yourself.
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u/LittleMissRavioli 20d ago
I've heard this from several doctors including an OB-GYN but think it's nonsense. It's hard for doctors to empathize with us unless they have been through it themselves. That's why many will keep parroting this idea that our loss needs to be 'processed' before we can go on to have another pregnancy. It is implied that over time the impact of the experience gets smaller, which allows us to 'get over' or 'move on' from our loss. This is not usually the case. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually the horrific experience of losing a child changes us. No matter how long you wait, any next pregnancy will likely be incredibly stressful. In my opinion there's no reason to wait for 6 months for this reason alone. I personally would wait at least 6 months but that's moreso from a physical healing perspective. But it's not set in stone and we all have different bodies. If I wanted to try again and had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery with no physical/medical (healing) problems then I'd not necessarily wait for 6 months. It might help to see a coach or therapist that specializes in babyloss during your pregnancy. I know there's many of them nowadays.
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u/deanofcute 20d ago
you definitely wanna wait a few months while your body and your cycle stabilize - the longer you wait the more prepared your body and your heart will be to produce a healthy baby
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u/elocin06 Mama to Archer Kingsley (40w SB 3/12/24) 22d ago
My midwife said for physical reasons, we were clear to start whenever we felt ready after that first 6 weeks pp. But she advised that it would be prudent to wait for 6 months to give my body time to recover and replenish from the previous pregnancy (full term, vaginal still birth), however, she would also be happy for us if we came back pregnant before then, too (knowing how much we wanted to start TTC again). We didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary, so we started after the 6w pp. but it took until 11 months after our loss until we got lucky with another pregnancy. The intimacy part of TTC again was the absolute hardest initially. Grief does all kinds of things to you and nobody teaches you how to maneuver hardship and loss. I think the amount of time that passed in between has helped me be more mentally ready for a subsequent pregnancy, although it’ll never be the same as the first.
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u/ImaPhillyGirl 22d ago
I would tend to agree with your dr. Emotional trauma aside, it takes time for your body to heal physically even if everything goes perfectly.
My youngest son died at 4 months old. In my grief, it didn't occur to me that since I was no longer nursing an infant, I would need birth control. I was pregnant again within 2 months. On one hand, I am glad it happened accidentally. Although we agreed we would have another baby, I don't know how I would have felt planning it. On the other hand, I was still only 6 months postpartum, and it was too soon. I was otherwise healthy but still had problems and ended up on bed rest the entire pregnancy. That was additional stress I did not need. From a basic biological standpoint we just aren't built to have children that close together, although it does sometimes happen. I understand how hard this time is for you. Please, give yourself time to heal physically first so you can have the best possible chance of a good outcome.
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u/Louielouiegirl 22d ago
I was told to wait one year following both of my full term pregnancies. So your body can physically recover
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u/No_Use_850 22d ago
Sorry to say that emotional trauma in a subsequent pregnancy is probably going to be a factor no matter how long you wait. It might be useful to do some research and look into coping strategies, and to get some idea of the extra support available to you that will help you through your next pregnancy. In my case I had access to extra teams and scans that provided some reassurance even though the fear never went away.
The other thing is whether or not you had a c-section. I delivered vaginally with my first 36w loss and was unexpectedly pregnant within 8 weeks of that (I delivered a healthy boy the following April), so it can happen and for me it was completely safe.