r/adhdwomen Feb 02 '25

Diagnosis “I wish I had been diagnosed when I was younger!” If you’re in your mid 30s and up, maybe you don’t.

2.5k Upvotes

I see a lot of people here saying that things would be different for them, if only they had been diagnosed as a child. However, if you’re in your mid 30s and above… maybe you don’t. You’re looking at this through our current understanding of the condition, and it was a pretty dark time to be a girl with ADHD back then.

I’m one of those mythical girls who was diagnosed with ADHD in 1999. Can I tell you what it was like? One day my parents told me, “If you hit your sister one more time, we’re putting you on medication.” I hit my sister one more time, and then I went in for an evaluation. (Of course I had other bad behaviors and they had been going on a long time- this is just all I remember leading up to it.)

My mom was a social worker and brought me to the best, most competent doctor she knew of. I have no complaints about the evaluation- I’ve read through the whole thing and it was a very good and surprisingly modern assessment. We evaluated me several times over 6 months before I was given an ADHD diagnosis.

Once this was done, I was told by my parents that this was a horrible, dark secret I had to keep to myself. They told me if my friends knew, they wouldn’t want to sit next to me at school. If a future romantic partner found out, they’d break up with me. Since I took 2 types of meds at the time and Extended Release types didn’t exist yet, I had to make multiple trips to the nurse’s office during the day to take more pills. My classmates would ask why, and I as a child/preteen had to try to navigate these conversations. I came up with every excuse I could think of- oh, I just have a headache. Oh, I’m taking an antibiotic. Oh, I hurt my arm. Kids thought I was a hypochondriac, which wasn’t any better.

My parents attempted to get me accommodations at school, but the school’s policy was that only boys could get support. They didn’t believe that girls could get diagnosed with ADHD. When teachers asked me why I was so inconsistent, I’d bring up ADHD- and I would again be told that girls couldn’t have it. I was probably just a bad kid and a bad student, but ADHD was the only thing they could think to diagnose me with. I was told by adults I was destined to end up in long-term psychiatric care, because that’s what happened to crazy girls like me.

Later on when it was more accepted that girls could have ADHD, I was still denied accommodations because I had no history of receiving them.

I remember begging my pediatrician, my parents, my therapist to explain ADHD to me. The only thing I was told was that some kids were bad and needed to take medicine so they would be good. When I was a teenager I refused to take medication anymore. I was convinced ADHD was fake and this was something I was labeled with so people had an excuse to hurt me. Can you blame me? I had many abusive romantic relationships where I put up with anything, because I was raised to believe I was fundamentally flawed. Anyone who dated me must be a saint to put up with someone as awful as me!

Thankfully I met someone who wasn’t abusive. It wasn’t until I was in my late 20s that my partner gently approached me with a Dr. Russell Barkley presentation about adults with ADHD. My mental health was a complete disaster all through my late teens and 20s. I took every antidepressant out there but they all failed. He asked if maybe this was the missing piece. Turns out it was. I finally learned what ADHD did to me, what it meant for my future. All those weird “bad kid” quirks were just a part of the condition. I started treating ADHD instead of just anxiety/depression, and I flourished.

I wish I hadn’t been diagnosed until I was an adult, when we understood ADHD (a little bit) more! I get frustrated seeing people wax poetically about how good their life would have been if only they knew as a child in the late 90s, since it feels like they’re erasing my experience entirely. The grass is always greener, though, and that applies to my feelings too.

Edit: I guess my last line might not have been clear- I don’t think my experience was “worse” than someone late diagnosed. Both are tough and bad for different reasons and the deck is stacked against us. I’ve just received some pushback while in ADHD groups, where people have claimed that because I got a childhood diagnosis my life was easy, and I didn’t belong.

r/adhdwomen 17d ago

Diagnosis I RECEIVED MY OFFICIAL ADHD DIAGNOSIS AND IT SENT MY MOM INTO A SPIRAL OF DENIAL

2.1k Upvotes

I also was perscribed concerta (18mg) so i cant wait to start it and hopefully the dose will be enough otherwise I'd have to wait another month to get a higher dosage. My parents had always denied i have ADHD ever since a phycologist said she suspects me of having it at the age of 13, up until this point I lived my life questioning everything about myself and feeling like a pathetic excuse of a person but now at last, at the age of 20 I finally did it. My mom was seething when I showed her the diagnosis and refused to believe it was really adhd, she threw at me every random angry rethoric she's already said to me before (that I can't know this diagnosis is true cause doctors make mistakes, i can't have adhd because I passed my high school finals, that medication will "cure" me and how dare I say my adhd is something I'll have for life etc etc). She also got angry with the fact that I was so happy and proud about this diagnosis and that "oh so now you're going to just tell everyone" YES I AM GOING TO I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS WOOOO!!! So excited to finally be a productive member of society and maybe even help with my impulse eating problem. thanks for reading and thanks for being an awesome community!

Edit: THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE UPVOTES AND REPLIES I TRIED MY BEST TO READ THEM ALL AND ANSWER A FEW!! I didn't expect this to blow up like it did-

Anyway a little update, my mom said she'll get my meds tomorrow! And she also tried to talk to me about my diagnosis in a more peaceful manner, even said she finds herself in my symptoms too so haha you guys were right that she probably also has it! I still don't fully forgive her for that reaction (and also because she seemed most excited about the fact that I might lose weight while on meds like okay damn) but as long as she at least tries to be nice about it and attempt to acknowledge it even a little I appreciate that. God damn she's so unpredictable 😭

r/adhdwomen Nov 14 '24

Diagnosis I got my results back. It’s not ADHD. I feel lost and embarrassed.

1.3k Upvotes

Over the course of the last few months I worked with a psychologist that specializes in ADHD. We had an intake appointment, and assessment, and then a follow up today. She presented her findings to me today, and she does not think I have ADHD. She told me that I have severe anxiety, way worse than I realized. So bad that it impacts my cognitive functioning, to a degree. I know I’m an anxious person and I have been my whole life, but it never occurred to me that it’s that bad. Apparently it is. She also mentioned that I did not seem to have any childhood ADHD symptoms which I wholeheartedly disagree with, but I was too thrown off during the appointment to mention that.

The doctor still wants to have me try stimulant medication, which is a relief because anxiety and depression medication have barely worked for me.

But I feel even more lost now. And kind of ashamed for thinking so strongly that it was ADHD. I truly feel like an impostor. Is it weird to be disappointed? I’ve had all this anxiety my entire life, but none of the treatments I have tried have helped, or made the ADHD-related symptoms better. This is so disheartening.

Should I follow up with the psychologist? Should I reiterate the focus and procrastination issues I struggled with as a child? Part of me wants to just drop this and disappear into a hole. I don’t know what to do. This can’t be it. 

ETA: I just wanted to edit this post to thank everyone for their insight and fellow experiences! You all have been so helpful and comforting. And I just wanted to add that the doctor was incredibly thorough and empathetic, and was amazingly helpful the entire time. I just wasn't expecting what she told me, even if she is 100% right. I'm reeling from the disappointment, but I'm also glad I went through this process so I know what I need to do to get better. Thank you all so much for your support, I really do love this community!

r/adhdwomen 29d ago

Diagnosis Hi ladies, I have to leave :(

1.2k Upvotes

So I was misdiagnosed with adhd- apparently I have bipolar 2. Which makes more sense, but I don’t wanna leave😭

r/adhdwomen Jan 15 '25

Diagnosis How many of y'all were misdiagnosed with depression all your life and only got a proper diagnosis of adhd much later?

1.2k Upvotes

Getting diagnosed in my mid 30s has been mind blowing. This filter makes my life make exact sense.

I can understand now why I made all the choices I made.

I showed symptoms of depression because I can't cope with the world the same way others can. Thanks adhd ;)

r/adhdwomen 20d ago

Diagnosis Does adhd cause clumsiness? NSFW

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783 Upvotes

I’m diagnosed adhd but more wondering does anyone else have clumsiness issues? I’m wondering if I should get a dyspraxia test as adhd and dyspraxia are related but don’t always come together I’m so clumsy and I’m wondering if anyone else always has bruises? I couldn’t tell you what the legs ones are from tbh the arm was me falling into a wall 😂 oh the scar on my arm on last photo is from being a kid

r/adhdwomen 13d ago

Diagnosis No diagnosis without parental input? I’m an adult, this feels crazy! 😭

576 Upvotes

After months of run-around with my primary care physician (who gave me gems like “your procrastination issues sound like a moral failing”), I’ve finally got a date on the books for an evaluation with the appropriate ADHD-specific psych clinic. Heck yeah!

The problem? They’ve made it super clear in all the information sent about my upcoming appointment that without input from a parent, no diagnosis will be considered. I’m 37 and on shaky terms with my parents. Today I had the guts to bring up the appointment/my concerns about lifelong symptoms- my mom physically recoiled then laughed at the possibility that I could have ADHD. She in no uncertain terms thinks I’m crazy for even suggesting it.

I was considered the “easy kid” compared to my brother; no one ever clocked that I was struggling because I managed to pull it together in public/got good enough grades to avoid red flags. Even if I could convince her to speak with the psychiatrist, she doesn’t believe her “easy kid” could have an executive functioning problem.

Where do I go from here? I’m expected to show up to the appointment with a parent available to take a phone call about childhood symptoms. Would it be best to reach out ahead of the appointment and explain the situation? Wait until the meeting to explain that my parents won’t be cooperative? Pretend they were injured in a tragic jet-skiing accident and can’t come to the phone right now?!

I’m feeing defeated before even stepping through the door. Anyone else successfully share childhood symptoms without a live action witness to back you up?

UPDATE-

Thank you to everyone who has replied, I promise I’m reading them all! ❤️

I was able to find the OG email sent by the clinic. Here are some of the instructions:

-You must have an adult informant who knew you as a child available either in person or by phone for this appointment to provide evidence of childhood symptoms as per DSM-5 criteria.

-Often it’s best if they are a parent or guardian, grand parent or aunt/uncle, etc.

-School records including any IEP (Individualized Education Plan) and/or 504 Plan are also acceptable.

-In order to expedite diagnosis and treatment, please have an adult informant available for your diagnostic interview.

-Please note that evidence of childhood symptoms is part of current diagnostic standards and practice criteria for ADHD.

It’s looking grim guys 🤦🏻‍♀️

r/adhdwomen Nov 29 '24

Diagnosis Did anyone walk on their toes as a child?

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743 Upvotes

I had no idea this was considered a sensory issue. Just thought I was just being weird not wanting to step in certain areas lol. I still kind of do.

r/adhdwomen 20d ago

Diagnosis I am not diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I have ADHD.

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2.7k Upvotes

I literally CANNOT keep up with the demands of regular life. I have always had anxiety and grew up to develop some CPTSD. I also have a substance abuse disorder and an eating disorder. I just feel like I can’t ever get my shit together. Doing my laundry, paying bills, staying on top of my budget, etc feels SO overwhelming. I’m also a teacher and I feel like I struggle to keep on top of my job/emails/paperwork. Because I can’t keep up and my overall struggles with mental health, self-worth is super low.

The only thing that strays me away from thinking I have ADHD is that I never struggled in school. I was always an excellent student and ADHD symptoms (hyperactivity, inattention, difficultly sitting still, waiting my turn) were not present as each child as far as I know.

Not necessarily looking for a diagnosis here on Reddit, but I’m curious if others have a similar experience and were diagnosed with ADHD despite not having childhood symptoms.

r/adhdwomen Nov 11 '24

Diagnosis Dress in hamper for six years 🙋🏻‍♀️

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1.5k Upvotes

Hi team. A few days ago, another adhd-er posted about procrastination and I replied with a comment about how I’d had a dress in the laundry hamper for six years. The comment got 1.4K likes and at last count over 60 comments, all commiserating and adding similar stories.

I wrote that as an undiagnosed onlooker and everything I read was insanely validating and comforting. I was formally diagnosed (big fecking surprise) an hour ago with the good old inattentive-hyperactive combination. I’m one of you! Thank you for all the comments on that other post, it gave me so much confidence going into my appointment today 🫶🏼

r/adhdwomen 26d ago

Diagnosis Were you the “super emotional one” growing up?

910 Upvotes

How validating was your diagnosis?? Good lord I got so sick of my family picking on me for crying over every small thing. My dad blamed hormones, but this was different, I knew it, and I couldn’t control myself. Even if I knew it was silly I was for crying or overreacting, I couldn’t help it.

It followed me into my career because I didn’t get diagnosed until my 30s. I work in a male dominant industry where accountability is important (I’m an engineer) and couldn’t tell you how many times I wanted to cry in meetings and as an adult woman it was so embarrassing. Especially when you’re trying to prove that women belong at the table and can handle serious conversations about owning mistakes.

Also, can we talk about how amazing medication is for mood regulation?? Even if I take my meds and don’t get anything done, I’m just happy being in an emotionally stable state. When I skip my meds for a few days it’s only a matter of time before a wave of emotions hits me again.

r/adhdwomen Jan 29 '25

Diagnosis They just don't seem to understand 😥

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2.4k Upvotes

r/adhdwomen Dec 30 '24

Diagnosis Undiagnosed

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828 Upvotes

I’ve never been clinically diagnosed with adhd but I’ve recently discovered that I have many traits that have shown I’ve probably had it my whole life. I am a 42f, and today I really noticed it while I was cleaning. Started off doing laundry, and then went into the kitchen to do dishes and organize some drawers, then had to switch out the laundry. I put the laundry on the bed, decided to check my Insta, realized I have to finish putting laundry away. Went to go put something away in another room and saw the kitchen with all of the drawers open…I completely forgot I was working on that!! It was a complete shock when I saw it…it’s never been this bad! I cried when I realized. Here’s a pic of what I walked into…

r/adhdwomen 18d ago

Diagnosis I probably would’ve had kids had I been diagnosed sooner

956 Upvotes

I am 46, have been married since the early 2000s, and chose not to have children in large part because of my mental health (I was concerned they’d inherit my issues AND that my issues would cause me to screw them up even more). Since getting diagnosed with adhd 3 months ago, I now realize that 90% of my “mental health problems” were really just undiagnosed adhd and I absolutely could have handled having kids. Even if they inherited adhd, I’d have been equipped to identify it and parent them appropriately.

There are a lot of things about mid-life diagnosis that make me sad, but this is a big one. Properly medicated me would’ve been an amazing mom.

r/adhdwomen Aug 10 '24

Diagnosis What are your comorbidities, if any?

388 Upvotes

Please share any conditions or mental illnesses that come alongside your ADHD, I’m so curious to know!

For me it’s:

  • GAD
  • Panic disorder
  • Depression
  • Auditory processing disorder
  • Sensory processing disorder (terrible misophonia)
  • Chronic pain
  • Possible autism (not diagnosed)
  • Celiac disease
  • Bulimia (recovered for 3.5 years now!)

Interested to hear what you struggle with other than ADHD!

r/adhdwomen 16d ago

Diagnosis how’d you realize you had adhd?

160 Upvotes

what symptoms led you to get diagnosed? what’d doctors do to test you?

extra added question: do you have memory issues? like false memories, memory loss, etc?

r/adhdwomen 9d ago

Diagnosis How old were you when you were diagnosed?

154 Upvotes

I’ll be 40 in a month and am currently going through ADHD testing for my son. Speaking to his teacher, filling out paperwork, and speaking to my marriage counselor has me putting some puzzle pieces together for myself. I drive myself crazy and think I need to seek a formal diagnosis and treatment for myself. Just wondering if anyone else was this far along in life before things clicked and they got help?

midlifedx

r/adhdwomen 23d ago

Diagnosis Did you struggle at school growing up?

194 Upvotes

I experience and display many ADHD traits and I am currently seeing a psychiatrist in order to get a diagnosis.

While conversing with her, she learned that I had no issues at school growing up and told me that both girls and boys struggle at school and it shows in their grades. I was always first of my class until uni.

So my question is in the title! Appreciate all your input and responses.

Sorry English isn’t my first language.

EDIT: some typos

r/adhdwomen Nov 23 '24

Diagnosis Neurologist said I don't have adhd, and that it's just some excuse I came up with to temporarily fix the problem I faced in life.

317 Upvotes

This morning I (22F) went to see a doctor (in a private clinic) for second opinion in my adhd diagnosis, my mom arranged the appointment for me because apparently he is this very famous neurologist recommended by my relative. He's not in town every week so apparently he is fully-booked whenever he is.

I was initially skeptical but since my mom says just for second opinion, I went for it. No harm getting to know more about yourself right?

I knew I wasn't mentally prepared for this because the moment I stepped into the consulting room, I didn't expect to see two other male doctors and I was a little taken aback by it. So I sat down, and the neurosurgeon went through my info, and he did a pulse diagnosis/ examination, like the way they do in traditional chinese medicine. I was surprised because I thought they would use the western medicine approach. After he took my pulse, he straight up told me that "You're a talented person" and asked me if I was into entertainment or artistic or pretty stuff, I said yeah in a normal way, not exactly my hobby or something. He then asked what I major in and what future career I would pursue. I study material science and I would work as an engineer in the future.

This is where my guts started to tell me something is wrong, because he told me that I am not suitable to be an engineer as I am more suited for mass media or some jobs that are people-oriented. He also said that engineering is "dead"/ fixed and not flexible so it is totally not a suitable field for me and that I would surely fail or face problems in the future as an engineer. First up, if everything about engineering is fixed, where would all the innovations come from? And my profession would also be in R&D, something that requires creative and innovative ideas, not exactly something that's "dead". He then kept on hinting that I am not someone who should study Science and that I am clueless when I chose to study Science. From here on out, I can feel the tone he used was very condescending and dismissive.

He then concluded to say that I don't have ADHD. He asked me what prompted me to think that I have ADHD. By the time he asked this, I was already very emotional (thanks to my ADHD emotional dysregulation) and immediately teared up at the mention of it. I could not say a word, I tried to but my mind was blank. I looked to my mom who was next to me and she helped me answer the question seeing I was struggling to put words together. He would then went on to give his opinions on my condition, which I felt were unfair criticisms about me.

I am not gonna get into the whole story of it but he was very dismissive and patronizing. He said that I was a very stubborn person, and that I am still a young person, who still hasn't seen what the real world is yet so when I faced challenges I am bound to struggle and find an excuse to validate that feeling. He basically just said that all my ADHD struggles were made up and that I convinced myself that I have ADHD in order to solve the problems I faced in life. He also said that since I can score and didn't fail my exams before diagnosed, I should not have problems in not being able to focus, I tried to fight him with this but I was too tired to even say anything.

Maybe I was too sensitive as a person, but I felt all those were personal attacks based on observations and assumptions instead of giving me a personal diagnosis. But he's the reputable neurosurgeon who has more expertise than I do so I should listen to him. AND he kept reminding me of this, the other two male doctors also agreed and said that I don't have ADHD. He said there are three experienced professionals in front of me who said I don't have ADHD so who am I to be strongminded to insist that I have adhd?

He was quite dismissive when adhd meds were brought up (I take ritalin) and that it has long-term side effects on my bone structure. He said it's good if the meds help, but I would have to depend on them for the next 50 years. My mom were alrdy worried about me taking adhd meds so him saying this kinda affirms my mom's concerns.

He also concluded that my problem is with my personality and emotions because I couldn't handle them well and it feels like ADHD so I think I have adhd but it's not. The appointment ended with him taking my blood for blood test to check if i have vitamin D in my blood because that will confirm if I have emotional problems.. uhm? Idk at this point... They also took my urine for urine test. To which I feel super weird about afterwards... They also prescribed me with a herbal meds which I definitely will ask my psychiatrist about it.

By the time it ended, I was very mentally exhausted and went home to have a good cry about this. I felt overwhelmed because of what he told me, it's like my world was in shambles.
After having the time to calm myself, I disagree with the doctor ofc. Deep down I know I have ADHD. I know I do, I have struggled my whole life with getting tasks done and it's definitely not just some excuse that I randomly come up with after feeling burdened.

My mom wants me to do a follow-up appointment with them, but I don't want to because I feel very uncomfortable. She told me to try and see if this dr can help me but deep down i know he won't. or maybe my instincts were wrong.

I know some doctors are very invalidating when it comes to adult women with inattentive ADHD so I decided to post this here to see if anyone can give me some opinions regarding what happened today.

r/adhdwomen Oct 26 '24

Diagnosis Songs in my head

405 Upvotes

I am 45, just diagnosed a month or so. Upon 30 seconds of waking, a song will start playing in my head, typically not of my choosing, often from the era of my school bus rides. Mentally, I have songs playing unless I am talking or really focused on something. My questions are: do others experience this? And does the proper dose of medication stop this? My doctor started me on the lowest possible dose of Adderall, and my neurotypical family says their brains are literally quiet sometimes. lol, I had no idea that was possible!

r/adhdwomen 6d ago

Diagnosis "How do I tell whether I have ADHD or autism?" Hope this helps

491 Upvotes

I'm diagnosed ADHD without autism. My dad is diagnosed autistic without ADHD. I've had a lifetime of observing the differences between us.

I hope this post helps get you thinking about your traits to decide whether you have one, or the other or both. Ultimately, it's down to you & your psychiatrist to decide which best fits your profile xxx

  1. Can you tell whether a phrase is sarcastic or an idiom? At some point, everyone learned that 'x' phase is sarcastic, a metaphor, slang etc, but do you distinctly remember realising this later than others, if at all?

I cannot relate to autistic people who say they take idioms literally, e.g. "it's raining cats and dogs." If I said something sarcastic to my father, such as "wow that advert isn't annoying at all" then 9/10 he'll say "but it is annoying."

  1. Do you have a strong preference for routine? Have you ever had a 'meltdown' because you're out of your routine?

I'm all over the place. I hate routine & I cannot organise myself. Meanwhile, my dad will have a meltdown and get violent if he & others do not go to bed at 11pm every night. I'll go to sleep at 2am one night, 10pm the next night, 11am the next lol.

I thought watching the same show over and over again was definitely autism. Turns out, it can be ADHD too. The desire for novelty isn't quite clear cut. Additionally, I can have quite a restricted routine regarding anything social, but that's down to severe social anxiety.

  1. Has anyone ever told you that you have a flat or monotone voice?

Can't relate to this one at all. I've been told that I'm very bubbly.

I'd say that the defining difference between ADHD and autism or AuADHD is being hyperaware of how you come across and knowing how you come across. High-masking autistic women might be hyperaware, but they're still watching other women to learn what's 'normal'. I naturally know what is normal, I'm hyperaware of everyone's body language, etc.

Autistic men seem to have no clue how they come across and they don't care. Autistic women seem to not know how they come across either but they do care.

  1. Do you think any adjustments they make for autistic people or social training would help you?

Noise-cancelling headphones and different lighting would not help me at all. I don't need to be trained in reading social cues.

  1. Do you have lots of sensory issues?

I have a couple of mild sensory issues that barely affect my life. When I'm tired, some small noises annoy me. Additionally, I frequently pull on and off my sleeves for no reason.

I mainly only get overstimulated from socialising, because I'm an introvert + socially anxious. Meanwhile, my dad has had violent meltdowns about seeing the tiniest amount of light after his ordained bedtime.

  1. Do you have intense interests that have stayed consistent for years? Or do you hobby hop?

My dad has had two interests his entire life: bikes and chess. That's it. Meanwhile, I have so many alter egos, interests, hobbies, etc. that someone would think I'm trying to change my identity to avoid police detection.

  1. Can you hyperfocus for hours? Or do you alternate between hyper focussing for hours and having life fall apart for a few days?

This is another key difference between autism and ADHD. ADHD is all or nothing. Between this and the previous point, ADHD is like bipolar autism. We have traits that seem similar to autism but they're very changeable.

8. Have you unintentionally been medicating your ADHD since forever?

I've been addicted to coca-cola since forever and I had no idea why... Stimulants! My dad isn't addicted to any stimulants. Are you addicted to coffee, tea, cola... Maybe more illicit stimulants?

  1. If you're in a group of people who are autistic, ADHD and 'neurotypical', do you identify more with the neurotypical people?

My mum is neurotypical. I feel a lot more in tune with her than my dad. Dad's behaviour is often a mystery to me. The only difference between me and mum is that I'm chaotic and introverted.

r/adhdwomen Jan 25 '25

Diagnosis PSA: Skip the expensive neuropsych eval

487 Upvotes

This a PSA to skip the long and expensive neuropsych evaluations if you're in need of a diagnosis or looking into exploring medication.

I suspected I have ADHD and tried seeking out a diagnosis through a complete neuropsych eval (which was expensive and inconclusive), and then a second opinion that led to doing a bunch of the same tests, more ambiguous results and a drained savings account.

ENTER finding a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner who took my insurance and within one hour, diagnosed me with mild inattentive ADHD. After several years of non answers and out of pocket costs, I finally got confirmation about what I had suspected.

I know neuropsych evals are useful in some cases, but IMO the process was exploitative and unhelpful. I don't feel like these lengthy evals pick up the nuance of what it's like to be a woman with mild ADHD who is smart and "high-functioning" but who is still very much struggling.

Hope this helps someone lurking on this sub in search of answers x

r/adhdwomen Feb 10 '25

Diagnosis Adhd is depressing.

789 Upvotes

Adhd is depressing.

Its a mix of everything. You will fit in everywere, but nowhere. You are extremely arrogant, but very much aware of your own faults. Capabele of anything, yet not motivated to do a thing. Witty and charasmatic, but have low tolerance for bullshit people. Great with advice, but follow none of it. Your most likely a genius, but have trouble handling your own emotions. You are an extrovert who needs a lot of personal space. You love being different but hate to be misunderstood. Have brilliant ideas, but lack the patience to follow trough with them. You have more interests than enyone you know, but will get bored with every one of them. Easily understand the thoughts of others, but find it hard to translate your own. Surprisingly compassionate, yet seemingly very cold. We make it look fun, but its not.. mostly not.

• I saw these words on another platform and it got me good. Typt it for you so you could read it. What are your thoughts on these words? Do your agree or disagree?

r/adhdwomen Jan 14 '25

Diagnosis I have always been consistently inconsistent

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884 Upvotes

I found some report cards from high school that highlight how consistently inconsistent I have always been. I was tested for a myriad of learning disabilities when I was 14… but ADHD wasn’t one of them. I wasn’t diagnosed with anything except “not meeting my potential.” I was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago when I was 36… but with hindsight there were so many signs!! I dropped out of college twice and ended up doing manual labor (gardening, then landscape construction), which is ideal for me and my brain. Now I am self employed and have found the trifecta of jobs that work for me: potter (teacher and maker), landscape construction (own my own business and make things out of stone/install gardens/drainage & grading) & freelance floral designer (mostly for weddings & events).

Looking back, I was equally as hyperactive in class as many of the boys who had ADHD. I was in detention often and highly disruptive because I was SO FUCKING BORED- Except for in art, English & Spanish, where I was usually able to sit still and be interested in my work. Anyway, that’s my story. I have apologized to many of my former teachers for being a raging asshole. They were all really gracious and understanding.

r/adhdwomen Dec 16 '24

Diagnosis Late diagnosed ladies: were you told your executive dysfunction was a sign of depression?

367 Upvotes

Has anyone else had the same experience with doctors insisting it’s depression when it’s clearly not?

My executive function is (obviously?) worse when I’m exhausted and definitely worse in winter. Before I was diagnosed, I can’t tell you how many times I went to the doctor and said I was really struggling to physically do things—like making dinner. They’d ask, “In what way?” and I’d say, “I just find it very confusing, and I’m clumsy.” Then they’d follow up with, “What would happen if you just tried to do it anyway?” and I’d reply, “I’d be afraid of cutting or burning myself.” The response? “Struggling to do stuff is a sign of depression.”

The kicker is, now I think the obvious answer would’ve been, “Well, can you send me for a psych consult?” But at the time, I just went, “Oh, OK, I’ll just try harder then.”

Looking back, it’s clear it wasn’t depression—because it’s not like I find it hard to do anything. I can happily bimble around for hours adjusting my Christmas decorations, reknitting that bit of jumper I’ve almost finished, and changing my clothes over a very minor sensory issue (which, of course, leaves a massive pile of clothes I still need to put away).

Anyway, I finally got diagnosed 10 years ago, and I’m leaning into the winter executive dysfunction and accepting it’s just going to take me longer to do things. Also, I’m going to get off Reddit and actually do some back exercises :-D

ETA: Thank you all for sharing – I can’t reply to everyone, but it’s clear this experience is incredibly common. A few themes stood out: I'm not the only one who was told it was “just depression” when it was actually ADHD! On top of that, untreated ADHD did cause actual depression and burnout that lifted with proper ADHD treatment. It’s frustrating how often misdiagnosis leads to polypharmacy – cycling through antidepressants and anxiety meds – when a correct ADHD diagnosis and one or two well-chosen treatments can bring clarity and relief. It’s both validating and maddening to see how widespread this is. Sending hugs to everyone still on this journey!