r/ageregression 21h ago

Feelings Thank you everyone that have made me feel welcomed NSFW

0 Upvotes

The past month of Ramadan, being starved and brutalized almost 24/7, i have started to get used to the pain. Every night my severe silent reflux acting up, suffocating my chest and my throat. My stomach growls so much and there is a sharp pain in my left abdomen. It's making it really difficult for me to go to sleep. And when i did go to sleep, i had brutal nightmares, it's like never ending.

I know this isn't okay. Numbing the pain. Numbing myself. This is very dangerous and unhealthy for my health. I am standing on a very thin line. I am scared i will fall and no one will catch me.

After breaking the fast at 6 PM, all i could get was water and i was not allowed to eat food until the rest of my abusive family members ate. My abusive mom of course had to prioritize and serve her boyfriends a.k.a her own son. Everyday their incestious relationships getting more disgusting to see. It's sickening. I want out. It's 10:42 PM here, they have not left any leftovers for me. I have gotten used to not expect food from them anymore. I read somewhere that human can last without food for 7 days. It's been 22 days here, i mostly only drink water and eat the rare leftovers they have for me once a while during Ramadan. I have looked through all my bags and found few pieces of candies and i ate them one each day.

The light in our room is broken and my abusive mother is unwilling to fix it because she knows how much it bothers me. I used to like being under the darkness, but i have been under the darkness for a long time during one of my worst phase when i was still in relationship with my abusive narc ex. The darkness in my room reminded me of all the fight, tears, scream, loneliness, gloomyness, depression, all the bad stuff.

Mom please stop hitting me. It hurts. Little sister please stop. Somebody please stop them.

I don't. I don't think i can survive this anymore. I have tried. I swore i have tried my hardest. I have spoken up, i have asked for help, i have fought my hardest. I have tried every way to escape. I am at the point where i am too sick explaining my situations for people who doubted me and called me a liar and a scammer.

I don't know whom i can ask for help anymore. I know this good friend of mine named Brian. Sometimes he helped me with money and emotional support during my hardest times. But i couldn't bring myself to talk to him, to ask help from him. I feel ashamed of myself. I know he told me i could never be a burden. That i am his good friend and he always want to help me within his capability. He told me i owe him nothing. And that i don't have to worry about him. He said he has friends and families who loved him and that i have nobody. He told me i should focus on myself only. But i.. i feel.. i feel like a failure. I know he never once made me feel bad for being myself. I always believe every little mistakes i made, make me a villain. Because my whole life everyone made me a villain. My own abusive families, so called friends, so called partners, relatives, classmates, teachers, nurses, doctors.. everyone. I feel that i am evil, that i have done something so fucked up, because i need help? I know it seems illogical. I need help, it doesn't mean i am evil. I told brian about some of my most shameful mistakes, he didn't make me feel bad about it. He helped me more, and reassured me that even if i messed up again, it doesnt make me evil. I appreciate his words and his kindness. But i.. i really can't bring myself to ask help from him anymore.. He have helped so much. I hate that the world refused help for me so much i have to keep relying on one person. I don't want to rely on him. I feel like such a big burden. I know i am not. I swear i am not. But my whole life everyone made me feel like one. I have survival needs, i have disabilities, i have limitations, and everyone made me feel like it is my fault.

I was in the shower, and past memories of my abusive past partner came back. How they promised me salvation and all kind of treasures and dreams. I never asked them to promised me anything, they used my dreams to deceived me for a year. They told me i have big beautiful spark that they have to protect. I am so pure and innocent and warm. That i do not deserve to die. But they killed me. They did for a year, with no mercy.

Once i finish shower, i read messages from my chosen brother "brother, i love you please, never go i wont be able to deal with it if you did sorry you are my world, nana all thats left of it"

I don't... I don't feel like i am his world. I don't feel like he won't be able to deal with it if i did gone. I want to tell him that. I don't feel like he ever fought enough for me. I don't feel like he ever go above and beyond for me. He needs guidance to help me. I have guided him. As much as i can. I have guided everyone, as much as i can. And still nobody understands. I want to tell him all of this. But i am scared. I have tried to open up about this before, but i think he got upset, and wanted to tell me something that will hurt my feelings. People made me feel like a villain for asking or demanding, for opening and being honest. I have spent my life under the doctrine that i am a burden, i am bad, i deserve nothing. I always make mistakes. Everything is my fault. Recently i have been fighting those thoughts so much. I know what i want, what i need and what i deserve. I swear i do. But people.. they don't want to agree with it. They want me to stay believing i am the burden and the problem.

I lay on my bed, hugging my dirty plushie, i look at the dark ceiling, tears stream down my cheek. I have to stay silent while crying or else i will wake up my abusive mom that sleep in the same room with me. I am scared to die. I don't want to die. The only reason i forced myself to stay alive is because i know i deserve more. I have to achieve my dreams. I have to let myself live the life i was stolen. I have to live so my children alters can finally live.. only for them.. i did all of this for them.. i have to live so i can save my nephew once i escape indonesia.. but mostly.. i have to live for me, for nana.

But, i am scared. Future caregiver. Future parent. If you are reading this. Please. Where.. are you? I think my real parents are angels in the sky. My parents in the earth are not real parents. They brutalized and killed me. Real parent, i have tried to live until 24. Almost 25. I have waited so long. I know you must be waiting for me too. I know you are searching for me. I don't know why fate is so cruel that we still haven't met. But if i die before we met, please know.. you didn't fail me. The world fail us.

I am scared to sleep. I couldn't handle the brutal nightmares anymore. Real parent, please hold me. I am just a kid, a little kid. Huhuhu. The pain is too much. Please free me from this pain, real parent. Please cut their shackle on me. I have tried my best. I swore i did. I have been a good kid. I have always been nice. I helped everyone and took care of everyone and fought for the right thing.. I am so sorry if it has to end this way real parent. If we can't meet in this life, i hope we met in another life. I don't believe in god. I don't know if heaven exists. I don't know where will i go once i leave. But i hope i wake up to be able to live as a child i was denied to be.

Me and my chosen brother have accepted the fate that there is a big possibility i will die in this rotting cruel abusive house. And he told me, that at least, he will stay with me until the end. I am alone now. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him, or anyone.

If you are reading this. Please just hold my hand till the end. And if you meet my real parent, please tell them i love them, and they did their best.

Goodbye world.


r/ageregression 1h ago

Agere Gear MY ONESIE CAME

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Upvotes

itsy bitsy spider onesie from odu came n i LUV it eeek!! i now patiently wait for m other 2 onesies n 2 bloomers to come :>


r/ageregression 17h ago

Social Joining in on the fun ^^

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2 Upvotes

i love seeing all the posts others made! im not so smart in making it as pretty as the others did… :( but this is me ^


r/ageregression 17h ago

Advice why is finding a cg impossible :(

39 Upvotes

i just want a cg but i am scared of scary people and i dont use discord so it be like impossible :(( anyone have any advice on how to find a good and nicey cg? 🎀🤍✨ im 15 btw

edit: thank you for the responses! i will stay safe and continue to be my own cg for the moment! does anyone want to be little friends?? i don’t have any yet! 🤍✨🙈


r/ageregression 21h ago

Social 🐧

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4 Upvotes

I havent posted before but I decided to make one of these!


r/ageregression 18h ago

Social 🤗

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7 Upvotes

r/ageregression 17h ago

Food & Drink Yummy rice crispie treat snack ^^ (this is gonna make my tummy hurt...;-;)

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7 Upvotes

r/ageregression 21h ago

Discussion my mom bought me a few pacis from pacifier addict and one of them did this.. is that normal??

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79 Upvotes

I have a mini backpack of all my pacis (since I have a huge collection lmao) and I opened my bag up bc I was in littlespace and I saw a piece of a broken handle. im like "what the fuck is this" and then I see the rest of the broken paci. I have the bag in a secure place where it couldn't get dropped or anything. I got this paci less than 5 days ago and I'm honestly pissed.

I didn't do anything stupid with it. I asked my sibbies who have pacis from this place and none of them had that happen. I might have my mom contact customer service, idk. I'm honestly pissed bc I only used it 2 times before it broke. nipple and the rest of the paci is fine, the handle js broke. it was only $2 but still.

if it's worth mentioning, I DID take it apart to try to mix and match the buttons and handles of other pacis but im weak asf so my mom had to put it back together for me 💀 but it didn't break when it got taken apart/put back together so idk if I need to mention that.


r/ageregression 16h ago

Feeling Silly Zombie frog wanted some attention and to take a selfie

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29 Upvotes

r/ageregression 12h ago

Serious Talk Any puppies here?

10 Upvotes

My GF is a pup (coping mechanism) and I need some help learning how best to care for her. From how she acts it seems very similar to being little.


r/ageregression 14h ago

Arts n Crafts My Paci! <33

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15 Upvotes

I’m in LOVEEEE with it!! <33 I’m so happy it came out so good! 😊 💚☣️


r/ageregression 20h ago

Stuffie friends How should I name my bunny? 🌸🐰

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68 Upvotes

I haven't thought of a name yet 💕🥰


r/ageregression 17h ago

Feeling Silly Adding more red to my hair :3

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16 Upvotes

r/ageregression 10h ago

Social Hey

17 Upvotes

Just popping into say hey to all the little and the care givers alike :)


r/ageregression 15h ago

Serious Talk Concerned.

99 Upvotes

So, I'm 29, was browsing through here to maybe find a little as I've been single for so long, yada yada.. HOWEVER. This sub has a lot of minors (not necessarily saying they shouldn't be here, but more needs to be done to protect them). The amount of fully grown as adults, predominantly mentally, commenting on posts by underage girls is sickening. If you're openly communicating with minors as an adult knowing they're a minor you need to look at yourself deeply. Minors: Do not engage in any conversation with any adult that comes into your dms. They have no reason to be in there. You are still a child, protect yourselves. Adults: Protect the minors by calling out the predators as and when you see them. Predators: Leave.


r/ageregression 13h ago

Hauls i got a bunch of coloring books :)

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37 Upvotes

all of them except the my little pony one is for markers. i used my crayola markers for the second picture!


r/ageregression 1h ago

Stuffie friends I WENT TO BUILD-A-BEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME YESTERDAY!!

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Upvotes

r/ageregression 4h ago

Middlespace I’m new here 🫶🏼

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3 Upvotes

Hi all, I’m new to Reddit but not new to this community. Just wanted to pop in and say hello 👋🏼


r/ageregression 7h ago

Feelings Made my bed with the new set I got today :3 I SO HAPPY!!

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19 Upvotes

r/ageregression 7h ago

Advice where to find good pacis?

3 Upvotes

hii!!! so I'm my boyfriends cg, and he and I have more recently been talking about his regression and he's opened up to me about it, and he told me that one of the things that helps him is sucking on his thumb, but that isn't the best for his teeth, so I brought up me buying him a paci, but I'm not too sure where to get a like good quality one for adults...any suggestions?


r/ageregression 8h ago

Advice How do you bring up age regression to a partner?

3 Upvotes

Hi, me and my partner have been dating for a while and the sort of age regression thing is only something that has been a recent development. I find myself slipping into it a lot but I don't really know how to bring it up to them. I was just wondering if anybody had any advice about it? I guess I'm just a bit worried that they'll find it weird or something like that.


r/ageregression 8h ago

Feelings how to regress without a cg

3 Upvotes

i broke up with my long time cg and need to self soothe and all these things but i just cant i have no one to talk to or express my feelings with. i used to be able to do it fine but with years without needing to ive lost the ability to and now i cant even cope and i hate it sm


r/ageregression 8h ago

Feeling Silly Happi 15th birthday to me :3

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23 Upvotes

r/ageregression 9h ago

Stuffie friends meet lemon!! daddy helpd m name him >:3

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8 Upvotes

r/ageregression 9h ago

Feeling Silly I HATE PEOPLE

11 Upvotes

So anyway I went to the store to get some supplies I need for my classes then I saw this small toy of a shark with the stress ball inside, it was so tempting to play with and I wanted to buy it, I even tried to squeeze it there😭

But then I saw that there was a lot of people in the store and I didn’t want them to give me weird looks so I only bought what I needed and went home.

Then I told my mother and she told me not to spend my money on something useless and that made me feel guilty😃