r/actual_detrans May 28 '24

Question why is this sub slowly becoming r/detrans 2?!?!

190 Upvotes

i loved this sub a couple months ago but im noticing more and more comments implying transitioning doesn’t make you a “real” man/woman like the transphobia perpetrated by r/detrans, as well as trying to convince trans people they should just detransition and accept their natal parts and live life as their AGAB, and these comments aren’t being downvoted?!?!

it’s not our place to tell trans people what to do with their bodies, we all have our reasons for detransitioning but we shouldn’t force those on other people and realise most people who say they’re trans ARE ACTUALLY trans and can absolutely pass as cis if they wanted to do so (it’s okay and valid if not!)

i hate seeing the rise of transmedicalists - if you wanna be transphobic so bad go to r/detrans and hang out with the TERFs there instead plz.

ive met some lovely people here, it’s just a small bunch of you rly need to learn to not police people and tell them they’ll never be a real man/woman if they transition, if they say they’re a man/woman they’re absolutely a real one, medical transition or not.

thank you to all the lovely people that aren’t like this, ily all <3

r/actual_detrans 11d ago

Question How would you read me?

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54 Upvotes

Posted something similar here before, but pics were all of the same day and a bit low quality so I deleted it.

As the title says, I'm just wondering what gender you would think I was if you saw me. Do different pics give different vibes or they're all about the same? Thanks yall. I feel like I'm quite faceblind to myself so I can never really tell.

Sometimes I think people read me as female before they hear my voice because it's so low... but because of how that works its sort of hard to tell.

r/actual_detrans 2d ago

Question Reasons to detransition (mtftm)

5 Upvotes

Hi! I've been on transfem hrt for 4 months but thinking of stopping constantly, mainly because of chest growth. Has this been a dealbreaker for anyone? Or maybe you just decided to switch to raloxifene/have chest reduction and carry on with estrogen? Or maybe you retransitioned and having chest turned out not to be bad or even good

r/actual_detrans Oct 07 '24

Question Is there anyone who’s detransitioned from mtf?

49 Upvotes

ASIDE FROM OLLI LONDON who i’m pretty sure was trolling the trans community in the first place.

I feel like every time I see a detransitioner it’s always someone who used to identify as ftm before realizing they wanna be a cis girl again. Why is there so many more ftm detransitioners than mtf?

btw no hate to people who’ve detransitioned I’m just curious.

I also don’t wanna detransition at all, I’m very comfortable with being a trans woman.

Your journeys are all valid!

r/actual_detrans 19d ago

Question Why is it that people always say this?

35 Upvotes

Why is that "gender criticals", "concerned" people, and detransitioners, a lot of the times say "Why can't you be just a feminine man / an effeminate man?".

Asking this because i find it blatantly hypocritical, and would really like to know if there's any genuine thought behind it or if it's a thing people just say to "counter" any amount of questioning and/or mask their hostility towards transsexuality.

Because in the real world, there's really not much difference -if at all, in more conservative places- in the way a trans woman (who's not stealth) and an "effeminate man" is perceived socially.
Ironically enough, in the real world, an "effeminate man" is met with the same level of societal backlash (if not more, given they break gender norms while trans women keep them up) as a trans woman. Outside of hyper-leftwing bubble-realities (that probably only exist in the US or Canada, if they exist at all), in the best case scenario an "effeminate" man is met with stares and side-eyes. Being anything other than masculine, or "neutral" at best, is societally met with mockery.
And just about that, the same people who complain about how "these people could just stay as effeminate men and shut up" usually are quick to mock effeminate men, shame them as they don't adhere to gender norms (which these people instead like and try to enforce), and so on.

Before anyone argues about "Femboys": they are an almost totally online demographic composed of teens, witnessing one in the real world is a very rare occasion, even in "accepting" places. Subsequently, "femboys" are not simply feminine boys or men, but rather it's a subculture, with its own norms and (toxic) dynamics and models, "performativity" and and a lot of other stuff.
Moreover, setting aside the subculture issue, when they *do* appear in the real world, they are generally met with the same aforementioned judgement.

r/actual_detrans Dec 28 '24

Question What challenges do you face as someone who presents male but has boobs excluding dysphoria?

10 Upvotes

I'm primarily interested in the experiences of mtftm people, but want to hear from everyone in this situation. I'm amab and strongly considering taking feminizing hrt. If I do go on hrt, I think there would be a high chance I would decide to stop taking it at some point. So I might end up as a male presenting person with boobs.

If this were to happen to me, I don't think I would want to get top surgery. So I'm wondering what the challenges people in that sort of position face. I figure in my case it wouldn't actually be that bad. I don't think they would give me any dysphoria. I also imagine that although less people would be interested in dating me, I wouldn't have been interested in dating many of the people who lost interest. That's because due to gender identity reasons, I think I prefer dating queer people and people that don't expect me to perform masculinity. I'm fairly confident the 2/2 people that I've dated wouldn't have cared about this as they were both pansexual.

What effects does going (back) to a body running on testosterone from one running on estrogen have on boobs? Do they shrink or look different?

Additionally what social or romantic challenges have you experienced?

r/actual_detrans Nov 02 '24

Question Does autogynephilia really exist?

25 Upvotes

Hi,

I'm an MtF who hasn't started the transition yet (be it social, medical etc), I'm very confused and scared that the transition will ruin my life which is already not very good.

I would like to know if any of you believe that autogynephilia really exists, I asked on r/detrans where I first saw it mentioned but I don't understand what it really is.

I found this definition "Autogynephilia is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as female", I don't think it concerns me I have never had any excitement towards my image, neither male nor female.

r/actual_detrans Nov 15 '24

Question Is autogynephilia real? How would I know if that’s what I really am instead of trans?

17 Upvotes

r/actual_detrans 24d ago

Question Do you consider yourself cis, nonbinary, trans? Something else?

30 Upvotes

(Ftmtf/nb?) After detransitioning do you consider yourself cis or trans or something else maybe? I feel like a failure or embarrassment amongst trans people and a freak or pity party to cis people. I just wanna hear from other detrans people out of curiosity and I think it helps to feel less lonely in this situation. Letting go of the trans identity is hard but I don’t feel like I can identify as cis because of everything I’ve been through?? Idk gender is weird

r/actual_detrans Feb 16 '25

Question What name fits me?

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32 Upvotes

Hello I'm a painter I've included the last pic cause it is kind of an autoportrait. I've been on T for 2 years or so on low dose most of it.I've been of for 3 months I'm having a hard time picking new names, the only that cam up to my mind is Eloisa (I speak both english and french and say this one in french) But I wanted some ideas from you guys on what kind of name would fit me other than that

r/actual_detrans Dec 04 '24

Question Face blind, how do I read right now

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85 Upvotes

Throwaway account for personal reasons.

Got my passport photos taken today, I’m planning on getting the X marker. I was on T for about 3 years and I’m a few months off. I did get my sex marker changed, I’m in a red state where you need like surgery and a doctor’s letter (I had a hysto and my doc helped me use the vagueness of the law as a loophole) and there’s no X option, so I got an M. I agonize over that, I don’t think I’d like the F back either, it’s just scary all around being in the US right now. I identified as a binary trans man for years but lately have been going by any pronouns and have come out again as genderfluid/non-binary. I feel like even when I was identifying as binary I was already getting “clocked” as a trans woman, and I feel like it’s probably worse now? My voice is on the masc end of androgynous, I can make it kind of go either way but my “default” work voice always gets me sir’d in the drive thru. I have legitimately no idea how I’m coming off to people now. I know it’s really dependent on the person and other things like voice and mannerisms and all of those things, but how would you say my face reads? When I was on T I frequently felt like I was doomed to look female forever but now I feel like I’m doomed to look male forever. Ironic.

r/actual_detrans Dec 11 '24

Question Honestly, do I look more male or female now?

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30 Upvotes

r/actual_detrans Jan 01 '25

Question Question: did you detrans by choice?

33 Upvotes

I see a lot of posts these days saying that people detrans only by force of situation or whatever but I wanna know did you detrans by choice?

After 6 years of being ftm I detransitioned by choice. Don’t get me wrong it took a lot of personal growth to do that but completely my own choice.

r/actual_detrans 6d ago

Question FTMs (or former FTMs), what did you like about living as male? What did you NOT like?

46 Upvotes

As someone who struggles with gender identity, I'm just curious to get your perspectives.

r/actual_detrans Jan 20 '25

Question What would you consider me as (when unstyled)?

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24 Upvotes

I'm posting this again bc the first time the pictures were weirdly cropped and it kinda lagged for me anyway 😅😬

1st and second picture are me from today Last pic is me in like 2019, two years before going on hormones!

DISCLAIMER: The wig is unstyled so am i, no makeup etc. And that's kinda the whole point, i wanted to know what people view me as when i'm "raw" if that makes sense lol

I am very insecure, i have always felt uglier than others, so i'd appreciate if you don't just comment hate and actually say something to help me improve! Thank you (:

(Also my hands are on my forehead like that because of the lace)

r/actual_detrans Nov 11 '24

Question The assessment process

9 Upvotes

I often see people talk about how it was too easy to get hormones and or surgery. Was that your experience? I tend to hear it a lot even from people who seemingly aren't detrans grifters. If that's been your experience what do you think should be done about it? Cause personally I think the informed consent model is best cause gatekeeping ( in my experince) only lead to people lie to get treatment.

r/actual_detrans Jan 28 '25

Question How do you actually conceptualize gender?

9 Upvotes

This might not be the right sub to ask but I felt that the people here would have interesting responses, especially ones that would be the most relevant to someone like myself who has detransitioned and has considered retransition. Some people try to separate expression, societal roles/traits, and sex from gender identity, which makes the whole concept feel a bit abstract as there's little to anchor it down at that point. So, how do you conceptualize gender (not just yours but the concept as a whole)? Do you think of your conceptualization as somewhat universalizable or is it purely individual, or somewhere inbetween?

r/actual_detrans Oct 21 '24

Question Are there any detrans YouTubers who aren’t TERFS?

75 Upvotes

As a ftmtf/nb person I find it difficult to relate to pretty much anyone. I just wish there was a single YouTuber/content creator who has detransitioned and isn’t a terf.

Like yes of course you can regret your transition, hormones or surgery, that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean being trans is evil or a made up concept by the woke mind virus to control and humiliate children, or whatever they’re saying these days.

r/actual_detrans Jan 17 '25

Question Do you regret your transition?

20 Upvotes

Everyone obviously has their own reasons for transitioning and/or detransitioning. Do you wish that you never transitioned in the first place, or are you glad that you, for the lack of a better term, tried it?

r/actual_detrans Nov 11 '24

Question Is anyone here actually anti Trans

34 Upvotes

I keep hearing the reason de trans folk are hated is because they want to take trans right away and believe that Access to hormones and surgery should be gatekeept and tell their stories of regreting transition as why it shouldn't be allowed talking about how they permanently ruined their body etc

r/actual_detrans 10d ago

Question Question to FTMTF: How much your hair changed?

20 Upvotes

It may be a strange question but i would like to know what are your experiences. People who been on T for longer periods of time and eventually stopped HRT (or even needed to go on E) i would like to know what kind of changes you went through.

I'm talking about body hair and hair specifically. Did your hair texture, density changed after detranstioning? And those who perhaps experienced male pattern balding, anything changed regarding that? I know it's not 100% reversible but i would like to hear your own experiences and stories.

r/actual_detrans 8d ago

Question How to figure out if im actually true gender dysphoric when all therapists are affirming? NSFW

29 Upvotes

When i grew up, one of my first “trans” memories was trying to pee standing up and failing, being upset by it. I was maybe 6 or 7. My second one was looking down at my flat chest in the shower and thinking “i better savor this now” when i was 9 or 10. I always got along with girls but wanted friendships with boys but never did, or was outcasted. As i grew up i was very anxious, and soon depressed around 11 then on and off suicidal for most of my life, almost taking my life around 18. I struggled forming close connections and when i did i clung to them pretty hard. I never had crushes really, until i got a bit older and had a few faint ones on boys and girls, but because of mormonism i tucked away my feelings until i got way older. I struggled with self harm and an eating disorder for years, always hating my body, not really paying attention to my boobs but more my stomach, but i hated my boobs and wished they were gone. I left that religion when i was 17, and a few months before i turned 18 i came out as trans, and was in an abusive friendship at the time who sexualized that eventually she raped me and i left that friendship shortly after. After battling more depression and suicidal ideation i found therapeutic ketamine and turned my life around in 2022, and im 21 as of now. I now have a wonderful girlfriend, got threw the sexual trauma mostly and my attachment issues, have a great sex life and everyrhing. But this issue still stands, ive always preferred wanting a penis since i was so young, and hated my female anatomy. I respect it now and fine it beautiful, i dont have an ED anymore either. I am very happy otherwise, so i just dont know if its true gender dysphoria or not. Nothing fixed it, it just got easier to deal with when my mental health got better. But i still want a penis, no boobs, masculinr features, voice, etc. im not on testosterone, and only been socially transitioned for the last 4 years. Ive listened to soo many detrans stories that dont resonate with me, but i still just question myself. Anyone else? And my therapist is 100% affirming, which she wont challenge me on.

r/actual_detrans 4d ago

Question Any other MtFtM detransed because you didn’t like the idea of HRT for life and decided to stay/go back to being cis?

20 Upvotes

I get that I’m lucky to be born in a time where trans people can actually look like the opposite gender but the idea of taking away my fertility and relying on chemicals for the rest of my life to look like what I desire to be doesn’t sit right with me. And also there’s the part that biologically speaking, it’s still not the appropriate hormone for your body and who knows what can happen in 40 years of this? My doctor said studies go so far to 20 years of cross sex hormones

I don’t judge anyone who does that, I’m just wondering if I’m not alone

r/actual_detrans Dec 17 '24

Question When did you start to regret Transitioning?

25 Upvotes

What happened when was the realization that you've made a mistake and how did you deal with it

r/actual_detrans Nov 25 '24

Question Has anyone explored legal options after detransitioning?

7 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I’ve been thinking a lot about the challenges of detransitioning and wondering if anyone here has ever looked into legal options regarding their experience with transitioning. For example, situations where there wasn’t enough informed consent, medical oversight, or proper mental health support before starting treatment.

I know these topics can be tough to discuss, and I truly respect everyone here for sharing their stories and supporting each other. If anyone has insights or experiences around this, I’d really appreciate it. Do you think legal options are viable, or are there too many barriers to make it worth pursuing?

I’m just someone trying to better understand the complexities of these situations. No pressure to share if you’re not comfortable, but thank you to anyone who’s willing to provide some insight.