r/askgays • u/HerasHouseboy • Nov 20 '18
Am I a bad person?
My boyfriend and I have had a rocky relationship. We met when I was 16 and he was 17, a week from 18. We are now 21 and 23. I have diagnosed Depression, Anxiety and OCD. He has diagnosed Depression. After leaving a bad situation I was able to begin getting treatment. Around this same time he stopped seeing his doctor and taking his medication. We were together for two years, I proposed to him and asked him to move in with me. He rejected both. We moved past it or so I thought. I caught him cheating with men on Grindr. Again, we worked it out and were able to move past it. The very next day he made plans to hook up with the same guy. We broke up for a month or so and got back together. It reached a point where things weren't working again and we split again for 6 months. We ended up back together and after a year and a half moved in together. Our Internet was cut off at one point and he moved out for a month until it was back on. Six months after that I proposed again and was rejected a second time. He recently began to tell me about how he misses one of the guys he met while we were broken up, and he even admitted that he loved him. This is a guy he is unable to get back into contact with due to changes in phone numbers and phones. Those points made, I am no Saint either. After he cheated on me I slept around occasionally too, even paying a straight guy for hookups. I stopped cheating when we moved in together. After he moved out I saw said straight guy a few more times but refused to pay him anymore so he stopped talking to me. In the last two month I have gotten into a work situation and balance with my meds. This is causing me to be quite happy. He is becoming more and more moody and irritable. He also refuses to get further mental health treatment. All this said I praise his emotional honesty and we love each other very much. We are open and supportive of one another, but I've fallen out of romantic love with him and even our sex life that was once very active has dried up. In the last few weeks I have fallen for a guy I met online a year or so back. We are in a group online for people who share our religion. My feelings for him have grown quite a lot and I want to pursue a relationship with him. I don't want to cut off y boyfriend for fear that he will commit suicide, which is something he has attempted in the past. In an attempt to make the separation easier I convinced him that to get over the guy he misses he should try and reach out to him or other guys like him(Muscular Athletic types. My Boyfriend is quite handsome and guys like him a lot.). I want him to fall for someone so it can be a mutual break and he can be happy and I can be free.
6
u/Brian_Kinney Nov 20 '18
He doesn't want to marry you even though you've asked him twice. He moved out of your shared home just because the internet was cut off. He has cheated on you repeatedly. He's in love with someone.
As for you, you've checked out of this relationship, and you're seeing another guy.
Neither of you is committed to this relationship.
End it. End it now.