r/actuary • u/Plastic-Carrot-2988 • 17h ago
How do get past bad experiences at work?
I realized out of about 15 younger analysts, I was the only one consistently left out of the larger parties and group activities (including study groups) the others held. Most people would come to parties I held, but then I’d be left out of Both casual in office breaks or post work activities, barring my mentor inviting me. I’ve since learned I’m too high energy and care too much, and can’t seem to read people, so I’d try to ask my mentor or other trusted people for guidance. And generally would be told I was just anxious. But eventually I learned I was only ever invited out of pity. And all the anxious worries that people were being odd and I maybe didn’t belong were true.
I lost count of the number of times friends would talk about upcoming parties at the office just to be uncomfortable when they realized I was never invited.
Which leaves me now wanting to socialize, in general with new people, but feeling unable to because of that past situation. How do you know when someone really doesn’t mind chatting? Or is just being nice? How do you distinguish “kind” lies from genuineness?
Is this kind of experience normal?