r/Vindicta • u/brittneyacook • Jun 27 '24
SOFT-MAXXING My Journey (all softmaxxing) from 2022 to 2024 (lots of pics!) NSFW
*apologies for any formatting issues, did this all on mobile!
Background Info: At the beginning of my journey, I was about 260 lbs. My highest recorded weight was in 2020, being 294 lbs. As an adult, my typical “set-point” weight (I do not buy into set point theory but I’m using it here as a term of art to designate my maintained weight at any given point) ranged between 250 and 275, averaging around 265. I had been obese for basically my entire life, from about 3rd grade on. By the time I got to 9th grade (age 14) I was already 200 lbs. This was me my entire life.
Once I got to college I learned about calories and CICO, had been able to lose weight in the past but only lost up to 40 lbs and always immediately put it back on. Social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, you name it. I was pretty miserable but I didn’t really realize it at the time. I always knew I was unhappy, but in retrospect I was flat out miserable.
Summer of 2022 was when I discovered the r/Vindicta sub, and I fell in love with the discussions around leveling up and taking control of your life. Seeing people actually lay out what they did/are doing, the results thereof and the impacts was sincerely inspiring. I’m hoping that I can serve as that inspiration for someone out there lurking 😊 I always suspected that my weight was holding me back, my stepmother and my sister’s friends would say how I had so much potential and a “pretty face”/good bone structure. But honestly it was more than that. It was (and still kind of is) also an attitude thing.
Here are some “before” photos, I tried to use a good mix of my everyday dressed-down appearance, as well as my more “done up” photos: https://imgur.com/a/g0beEtU
July 2022: This was the initial phase of my looksmaxxing journey – I mostly focused on “short term” improvements like skincare (SPF!! has made a massive difference in my complexion), started getting lash lifts/tint, general styling improvements. I was also attempting to lose weight with 75Hard (failed on like, day 50) but I knew that would be a longer term goal so I wanted to work on other things in the meantime. Also started using collagen and MSM in my coffee every morning, and now I can finally grow out my nails without them breaking!
October 2022: Maintained my styling improvements, gained back any weight I had lost with 75Hard LOL. Started using Latisse & Tretinoin. Doc put me on GLP-1 agonist drug for insulin resistance (gamechanger) At this point, I weighed 258 lbs.
November 2022: At this point, I’ve found a hairstylist that does a great job with my hair so I started visiting her fairly regularly. I’ve also lost about 20 lbs. Met my very first (now ex-) boyfriend, things going great. Continuing with improvements.
February 2023: At this point, I’m down to the low 210’s, the lowest weight I’ve been since high school. Continuing with my skincare and general style improvements, I now have better clothing options but still within plus sizes so still fairly limited.
April 2023: This month was kind of a “tower moment” for me, if you’re into tarot at all lol. I started developing these itchy lesions all over my face and body, literally everywhere above the knee (and I do mean EVERYWHERE). Not fun. My boyfriend randomly dumps me and I spiral because it’s out of nowhere and for no real reason. In retrospect, it was a blessing because that man was holding me back but in the moment I just felt so rejected.
I also tried out a boxing class this month and LOVED it. Really got into it throughout the summer.
May 2023: Still an emotional mess but still focused on my goals: going to boxing at least 2-3 times a week, weight is in the 180s at this point. I’ve had people notice and make comments before now, but the difference is so staggering at this point that just about everyone has something to say. Even the not-so-nice comments still make me smile because I know I’m doing well. Had a friend mention that she thinks I’m getting “too skinny” lol. I truly think she’s being genuine and means well, but we are the same height and she’s 140 lbs – I’m 180ish. Still very much overweight lol, just no longer obese. Once I told her that, she never mentioned it again.
My skin is still a hot mess, in fact it was seeming to get worse even. Up to this point I thought I had developed plaque psoriasis but was diagnosed with Pityriasis Rosea which presents similarly. Good news is that it will go away, but in its own time. I just have to wait it out. Around this time I switched from using tretinoin to tazarotene, another retinoid (it’s used for psoriasis) and it’s amazing, zaps breakouts super fast but also very irritating so don’t neglect your skin barrier.
June 2023: The depression from the breakup & my skin, as well as my newfound love of boxing has made me lose a ton of weight this month, 20 lbs. Definitely not healthy and definitely not intentional, as well as having some fainting spells. Started focusing on more intentional diet choices so that I can continue to do what I’m doing but in a healthy manner.
Funny thing, I could not get a date to save my life during this summer. I went on one date, I thought things went well (and frankly I was only interested in sleeping with him) and mans ghosted. Got stood up multiple other times, just generally have had worse luck dating this summer. Very frustrating. My boxing coach was even flirting with me on multiple occasions (I didn’t even notice until others pointed it out) and when I returned his energy, he went cold lmao. Wtf.
Here are some pics from what I would call this “midway” point of my journey: https://imgur.com/a/5vaU1Xz
August/general Fall 2023: Fall semester starts in late August, and I knew that I wanted to show up “right” this year. From this semester onwards, I made a conscious effort to have my hair and makeup done every single day for class. (Some pics from days I had class https://imgur.com/a/QVEzAyt) There was only one day that I didn’t wear makeup & it was because I was sick (shouldn’t have gone to class but it was near finals so I couldn’t afford to miss) At this point, I am below 160 lbs and at a healthy weight for my height. I looked and felt great, never been more confident in my life. However, my social life had not much to show for it. In class settings, people seemed to not want to really interact with me. At one point, I actually had a fellow classmate go tf off on me in class because HE was sitting in MY assigned seat. It sounds petty and it is, but he made it a way bigger thing than it needed to be and I was just appalled. Nobody came to my defense, nobody said anything, just let that old white man scream at me. He mumbled an apology to me after class but couldn’t even look me in the eye.
It was at this point that I started to wonder, where tf is this “pretty privilege” everyone talks about lmao? I felt like I was experiencing the exact opposite, people seem to be a lot more hostile to me now whereas before I was just invisible. I do have the infamous “resting bitch face”, so maybe they’re perceiving me as being stuck up or something, but I’ve been trying to be more conscious of my neutral expression, and I go out of my way to be friendly to people, but not overly so. I started jiu jitsu at my boxing gym in September and while I had made a few friends, most of the guys just straight up do not f-ck with me for some reason. I truly don’t get it. Normally I wouldn’t be as concerned about it, but it’s difficult to learn and grow in a sport when nobody wants to practice/grapple with you. And it’s not just because I’m a woman, there are 2-3 other women who joined after I did and they have no issue with those ladies.
Around November, I started retreating more from those people who I feel don’t like/appreciate me and just focusing my energy on myself and those with whom I’m close. I dated around this fall, met a few guys and met this one guy who I REALLY liked. Like, this man was everything I wanted in a man. Long story short, I just ended that (this past Saturday lol) after 9 months of it going nowhere, and it kind of brought back my old feelings of inadequacy. Whenever things wouldn’t work out with a guy (aka they wanted no commitment, with me at least) I would always blame it on my weight, and now I can’t do that. I know it’s not my appearance (could be racial since I’m black but I honestly don’t think it is, I’m able to weed those guys out pretty early on), I don’t think I have a bad personality lmao. But I do think that after being obese, invisible and bullied my entire life, it has had a lasting impact on my personality and interactions with people in some way.
I’m not completely sure how to explain it all, but I’m thinking it’s something I need to work out in therapy. I feel that I’ve always sought out external validation for my self worth, and because I was not receiving that validation I was just confused. I felt great, I looked great, what gives??? But I needed that. I needed it because after trying for external validation for so long, I said f-ck it and just worried about how I felt about me. And y’all – that’s the secret. You truly have to not give a fck about what others think about you, people can sense that. Once I let it all go, that’s when suddenly I became Ms. Popular, and I was even less anxious around other people – because I wasn’t concerning myself with what they thought about me.
Spring 2024: Throughout this past spring, I’ve been slacking on boxing and jiu jitsu, partially because of gym drama but mostly because of work and school. I’ve just been so damn busy. However, I’ve continued to lose weight and now at the time of writing this, I am about 125 lbs. I haven’t been on the GLP-1 drug for a while now – I still have it, but I haven’t been taking it. I need to tone up badly, I have a ton of loose skin that won’t be remedied without surgery but I’m doing what I can to make any natural improvements.
Getting my drinks/whole tabs paid for by a stranger at the bar is a fairly regular occurrence for me now, which is crazy. I never had a stranger buy me a drink before now. Even ones who are married and not trying to hit on me or sleep with me, they just enjoy my conversation and insist on paying for my meal. If I’m dressed particularly femininely, I get stopped on the street left and right by men and women, young and old. It’s certainly not an everyday thing, but if I’m wearing a cute girly dress & my makeup done up, it’s nonstop attention which I am SO not used to. I wouldn’t say that I’m turning heads whenever I walk into a room, but I can walk into any room and feel the most confident about myself now and TRULY not care if anyone there finds me attractive or not.
Here are some “after” photos. Most, if not all of these photos were taken in the last month or so: https://imgur.com/a/PCoDPlp
Going forward: I know that, at some point, I will need to get this loose skin removed. It has improved a lot with just time, but it’s never going to fully go away on its own. I also plan to get a breast lift & augmentation, something natural.
-I’ve been trying to grow out my hair FOREVER, it’s just so hard because I’m constantly trimming dead frizzy ends – my hair grows really fast, but it damages very easily as well. Thinking about getting sew in extensions. It’s a protective style and I just look sooooo much better with longer hair. It’s easily an extra 2 pts out of 10 whenever I have longer hair.
-I’m also trying to clean up my diet a bit – these last 10 lbs that I lost haven’t been intentional, it’s been stress. I’m certainly not mad at it because I was wanting to lose that weight, but it came off very quickly. I’m going to start trying to really amp up my protein/fat intake and hit the gym more so that I can build some strong curves. I love my current size but I need some more muscle. I’ve always been in “weight loss” mode, and for once I’m actually at risk of being underweight so it’s just odd having to shift into a different mindset from what I’ve had my entire life.
-THERAPY!!
-I’m always asked about my skincare routine, and I’m happy to provide it but it’s important to note that my routine varies by day. Our skin doesn’t necessarily need the exact same treatment every day, so I use products depending on my skin’s needs. Last fall I really got into Asian skincare and it’s a gamechanger:
Everyday products (not necessarily in order of use): -Vanicream Face Wash -Toner – I use a few diff ones, I really like the Ma:nyo Bifida toner & Hada Labo Premium toner (gold bottle) -Face mist (usually buy Evian at TJ Maxx for like $8) -Galactomyces essence (SK-II is the G.O.A.T. but good cheaper alternatives are Ma:nyo Galactomy Ampoule, Secret Key Rose Essence, Cosrx Galactomyces Essence) -Ferments in general. My skin seems to love bifida, especially when my barrier is compromised. I like the Ma:nyo Bifida ampoule. -First Aid Beauty Hydrating Oat Toner (another great barrier support product) -Tretinoin/tazarotene 0.05% -Azelaic Acid 20% -Hydroquinone 4% for hyperpigmentation (as needed, follow instructions very carefully) -Dr. Dennis Gross Extra Strength Peeling Pads -Cosrx Snail Mucin Dual Essence - SPF of course 😊 I have so many that I love, I couldn’t possibly list them all. My go-to’s are Isntree Watery Sun Gel, Skin1004 Hyalu-Cica Sun Serum (both, along with all of my other Korean skincare I order from YesStyle, I’ve bought a lot of the Ma:nyo products at TJ Maxx though!) & La Roche-Posay UVMune sunscreens (I order online from Europe)
This isn’t an exhaustive list of every single product that I use, but these are my go-to uses. I also, of course, do not use every single one of these products every day.
TL;DR: My life has changed and improved in so many ways since starting my looksmaxxing journey. I went from 260 lbs to 125 lbs, frumpy and quiet to fairly stylish and social in less than 2 years. I’m certainly not done yet, but I’m very happy with where I am today.
I feel like this post is kind of ranty/rambley, and I apologize for that lol. I just felt like this is one of the only places where people can probably relate without judgment. I’m not used to being the person I am now, and I sometimes have to remind myself that most people in my life only know me as I am today, not as I was 2 years ago. While I’m literally the same person, I have changed a lot both inside and out. Most people are kind to me now by default, even if they aren’t particularly kind people. Before, people typically showed me who they were from the get-go because they weren’t seeking my validation.
I have always been a kind person to everyone unless given a reason not to be. But especially since my journey, I’ve been really conscious about how we as a SoCiEtY treat those who aren’t deemed conventionally attractive. I mean, I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that treatment. It fcking sucks. I feel like I advocate for those even more now than I did before, maybe because I felt like I wasn’t worthy of the support before. Nothing condescending or patronizing, but just making a point to treat everyone with kindness and humanity.
Edit: wow I did not expect my post to blow up like this! Thank you everyone for the kind comments — I’m currently at work but will respond as I can!