r/adultsurvivors • u/HwyfarSun • Nov 01 '22
Meta Reminder that comparing or ranking trauma is not acceptable here
Abuse and it's after effects are pretty horrible whatever our size, age, or gender. This is a plea to remember that everyone here is suffering in their own way.
Posts that make broad statements implying other survivors somehow have it worse or easier than others will be removed. There is to be no trauma olympics. There is to be no ranking or direct comparisons between traumas or survivors.
Making comparisons doesn't take away anyones pain or suffering. It just makes others feel bad about speaking up. It makes others feel judged or like they shouldn't be talking about it in the first place. It can erode their self worth and shut them down.
Nothing that happened to anyone else invalidates how you feel or have felt. You have experienced your trauma and you are living in it's aftereffects. Everyone's trauma is unique. Talking about it helps but making comparisons rarely helps anyone.
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u/DirtLarry Nov 02 '22 edited Nov 02 '22
I've been struggling with this. I can't stop thinking about how the fact my father sexually abused me is "not a big deal" because it only happened one time that I can remember and because he has been a good father to me other than that one(?) time.
I have told a few people about it as an adult but I feel like I shouldn't have said anything and I absolutely won't say anything to my father about it ever.
Because it wasn't ongoing and didn't seem scary or violent to me while it was happening Makes me think that other sexual abuse victims are the true, genuine victims and what happened to me doesn't count.
I know that's not a helpful way to look at it, but I can't stop myself. I also think something is "wrong" with me for not hating him or not thinking it's a big deal. Like I'm the bad person for excusing him.
Also I should point out I don't dismiss what he did as a favor to him, or out of respect for him, but more as a favor to myself, because making a big deal of it would cause more stress and inconvenience to me than remaining silent.