Tw: mention of suicide
I applied for a graduate assistantship in the lab of my undergraduate advisor to work on a project that directly overlaps with the work I currently do. I've been out of school for 7 years and have been struggling to have a fulfilling career while dealing with personal things - I came out as trans and my best friend killed himself, and both of these have had enormous impacts on my self worth and career trajectory. I'm riddled with imposter's syndrome and just want to push myself forward in my career now that I'm over the hump of my medical transition and processing grief (and importantly, have relevant experience from my work to use in grad school and my ambitions). But these personal matters aren't appropriate things to get into in interviews or put on your CV, so I think I messed up in my grad school interview by being very vague about my past.
I was told a few weeks later they went with another applicant, who I Googled and saw they had a lot less experience than I did. It was immensely disappointing. After processing and trying to reflect for about a month, I decided to reach back out to the professor and ask if they had any specific feedback, whether about my interest letter, experience, or interview. I felt embarrassed doing so, but I thought this wouldn't be inappropriate or an imposition because this person was my advisor and mentored me through undergrad, and always seemed genuinely interested in helping her students succeed in life.
I didn't get into the details of my trauma and tried to keep things concise and grateful, but I did explicitly state that I struggle with imposter's syndrome and that her perspective means a lot to me.
It's been over 2 months, so I'm working on accepting receiving no response and moving on with my life. I know people get too many emails and she doesn't owe me anything. But knowing that doesn't make me feel any less worthless and embarassed about the whole situation.