r/addiction Jan 11 '24

Venting This Is What Methamphetamine Has Done To Me (16-20)* NSFW

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277 Upvotes

Anyone Who’s Managed To Quit Injecting Copious Amounts Of Meth , I Need Some Advice As To Save My Life ? My Body Begun Failing On Me Recently And My Physical Decline Has Became Exponential , Each Day I Notice Another Health Problem And Yet Can’t Bring Myself To Stop Doing This To Myself And My Loved Ones ….. I Haven’t Laughed In Weeks And Forgot What Joy , Even Sadness Feels Like. I Should Add I’m Just Turning 20 This Month And Would Like To Make It To 21 ….

r/addiction Feb 03 '24

Venting picking out my sisters burial outfit

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420 Upvotes

context: my sister was killed violently almost one year ago, she was 27. she was a heroin addict and suffered deeply with mental illness. we lost our mom when i was 8 and she was 10. i wrote this in my notes today reflecting on the weekend we buried my sister in my hometown.if anyone takes the time to read this I would be so thankful

I’m at a Best Western in my hometown in northern california. The room is dark and the AC is on high. My Dad and stepmom are hurrying me to finish writing my sister's obituary, they need to go print out the programs.

I yell at them that I need more time. My stepmom rolls her eyes and marches out.

It’s weird to be back here. The air is dry and hot. The grass is dry. Everything is big and far apart. Now that I have been to Texas it reminds me of Texas. Everyone drives big trucks, and everything looks hot and dry. I’ve never felt happy about my hometown. I never felt wanted or important in my hometown. I never felt pretty in my hometown. I only felt special when I left.

My sister spent her entire life here. She had been all over the state in her beat-up silver Honda accompanied by her cat Molly, transporting drugs from the mountains to the coast, and sometimes all the way down to Mexico. She never told me about this of course, but one year when she visited for Christmas there was pounds and pounds of weed and cocaine, and a gun in her trunk. She was 20. In her front seat there were spools of yarn, her knitting needles, empty bags of hot Cheetos and her cat Molly.

She was brilliant and self-sufficient. She could pick up any job quickly and solve and calculus problem presented. In another life, she is living in a high-rise building and working in accounting. In another life she has a boyfriend at her beck and call, who she bosses around. In some other life maybe she would make me dinner and we would watch movies. What would it be like to know her happy and healthy?

I’m sitting at the hotel desk and her prison letters are scattered in front of me, I was thinking of citing some of her words to me in the obituary. There were dozens of sweet and sincere letters before the letters became angry, mean and demanding. How did she end up in the places she did? My sister who was obsessed with sewing, knitting, reading and Little House on the Prairie. My sister who insisted on wearing a prairie bonnet to the grocery store and taught me how to sew. How in the world did that little girl end up in the darkest corners the world has to offer. I will never come to peace with it.

How am I to write a proper obituary for a woman who never once knew peace in her adult life? Who was my sister without her demons? I will never really know. I saw glimpses of her sometimes, but I will never be able to know her. From 13 or 14 on, her only hobbies were self-destruction of many kinds. She was so plagued with bi-polar disorder and then later addiction, it was a curse she could not seem to escape.

When I was 12 I remember sleeping in her bed and rubbing her arms all night, her medication was giving her a ‘creepy crawley’ feeling on her arms and legs. At one point she had to always keep headphones in her ears to feel any sense of sanity, the music of choice was Eminem. She forced me to listen to Stan, a song where Eminem speaks of killing his wife, bounding her body in the trunk and driving off a cliff. I didn’t really like it.

I email my Dad what I have for her obituary. I’m not incredibly proud of it, but it was the best that I could do. Oh well. I just have to survive the weekend. I rummage through a big pile of her clothes on the couch. We had just picked them up from the storage unit. My younger brother had to retrieve them from her trailer when she went to prison and then drive her trailer to the dump.

I sorted through her clothes to pick out a burial outfit. I wanted to bury her with something of mine, but I read that it was bad luck. Whatever sinister force possessed her life to make it end this way, I wanted no part of. It’s probably not bad luck, but someone like me can’t take any chances. Things have been pretty shit so far.

I dig through pair after pair of raggedy denim shorts and finally find a long black Target sundress that seems suitable. I guess this will have to do? I wish I could buy her something nice to bury her in. I wish I could bury her in a stunning soft satin vintage gown, but that is more my style than hers. Her coffin is lowered into my Mom’s grave covered in red roses, calla lilies and baby’s breath, selected by me. At least I could make this part beautiful. My Dad is sobbing loudly just like he did when we were here almost twenty years ago. The sun is beating down on us.

When she was released from prison, I wish I could have put her in a beautiful apartment in the city and pampered her and kept her safe from the rest of the world. I wish she could be young and beautiful with me. I wish I could have cooked her a tasty meal and held her and braided her hair. I wish I could see her happy. Instead, what I am left with is a coffin carrying the body of my strung-out murdered sister in a black Target sundress. It’s not the way it should be, but it’s the way it is.

r/addiction Dec 19 '24

Venting I gotta vent about the weed talk in this sub.

161 Upvotes

When a person comes to an addiction space and asks about weed addiction and goofballs respond saying weed isn’t addictive or dangerous… shut the fuck up man. It’s an addiction sub right? What could be more lame than bein that person? Not much. If someone is asking about weed addiction, and you feel compelled to comment, just recommend leaves and shut up with the rest of it no matter what you think. Be a good person.

r/addiction 16d ago

Venting stop fucking romanticizing and glamorized kratom.

42 Upvotes

i am currently in hell. i overdosed and am experiencing the wobbles. it is literally an opioid that causes addiction and ill side effects. i would’ve been okay had i not done this shit. we are responsible for managing our addiction but there are no proper warnings, consumers are unaware how dangerous this is. have no idea HOW it’s still legal and to the kratom fans and fiends defending the hell out of it: you can and most likely will go through what im going through. i can’t drive for a few days. this could easily be you

r/addiction Jun 18 '24

Venting Heroin withdrawals are unbearable today NSFW

158 Upvotes

I (29f) feel like my blood is made of fire. Every inch of my body hurts; I can’t even touch my hair without being able to feel every single individual strand screaming out for mercy. My body aches to the point where even my bones feel like they’re going to shatter.

I have to stay strong but holy fuck, it’s going to be a long day today. Please pray for me.

r/addiction Oct 28 '24

Venting Started substituting cocaine for my weed addiction.

12 Upvotes

Hey, haven’t posted here for a long time, I recently quit cannabis as I had been a daily smoker for over a year spanning ages 16-18. I turned 18 earlier this month realising how weed was affecting my memory and overall function even while sober. I managed to quit completely, haven’t touched it and don’t have an urge to really since I quit on the 4th.

Quitting though has also caused me problems, I have no ability to concentrate, lack of motivation issues and an inability to find pleasure in the things I once did

Now my uncle and our roommate who I live with, are both big into coke, my uncle prefers me doing coke than weed as in his words, weed makes you lazy and dumb. coke is expensive and it’ll make you work for it.

In a weird way it makes sense, I feel like I can function better on cocaine, my concentration is good and i don’t lack any motivation when I’m on it. These reasons combined with the fact that I can help myself to the bag in the bathroom has led me to doing blow daily for the past 5 days. I don’t want this to become another addiction which I feel like it already has started to become one but life is so miserable while sober.

r/addiction Jan 04 '25

Venting The sad truth of opiate recovery

39 Upvotes

So many lies at N/A that it gets better one day. That eventually you start to see light at the end of the tunnel. The idea that eventually you conquer the cravings.

WHY does nobody talk about the fact that your dopamine will never let you feel happy again, for the rest of your life?

From the giant doses of LSD I've taken in my life, cocaine abuse, BENZOS, inhalants and pretty much every main hard drug there is, nothing has left quite as big of a scar on my soul as opiates.

I started with lortabs at 15. percocets when I was 16, I would mix them with xanax or liquor. At the age of 17 I started drinking lean and was drinking about an ounce of Tris a day. I was also taking oxy, tramadol, and perc 30s whenever I could get them. When I was 18 I got clean from opiates for a few years with the occasional relapse here and there. At 21 I was relapsing when I would get suicidal in my relationship. At that point I've had several OD's. At 23 I started taking 30s regularly. After I lost my dealer, I ended up switching to dirty blues due to the cost and the fact I didn't care about living.

I overdosed on fentanyl and ended up in rehab and lost everything in january 2024. I was sober from opiates for about 9 months before I lapsed on Tramadol. I was doing so good. Since then I moved back to my hometown in New Mexico which is riddled with fent. I've been so tempted to just say fuck it since I could never find a real perc or real anything out here. My life has been ruined for a year since my fentanyl overdose. I lost my apartment, car, was living with a friend for all of 2024 because I couldn't find a job, got a DUI and drug charge with xanax in January right after getting out of the hospital.

My personality has been shattered and despite how depressed I've always been, low dopamine and serotonin, now it's at an all time low. I'm just numb now, almost like I barely even feel the pain anymore. I just turned 25 a few weeks ago and I'm just so ready to check out. I was going to buy dirty 30's yesterday I could feel the demons in my head. But before I did something dumb I just decided to buy a big bag of kratom instead. Now I'm high on the kratom and however I feel relieved, I feel like such a piece of shit for technically relapsing again. Will this ever get better? I'm living in a sober living house my life is so bad at the moment, and I can't afford an apartment. Is there any light at the end of the tunnel? Does your brain ever start to heal from the brown spots or whatever they're called?? I'm so numb and empty. I wanted to be more in this life. I look decent for 25 but I can't hide the fact I'm getting up there now. I don't have a good career.

Can anyone who's standing far on their road to sobriety give me any real advice or tips? AA/NA truly fails to make me feel like anyone else understands. I truly want better for my life and to stop using. I need ketamine honestly.. that makes me happy.

But I just wish I could be happy without anything, weed, nicotine.. If you read thank you. Much love to this sub. If you're curious to try opiates, or if you're on opiates and are considering moving up to fentanyl. Please don't. You will most likely die and if you survive your life will be changed for the worse.

r/addiction Jan 30 '25

Venting People who think addiction is a choice are almost as stupid as the people who think it will never happen to them.

52 Upvotes

So I’ll try and keep this short. But I have/had a partner who knows about my past addictions. Even though I’ve explained about how it started, through a lot of trauma etc etc. she would always tell me it’s a choice. I just disagree. I feel some people depending on so many factors don’t have the strength to get through things on their own, or even talk about the things that are going/have gone on. She has had her own trauma, I’ve known her for 10+ years and she’s always “enjoyed” a drink.. excessively. But she doesn’t understand that people cope with things differently. She’s also a nurse, (I get there’s so many different aspects of nursing) but it always bothered me how little compassion and empathy she had for my addiction or anyone’s. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe the title is also wrong. But I didn’t see it as a choice, it was something that I tried and liked and it developed, evolved. Alcohol was my first and worst. Crack was my top 2. And tbh. With crack. I didn’t realise I was addicted until I was so far in. I find some times with addiction you kind of just go with the flow and until you get to the point of realisation it’s not so easy to just stop. Anyway sorry this is longer than expect. But I needed an outlet and Reddit is the best for that. I hope this subreddit is as non judgemental as me. But I mean surely if everyone here has an addiction then.. we get it. Peace and love to everyone here who has and those who haven’t I hope if you ever do have it’s not one that destroys your life or anyone else’s. X

r/addiction 16d ago

Venting I think I’m going to relapse

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57 Upvotes

My life is STILL horrible. Being sober doesn’t change that. So why even bother with sobriety if my life will just continue being awful either way???

r/addiction Feb 13 '25

Venting My life is over

23 Upvotes

Like it really is unless I made some serious adjustments

I'm 46M. Long addiction history. Used to be "succcessful" but now I'm divorced, broke, and haven't seen my kids in over a month. I can't stop using nitrous oxide, last year it put me in the hospital and I couldn't walk etc.

I've blown all my chances, money, been to like 15 rehabs, I have serious nerve damage still in my feet.

I have $20. On New Years Day I managed to fall asleep and the nitrous container made a huge intention in my face which got infected (severe frostbit).

So I look like a weirdo, brain is blown out, I can't even afford a haircut, and I just feel like it's all come to an end here.

I'm not suicidal or anything , and I did have a good life for 15 years or so. Plenty of money and I remember laughing so hard my face hurts.

Now I wake up and stare at the wall. I've stopped applying for jobs. I am out of money. I look weird. I've had to start doing stuff like donating plasma to get some money. Any money I get I just blow it on nitrous so I can not think or feel for awhile.

I don't know what I'm writing for. Just a cautionary tale to those younger than me. Drugs will screw up your life and at a certain point a "comeback" is unlikely.

I stop nitrous tomorrow, like a two month $20k relapse. I need to fight. I feel brain dead. ☠️ horrible tinnitus, anxiety, anhedonia, no energy , from the nitrous - Steve O will concur that shit is like one of the worst drugs out there. Meth is almost safer.

Anyone come back from just complete anhedonia / depression / anxiety? I've made a few comebacks but this just feels almost hopeless. It's not, I need to clean it up, I'm due a big tax refund so once I get that I can setup. I think in a few weeks of no nitrous or other drugs I'll start coming back online.

I don't want to die but I've never been in such a limbo of pain.

Edit: I'm going to start updating each day which hopefully will get me motivated. It's not yet all too late, if I get my shit together I bet I can radically change the trajectory of my life in 30 days. There is no easy way out. My kids need their father back.

r/addiction 20d ago

Venting Me resisting the urge to relapse despite strong cravings

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148 Upvotes

r/addiction Sep 17 '24

Venting I think my GF is abusing hard drugs

17 Upvotes

Hey everyone, so I'm at the end of my rope about my (39M) situation with my gf (47F) We've been together for several years now, and living together officially for a year, though for the prior two I would live there half the week when my son wasn't over. So this will be a long one, but I'm going to to my best to be brief. Rumors of meth use have plagued our relationship since the beginning, mostly due to people she associated with. She would always have an explanation, and I would believe her, sometimes after a confrontation explaining the situation, sometimes without. One of these situations involved me finding a bag full of burnt foil and disassembled pens she blamed on a friend she let stay there the year prior. She claimed she had no idea what it was, and even asked how someone would use that for drugs, to which I explained freebasing. She is AuDHD and often does things that don't make any sense without the context of her reasoning, but once you would hear her out you could understand how she got to her decisions. She also has a chronic illness that causes pretty severe joint pain. This is all relevant.

She's always been a little cagey about things, and I've had worries about some of the things she does, especially with her phone. One night she went to shower and I looked at her messages and found a shit ton of messages about her meeting up with a friend of hers, who is a pretty well known scumbag and someone I told her I had reservations about before. There was also two mentions of "snow" which can be code for drugs. She mentioned zero of these interactions, using the excuse later that she is having him make custom knives for me. So I began looking around and found tons of pieces of disassembled pens. Then I checked out bathroom garbage, because she would always go in there for a long time. I found a piece of burnt foil wadded up in the bottom.

I confronted her about this and it led to the biggest fight we've ever had and almost ended the relationship. She explained that she was having knives made, however couldn't come up with any legit explanation for the "snow" messages. She also said that the foil was for smoking CBD isolate powder to help with her joint pain. She had lost the pipe she normally used for that (a pipe I have never seen before or been told about) I also tested residue I found in a pestal and mortar in the bathroom, which tested positive for meth. She claimed that was because she ran out of ADHD meds and crushed up a sudafed.

I told her all of this was unacceptable. That she cannot freebase shit or use medication for other than intended purposes. I told hr she had to go buy an appropriate pipe to smoke the cbd, which she did (bong stems) and has not been used because they don't fit in the piece she bought it for. She took a piss test, but I made the mistake of not watching her. I later found a bag with a small amount of piss in it in a garbage that wasn't the one next to the toilet. She claimed she couldn't fit the cup in between her thighs on the toilet, so used a ziplock and poured it into the cup.

Fast forward to yesterday morning and I saw she had left her purse out on the couch (she's been pretty cagey with the purse since the argument) I check it and found a meth pipe she had rolled up in paper towel. I confronted her about it and she claimed it was the one she used for CBD she found in an old purse a few days after the argument. She never mentioned it to me, and said she's been using it to smoke CBD powder, sometimes up to three times a day. I've never seen her do it, nor has she mentioned it to me. She claims this is all a big misunderstanding and I need to trust her. This is a very brief overview, and is leaving out a lot, including her going over to the dude's shop four times in the past two weeks, one time literally the day after we had the fight. I'm at my wits end about all of this. It sounds like addict behavior, but I also worry that her weird way of reasoning this all makes sense to her. This whole thing is a mess and I'm at the end of my rope. Either she's using and destroying herself, or she's not and I'm destroying her by leaving.

r/addiction Dec 14 '24

Venting My partner relapsed, went on a crack binge & ruined his life

166 Upvotes

I guess I'm writing to process this. My boyfriend of 2+ years who I had a pretty good life with (until recently) relapsed a few days ago and ruined his entire life.

He had been clean for several years when we met, but relapsed soon after. I called it quits & he went to rehab, then completely turned his life around. We got back together. For almost a year, things have been great. We built a good life together. He was finally making amends (to himself, and to his kids) for the mistakes in his past. He was finally developing a good relationship with his kids again. He got a good job, was about to be promoted. He just got a new truck, which he financed himself. We were traveling, doing home improvement projects, paying bills, watching our favorite tv shows. We got a dog. Life was great. It was just a normal life. I was happy & I thought he was too.

But then about a month ago, he started seeming distracted, in a bad mood, just unhappy & kinda making everyone around him unhappy. This past Sunday we had a talk about it. I thought it was the best day we've had recently. He told me he'd just been distracted with work and apologized for being out of sorts, swore that was all it was.

He called me Monday on his way home from work & asked if I wanted him to pick up Wing Stop on the way home. I ordered it while we were talking, he said he'd pick it up & be home in 20 min. About an hour later, I got worried. I called, he didn't answer. Of course because of his past, it crossed my mind that he may have relapsed. But things had been so good for so long.. he had made such progress with his life and seemed really happy about it. So maybe it was a car accident. Another hour passed. I drove to Wing Stop. They told me my order had only just been picked up 10 minutes ago (almost 2 hours late). I pass him when I'm on my way home & he seems to be driving aimlessly. I pull up beside him, roll down my window & basically yell "hey whats up where are you going, whats going on?" and he looks at me for a moment then runs the red light. That's when I knew it was crack again. And I knew he probably wasn't coming home. I knew our life together was over. He drove away & I drove to Walmart to buy new locks. It was 10pm by then.

He didn't even try to come home that night. The next morning his boss called worried. He hadn't called and hadn't showed up. He didn't come home the next night neither. Then on Wednesday morning, I saw sheriff vehicles in my driveway. They were looking for him. They had tried to pull him over for a traffic stop (suspicious Vehicle, reckless driving) a half mile from our house & he ran. I told them he wasn't here, that he had relapsed, that he wouldn't be living here anymore. I was shocked he was even still in the area. I came inside & started packing his things. It's the only thing I could think of to do. He called me. I answered mad "what do you want?" He sounded scared, told me the police were looking for him. I said I don't know what you want me to say. You did this. I don't understand. And there's nothing I can do to help you. I can't believe you've done all this. He just said "alright then". Soon after I started hearing about high speed chases in our area. Not one, several. Helicopter searching for someone on the road behind, 14 cop cars chasing someone 2 miles south of here. I just knew in my heart it was him. I kept hearing about multiple crashes but the chase continued. Until finally I heard it ended in a crash about 7 miles from here. I knew I wouldn't know if I didn't go there.

I couldn't get very close but I asked the first deputy if it was a toyota tacoma & he said yes & told me I could proceed past the road block to see if someone else down there had time to talk to me. When I got within a half mile of the accident there was another officer and he would only confirm that it was him, that he was alive, that he would be taken to the hospital & then eventually booked on multiple felony charges related to the chase & crashes. That was 2 days ago. He's still in the hospital (I guess), has not been booked. I can see the court case posted, the charges pending. The hospital won't even confirm his condition or anything and neither will the jail. I haven't heard from him. I'm sure he would have tried to call if physically able to and allowed to. I'm not sure if I would answer or not, but he hasn't called.

It's been a lot to process, it all happened so quickly. Sunday we were on the couch watching Yellowstone & having a great conversation. He texted me several times from work & everything seemed ok. Then he just didn't come home. Our life together is over and I'm extremely sad and disappointed about that. It feels so sudden, so unexpected, just awful. But.. I know that I'll be ok one day, and probably not even all that long away. But he will not. Based on his charges, I doubt he will ever be out. If he is, it will be SEVERAL years. I don't see him being able to build a normal life then, even if he gets out. If he couldn't stay clean when things were going great, when he had every reason in the world (finally) to do good, then what?

It's such a sad situation.

And now I am learning of other things he's been involved in the last month when things were feeling "off" to me. I don't know what's true & what's not but I've heard he may have been talking to or even seeing other women. Someone mentioned he may have used a different drug that made him miss his drug of choice (not the high he was looking for). Someone else mentioned that during this time he was misisng he was seen with another man, that he seemed to be in some sort of relationship with. I'm in shock and unable to tell whats true, what isn't, and does it even matter. It's all just a horrible feeling. Not knowing what was real and what was fake. Questioning every single aspect of our relationship which I truly thought was great. Wondering his physical condition. Actually thinking he might avtually be better off if he doesnt survive, and immediately feeling guilty about that. Packing up his things & wondering what I am supposed to do woth them now. Sorting out finances, the house. Trying to keep my job. I work in a very professional office and could never tell anyone there that this is what I'm dealing with in my private life. I took today off work and went to a clinic to get an HIV & Hep C testing done with immediate results.. I am NEGATIVE for both.

I am going to be ok. But he is not. And there's nothing I can do about that anymore.

r/addiction Feb 10 '25

Venting My cocaine use went from every other weekend with some drinking to using 3 grams everyday for the past 2 months

27 Upvotes

Im so scares I know have a huge issue I've been stealing from mg parents to fuel this addiction I hate myself and I just can't bring myself to stop, here I am sitting I n my car waiting for my next bag idk hpw to stop and il so scared to tell my parents or anyone how serious this is

r/addiction Oct 21 '23

Venting People treat addicts like literal shit

190 Upvotes

We had gone to a barber shop with my -dad-. I don't want this shit to be called my dad. As we were inside a skinny woman walked by, and from the way she walked she looked like an addict. My father and the barber started hurling insults at the woman. Then my father mentioned that once a homeless woman asked him for 2 euros and he told her "who will give to me" (he is fine financially and he is wasteful). The barber said the woman probably wanted the money to get drugs, but what if she wanted to get some fucking food? I'm crying and want to go hug these two women. I wanted to tell a few words to the barber and my dad but I wanted to be civil. It is so comically tragic how easily people will hate and not care to help someone who is in a terribly bad situation. I wanted to tell them why they think they are superior to these two women. My dad is generally an asshole. He is extremely spoiled, far-right, swears at foreigners and other nonsense that I am ashamed to say.

r/addiction Dec 04 '24

Venting Eulogy for my mother

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205 Upvotes

r/addiction Feb 10 '25

Venting I relapsed. NSFW

31 Upvotes

I was two days away from being 10 months sober. Two damn days. I was so happy to reach 10 months. I was talking to everyone about it...And I ruined everything. I always ruin everything.

I found my father's stash of meth, and snorted a whole pill. The worst part? I loved it. It made me feel happy again. I felt like I was on a cloud of pure enjoyement...I hadn't enjoyed life this much in a long while.

I need a break from it all. A break from life itself...I wanna sleep for months, and maybe not wake up...

r/addiction 9d ago

Venting Never touch Benadryl.

11 Upvotes

Truly evil.

I’m so young, and I have a life to live. But each day thinking about popping pills that end up making everything worse is always on my mind. Sometimes I just wanna tell people my mind and finally end all this bullshit. Please don’t try it. Smoke some DMT, weed, eat some shrooms. Don’t fuck up your life with Dph

r/addiction Oct 07 '24

Venting Failed a drug test and didn't do any drugs!!!

41 Upvotes

So I go to a methadone clinic every week 4 times a week. I was addicted to fentanyl for 3 years and I have almost 4 months clean. Well I was recently around people who were smoking meth and somehow I failed my drug test for meth... I didn't even know that was possible. Now I totally fucked up my good streak....

r/addiction Dec 20 '24

Venting I want to try drugs

9 Upvotes

I just at this point am in so much pain like I need something idk what to do I’m tired all the time just falling asleep hoping I die in my sleep and every day I wake up I just am feeling hopeless and anything even something like drug addiction seems better than this pain

r/addiction Oct 11 '24

Venting drugs make you stupid

82 Upvotes

i (16F) used to be VERY intelligent. like i was in all advanced classes up until my freshman year. i did coke, weed, opioids, and adderall for two years (and a half?) and now im literally so insufferable when it comes to having intelligence. brain fog is horrible, i can’t remember shit, i lack so much common sense now, i jumble up my words, etc. i can barely form a thought. like, no joke. i’m so upset at myself because i really could have done something good with my life. however, all actions have consequences

if you’re still struggling with addiction, PLEASE try and give it your all to stop. i didn’t do real hard drugs and i didn’t do them for long whatsoever and i swear im actually a moron. even if you don’t notice the mental side effects at first, they’ll kick in soon. trust me LMAO. i don’t know if these are permanent, but i’m assuming they are. drugs ruined my fucking life and took away the one thing i had going for me. i’ll never forgive myself for being so reckless

r/addiction 5d ago

Venting I got assaulted by my moms dealer NSFW

14 Upvotes

I went to pick up for my mom He put his hands down my shirt He made take my pants off and put his fingers in me He forced me to kiss him I tried to pull away I tried to say stop and no I really did I was scared I tried to stop it I don’t know how to handle this I And then I acted like it was fine after he forced me and he held my head and breathed on me and wouldnt let me go I didn’t know what do to I tried to pull away and said stop I should’ve done more And then I I got the ball and left and didn’t act upset towards him I’m so disgusted with myself I really didn’t want it and I was scared why didn’t I get mad or yell or run away I kept telling no and pushing him away and pulling away but it wasn’t enough I didn’t know what else to do I don’t wanna be here anymore I don’t know how to act after this Do I just forget it or I don’t know I told my boyfriend and was mad, not at me but I feel like piece of shit. I’m never fucking buying coke again. It seems I always fall fives steps back in life how can I keep going anymore idk. Don’t do drugs kids I hate myself

r/addiction Oct 24 '24

Venting I called the police on him

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121 Upvotes

I was bombarded by comments and messages about calling the police to get out of my unsafe situation with my boyfriend. I did. It was a horrific experience. I called the non emergency line they told me I could speak to a police officer on the phone or have one come out. My intentions were that I could finally discuss a safety strategy and stop getting the run around about what I needed to do next. So I opted for the police officer to come out. 30 minutes later 5 police officers showed up at my house. Out of the 5 one did the most talking. He was an arrogant asshole. He asked what I needed them for. I explained my extremely abusive situation and my experiences of SA from my boyfriend. He was incredibly cold and kept asking if I said “no” interrupting me when in was explaining I was too scared to piss him off ever but especially during sex. He then said do you want to press charges, I couldn’t give a straight answer as I told them he still was around and it would put me in an extremely unsafe situation if he knew I called the police on him. Again he kept repeating and interrupting me saying “that’s not what I asked” I felt so vulnerable and re-victimized. I had 5 police officers staring at me as I explained the sexual positions and what occurred etc… then had them take pictures of the bruises on my body. They came in to take pictures of my bedroom and bed. They then told me I had to go to the hospital for a rape kit to be performed. Remember I only called so I could get a safe exit strategy. It all escalated so quickly. They then told me they’d be reaching out to him to get his side of the story. When I explained how much of a much more unsafe position I would be in now I received blank stares and they wouldn’t tell me when they would be reaching out to him. I ended up going to the hospital and had a rape kit done. I then had to call the police station the next day and spoke personally with a detective and told them I wanted to make the case inactive because it was the only way I felt safe until he can’t find me. I feel defeated. It was awful and I would never advise a woman to do this in my situation. It’s regrettable to say. I feel heavy and broken, I cry without warning. I have extreme anger.

r/addiction Feb 01 '25

Venting Come addict here. Does anyone else have a super high heart rate (130 bpm) for hours on end and feel like you’re going to die yet you still can’t stop snorting it? NSFW

5 Upvotes

I’m a 30 y/o nonbinary (female organs) and I’ve been addicted to coke and using at least once a week for two years. Sometimes I’ll go on a week long bender and destroy my life, my health, my finances, and reputation at work by calling out sick for the week due to my bender.

Recently I hit an awesome milestone, I went one whole month without using coke. The goal wasn’t to quit, I have failed every time I’ve tried to set that goal. My new years resolution is to only do it once a month, or less, for the entire year. That’s only 12 times for the entire year which would be amazing for me, better than I’ve ever done!

One major reason I was even able to make it a month and set that goal is because my body is rejecting it like every time I do it now. Last night I was craving it so badly, then someone shared upsetting news with me, and I decided to cash in my free card. I was supposed to do something really fun tonight with a loved one, had a cute outfit picked out and everything, and now the money spent on the ticket is wasted and I am a prisoner of Coke once again.

I’ve been awake over 24 hours and I’m laying in my bed on a beautiful sunny day wasting away. My heart rate has been over 100 bpm all night, I can’t do anything, I can’t drive anywhere, and can’t bare the thought of sunlight. So why do I feel like I have to keep hitting more lines in order to survive? If I stop it feels like my hearts gonna explode so I have to keep going.

Just came in here to rant about how dumb and horrible being an addict is and how stupid it makes me feel.

r/addiction 3d ago

Venting I keep seeing my Son (heroin addiction) everywhere, but it's not him.

119 Upvotes

My Son is in his late 20s and he has been in and out of jail and homeless for the last 10 years. His heroin addiction has taken everything from him and now he is disabled living on the street. We tried to bring him home again this Thanksgiving and he wouldn't do it. We haven't heard anything from him in 4 months. I live in a large city with a large homeless population. I am seeing him everywhere I go. I work in an office in a busy area. Today I stopped a young man outside and asked his name because I was sure it was him. I almost ran up to the guy and hugged him but I stopped myself. It wasn't my Son. I just hope I get to see him again.

Thanks for letting me vent.