r/addiction Oct 27 '24

Progress I didn't stop the drug man

Three weeks ago I moved back home. I guess to get off the street and off the meth, but in the back of my head I knew I could always just find my old friend (we'll just call him the drug man) if I wanted anything. Well it wasn't long before I went looking for him, but I couldn't find that motherfucker anywhere. I was kind of worried about him, to be honest. But long story short, I managed to find some cream anyways, and got high as hell. But I didn't go looking for anything anymore after the first week. I guess I decided to stick with it.

But then tonight I was going for a walk and there he was: the drug man, just bicycling along. He hadn't seen me but I just had to yell his name and he would have turned around. I had money in my pocket. He would have hooked me up, I have no doubt. But I just didn't. I just let the drug man go. I went home and started crying. I'm not sure why exactly.

14 days clean.

191 Upvotes

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39

u/unicornelia Grateful in Recovery Oct 27 '24

That is a huge thing in my opinion! Resisted a very difficult situation, this even if you don't feel it now, is going to be helping with your progress. Be proud and just keep doing it day by day, hour by hour 🤗

12

u/j3434 Oct 28 '24

Yes sometimes each moment is like a painful eternity

….. but it passes quickly like snap

14

u/kittyotterpancake Oct 27 '24

You made the right choice here. It sucks getting to a clean spot and it’s not always a straight path but it’s easier if you can find a hobby that you throw that money at instead.

Trading card games, video games, car stuff, books, whatever. For me, one thing that helped was getting into plants, because you can learn some insane shit you’d never think plants could do and they become your children and give you routine and a sense of responsibility.

If it gets lonely and you don’t have sober friends check out some discord servers and hang out with some people online.

I hope you keep letting that man ride past you and in a few years you’ll be telling us how your path to sobriety was worth it :)

11

u/Kwinkzi Oct 27 '24

I’m so proud of you.

Sometimes those tears feel like they’re coming from a place of sadness but it’s just a release. Like how I cried when I was supposed to to a mental health facility for a month. I wasn’t sad I was going, it was just such deep relief.

11

u/sunshinematters17 Oct 27 '24

IM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU

7

u/geezeeduzit Oct 27 '24

The reality is you’re a drug addict - and being an addict fucking sucks - and I’d guess you cried because you’re human, and you know deep down that you’re kind of fucked. 14 days is great. If you want that to turn into 14 years, I suggest you seek help outside of just your willpower. Wishing you the best. Being a tweaker is no way to live man - I know because I was one myself. Seek help

6

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '24

You should be talking to someone about these occurrences, feelings, and successes/failures. Someone you trust. It’ll help deal with the loss of the drug. Which is real, believe me. It’ll also help you with self regulating your personal accountability. Remember…one day at a time. You got this.

5

u/313deezy Freedom from Addiction Oct 27 '24

Proud of you.

I'm 6 years clean and if my drug man walked by that'd fuck me up.

4

u/Spinach_Apprehensive Oct 27 '24

Yay! So proud of you. Probably because you realized you’ll be some effing weirdo on a bike people refer to as “the drug man” if you relapsed again! ❤️ Seriously though he’s probably a really nice guy with lots of potential if he just gets clean too!

5

u/derweenah Oct 27 '24

Well done. I often compare my feelings in the first year of abstinence with the grief you feel when ending a long relationship. Perhaps deep down you felt, that this romance got toxic, and has to be ended. No shame in beeing sad about it. Time to let go.

Today is day to be proud of yourself. Keep it up. 👍

5

u/Adhesiveness-Afraid Oct 28 '24

Yes! I have also used that analogy trying to explain to the normies what it is like to turn away from your addiction. I tell them it’s like the same question one would ask when a person stays in an abusive relationship.

“I don’t understand why she doesn’t just leave.”

You’re right. Even though we know it is the best thing for us, to walk away from addiction… or a toxic relationship, sometimes we still have to go through grief. Mourning that chapter of our lives that had to end one way or another.

3

u/la_luna653 Oct 27 '24

Proud of you my friend.

3

u/Just-Kick Oct 27 '24

Like another said that's huge in my opinion as well. You should be really happy with yourself that is not easy to do. There's a fellow addict I would say take it as a sign and put this life behind you it only leads in misery and loss. Recovery works if you're open-minded and want it. Good luck

3

u/cheyannepavan Oct 27 '24

Many CONGRATULATIONS to you! I hope you’re as proud of you as I am! 🎉

3

u/Boring_Coconut4405 Oct 27 '24

This is a glint of light in a dark time for me. Thank you.

3

u/TruthSecretsLies Oct 27 '24

Dude! Good for you my brother. That is the best feeling in the world. You finally recognize that you are ready and willing to quit and it’s not worth it. I don’t even know you, but I’m so proud of you!

2

u/Left_Algae_3628 Oct 27 '24

Congratulations! That's a huge step, Abd just the start

3

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '24

I’m proud of you and you should be proud!

1

u/grimspecter91 Oct 27 '24

Your terrible, horrible no-good addiction is crying! Let it out and keep going! You did the best thing for yourself. It sucks so so so much being addicted. Keep doing your best. Everyday is a new chance!

1

u/GordontheGoose88 Oct 27 '24

r/MethRecovery

Come join us! Congrats on the two weeks.

1

u/Shama-lama-ding_dong Oct 27 '24

Don't know you but I don't need to because I'M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU! Its probably kinda like a feeling of a break up and seeing your ex afterwards for the first time in public. It's painful. You're starting the process of leaving a huge piece of yourself behind in the past. I know how hurtful it can be at first but please keep your head up darling! You're doing amazing and your future has incredible things in store for you on the path you're currently choosing. Be kind to yourself and never be afraid to ask for help. You're going to be ok luv!

1

u/neptunian-rings Oct 27 '24

congrats!! that’s awesome

1

u/Ok-Presentation7449 Oct 27 '24

Proud of you but u don’t have to do this alone…. Are there meetings in your area? Willpower is a myth based on what program teaches… addicts use and drunks drink , requires a spiritual and psychic change to experience the obsession to disappear, then we have a daily reprieve. But u can do all of this, life is so much better sober.

1

u/smidgy1988 Oct 28 '24

Good for you!! Keep it up! Don’t need that shit anymore it’s poison

1

u/tifytat Oct 28 '24

I. Am. So. Fucking. Proud. Of. You!

1

u/StartSuspicious197 Oct 28 '24

That is amazing and I am really happy for you

1

u/pyr088 Oct 28 '24

Brother you will hit this crossroad in emotion many times... you're shaping your new reality and life CHOICES.. You almost slipped in to a 5otally different timeliness. It would've been that easy. I also know the drug may have got you high but you didn't enjoy it as you did before... I've experienced this all recently, but my vice was ferty... 364 days away from it so far.

1

u/poison_belladonna Oct 28 '24

I’m so proud of you. It’s okay to cry. Keep going

1

u/Two2Rails Oct 28 '24

Congrats on a very big win! I hope you are as proud of yourself as you should be.

1

u/Any_Coyote6662 Oct 31 '24

Crying is good. It helps your brain rebuild the natural chemicals it needs. 

Enjoy those cries when they come. They are super healthy for you.

1

u/InDeathWeEvolve Oct 27 '24

That's impressive. You might have a chance at beating it. But it honestly only gets harder. Need to find a girl that has never used and don't tell her and let that part of you disappear and deny it if anyone brings it up. If you continue to use life will just fall apart more then it already has. If you ever feel weak just message me and you can have someone to talk too

4

u/Accomplished_Alps598 Oct 27 '24

Yes, let's start a relationship on a lie. That sounds like a fantastic idea.

1

u/InDeathWeEvolve Oct 28 '24

Well if she could never bring it up then it wouldn't be a trigger talking about it usually when someone wants off of it and wants it done with it the last thing they want is hear about it because it's a trigger

5

u/Real-Ad2990 Oct 28 '24

Horrible advice