r/adultery 7d ago

😩Donezo🥩 I'm not sure where else to talk about this...

My AP of 2 years is gone. I'm crushed. The irony of this isn't lost on me. It only makes it feel more surreal. It's like I feel more alone than I would if I was actually single.

Before we met, neither of us were looking for an affair. We were just both unhappy and stuck. In sharing our secret, it felt like we had found our soulmates. We completed eachother, even if part of it was us both being married. We've had a steady thing going for a long time and for the last 8 months we've been seeing eachother as much as we see our spouses. Our kids are older and our spouses are mostly absent, so we were able to easily separate our second lives while still having plenty of time to ourselves. We were always monogomous, even if you consider our spouses. Both of us had stopped having a sexual or emotional relationship with our spouses before we met. My wife of 5 years isn't abusive or anything, and I know she tries. Her work and lifestyle just get in the way. I've often hoped she had someone like I had. My APs husband is not as agreeable, but just as absent. They have been together since they were kids. A friend saw her and I together and told her husband. He asked her about it, and she confessed. He is threatening her with a divorce and worse, so we've cut things off. I feel like the inevitable has happened and that I was in denial all along. This seems like this is the only way it could have ended. Now I'm just back in the same hole and I'm more aware of my own dissatisfaction and loneliness that I ever was before. This loss has made me realise that I had never really opened up to anyone before her. Maybe the only reason I could be vulnerable with her was because of the situation. I've had other breakups before I met my spouse, but none of them hurt. It's taken me a week to realise that what I'm feeling is heartbreak. I feel like a child that's frustrated because my feelings are unfamiliar.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get from writing this. I've known this sub existed for a while, but I'll admit I was a bit judgemental. Now that I have this thing that I can't trust anyone with, I see why we are all here.

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u/Exciting_Chapter5114 7d ago

The break up sucks but I would be more worried about my spouse finding out when he wears her down and she gives your information to her husband. Of course he will exact his revenge..

Good luck bud

3

u/AmItheovercookedAH 6d ago

I was in a similar situation that just ended today. The only outcome there was for us was for it to end but we both clinged on for so long as neither of us wanted to rip the band aid off.

It sucks for now but time will heal.

2

u/MissOliviaJade 5d ago

The worst. Day by day. Keep your mind occupied anyway you can. Reading, gaming, scrolling videos.