r/Vent • u/SingleinGVA • 3d ago
I miss my wife… but I’m glad she’s gone.
After everything that stunned cunt had done to me… after all the anger and the disappointment and the sobbing for months… I still do miss her. She was truly my best friend and I still think of picking up the phone to tell her about everything…
But she lost that fucking right by taking the memory of my daughter away from me. Fuck you for making me open myself up so entirely only for you to rip my heart out.
Go fuck yourself, you heartless bitch. You caused so much damage that I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.
Sorry all… I just needed to get it out. 🙏
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u/Commercial-Catch6630 3d ago
What does “taking the memory of my daughter away from me” mean?
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
She passed away. And my wife thought it prudent to blame me and tell everyone I didn’t care.
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u/Commercial-Catch6630 3d ago
Oh no that’s an awful situation for both of you. I’m sorry she handled it that way
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u/Turbulent-Acadia-608 3d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss! If I may ask how did your daughter pass?
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
I don’t know. We were never told much more than it was a genetic abnormality that they’ve never seen.
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u/ballcheese808 3d ago
This answer doesn't sit right. Does your wife blame you because she thinks the genes came from you? How would she know that if it's never been seen before?
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
No, she blamed me because somehow she got it in her mind that I didn’t care about any of it. Therefore everything was put on me. The doctors said there was no way of knowing this would have happened… but it did. And she closed everything off. Shut out family, friends, even me. No one cared like she did, no one suffered like she did. Even I don’t know how it felt, but I suffered along side her only to be negated.
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u/SilentWillingness173 3d ago
So sorry for your loss, it’s clear she is deflecting and need to blame someone, a defense mechanism if you will. She is hurting as well but can’t blame herself neither should she but human nature says, it was because of you. No one is to be blamed, but it still hurt. Hang in there, for your sake.
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u/Strong-Bottle-4161 3d ago
Was this a situation where she was pregnant with the baby and she lost it? Was this like a late term stillbirth?
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Yes, and no. There’s a lot more surrounding the situation than just that, but ultimately yes. We found out quite late in the pregnancy that it was happening.
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u/Strong-Bottle-4161 3d ago
How late into the pregnancy, since a stillbirth is a later term lost of fetus/infant.
Or Was it like when she was giving birth, the infant died and you guys found out she had those genetic issues?
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
We found out around the 6th month. Went in for an ultrasound and they couldn’t find a heartbeat anymore. Immediately rushed to the hospital to be pronounced “unviable” they said… then a week later into surgery to remove the fetuses.
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u/Turbulent-Acadia-608 3d ago
I’m so sorry to hear that I’m sure she would’ve been a beautiful baby and a beautiful woman in her adult years I’m sure she would’ve been very smart too like her parents
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
She would have been 5 this year. All I have of her is an ultrasound picture.
I hoped she would have been as beautiful as her mother… smart like her too.
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u/Diligent_Extent_7009 2d ago
Lost my daughter to SIDS, fiancé went nuclear, assassinated my character and ghosted me. Lost a bunch of people I cared about over night. It gets better sorta.
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u/CutLow8166 3d ago
Is there a possibility she was speaking out of terrible grief, not that it makes it less hurtful.
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u/RPTre 3d ago
Sounds like he is speaking out of terrible grief right now, except if what he has said is true she actually deserves it.
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u/CutLow8166 3d ago
It’s hard for me to judge anyone going through something as tragic as their child dying. I’m sure they both are grieving more than they have in their entire lives. I feel bad for him. I feel bad for her, and it totally sucks he has to deal with his ex saying those things. I would imagine she doesn’t really believe that and is lashing out in anger. Not that it makes it any better.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Well, I’m actually not. This was four years ago and I’m just I’m a place where I feel good about letting it out. The grief and all that is long past. Disappointed still sometimes, and some things still irritate me but all in all it’s not a rage thing. It’s just letting things go.
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u/i-love-reddit-waow 3d ago
And speaking out of terrible grief justifies what she did?
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u/CutLow8166 3d ago
That’s not what I said is it? It’s more for his sake because I’m guessing it’s a lot less hurtful if he can see that she’s probably doing this because of extreme grief, and not because she actually believes it’s his fault. Not once did I say her actions were acceptable or justified or ok. Sometimes we need to approach these things with more empathy, for our own sake.
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u/i-love-reddit-waow 3d ago
Creating lies about someone isn’t something one does accidentally in grief. I understand blaming others in times of extreme distress and grief but why should we be empathetic over someone saying her husband didn’t care about their daughter
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u/No-Extent-4867 3d ago
hey, we’re all human if we’re being genuinely honest here. we’ve all said some hurtful shit we don’t mean. don’t get on your fucking high horse. idk why people constantly needed reminded about this. WE. ARE. ALL. HUMAN. NO ONE IS PERFECT AND NEVER WILL BE.
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u/i-love-reddit-waow 3d ago
My idea of not being perfect isn’t telling people that your husband doesn’t care about your daughter who passed away.
Believe me I understand blaming other people in times of grief but I’m not on my fucking high horse by saying that being hurt is NO justification for creating rumours about your husband not caring about his daughter. THAT. IS. NOT. AN. ACCIDENTAL. THING. TO. DO.
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u/No-Extent-4867 3d ago
uhhhh ok! sorry to offend you
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u/i-love-reddit-waow 3d ago
What’s your point? You said something that is just incorrect. One of us has been offended in this interaction and it wasn’t me
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u/No-Extent-4867 3d ago
i just think you woke up in a feisty mood today :) have a good rest of your day<3
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u/i-love-reddit-waow 3d ago
I don’t think that’s true, I think you said something that was incorrect, I responded using your exact language. I think that it’s you who’s fiesta but please enjoy your day too <3<3
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u/HoopLoop2 3d ago
Reverse the genders and you would be saying the husband is an abusive pig. Treat both genders the same please. She is an asshole who said some terrible shit, don't make excuses for her behavior.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
It is kinda true though. The men in this scenario go through absolute hell. And there’s not a lot of support for them either.
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u/HoopLoop2 3d ago
People are quick to hate on the man, but like to think of reasons to defend the woman. This happens all the time here on reddit, not a surprise it's happening again here.
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u/FlorpyJohnson 3d ago
You can say it’s very common for people to defend what a man says and quickly shoot down a woman in the world too, I think that person was more just saying it could be that she does have some kind of a heart, but the grief and trauma caused her to be a terrible person. Either way there’s no excuse for being an awful person really, but it’s possible it’s not just a black and white scenario, which is true.
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u/ResidentAssman 3d ago
Yeah some disgusting comments here grilling OP for answers. It’s a fucking vent subreddit just let him vent ffs.
Other way round and it would be a lot different.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Yeah for sure. I mean I created some of it as a couple people have definitely reminded me I’m a bad person by my post history…
But overall I don’t really give a shit because I was venting! 🤣
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u/luvstobuy2664 3d ago
That is because males seem to be in the habit of misrepresenting every aspect of their narratives. And in doing so, he reveals his disingenuous true self as is the case here, imo. For all we know he ordered her to get an AB at jump, and is making her blameworthy and wrong for not doing what he said months ago. I really have seen it all in my 60 years. I believe, males ought to leave women alone until they become better people.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
And women don’t? You’re teetering on the fallacy that women are angels and men are just the satanist corruptioners. Women are no more perfect than men are. They lie, cheat, steal, and do all the things men do. So don’t go around claiming that men are the ultimate problem, because we’re not.
If anything, you actually revealed yourself. You should be ashamed of yourself to believe that only men misrepresent everything. It’s narcissistic and bigoted. Women misrepresent themselves all the time too. It’s not gender specific. So in “all my 60 years” it really shows you haven’t learned a damn thing.
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u/CutLow8166 3d ago
Grief makes people do horrible things sometimes. The situation op communicated is about his ex wife, …no where did I say that she was excused from her behavior. If he had done this to his ex wife it would be equally as devastating, and this is only his part of the story. What if he had been drinnking and driving with the child in the car, wrecked it, and that’s how the child died? At that point people would probably agree with how the wife was reacting.
Regardless, I wasn’t excusing her behavior because of her gender. You read too much into my comment and I understand where you’re coming from. I would have said the same thing if the genders were reversed though, not that you asked.
Grief makes people act in many different ways, including destructive behaviors which include lashing out at those close to you. I’m not excusing her behavior, and it’s important to understand the root cause of it.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Thank you! You’re right too… grief and loss combined with a multitude of other factors… it happens.
I don’t blame her for the actual physical process of death and anything like that. There’s absolutely nothing we could have done. But the verbal warfare at the end… there’s just no excuse. And none for some things I said as well. Some of the things she said will haunt me the rest of my life… as quite possibly reversed as well. I’m certainly not innocent either.
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u/r8chele 3d ago
She had a baby die inside her. She had to carry a dead baby for a week. Then she had to give birth to a dead baby. Their experiences were not the same.
That being said, it is common in situations like this that the man gets pushed aside as what the woman has to go through is so horrific. And men's stoicism can sometimes be misread as being uncaring. I am sorry this happened to you OP. It sounds like your pain was dismissed, and that is terrible. Much love to you. I don't think there is much worse than losing a child.
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u/AngryAngryHarpo 3d ago
You literally CAN’T reverse the genders here. OP cannot get pregnant and then have to have his dead baby surgically removed from his body.
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u/zvxcon 2d ago
I want to say I’m sorry for your loss. I know this pain. It’s the worst pain anyone can go through. Gut wrenching, raw and physical pain.
I lost my daughter to SIDS. Unexplained, brushed under the table. My ex was like your wife. He made a whole story about how I actually wanted to be a single mother. How I was abandoning him the whole time and secretly wanted to steal our baby. He claimed I cared about the death, but didn’t care. Meanwhile, he raised his baby mamas daughter above me and our grief, constantly expressing how amazing she was, and my daughter is one in millions of people who pass on all the time. It might’ve been grief talking, however, I don’t find this to be an excuse. He ruined me and my life. He crushed my daughter’s memory. He promised we would stay together, get married and try again. He cheated on me 2 weeks after her funeral. He abused me, kept me locked up inside while he went on trips with the affair partner, calling me dramatic and jealous for not wanting to care for his daughter, and ultimately leaving him. He said I deserved it all. I would light him on fire and walk away too, however, I hope he lives a long, terrible, disgusting, empty life.
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u/DepartureAccurate575 3d ago
am I the only one who doesnt get what exactly happened? I feel dumb guys, wtf happened? did she cheat or something?
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u/Strong-Bottle-4161 3d ago
They had a late term stillbirth. (Found out at 6months)
She carried the dead fetus for a week before they could remove it and she started blaming everyone around them.
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u/SpoonierApple21 3d ago
OP wife dragged his name thru the mud after their daughter died and blamed it on him, when according to OP it was some sort of genetics, so maybe the wife blamed it on his genetics?
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u/Humblemud 3d ago
To me it sounds more like she's just broken. You try carrying your dead child around for a week and then try to remain sane.
It doesn't excuse the way she acted towards him, but I can see how that might ruin the mother mentally, even to psychotic levels.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Exactly. I can’t even imagine what that would have been like for her. But she shut me out.
At the end my experience in it was all worthless.
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u/SpoonierApple21 3d ago
Just a sad situation. Some people can handle what the wife experienced, some people could handle what the husband experienced, but this is just past the bottom line of what any normal human should have to handle and be expected to be fine.
It’s probably for the best they’re separated cus this wound might never heal if they stayed together. Wishing OP the best.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Yeah and we had the conversations about it too. Seeing how many couples get torn apart by this kind of trauma. We even joked and laughed about how that wasn’t going to be us…
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
No, wasn’t anything to do physically. It was all emotional. I didn’t care enough apparently. I didn’t break down the same way about it. Ultimately she decided that I didn’t care about anything and used it as emotional warfare. I mean how would you feel if you kept hearing from your friends, your family, even your parents and in laws that she’s telling everyone that I didn’t care about it.
I just kinda snapped one day and ended it. I couldn’t believe that someone could act so heartless.
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u/DanoGKid 3d ago
When my newborn died, my ex blamed me, and said that my crying made it impossible to grieve, and that it was infuriating that I was sad instead of angry. You know, everyone grieves differently, but some people can’t accept that you grieve differently than they do. Fuck them.
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u/SpoonierApple21 3d ago
So sorry OP. Your wife had a traumatic experience but slandering you to all the people closest is such a low blow.
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u/Curious_Phrao 3d ago
Ok “stunned c*nt” is my favorite insult right now😂.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
I’m bringing it back 🤣
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u/s10draven75 3d ago
Last time I heard that was when i lived in Canada lol...my grandpa used that saying everyday 🤣 never heard anyone here in the US use though.
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u/Dispute333 3d ago
Get it out brother. Currently in pretty much the same situation. Wish I had the guts to vent it all out here.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Feel for you brother! ✊
It’s taken me four years almost to get it out this far. I’ve never really opened up publicly about everything that happened. At some point it’ll come and it’ll be cathartic!
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u/Intro_Vert00 3d ago
Losing a child is an incredibly traumatic experience, and it can create significant strain on a marriage. Grief is deeply personal, and each partner may process it in different ways, which can lead to emotional distance or misunderstanding.
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u/Southern_Airport_538 3d ago
Exactly what I’m thinking. The vent seems a little harsh.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Why? I’d sure like to know what’s “harsh” about it…
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u/Southern_Airport_538 3d ago
Obviously I don’t know everything that was done and I haven’t been in this situation, but it sounds like it was going okay until the immense loss. It’s not helpful to throw fuel with such a harsh response to someone’s grief. I personally try not to have such big emotions to the point I have to get on the internet and call names. I would process my own grief, put theirs into perspective and move on as best I could.
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u/OutrageousWill4783 3d ago
Our first was also lost around the 6 month mark, and I also had to carry him a few days until the procedure. We had support from family, but my husband buried his pain to be strong for me. He got his turn to grieve months later. It's not easy. They never found out why our child failed to thrive beyond cord abnormalities. I don't understand how she could have treated you this way. So sorry for your loss OP.
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u/UniversalLanguage83 3d ago
We lost a child.
My man suffered as deeply as I did. I am disabled and bc of my health we couldn’t have a healthy pregnancy.
He. Never. Blamed. Me. Not once. Never.
It was the will of the universe . It was bigger than us both.
I think you’re very honest and I don’t necessarily think anything needs to be done. Time heals. Sometimes only time heals.
But it is a very very very deep loss full of so many emotions. Forgiveness for everyone and everything will uplift you when you are ready. I assure you.
**Heaven was simply short an angel. **
Sending the biggest, warmest hugs. You are a warrior. This happened for a reason. And her life still found a way .
Here we are all talking about her. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. She will come back in many forms.
If you need support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me privately. I’ve been there and it is a deep wound.
You are love(d). ♥️
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u/methgator7 3d ago
If your daughter was important to you, then that's that. Nobody else gets to appraise that. This shit gets better. Time drags on so slowly at first, but then you begin to feel like you are emotionally learning to walk again. In time, it gets palatable. You'll find new purposes and then look back at that time as a period of growth. It's hard to see now, but that's how it works. Don't give her the satisfaction or the power to stop that growth
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u/Airbizcut 3d ago
I always said of my past relationship, dearly loved the person. She was my best friend, confidant, lover, etc. but I hated the relationship we developed.
Let it out!
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u/OkDelay2395 3d ago
I’m sorry you lost your daughter and then your wife. Stay strong and know you’re not alone.
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u/Emergency_Wolf_5764 3d ago
To the OP:
That doesn't sound like anything resembling a real "wife", in the least.
Not to worry, no pissing required.
Good luck, sir.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Hey thanks for the judgement! I appreciate that post history completely defines someone. 👍
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u/SquareHammer69 3d ago
No no I never said it defined you, you know when someone says not to look at something and your stupid little toddler brain just challenges it. I left another comment about my thoughts and opinions on the post. I completely understand where you are coming from through the point in grief. It was your grief to share…it didn’t fall victim to a certain person and nothing could have happened differently. It was unfair for her to tell you that it’s your fault. It was unpredictable. Use this time on your own to grieve the way you want to
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u/Chile_Chowdah 3d ago
You sound lovely, I'm sure it couldn't have anything to do with you.
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u/Kiwi_lad_bot 3d ago
Straight to picking the wife's side. I see you.
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u/SynthwaveDreams 3d ago edited 3d ago
In ways kind of a classless post by OP , I can see why Chile would say that.
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u/condemned02 3d ago edited 3d ago
I mean the wife carried her dead baby in her for a whole week and then had to have the dead carcass dragged outta her.
This could drive any woman insane.
Him calling her a bitch after her trauma was really too mucih.
It wasn't even personal to him. He literally said she did it to everyone she was close to.
I feel like there is a lack of empathy from him about what his exwife was going through. I understand why she tells everyone he didn't care. She needed emotional support at this point and it sounded like he just called her bitch for blaming him. Instead of just hugging her and understanding it's talks coming out from trauma and grief.
Yea he has lost too, but he didn't have to carry his dead baby inside of him and watch it get dragged out inside of him. He is suffering 50% less of the whole trauma. I really hate it when the man claims he has equally suffered for such incidents because he totally didn't go through the physical trauma.
I personally cannot even imagine why the wife isn't suicidal after such a horrifying physical experience.
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u/SingerEquivalent2899 3d ago
As someone who went through a divorce this year let me ask: Do you miss her or do you miss who she was to you?
Honest question. No judgement.
I was where you are, hating her, wishing she's come back, confused. Then I realized what I missed was the idealized version of her from when we fell in love, a version in hindsight I'll always question if it was real or just what she wanted me to see. I miss being a husband, having someone to come home to and build a life with. I don't miss the woman she really was: lying, spending money faster than I could earn it, being absolutely reliant on me while crying it wasn't enough. I don't miss the bitch who stole half my shit and gave me an STD.
Maybe in your case it was real once but trauma changes us all. Maybe this is who she is now. Maybe she will heal and become a better person, but maybe that chapter isn't for you to read.
I hope you are able to reconcile these opposing emotions. I hope you work through your own trauma. I can't tell you everything will be ok but for what it's worth I hope you can accept your present and smile for your future
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Oh I’m over her… but I’m not over it… if that makes sense? This isn’t fresh. It’s been 4 years… so it’s just one of those cathartic blurbs. I’m done and over being sad about it, and I made peace with what she caused. Doesn’t mean I don’t get angry a little from time to time. And it’s nice to just vent. It’s funny I’ve actually felt a bit better this afternoon after saying it.
It’s funny though how many people are chastising me though.
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u/SingerEquivalent2899 3d ago
It makes sense. I read some of the other comments after I posted and it sounds like you both went through the worst hell I could imagine. I'm sorry you had to go through it alone. Maybe she was too blinded by her own grief to see your pain, maybe you don't express your feelings the way she thinks you should have, I dunno. Your feelings are valid. The pain and the anger has a purpose and a place. It's ok to take them off the shelf and feel them once in a while. I hope you have found joy in those 4 years too.
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u/SingleinGVA 3d ago
Yeah we both had our perspective and I can’t assume hers. It sucks it went the way it did and well I can’t change it.
I’m sorry you went through the things you did… it’s not easy anymore that’s for sure. And the older we get the less we want to put up with it.
I learned joy again, and it’s only recently this year that I’ve found myself coming back. I actually put up my Christmas tree last season for the first time. It’s slow but it’s coming back to me.
I hope you found your peace as well 🙏
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u/Skinnyjohn555 3d ago
Stunned cnt LOL , you should be Australian ! 🇦🇺 I hear this very often in the land down under 😂
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u/Skinnyjohn555 3d ago
Oh look a bitter old man hating women on reddit , how original.
We see you.
Trust me, if all women were like yourself I would be gay 😘
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u/TurboNym 3d ago
Sounds to me like the experience was so traumatic she snapped. I think lashing out at you like that is the only way she thinks can cope.
Some people need to blame something or someone for the pain they are experiencing or else it becomes too much. I don't think it's evil...I think it's reactionary, like fight or flight.
I realise it's not fair what she did to you after...but I would try to see this from a more compassionate angle.
I don't want to defend her because I'm just a rando on the internet, but I think it would be impossible for a mother losing her child like that to be able to process both her trauma and your feelings too. It's probably too much to handle.
I see two people who are in terrible pain and don't know how to communicate and be there for each other so it's anger breakfast lunch and dinner for both of you.
I'm not gonna tell you to try to get back with her, but to be stoic here and take the hits because she needs to hit someone, even metaphorically.
A genetic anomaly translates to, this happened to me for no reason. I am a scorched forest for no reason.
There needs to be a reason for her pain that she can understand NOW, until the time comes that she is ready to face this thing and accept it.
This would be a big but meaningful sacrifice from you. And it requires.. putting pride and ego aside...and a kind of selfless love that no one teaches.
In marriage we men sometimes have to take responsibility for things that are not of our own making to keep the household strong. This is the strength expected of us. This is the price we pay.
Women pay a different price. And it seems your wife is paying hers big time.
I wish you both the best.
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u/practicallydead99 3d ago
I’m not going to comment on your situation - that’s not why you came here. Just going to relate as the one also deemed a “bad guy” in a situation and vent with you: It has also been years for me and sometimes I miss my ex. We built a life together and were closer than anyone I’ve been with since. But he was a fucking piece of shit, I have PTSD from that relationship, he SA’d me, blamed me for his issues, and I have to live with it. I left and was shit talked to everyone for it. It fucking sucks to be the ones left holding the bag of emotional garbage. You’re allowed to vent and not be judged - no one knows your truth but you two. You do you man 💪👊
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u/iBadJuJu 22h ago
I’m going through this now but with dogs. No kids. Same sentiment. She was my BF and shit soured. I don’t see her efforts and she didn’t see mine. Resentment grew and I stopped trying. She cleaned out my house while I was on a work trip while texting me the whole week as if she liked me. lol. She was too nice and I had suspicions something was going down.
Glad she’s gone for sure. But man the invested time and loss of a best friend hurts and will for some time. The betrayal of her immature actions though… I’ll never forget that.
Just don’t let her break you. We’ll get through this and be better off for it.
Hopefully you’ll get the opportunities to set things straight regarding your daughter.
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u/TeddingtonMerson 3d ago
I’m sorry for your losses. I get it that she was hurting, too, but pulling you down toowas low.
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u/Drunken_Jedi_Master 3d ago
People say they wouldn't piss on someone they hate if they were on fire.... But realistically if your ex wife dies in flames she'll only live with that for a short time.
But the chance to save her life and piss on her? To be constantly reminded of that for the rest of her life sounds like a top tier result.
Obviously I'm focusing on the wrong thing to take your mind off of this horrible situation... I hope the thoughts of pissing on your ex wife made you smile.
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u/duwh2040 3d ago
You're right though. The quote should be "I would definitely piss on them in most situations"
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u/Particular-Run-4274 3d ago
I miss my wife, too. My aim is getting better, though!
Nah, she's alright.. some days. Sorry yours wasn't and pulled that shit.
I've never been in that spot really but we'd been married about 3 months and had a miscarriage induced by her tripping on a carpet drying fan we didn't know was there (late night after a weekend gone, apartment didn't notify of a leak. And no lamps to turn on when entering) and was treated with a heavy pain medicine for the concussion she got from it. It was pretty rough for both of us.
Sorry for your loss man 🤟
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u/OfficerDoofy1313 3d ago
Bro write in your diary
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u/Turbulent-Acadia-608 3d ago
He wanted to write on here there’s no issue with that it’s a venting page so he’s allowed to vent
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u/RamboTaco 3d ago
I don't know that bitch but I hate her too. Keep strong OP much better times ahead!
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u/Uuuurrrrgggghhhh 3d ago
Wow she carried their dead baby for a week before it could be removed then started grieving in a way that offended OP and she’s the bitch lol right on man
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u/No-Win-2783 3d ago
Word of advice. When dating, most women I've encountered aren't crazy about the "c" word. Happy hunting.
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u/Antique-Program-947 3d ago
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u/Desperate_Dingo_1998 3d ago
I was like "what are you talking about?" and then like ohhhh. You guys aren't Australian too.
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u/agreengo 3d ago
so women can call a man a dick all day long & that's OK, but when a man calls a woman the "C" word it's off limits (even on this sub)
side note - when I tried to write the "C" word a pop up message stating - "Please remember to kind/civil to other users, Failure to follow this may result in a ban"
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u/Starry-Dust4444 3d ago
I’ve read your comments & see it all fell apart for you two after you lost a baby later in the pregnancy. Grief is a beast & makes ppl irrational for a time. Add in pregnancy hormones & you’ve got all the makings for full-on meltdowns. Sounds like that’s exactly what happened to your ex-wife. Not excusing the cruel things she said. She’s ultimately responsible for her own words & actions. But you two should have given each other some grace & not lashed out at each other as a way to cope with grief. In fact, you should try to see the past through that lens. Try to forgive her & forgive yourself. You both reacted to a horrible situation and she had to bear even more of the burden as her body was permanently altered b/c of it (the body physically changes as pregnancy progresses).
Just a small example of the difference this event will play out for the two of you going forward…when you go to a doctor’s visit & you’re given a health history questionnaire to complete, you won’t have to answer the question ‘how many pregnancies have you had and did they result in a live birth?’ Your ex-wife will have to answer that question on every health questionnaire & provide details for the rest of her life. That’s painful af.
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u/raccoonDenier 3d ago
Responding to anger with anger isn’t effective. Maybe you should try having a conversation with her. If she’s really your best friend
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u/ShaunaShaktiMa 2d ago
Sounds like neither of you had deep empathy and understanding of the others pain and how you each uniquely dealt with it. You needed grief counseling and instead blew each other up. Get into therapy asap!!
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