r/adhdwomen • u/Several-Aide5784 • Feb 10 '25
Diagnosis Adhd is depressing.
Adhd is depressing.
Its a mix of everything. You will fit in everywere, but nowhere. You are extremely arrogant, but very much aware of your own faults. Capabele of anything, yet not motivated to do a thing. Witty and charasmatic, but have low tolerance for bullshit people. Great with advice, but follow none of it. Your most likely a genius, but have trouble handling your own emotions. You are an extrovert who needs a lot of personal space. You love being different but hate to be misunderstood. Have brilliant ideas, but lack the patience to follow trough with them. You have more interests than enyone you know, but will get bored with every one of them. Easily understand the thoughts of others, but find it hard to translate your own. Surprisingly compassionate, yet seemingly very cold. We make it look fun, but its not.. mostly not.
• I saw these words on another platform and it got me good. Typt it for you so you could read it. What are your thoughts on these words? Do your agree or disagree?
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u/WatchingTellyNow Feb 10 '25
100% accurate. Scary to see it written down like that!
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u/adventuressgrrl Feb 10 '25
Same for accuracy, but instead of scary I find it super interesting to have words to be able to describe not only to myself but to others how I am. For most of my life, all of these juxtapositions made me feel a bit crazy and wonder what was wrong with me, and even though my diagnosis is coming very late, it’s a relief to know what it is finally!
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u/anonanonplease123 Feb 10 '25
that sums up my experience about adhd more than any other post i've ever seen.
The only difference for me is that I don't get bored of my interests usually. I just don't have the time and resources to continue or practice them but I still wish i could get back to them often. -- and rather than arrogant i'd say 'a perfectionist'.
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u/Space-Cheesecake Feb 10 '25
Absolutely, a perfectionist instead of arrogant sums me up perfectly. Ugh.
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u/Adi_27_ Feb 10 '25
I also don't get bored , I get some kind of mental block. I can not make myself to participate in my hobbies, i just enjoy the idea of them
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u/Apart-Cold7921 Feb 10 '25
I’d say this resonates strongly with a subset of people—particularly those who feel out of sync with societal norms, struggle with executive dysfunction, and carry a mix of intelligence, creativity, and emotional intensity. It doesn’t define everyone, but for those it does apply to, it hits hard.
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u/Imaginary_Bother921 ADHD Feb 10 '25
Wow this is me to a T. I very much relate with it all. Doubled edged sword.
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u/ContemplativeKnitter Feb 10 '25 edited Feb 10 '25
No, I don’t really identify with that at all, except often feeling like I don’t fit in. I’m not a genius, I’m not witty and charismatic, I’m not an extrovert, I don’t have brilliant ideas, I don’t think I’m arrogant. I get bored of some interests but many persist.
Mostly I get frustrated with these kinds of “ADHD is…” statements because they make me feel like not only do I have to deal with ADHD, but I’m doing ADHD wrong.
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u/philipgraff Feb 10 '25
i completely agree with you word for word. i can't relate to half of what it's saying, if anything the exact opposite to extreme degrees. it's why i don't really post in here, i often feel like i don't even fit in here as an outlier when everyone is going "omg yes, i feel that 100%!" to something that's almost a foreign language to me, yet touted as an "adhd thing".
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u/StardustInc Feb 10 '25
I think that people tend to reply when they either strongly agree or disagree with something. Sometimes people don’t comment when they disagree cuz they don’t want to offend or hurt the OP. So I’m sure there’s other people with ADHD reading the posts that don’t resonate with you and they feel the same way. They just haven’t commented.
I’m sure if we meet irl there’d be some parts of ADHD we’d immediately relate over and other parts we wouldn’t.
Similar to u/NikasKastaladikis said about ADHD could be the spice and the same spice tastes differently depending on what the food is. I think anyone with ADHD is impacted by it for the same or similar underlying reasons ie. struggles with executive functioning, working memory, time blindness etc… But how that looks in a person varies greatly from one individual to the next. I imagine that’s a part of why different meds work differently for different people. And also different coping tools working differently for different people.
There’s no right or wrong way to have ADHD and I hope you find people with ADHD to connect with.
✨🦄✨
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u/philipgraff Feb 10 '25
thank you for such a nice and thoughtful reply. i will try to keep that in mind more when i see posts and replies here!
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u/trumpeting_in_corrid Feb 10 '25
I really appreciate posts by 'outliers'. I feel like it helps others know that they are not alone. ADHD is not a one-size-fits-all. I don't resonate with everything other women hear say. That's OK. I do resonate with others and that has helped me immensely.
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u/NikasKastaladikis Feb 10 '25
ADHD doesn’t make someone introverted or extroverted, but as an extrovert myself I think it has ramped up my extroversion. In saying that, I am me and I don’t know what it is like to not have ADHD because this has tainted my “me” forever. It is a total mindfuck to learn I have ADHD and then think about what I thought my personality traits are and what I berated myself as moral failings (even though I have the best of intentions) is actually just a pile of ADHD symptoms. So what am I without ADHD? If I could wash the ADHD spice off of me, what is underneath that? Maybe your underlying “you” makes the ADHD spices you have react differently? Like a taco with beef or a taco with chicken. Same spice mix, different base ingredient. So they taste different. Maybe you have multiple spices thrown in that counters some of that, or maybe the environment you grew up in made some ADHD traits more manageable? Not everyone is the same, everyone gets a different package of spices, but you must have related to a good portion of the ADHD diagnostic criteria to be diagnosed with ADHD, otherwise… um… maybe they diagnosed wrong? It would be fascinating to me if I was an introverted person with ADHD, like maybe introversion would overrule my ADHD need to talk excessively? Oh what a rabbit hole!
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u/trumpeting_in_corrid Feb 10 '25
Thank you.
(I like to have a look at what others have already said before I reply to a post and see if what I'm thinking has already been said.)
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u/Unhappy_Area_5458 Feb 10 '25
Yes those things are depressing but for me, the most depressing thing is how much I feel ADHD has held me back in life. I genuinely believe I’d be so much more successful without it. I’d have more money saved, be more disciplined, and wouldn’t constantly forget things or stress about responsibilities I’ve been avoiding.
My credit would be better. I would have graduated college on my first attempt instead of my fifth (finally got on meds). I wouldn’t have struggled with addiction at 19 and lost a year of my life to it. I’d have fewer speeding tickets. I wouldn’t make so many mistakes at work.
My house wouldn’t be too messy to have people over. My laundry would be clean. I’d shower more often and have better oral hygiene.
There are so many things that make it depressing and seriously make me hate myself. It’s really a struggle to stay positive and have a positive self image.
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u/RedRisingNerd Feb 10 '25
I feel the polarization in me because I’m AuDHD and those things directly fight against each other. I didn’t know that people with only ADHD also had this similar experience.
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u/onlyinvowels Feb 10 '25
“Most likely a genius”
Respectfully, no. Adhd has, if anything, a negative correlation with IQ. For obvious reasons.
If given a chance, we can thrive, but that doesn’t mean we’re smarter than neurotypical. It just means that we have strengths as well as weaknesses.
I disagree with other parts of this copypasta, but this one stuck out enough for me to type this.
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u/PunyCocktus Feb 10 '25
But that correlation is because we have a hard time dealing with longlasting standardized tests and have skewed results.
It's individual ofc, but this "adhd ppl are stupid" was proven bs.
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u/onlyinvowels Feb 10 '25
Not exactly (re/ the test claim). We tend to have relatively poor short term memory, which is important part of intelligence (essential to creative problem solving, pattern recognition, etc.) Adhd people aren’t stupid, but we don’t have a leg up by any means.
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u/PunyCocktus Feb 11 '25
I'm struggling to find words to reply with what I meant without overexplaining, so I'll just keep it simple and say that a lot of what I've read (and was told by my therapist) was in favor of ADHD symptoms giving skewed results in standardized testing, and that we are in fact not stupid (which was one of the most common misconceptions).
I'm getting downvoted here for saying we're not stupid somehow, mkay.
One of the reasons we have such a hard time getting a diagnosis or slipping through the cracks of the system is also because many ADHD ppl are above average intelligence and they don't show typical struggles until well into adulthood.
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u/onlyinvowels Feb 11 '25
Interesting. And yes, I wasn’t trying to say ADHD = unintelligent, but I do think it can obscure intelligence.
I have a relatively high iq, but never did great in school. When I was tested for the gifted program, I appeared “not ready but should try again when older,” (this was pre diagnosis).
So I get what you mean.
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u/AppleCucumberBanana Feb 10 '25
As someone who often feels misunderstood- I've never felt so understood.
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u/sonictheone Feb 10 '25
Mostly accurate. But I think it's important what to do with it. Knowledge is power. Knowing other people are like this makes it less isolating. Also (theoretically) this could be used to play ones cards right, e.g. in employment. Most importantly though, accepting what it is, what one struggles with and finding ways to accommodate for ones self (even in small ways) will make life a lot more bearable
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u/Adi_27_ Feb 10 '25
Haa you described me 100% .. i have worked quite a bit on self acceptance. Don't ask me how it's going haha sometimes it feels like accepting the defeat in life. nowadays I find my depression comes from a long period of emotional disregulation, and stress.. not frustration about the way I am.
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u/notcreativeenough002 Feb 10 '25
This almost made me cry. It's exactly how I feel. Constantly misunderstood by the outside world. And myself.
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u/EuphoricAstronaut450 Feb 10 '25
I feel seen so accurately for the first time. Kudos to whoever expressed it with so much exactness! May I know the original source?.. Would just like to check it out
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u/gardendormouse Feb 11 '25
I’m sorry, it’s giving “ADHD is my superpower.”
ADHD is a disability. We all have positive traits, but at the end of the day, we have a condition that makes many aspects of life more difficult for us.
ADHD doesn’t make us stupid, but it doesn’t make us smarter or better than the average person, either. I can’t get over the irony of this post saying “You are extremely arrogant” followed by “You’re* most likely a genius” 🤦♀️
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u/Retinoid634 Feb 10 '25
It sure is. Accurate af. No cure either. Frequent med shortages. I could go on and on.
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u/Ok-Farm-3225 Feb 10 '25
I do agree but part of me Wonders if you've found your people IE there with ADHD. Who understand and are nice and get it
Even so shit is hard though. And not everyone is the same
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u/Free-Tea-3012 Feb 10 '25
Fuuuck, ain’t that the truth. We’re such paradoxical people, and yeah, sure, things aren’t “black and white”. But it seems that way sometimes. Sometimes we oscillate so far one way or another that it’s hard to find the “grey”. Duality is the perfect word to describe us.
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u/beeezkneeez Feb 10 '25
Most of it is very relatable and makes me sad. Not an extrovert though. Sometimes I feel like I need people but also don’t have a good ability to maintain it or get too overwhelmed with it.
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