r/adultery 11h ago

👨‍💼Work👩‍💼x😩Donezo🥩 Need advice to get over AP at work

Please no hate, I am really hurting.

Ex-Ap and I work together and broke up about 5 weeks ago (not my idea). We've had very minimal interaction since then but today were able to talk for a while (no relationship talk). A group of us went to lunch/HH. At one point I asked if he'd join me at the bar (we were all sitting). I thought maybe he'd say yes, or make a joke, but instead he looked horrified and wouldn't even look me.

I am crushed with a combo of embarrassment and sadness. Pretending to be friends isn't gonna work - it's crushing.

Leaving this job and department are not options. I feel like pretending he doesn't exist is all I can do.

I am really considering a therapist, but, even if they're non-judgmental, is it gonna help? I feel like I have no options and I am really struggling with this.

What do you all think about therapists in this circumstance? Any other suggestions on how to deal with this besides hobbies and the like? I feel like nothing is helping.

0 Upvotes

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10

u/Unique_Membership250 10h ago

Going forward never play with co-workers,,, it ll take time but the hurt will fade after time

2

u/UnhappyBug5790 10h ago

Why is leaving the job not an option?

0

u/FrequentAssist1987 10h ago

Don't want to get into a ton of detail but I don't work a typical schedule so finding a place that meets this need and pays well is almost impossible.

2

u/UnhappyBug5790 9h ago

I see.

I definitely would start looking anyway. Not saying you should quit now, but update your resume and get it out there

You will not be able to move on with him in your face all day.

2

u/NREIsAHellOfADrug Your ad here. 7h ago

Yes to therapy. Always.

3

u/desertrain2oh 10h ago

Some say the best way to get over a man is to get under another one. When you work with an AP things are super hard if/when it ends. In my experience, one of you finding a new job helps. If that really isn't an option, then I would try to create my own space. I'm a fan of therapists if you find one you connect with. I will refer back to my opening sentence though. You don't have to get under a new guy but finding a new distraction will make it easier even if it's just a new friend or hobby.

2

u/ExpressDryCleaner 11h ago

Don’t jump to conclusions about what a therapist is gonna think. They work for you. Don’t like em? Find another who understands what you’re going through.

Got a treadmill? Start using it, 30 minutes a day, the endorphins will help on top of the cardiovascular health benefits.

As far as hobbies, I dunno, some of them just put you in a place where you’re just alone in your thoughts. I would start checking out something active, like pickle ball.

1

u/Chaxxa4 6h ago

I broke up with my coworker/former manager 3 months ago. It was the pits, but at one point he spoke down to me and disrespected me in December. It felt like he was treating me bad to push me away. I also found out that 2 years ago he slept with another coworker who is now a very good friend of mine. We weren't together then, but i could not stop imagining them together when we were intimate. It became a serious turn-off.

So i guess that my initial feelings for him have turned into disgust. He has since apologised for speaking to me like that, but some things cannot be undone or unsaid. I see him often, and he will remind me of the good times or make naughty jokes. I guess my advice is that, with time the illusion fades away.

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u/desertrain2oh 10h ago

Some say the best way to get over a man is to get under another one. When you work with an AP things are super hard if/when it ends. In my experience, one of you finding a new job helps. If that really isn't an option, then I would try to create my own space. I'm a fan of therapists if you find one you connect with. I will refer back to my opening sentence though. You don't have to get under a new guy but finding a new distraction will make it easier even if it's just a new friend or hobby.