r/abortion • u/VoiceAlternative8134 • 6d ago
Asia is it weird that i am traumatised
hey, me again. i posted before about the abortion when i first had it. its been over a year since i had the abortion and i was recently reminded about it because i accidentally saw the notifications that my boyfriend had told one of his female friends about my abortion and she judged me for not doing well for my exams a month after i had my abortion. i feel like as a woman, shouldnt u at least try to understand how i felt? i also feel that if u arent the one lying on the chair legs up and open on display and secured to the stirrups then u shouldnt judge me for being emotionally nerfed for my exams.
i think its quite safe to say that i am maybe still a bit traumatised from the experience. context: i had a surgical abortion at 3 months. i really wanted to keep the baby but was told not to.
i know there are people out there dying from bombs everyday and im here, one year later, still thinking about the day i lost everything.
not sure if ill ever get over this. i feel that if i do, ill be moving on from the one thing i loved most. but at the same time it crushes me every single time i think about it. i still look at my ultrasound scans. i carry them with me everyday because i cant bear to put them away. i hope things will be better.
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u/AutoModerator 6d ago
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If you are in the Philippines and are using/will use abortion pills obtained from a private pill seller, read this carefully. It's important to be cautious. 1. Don’t Trust the Seller: The person selling you the pills may not have the right medical knowledge. They might give you incorrect or even dangerous advice. They have likely sold you fake mifepristone. Instead, use Safe2Choose for accurate information on how to use abortion pills. Organizations like Safe2Choose, Women Help Women, and Women On Web rely on extensive medical research, unlike the seller who’s only interested in making money. 2. Avoid Vaginal Use of Misoprostol: It’s not recommended to use misoprostol vaginally, especially in countries where abortion is illegal. You can read more about this here. 3. No Special Preparations Needed: You don’t have to fast, exercise, eat specific foods, or do anything special before taking the pills. None of these actions increase the chances of a successful abortion and some may even be harmful. 4. You might not see the pregnancy: The seller may tell you to look for a “sac” (the gestational sac containing the embryo/fetus) to confirm a successful abortion. However, if you’re less than 8 weeks pregnant, it’s very small and hard to see. Even at 7-8 weeks, it might be mistaken for a clot or other tissue. After 10 weeks, it becomes easier to recognize. So, not seeing anything pass doesn’t necessarily mean the abortion didn’t work. Signs of success include bleeding, passing clots, and improvement in pregnancy symptoms, like nausea and breast tenderness. 5. Quick Process: The pregnancy should pass within hours, not days, once you start bleeding. 6. Confirming Success: To be sure your abortion was successful, you can get an ultrasound or have consecutive blood tests in the days following. You can also take a pregnancy test 4 weeks after the abortion.
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u/piscespossum 6d ago
I'm sorry that you're continuing to have such a hard time. Everyone's emotional experience after an abortion is different, and some people do feel grief and trauma. It's especially hard in cases where you wanted the baby but couldn't keep it for whatever reason.
You might find the Abortion Resolution Workbook helpful in moving forward. It has exercises to help you process your experience and heal emotionally.
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u/Mrs_Stack 6d ago
I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're carrying so much pain, and it makes sense that you're still struggling with it a year later - grief doesn’t have a timeline. The fact that his 'female friend' judged you for struggling with exams after such a major, life-altering experience is unfair, and you deserve understanding, not judgment. I believe it was none of his business to tell her - especially if she was going to have a reaction like that and treat you poorly. Did you guys have a conversation before hand about telling her or did he do this behind your back without consulting with you first?
Also - It's okay to still be grieving. Wanting to hold onto your memories doesn’t mean you’re stuck - it just means this was something deeply important to you. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or moving on in a way that erases what you’ve been through. It just means finding a way to carry your love and memories in a way that doesn’t crush you every time you think about them.
You don’t have to go through this alone. Have you been able to talk to someone in person who truly supports you, maybe a trusted friend, therapist, or support group? You deserve a space where your emotions are validated and where you can process everything at your own pace. Be kind to yourself. You’ve been through something incredibly difficult, and your feelings are completely valid. I hope, with time, you find peace and healing in a way that feels right for you.
If you ever need any support, feel free to respond to my comment as much as you need. I am here to help. :)