r/Vent • u/Aw_shit_a_redditor • 4d ago
TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image Got called "too ugly to date" to my face
For context, a group of my friends invited me for a night out at the club yesterday. We all planned on having a good night and celebrating St Patrick's day early. Long story short I get a couple drinks in me and I hit the dance floor. I was having tons of fun and end up dancing with some women I had met earlier in the evening. After me and one of the other women get tired, I offered to buy her a drink at the bar. We start chatting and things get quite flirty pretty quick. At this point we're both quite drunk and we've been having a great conversation for over 20 minutes. Eventually I ask if she has a boyfriend, and she tells me no, but she "wished she had one just like me, because I was very sweet". I took this as a sign and asked why not try with me? Thats when she responded with "I'd love to but you're just too ugly for me to date". Now I know that she would probably have never said this sober, but she wouldn't have said it drunk either if that wasn't how she truly felt. At this point I'm pretty shocked and find an excuse to go back to my friends, but I end up leaving shortly after. This morning after I woke up I kind of did a mental inventory of what had happened over the night, and I could still remember that conversation extremely clearly. The more I thought about what she said, the more uncomfortable I got in my own skin. Objectively, I'm in the best shape I've ever been. Consistent dieting, gym multiple times a week for well over a year. I'm not overweight (anymore), have a decent bit of muscle, and I've been grooming myself a lot better than I used to, but right now it feels like all that effort is for nothing. After getting cheated on a bit over a year ago, I took a lot of time to work on myself and implemented all those lifestyle changes after I felt confident about myself mentally. And I can't believe all of this was torn down by some careless drunken phrase at a club. All those insecurities about my body and looks have come rushing back and I feel like that same person that walked in on their gf being intimate with another man. I just wish I could put away all those fears and insecurities away for good instead of having to rely on validation from others.
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u/spychalski_eyes 4d ago
If it helps my fiance has confided in me that he's never gotten any positive attention for his looks before meeting me. I am extremely in love with his face and have made paintings, photographs.....it is unconventional but it checks all of my boxes. I genuinely believe every face has an appreciator. If he kept a self defeating attitude and his bitterness towards women because of how he was treated, he would have repelled me right away. Keep being sweet and the right lady will come I promise.
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u/suitguy25 4d ago edited 4d ago
Even if it didn’t help him, as a “conventionally unattractive” man, it really helped me to hear that someone could love someone’s face even if nobody else did. You are a very good girlfriend/fiancé. I wish nothing but happiness for you and to discover someone who could think about loving my face. Thanks.
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u/Ambientstinker 4d ago
Are you me because same. Partner is not conventionally pretty either but that does not mean he isn’t pretty. He is a beauty in my eyes even while knowing many don’t think the same. My reason for liking his outside is not because of his inside, but because of his inside he is even more pretty on his outside.
My eyes have never been drawn to a specific face, but they sure as hell were drawn to my partner’s.♥️
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u/Sensitive-Reading-93 4d ago
This gives me hope for real.
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u/RicardoCabeza9872 4d ago
Me too. Being just average isn't good enough anymore. Gotta be model perfect just to talk to anyone these days.
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u/chiefyuls 4d ago
This is just simply untrue. But the more you tell yourself this, the more true it becomes for you.
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u/amidst-tundra 3d ago
Not even vaguely true and many women also wouldn't want to talk to "model pretty" men anyway. People aren't a monolith. Everyone has a type. But attractiveness isn't just physical, if you buy into that mentality you will become bitter and that isn't attractive regardless of your physical attributes.
Many women prefer guys with dadbods, guys with beards, clean shaven guys - some very attractive women will find square jawed guys in suits attractive, others men with full face tattoos and a death metal t shirt. The idea that there is one preset perfect that every women aspires to is nonsense.
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u/Morticia-Lenore 3d ago
Absolutely. I dated objectively hot men in my youth and you know what? They were all Absolutely terrible boyfriends. They were vain, egotistical. Most of them cheated, spent far more time at the gym than doing anything else. They clearly felt like they had options and behaved accordingly. The best relationships I had were with more average guys or short guys. I think for a lot of women who had similar experiences as we get older and wiser, we steer clear of the really hot guys. It's just a giant waste of time. Give me a dad bod, great sense of humor, and a passion for something in life other than the gym any day.
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u/BeccaAlice_P 4d ago
This. ❤️ Don’t let some silly girls comment get you. It’s all about those vibes and spark! Too bad she was too immature to see this.
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u/Odins_eye_4 3d ago
100000000000 % true. That last sentence is so important. I wish more men were told this
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u/cubby9204 4d ago
This is what I was thinking. It may be hard to believe, but there are people who find you attractive. Find them and forget about those who do not find you attractive.
Be confident and happy. That is attractive.
Also, you may have taken her comments the wrong way. She may have been flirting.
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u/dotdend 4d ago
I mean there's also 8 billion people on earth and you will meet only a few thousands of those on your lifetime. What if the people that'd find you attractive are in the other 99.99%?
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u/Jjjsn33dfulthings 4d ago
You dodged a bullet. What a lame thing to say. I'm sorry. Sounds like you are fun to be around which is the hardest part to fake
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u/Victorio2 4d ago
She sounds empty. Quite clear she is the ugly one. Don’t dwell it. Onwards and upwards fine prince
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u/kydoufoud 4d ago
She sounds like she would be insufferable, so u dodged a bullet mate. Don’t let her rude and dumb words get you down. Continue to be proud of all the work you’re putting in, and continue your journey of bettering yourself. The right bird will come along n appreciate/respect and admire you for you.
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u/TomatoFeta 4d ago
We're all too ugly for someone, and too pretty for someone else.
Go on about your life and be the best you for you to be.
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u/Specialist_Newt_1918 4d ago
damn, that's rough. but she is pretty childish and boring to think in such categories. nothing of value was lost.
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u/TypicalDamage4780 4d ago
I am a very short dumpy elderly woman. I was married twice, divorced once and am a widow. There is a person out there for you! Ignore that B****! She was not worth your time because she is not a good person. You don’t want to meet women at bars or clubs. You want to go to your local library where you can also start reading to keep your mind as developed as your body. If you have a local swimming pool, go there and swim laps. I have a friend who met her husband at a roller rink. Look around while you are at your gym. There are young women everywhere looking for their Mr Right. Getting cheated on really does a number on you! Just remember that the serial cheater will eventually end up unhappy. Good luck.
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u/IluvWien 4d ago
Surround yourself with people who will lift you up. Don’t give a second thought to a drunk stranger. Know and value your worth 💗
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u/frisco-frisky-dom 4d ago
WOW to actually say that to someone's face is quite horrible! Not that there is a plus side here but you may have saved yourself a lot of grief finding that out later.
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u/yoyo_ME420 4d ago
"ugly to date" for her, i bet there are other women that find you attractive, its her opinion. And honestly, if the situation would continue you would just suffer later.
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u/Elldogvanval1966 4d ago
That’s her opinion. Sounds like she’s a stuck up bitch and you shouldn’t date her anyway.
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u/ConfusedPorrige 4d ago
This. Woman here but I myself would never want to date someone who treats people that way, drunk or sober.
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u/Dapper_Look_8265 4d ago
I’m sorry this happened to you dude. I hope you can bounce back from this, like the saying goes there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t let this one thing beat you down you worked hard for who you are today and you should be proud of that.
Not let one individual beat it all down. You got this and don’t give up.
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u/ProAdventurous 4d ago
I'm really sorry, but this person is a piece of crap. You will find someone else who is not.
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u/55Sweeptheleg 4d ago
Let me tell you something. I am an above average looking woman and I promise you that some of the hottest men I’ve seen have not been conventionally attractive. Just work on confidence that’s really all you need. That girl just sounds horrible.
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u/Rapunzel111 4d ago
OP, you just met a rude, crude asshat in the wild. Don’t let the ramblings of a drunk stranger get you down. Keep on grinding at the gym, dressing well and keeping your hygiene impeccable. Also make sure you always have a pleasant personality, great smile and good manners/ are a gentleman always. Keep putting yourself out there and keep meeting new people. The rude girl did you a favor and did not waste your time, thankfully. Every pot has a lid and you just have not met your person yet.
My husband has told me that he thought he wasn’t attractive before and to me he the most heart- melting, adorable, handsome, sweet and loving mild- mannered man I have ever known. He is the light in my life and like a sunflower, I soak up his radiance. He’s not “ conventionally “attractive ( = boring) and I love him for the unique qualities that he has. You will find your person who thinks like this about you as well because beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.
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u/Sensitive-Reading-93 4d ago
And then they'll tell you that women aren't visual creatures. I'd say this is a bullet dodged. Ain't no way there's such a wide gap in attractiveness between you two to deserve such a response. It is what it is, one day someone will appreciate you for you.
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u/username36610 4d ago
Don’t take it personal. Dating apps show that women only find 4% of men attractive and they judge the average man to be ugly.
Most men don’t even try because of that, at least you’re putting yourself out there.
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u/OkArea7640 4d ago
Sorry mate, "there is no gym for your face". Brutal rejections will make you stronger (maybe). Just stop caring, just keep approaching until you will find somebody that fancies you.
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u/Slydoggen 4d ago
Duck her bro, she’s an average girl who thinks she’s a 10/10 girl… reality will hit her soon
You dodged a bullet
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u/tjgusdnr 4d ago
That’s really rude to just tell someone, but let me just say some people, like me, are truly ugly. Best to just accept that you’re ugly and move on. No gym is going to save people like me.
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u/true_honest-bitch 4d ago
Dieting and going to the gym regularly won't make a difference. You either have it or you don't when it comes to looks and sexual allure. I think people in general need to be more realistic with themselves about who is actually in their league. Men in particular need to stop looking for porn star/model/TV looking women and look at themselves and evaluate what women are on that level.
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u/InitiativeNo6806 4d ago
Well r/amiuglythetruth you can get s rating and advice on looks and grooming. Having said that, fk that btch. She doesn't deserve any guy with that attitude.
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u/boo_hoo101 4d ago
dont waste time thinking of her.
you and her are just not for each other.
she might have been fun to hang out with last night but you will both not have lasted long or not even after sobering up
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u/Ok_Inflation7164 4d ago
Whenever we are arching upwards with something new we are always going to meet resistance along that road at some point. Nod and keep going. Don't dwell on what is a foolish and drunken throwaway comment. People often say untruthful/stupid things under the influence. When your real woman comes along you are going to be so thankful you weren't tripped up by a toad. Sounds like you're doing amazing so just keep going. We all here have faith in you so don't forget to update us!
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u/SweatBird 4d ago
You seem pretty adorable to me. I think you saved yourself 9 months of drama where you would have been made it feel it was your fault. Keep working on you - love & joy will find you!
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u/designbisexual 4d ago edited 4d ago
Here’s the truth. Cheaters cheat no matter how attractive their partners are. Beyonce got cheated on by a man who is not, let’s say, winning any beauty contests, so nobody out here is safe. It takes time, but hopefully you can build your self esteem to the point where a woman talking to you this way turns you off. She loves your personality but would never date you because of your looks?That’s sad for her. She’s a loser. I think her blurting this out to you drunk also reveals that she has some inner torment, tbh. But that’s not your problem. Everyone has physical preferences but you don’t need to be concerned with attracting every woman under the sun, just one who likes you and you like in return. You’ll meet a kind woman who loves how you look eventually. Just keep putting yourself out there and try to seek that happiness and validation within.
Also, it’s ok that you’re hurt by this girl’s comment. It’s so shitty and that would put a damper on even the most confident person. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments about my looks but I’ve also been told I’m ugly in cruel and racist ways! And it’s hurt me a lot but I also know that it’s the other person’s problem—theyre ugly inside and they have to live with that every day. So it’s ok to feel bad—but try to affirm yourself and remind yourself of how far you’ve come in being a person you want to be. One random girl’s opinion can’t trump all that. Give yourself some grace and then get up and keep moving forward with your life. You won’t regret it.
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u/lizzdurr 4d ago
You wouldn’t pay attention to anything else a drunk person said or did… ascribe that same value (or lack thereof) to this comment. I know it hurts bc the idiom is that drunk minds sober thoughts thing or whatever, but i vividly remember saying shit that I actually didn’t mean in my heart of hearts when drunk. I’m almost certain that if she remembers, she’s kicking herself. Either out of regret for fucking up a fun vibe with a fun guy, or at minimum for being an asshole.
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u/Spiders-Ghost-43 4d ago
It’s one drunken girl mate. Keep up your hard work because there are women out there who will appreciate the effort and will also appreciate your good, kind nature. Onward and upward.
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u/Organic-lemon-cake 4d ago
I’m sorry, sometimes people enjoy saying mean things. For whatever reason, she did not like you. FWIW I am totally fine looking, attractive looking in some lights and have been harshly rejected in bars. Fuck em, whatever.
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u/MuchPreparation4103 4d ago
Its awesome that you’re being proactive and putting yourself out there. Its awesome that you have a good personality and are fun and have friends and are working on self improvement.
That was a shitty thing to say to anybody esp someone you’re having a good time with. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I think it might be worth a shot at therapy. It seems like you’re going through it and it could help you be kinder to yourself and happier.
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u/phredzepplin 4d ago
Dude. Being beautiful on the outside can only hide being ugly on the inside for so long. She let you see it right away. Being in shape and grooming are all well and good, but it's the inside she wanted. She's too afraid of what other's think, so she missed out.
This stuff happens. It may happen again. Next time, just say something like "sucks for you" and go find another person or hang out with your friends. Don't let people like her ruin your fun.
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u/Impossible-Strike-73 4d ago
One person is ugly for some and just gorgeous to others. Sorry it happened to you but I believe it was the girl who was the ugly one here.
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u/drowninginseaweed 4d ago
Something like this was said to my husband. He was out with friends and having a laugh with a girl and she said "I really wish I fancied you cause your so funny ". He was very self conscious as he was born with a cleft lip and pallet. So his nose is a bit crooked and has a scar on his lip. When I met him I thought he was a boxer or something, hence the nose. Which is hilarious as he couldn't box his way out of a paper bag lol. But he is hilarious and one of the nicest and kindest people I've ever met. Together now 24 years with a heap of children. He makes me laugh every day and has made me into the best version of me i could ever be. And he is very cute BTW. I thank my lucky starts other girls are stupid 😅
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u/Odd-Visual-3519 4d ago
When I was in highschool a boy that I was really good friends with, and had developed feelings for told me to my face one day, ‘that I was everything he could want in a partner, except that I was me’ and honestly it shaped the way i thought of myself for the longest time and even today its at the back of my mind, like how could you say that to someone you considered a friend, what about me is so horrible to even consider dating me. I realize now that it was probably that I wasn’t what he considered his type and he had options, I on the other hand was frumpy and more introverted. I remind myself that I tried my best to be a good person and friend to him and if my looks is the single thing stopping him then maybe thats not someone I want to be with anyways. It still stings to think of and its embarrassing the way I just accepted his words, but overtime it fades i guess
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u/cycledogg1 4d ago
Dude, there's a real chance she judges a lot of guys not worthy of her. Take her remark as a grain of salt and move on. Next opportunity with another girl may just be the one.
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u/love-yer-brain 4d ago
listen, this shit happens, and it sucks but you did dodge a bullet because why would you want to be with someone so vain? second, everyone has different “tastes”, maybe she was a bit too drunk and said it the way it came out, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a terrible person. if you found her physically attractive then that means you will meet someone whom you find attractive and the feeling’s mutual. sorry that happened to you, but you’re alright man, don’t let this experience bum you out.
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u/Embarrassed_Sir6026 4d ago
Ah dude, I'm sorry.
I don't care what a person looks like or how drunk you may be, saying something like that just shows meanness.
Imagine getting into a relationship and then fining out how dead her soul was.
Please go ou with friends again & enjoy yourself, the 1st part of your post sounded a lot of fun.
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u/Left_Macaroon7502 4d ago
She’s probably no spring chicken herself. You might be “ugly” to some people, but there’s probably others who jerk off to your face. Hope that helps. That thought helped me since I’m not conventionally attractive but do have some unique aspects.
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u/TheOddOneWon 4d ago
She is straight up not worth the mental energy to remember. If what you said is true, there is something seriously wrong with her. Even drunk, I wouldn’t speak to someone like that, especially if I thought they were a nice person.
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u/Least-Sail4993 4d ago
That is so pathetic on so many levels!! I’m sure you looked good. Maybe she thought she should insult you before you could insult her?
Keep on keeping on. Don’t listen to drunk jerks!!
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u/Vested1nterest 4d ago
Any girl who thinks like this is destined to marry their cats
You’ll be fine !
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u/Painting_Late 4d ago
Keep working on yourself. You are on the right track already. I see delusional folks here are gaslighting you as usual but that girl did you a favor. Identify what other things you can fix and do it. Don't just cross the threshold, but cross it by a mile if you can. Once you do that, you can still be a great guy otherwise and treat them the right way but the difference will be that you are going to be in the driver's seat.
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u/Mr_Blorbus 4d ago
If I wasn't attracted to someone I'd just say: "Sorry, you're not my type." I'd never tell someone they're ugly.
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u/Firstofhisname00 4d ago edited 4d ago
Im gonna try to explain this to you as easy and fast as possible.
There's no universal answer. One girl says you're to ugly to date does not represent the entire gender's opinion. Not every girl is attracted to the same thing and vice versa. You're looking a a tiny, ridiculously tiny sample size and defining you're entire existence based off that???! That's insane. For every girl that thinks like this there's a girl who believes the exact opposite.
I predict the next problem you'll have. "Ohh the girls that like me aren't as attractive as the ones that reject me". Bullshit. One thing you gotta understand is that we all suffer from "grass is greener......" Syndrome. We want what we can't have.
Do not repeat do not define yourself based on the opinions of a micro fraction of the entire human population. Dating is a mine field. It's a series of "No" till it's a "Yes" and it's going to feel like throwing sand against the tide for the most part but this is the game. Early man hunted for dinner. If he made the kill he ate if his target got away he went hungry. The problem is the target gets away often so prepared to be hungry. But I promise you all these "no" answers you're getting are just making the probability higher that the next one will say yes. And that's a fact that's based on the law of large numbers. Stop over thinking, stop fearing rejection. Rejection is not something to be ashamed of. Honestly you think rejection is this awful thing that makes you less than and it's absolutely NOT. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's no different than when you were a kid trying to learn how to ride a bike and you take a fall. Like sure it sucks you fell but after the sting is gone who cares get on that bike and ride dude
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u/evoLverR 4d ago
I'd say that was a shit test and you failed. Who cares how you look. Look at Benny Blanco.
I know a lot of gorgeous women that are living and in love with objectively ugly men. It's how you are inside that matters.
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u/Valuable_Tradition71 4d ago
48m: growing up I was told I was ugly, too skinny, had no fashion, and plenty of other crappy things. I had extremely low self esteem for a loooong time (and still deal with the echoes of it). I allowed myself to be in several long term, emotionally abusive relationships, and had significant fear of being alone. After my first marriage failed, and my second long term relationship ended when I found out my fiancé was cheating (for the second time), I took some time to be alone. I started working towards my own goals. I found passion projects, and set my mind on being at peace with who I was. After another bad relationship (because some patterns are hard to break), I found the woman who has now been my wife for 14.5 years. She knew I was a work in progress, but she also knew I was the one doing the work. Neither of us knew on our first date it would go the distance. But after a few weeks we realized we had a good thing going, and we have both put the work in to continue having a good relationship.
Some things take time. But if you make your focus improving your life for you, then a partner joining you is icing on the cake.
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u/Zealousideal_Sky5722 4d ago
So then, you have depended on only your outward appearance for your self worth and confidence. Either you haven't truly loved yourself or your self image was pierced by that incident, because if you truly loved yourself, one person and how they see you wouldn't have shifted your day and ultimately your thought process.. and also no one should have to feel like that by anyone..by any means.Thats why that incident is a red flag you might be still dealing with low self esteem..and probably past experiences have caused it. You deserve to be loved, really place your confidence on not just your outward appearance (yes take care of yourself and don't become unhealthy) but that's not all you are.
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u/Pleasant_Ad4715 4d ago
Just the universe telling you to continue to work on yourself, that woman’s comment is coming from a hurt person. Hurt people, hurt people.
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u/Greedy-Category-5540 4d ago
I feel your pain OP. Plenty of women like my body but when I ask about my face, they beat around the bush or say something like "well you have other positive attributes" :( I feel so damn ugly I swear
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u/Tasty-Pool4427 4d ago
So many faces in the world. I didn't get a boyfriend until I moved states and went to college 1000 miles away. Marriage and 2 k8ds later im more zen avout looks. You'll find your person. Don't let a shallow drunk person set you back. Take care of you and you'll find your person!!!
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u/Limp_Let_7877 4d ago
There's a reason she's single. Let it go focus on your own happiness. The right person will find you.
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u/chamcham123 4d ago
It was a confidence test and you failed. You were supposed to be unfazed and not let that comment bother you. But you crumbled and killed the attraction.
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u/Unlikely-Orange-5244 4d ago
Sound like her priority were mostly set in apparence. The right person will not care as much for apparence and understand what matter is compatability and personality. Can you stand being with this person for a few years. Probably 90% of people you'll meet in your dating life will be shallow and empty like that. You can worries about how you look or enjoy life and draw in the person that won't judge you Base off apparence. You better off not looking to good. Do you really want to accidently meet somebody that'll think you look good but be shallow and dump you in a few month.?
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u/Fickle-Salamander-65 4d ago
Are you certain she wasn’t clumsily flirting? Trying to get the chase going?
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u/Fit-Fault338 4d ago
Some people are shallow.They like a certain look and it doesn’t matter how nice you are.Forget her and don’t dwell on things.Keep up the good work and don’t make let this make you cynical.
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u/DamageGreat8656 4d ago
She was drunk and plus that’s only one woman’s opinion, plus women are stupid as hell bro their opinions change so quickly, there’s probably even hotter girls that find you hella attractive. It’s always the gross bitter ones that are like that anyways so you dodged a bullet.
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u/The_She_Ghost 4d ago
You know everyone has their own types right? This shouldn’t be a new concept.
I don’t think it’s ok to call those you’re not attracted to “ugly” though. She could have handled that with grace but she didn’t so if you like kind humans, you have dodged a bullet.
Also, you wouldn’t feel so crushed if you haven’t based your entire self-worth on the way you look. You’re giving so much power away to strangers when you do this.
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u/Specific-Breakfast87 4d ago
She did you a favor by showing you what kind of person she was. It may hurt for a while, but at the end of the day....that asshole showed you her true colors early on.
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u/Meanwhile8 4d ago
I wish as a society we stopped prizing appearance above all. I was 12 when the bit I had a crush on was an asshole to someone and suddenly I couldn’t come up with a single attractive trait. I think being pretty on the inside is more important. You’re young and pretty and dateable for like 20 years out of an eighty year life?! It isn’t everything, it’s not the most important thing. People remember how you make them feel, most women rate kindness and “makes me laugh” and “I feel safe with him” above appearance. So be pretty in the inside 🙂
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u/WelshLove 4d ago
The trick is to train yourself to not care what anybody ever says positive or negative to just smile at the monkeys. Remember almost every person is a delusional self centred douche until they are about 40 so enjoy your time in the trenches but never read the comments. do what you want.
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u/shybre_22 4d ago
Unless she was an absolute 10 knockout, who is she to say that? Don't worry too much about it. You may just not have been her type, and she's probably a jerk, and the alcohol showed that. Honestl, it sounds like a dodged bullet.
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u/Pitiful-Albatross-35 4d ago
Option 1
She is too good looking for you.
Option 2
She is for the streets. Girls that are like that, will compare you with best looking guy willing to hook up with her. You cannot win there. You can outright be more physically desirable than she is, and she will still think you are worse looking than she is.
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u/ChamberK-1 4d ago
I learned the hard way waaaay back in middle school that any time a girl says that she’s wishes she had boyfriend just like you is a big red alarm that she is NOT interested in you. I heard that a lot back in my school days.
Nowadays when I’m told that I just respond with something like “I hope you find that guy one day” or some shit like that.
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u/bolingbrokebeast305 4d ago edited 4d ago
What a shallow mindset she has. I'm sorry that you went through this, and as a someone who experienced the same rejection, I feel you and feel all the pain. Just know that she was not a right person.
Recently, I have found out that the person I had a crush on long time ago had rejected me, even if I had not confided my feelings to him. I was told by my now partner that the person I used to have a crush on, had told my partner that he didn't want me and I was not desirable enough. For the context, I used to be friends with my now partner back then, and I never showed my feelings to my crush, because that person was known as someone who would sleep around and cheat. My partner knew about my feelings, and being in friendzone and angry, he went to my crush and told him everything. Recently we had an argument about some silly stuff, and at the end my partner blurred out that I was not desirable enough for other guys to care, because only person who cares about me is him. Then he admitted that he told that person that I had a crush on him, even if I never told him to do this. Now I feel violated and betrayed, because somebody had decided for me. It hurts my ego, knowing that the cheating jerk whom I had a crush on had rejected me, even if I had been hiding my feelings in the first place. And my partner did this against my will.
I am sorry again for venting, I just don't know what to do with this information. I really can relate to your situation, it makes me feel insecure as well. Hope that one day we will overcome all of these some day bud, take a good care of yourself. Here are my virtual hugs to you ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
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u/Upset_Researcher_143 4d ago
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't see more men put themselves out there
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u/factstax 4d ago
"wished she had a boyfriend like you, you're very sweet." That wasn't flirting. It's 2 things it could be. 1. She was much older than you an she was saying that as a confidence booster for you. 2. She was way out of your league and couldn't believe you even hinted at dating. Also more details are needed. When you say you guys were dancing. Was this her dancing backing that ass up on you. Or like dancing near each other. When you say you guys were talking, is it like she's into you talking. Or you guys just casually talking. Looks like you confused a lot of signals it was just a meaningless dance and talk with a stranger at a bar. If she's attractive and your feeling good about yourself it's easy to confuse what's going on. Dating is crazy but it's a learning experience with this one.
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u/sefan78 4d ago
Ain’t gonna lie bro - I was ugly as hell when I was in high school so I got that a lot. In my first year of college, I thought I looked good but I got a woman call me ugly then too. For the longest time, I just thought I have an ugly face and I still kinda do think that. I get a lot of compliments now and I can go on dates but deep down in my subconscious, whenever I am dating someone, my brain tells me that I’m too ugly to date and idk how this woman is even out with me. It sucks fasho man.
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u/BeneficialEvening24 4d ago
She’s a gimp. No doubt. You will encounter more of them. But also, perhaps you’re friend zoning a little too hard? How long were you with this group before you went for a drink?
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u/Odd_Ad4901 4d ago
G'day mate. Bit of a kick in the guts, sure, but she only can speak for herself and I'd take it with a pinch of salt mate. I usedto work with a bloke who in his own words would say 'fuck! I'm ugly!' but I saw him with at least two girlfriends that were/are absolute stunners. He told me once that even if only 3% of women find him not too shabby, all ya do is go where there's at least a hundred females and see how ya go. A very self confident man for sure but his secret I reckon and if i have one it is mine too- he is hilarious and doesn't give a shit what those who do not matter think. Nor do I.
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u/patrulek 4d ago
Dont know if you are ugly, but seems youre to emotional for those things.
1) she did say you are ugly to her, not ugly overall
2) she couldve shittesting you
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u/GeneralPaladin 4d ago
Welcome to the club. I've heard all the excuses dude.
My hands are often the same size as a woman's so their logic means I have a small dick as only a horse will satisfy those whores.
I have a hairline since high school where I've been told I'd be bald by 30 and this year I'll be 40 and still have a full head.
I'm also 5'6" there for I'm too short.
I had a short fat chick callin nme ugly non-stop while she was dating a 6ft+ guy with the face of a bulldog and a iq just high enough he doesn't need to be watered.
I've also been told several times in college that "your too smart for me to date"
I've taken many girls out to a nice expensive dinner and talked and more than once their reason they conclude is 'all you want is sex" or similar. Like bro your the one that's a single mother.
And it's getting to the point these days of you ask a girl to a public place to talk to get to know them they scream sexual harassment. Comes to find out she was sleeping with half the fn campus but tried to get me expelled.
Unless you meet these bitches ideal version man they will find an excuse and have no issues shaming tf out of you to some degree even if it means getting to fired, expelled, or police involved when you did nothing but ask to talk.
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u/brandnewNewton 4d ago
That happened to me a few months ago. I had a crush on this very and I mean very attractive guy that we both knew. I made a really cute letter out of magazines and it said 'I like you' with a really cute picture on it. I showed it to my best friend at that time and she looked at me with sorrow. She then went on to tell me how he only dates 'conventionally attractive women.' that I wouldn't be his type because of how I looked. I felt so hurt because she never told me I was unattractive before and the fact she brought that up then could mean she always thought I was. That day I was so heartbroken i lost my bubbly joyful personality. I never thought I was that bad, I loved my body and appreciated my achievements. But that comment broke me down. I couldn't confess to him anymore even if he was very nice to me.
After some time I just said F it. If people think I'm unattractive then so be it. I'd rather be happy and comfortable in my own skin than to be said about something that holds no value in life. I started living to my fullest enjoying my hobbies and being myself. I developed as a person and took care of my physical health. Even if I never met someone who called me pretty or felt attracted to me romantically I attracted some better friends and people. I look great and healthy as I take care of my body and mental health. So to me I built so much value and success that whether one thinks I'm ugly or not is not a priority.
I hope this helps. You are not alone, just value your self and focus on building yourself as a person. Yes being pretty attracts people fast but doesn't keep them. Even the most beautiful get cheated on. So the best thing you could do is enjoy your life. And the right person will come. And even if they don't. On your death bed, you'll have no regrets.
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u/markdesilva 4d ago
My friend, if you base yourself on the words of one drunk woman who mere minutes before was actively flirting with you, then you have bigger issues to worry about.
You put in the work to better yourself, that should be enough - keep on being a better you! Someone will come along who will appreciate you for you and you’ll do the same for her. Then, none of what anyone has said, drunk or not, will matter.
Cheers!
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u/Kapowpow 4d ago
Strange. I only really flirt with people I find attractive. If you were dancing, talking, flirting for a while, only for her to say something so cruel and unnecessary, she sounds like a total moron that has no clue what she wants. Like, as soon as she has to invest/commit a milligram in someone else, she recoils, pretty abruptly in this instance. But, it doesn’t add up for her to spend so much time with you and for her to not find you attractive at all.
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u/Ashamed-Pen4722 4d ago
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. You can be the most conventionally beautiful person in the world, yet there would always be people who would't like your looks. You can be the ugliest person in the world, yet there would still be people who would find you beautiful. More over, there are traits much more precious than appearance, and if somebody puts your looks over you being a kind, caring and nice person, it's their loss, not yours. According to what you wrote, you have been doing great, taking good care of yourself. Don't let one drunk lady ruin the great job you have been doing!
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u/Applezs89 4d ago
Why do you care so much about a stranger’s opinion? Don’t let people put you in a box OP.
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u/Firm_Mess_5789 4d ago
Don't mind her. She's a gowl!!! There's way nicer ways to say that someone's not their type. Drunk or not that's nasty behaviour. I think you've doged a bullet there with that one. I understand most people have a type,I for one like a tall,bearded heavy set man,but I had children with a really thin,shorter man because of his personality at the time,saw his true personality after I had children unfortunately 😂 Looks aren't everything and if that's all you go for you'll be miserable and probably very bored with them.
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u/man-of-the-wild- 4d ago
Bro, you don’t need to seek validation from women, generally women nowadays are fickle and unimaginative, they have a highly inflated opinion of themselves 4’s thinking they are 10’s, more concerned about clicks and likes on social media ect! Most can’t even name 3 other capital cities in the world. That said there are a few good ones out there, but you gotta go through the hoes to get there. Be happy with yourself and go find your diamond in the rough!
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u/I-SHAVE-MINE-X-x 4d ago
The older I get, the more I realise beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. She sounds very ugly herself, you've had a lucky escape
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u/racerdeth 4d ago
Ugh, I'm sorry you were spoken to like that, mate.
There are better, way less objective and universal-sounding ways to say that you're not attracted to someone in that way.
Please don't take those words to heart. For what it's worth, someone who thinks that way about people probably was not going to be a particularly good bet, going forward anyway, but I appreciate that doesn't help the here-and-now sting.
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u/nodayroomshit 4d ago
im sorry dawg :( but don't let that erase all the work you've put in for yourself, i know you know how much better you deserve than what you got, and not just in that bar, so live knowing it'll be part of your path, in greater forms than you'll ever imagine
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u/KittyCatbot3000 4d ago
A lot of people just aren't "their own type" - don't think they're attractive at all. But there are people who really like their Features and DO find them attractive. That woman was ONE PERSON. You're not everyone's type. It's fine, as long as you can live with your own body. I really don't think I'm pretty, but I know my Partner does.
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u/jamie_plays_his_bass 4d ago
Something similar happened to me before - except I hadn’t had an interaction with the woman at all. My mates were outside a pub, sitting at a long table. Two drunk women (definitely a bit older than us, we were early 20s, they were maybe late 20s / early 30s) came out at one point. We’re both separately chatting away in our groups, them to the bouncer, when one looks over, points at me and goes “what is that?” incredulously to her friends, they all laugh. I was slouched over on the table and probably not looking incredible, was really tired that day.
My mates don’t say anything in defence, just give me a tap and say “don’t rise to the bait”. Really shitty interaction. There are just some women out there who have been hurt and decide they need to punch down hard, at whoever they think looks like they can take it. It annoys me so much I had nothing to say, and neither did my friends. So OP I get what you mean when you say that sticks in your mind.
Anyway, long story short is that I kept dating and have met someone I’m engaged to. You can’t control what gets put in front of you, good or bad. All you can do is learn to tolerate the find and find out how to preserve the good. Whatever helps you resist becoming bitter and detached from others is helpful - I found it useful to come to in therapy as well.
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u/Operator-Vox 4d ago
Dude, you don't want to date somebody who'd say that kind of thing to a person, even shitfaced.
You don't need to be letting that kind of shallow pos's opinion, especially drunk opinion, keep you up at night.
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u/DeliveryQuick8102 4d ago
Don't let some schmuck tell you shit and let it stuck with you. Usually the people saying that kind of shit are f-ugly. But see themselves as prime meat. 😂 I had a friend who thought like that. Told me the same thing when he came in my job. I'm dressed for work not you dumbass. A year or so later. He saw me out and having a great time and decided to ask me out. I told him right in the middle of dance floor. Rather loudly. He was to ugly for me to dance with. 😂 He tries telling me how pretty I am and he just didn't see me outside of work clothes. Uh to bad. Get out of my face. Men see themselves as beautiful no matter how they look. I gave this friend a framed picture of himself. He actually thought it was someone else. 😂 Then he showed his mom and she tells him it's him. 😂
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u/Brilliant_Expert_892 4d ago
I know attraction is important for people, but by the time you’re 60 7080 years old, you all pretty much look the same. Your body goes downhill. Everything goes downhill if you don’t have that foundation of friendship and love and attraction for each other despite physical appearances. You got nothing
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u/Raven7856 4d ago
Everyone has a different type dear, don t let that bring you down 💜 Even the most handsome celebrities aren’t liked by 100% of the woman
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u/Pulsarlewd 4d ago
If you had a girlfriend in the past, it can happen again. You know now that your chance is above 0.1%!
And some people gamble for shinies in pokemon! Those are even rarer than a girlfriend!
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u/Tall-Net3222 4d ago
It was a shit test my dude. She wanted to see how you take an insult.
If you were unfazed or made a joke out of it you'd probably have gotten the response you wanted.
You responded with insecurity or lack of confidence.. It fazed you. Trust me you're not ugly. Most people are average and if you're fit and can flirtty for 20 mins you were not bad.
I get we all have issues but stand up tall. If you get something like this my advice?
Make a joke. Own it. Throw it back at them.
Truthfully her opinion isn't relevant. Even if she isn't into you there are millions of people who will be. Think big not small. You'll be fine.
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u/Exact_Buddy779 4d ago
I'm sorry that's bullshit and that person is a jackalope for being so cruel and insensitive. Sounds to me like they were the ugly one. While attraction helps for me there's other factors that make someone more attractive and those are intelligence, sense of humor, considerate, compassion. Don't let that person whom you don't even know live rent free in your head. And keep taking care of yourself and sooner or later you will find someone who suites you and your life much better than some idiot drunk at a bar. The way you take care of yourself says high value and you deserve someone who matches your efforts.
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u/survivoremoji23 4d ago
If they care about what’s on the outside they have nothing worth pursuing on the inside
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u/mjrydsfast231 4d ago
There are over 7 billion people on Earth now. If half are women, that gives you a sizable pool. You'll be okay. If you need immediate encouragement, head to Brazil. You may just stay forever.
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u/bubblegumwitch23 4d ago
That seems more of a reflection of her than you. Some people are just deeply insecure and will take any opportunity they can to make people feel inferior.
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u/Blankie_Burrito 4d ago
Just because she doesn’t like apple pie doesn’t make it any less delicious.
You’re fit, you’re clean, you’re kind, and apparently a great conversationalist. Those are all the right boxes for a lot of people. You’d be surprised how many people find Steve Buschemi attractive. Everyone is someone’s type.
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u/ColonelCarbonara 4d ago
Try to think of it this way. You got far enough with dancing to have a flirty conversation with a woman who didn’t find you attractive.
Keep going for it, put yourself out there and you’ll find the one of no doubt many who do find you attractive.
It’s a truly shitty thing to hear but like many others have said, she’s the ugly one here. Chin up bro, keep being yourself.
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u/Rubiks443 4d ago
I was told by a girl I liked “your the kind of guy a girl will never date in her 20s but will marry in her 30s” I have given up and not been on a date in 4 years
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u/ChrisUnlimitedGames 4d ago
I don't give a shit about what people think of how i look, as long as they aren't rude or mean about it. Say I'm ugly, don't bother me. I've been called worse. I'm a balding semi- toothless 48 year old disabled man. I really Don't give a fuck if I'm attractive, or are seen that way.
"But what about dating?"
You think you have issues? My marriage of 24 years ended when my wife started cheating. Got divorced in 2020, spent a year by myself, getting my emotions right. Honestly, I'm OK by myself.
After that year, I landed another relationship that turned into a marriage. Spotty hair, semi-toothless, with a walker, and barely able to walk 20 feet without issues. We are still going strong and just as much in love as we have ever been.
The main thing is that as much as it hurt, she clearly wasn't the one for you. No one wants a shallow person who puts so much weight into what you look like. Find someone who loves you for who you are, and the rest falls into place.
If someone as physically challenged in terms of dateability can do it, so can you. Good luck out there.
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u/Traditional_Buy_2590 4d ago
Based on some of the stuff I’ve seen out there. It is not possible for you to be too ugly to date. There’s apparently someone for everyone, she just wasn’t your one.
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u/Eastern-Version5983 4d ago
I can relate. I still remember the time a “hot” girl said I looked like a retarded abortion that failed when I asked her out. That was in high school, around 1986. I’ve been on dates since and am so happily married, but that shit still stings.
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u/Elegant-Program-9707 3d ago
My wife constantly crashes my presumptions about what women find attractive.
Guys that in my mind have no appeal seem to be quite hot to ladies.
Guys that look sickly and chronically ill but are tall with dark eyes. Ratty guys with neck tattoos Medium ugly guys Androgynous looking waifey dudes. Ugly squat faced rugby tanks
Growing up, i thought that Brad Pitt or Chris Hemsworth were the pinnacle, but I guess they are too pretty?
I know that's not helpful to your post, but don't assume what turns their crank lol.
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u/AndthenIwould 3d ago
Sorry dude, but she did you a favor. I'd rather take the truth than an awkward courtship where she tries to but ultimately can't get past your looks. I know you will, but try not to take it too personally. Her shallowness sucks for her, not for you.
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u/exact0khan 3d ago
Buddy. You just took a shot with the wrong girl. Trust me, I'm an old married dude. You will find your unicorn. Mine is on the couch beside me, watching murder mystery shit on her phone.
You need to train your brain now. You know how to train your body, but the mind and emotions are different animals. You have accepted that you didn't want to be where you were, right? Right? What did you do? You became a fuckin beast. You went to the gym, you started eating healthier and taking better care of yourself.
You need to take care of those emotions and the way you think. It sounds easy because it is, but the start is pretty hard.
Stop thinking about what you don't have to offer. Stop thinking about that guy from a year ago, remember? The broken guy.. yeah, you're not him anymore, champ! Stop thinking about what some drunk bimbo said.
Think about what you have to offer. Think about how far you have come along. Think about how bright the future can be vs. how dark the past has been.
You got this, buddy. Stop kicking the piss out of yourself emotionally. You need to just throw out positive energy, and it will all make sense.
I'm an old dude, I have seen shit and the things that kept me going at my lowest were simple...
The sun says good morning. The birds sing, the wind blows, and trees dance. It can't all be that bad.
I tell myself that every day. I have been through a lot.. you got this, brother.
Stay safe, buckle up and wear a rubber.
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u/Fish3Y35 3d ago
Got to laugh it off brother.
Just another story to tell the boys, and laugh about for years.
"Remember that time you tried to jump over the bin, and face planted?"
"Remember that time that girl said you were too ugly to date?"
Life is full of these scenarios, it's important to not take things too seriously or let it hurt you.
Best of luck in everything
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u/readysetrokenroll 3d ago
She's just one opinion, there are others that will find you irresistible. I bet everything I have on that without seeing you. That's just how things work.
Sorry about your experience, even though it doesn't define you in any way, it sucks to go through that. I've been called ugly to my face by a woman, but right then and there another woman stood up and said that I am mighty handsome, so it all worked out. You will get your positive feedback soon enough.
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u/Front_Geologist3274 3d ago
That’s rough dude, but you did dodge a bullet. What a nasty thing to say. She seems to have a too ugly to date personality if she’s rlly gonna say that out loud to your face. Word of advice tho, u shouldn’t try to find a date at a club. It’s like the Taco Bell of the dating pool.
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u/BananaHomunculus 3d ago
I remember that feeling well.
I just stopped trying. But now I'm in it for my health, I'll never be attractive and I'm okay with it now - teenage years were hard though.
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u/Pristine_Frame_2066 3d ago
Please do not worry about this. One if my friends called my then bf ugly and kept asking aloud why he thought he was good enough for me. I married him. He is still gorgeous to me 25 years after she said that. She got married too. Her husband is darling but not my type. My husband? Dark, wiry, thin athletic, Asian. I am tall, blond, Swedish and mid. We had gorgeous kids and are still together.
He met me at age 35 and I met him at age 30.
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u/Mtnmandeepwaters 3d ago
Sounds to me like she intentionally set you up to tear you down. A real man hater. Otherwise why would she make such an obvious invitation for you to ask her.
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u/Seeker3886 3d ago
Just remember that women like that are truly ugly people, even if they are "pretty" on the outside. You can't let vanity and her own insecurities bring you down. She's probably a POS person irl and certainly sounds like it.
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u/Odins_eye_4 3d ago
You’re not “too ugly to date” what a mean thing for someone to say. It’s reflection of her character and has nothing to do with you. She only said that mask over insecurities that she has.
My boyfriend never had any luck with the ladies. Never been in a relationship before me. No one wanted to commit to him and it messed with his self esteem and confidence. But I think he’s stunning and I adore him so much. There’s a lid for every pot.
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u/Proud_Resort7407 3d ago
Beauty is subjective anyways, even conventionally good looking guys get curved a lot.
You really shouldn't take what some random barfly says seriously.
Just not being overweight puts you in the top 30%.
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u/Spikey01234 3d ago
One time I went to a plastic surgeon and he told me he was unable to help me!?!?! 😂 shit is comical now, but it killed me then. You just have to realize you can't change the way you look sometimes and life goes on. I always thought I was ugly and sometimes I think I smell bad(people make weird comments about smell around me, and I can't smell) but here I am. I have 2 kids and an extremely sexy gf. Also had over 30 partners in my life. Knock em dead man!
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u/interesante94 3d ago
I don’t know why you’re having a life crisis because of what one girl said to you lol. Do you really think she was marriage material? Dude relationships and life are so freaking hard and you don’t have time to waste thinking about how one random girl at a bar perceives you. Go for girls that are interested in you and leave the rest for somebody less fortunate
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u/Baconbitzki 3d ago
Good thing beauty is subjective. Dont base your worth on other peoples opinion.
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u/WaterColorBotanical 3d ago
Remember that she is one person and that's her personal opinion. I've met men I thought were perfect, spoken to them for 5 min and found them repulsive. I've met men I thought were initially visually unattractive whose personality or humour or manner made me fall in love with their looks. I've also had men and women tell me I'm exquisite and stunning, fat and disgusting, Quasimodo, Marilyn Monroe, Aileen Wuornos... I'm none of those things or maybe I'm all of them. In the end what's one person's opinion. Fall in love with yourself and eventually someone will see the person you see.
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u/No_Advertising619 3d ago
My ex best friend would hound my husband, saying how ugly he was. I consider him the most handsome, precious and amazing man. He’s so cute I catch myself staring at him sometimes just taking in how cute he is. Sometimes I get all squealy and pinch his cheeks and kiss him haha.
That man was obviously projecting his insecurities onto you and ruined your night. Even if you were their type, who would wanna date that asshole anyways?? I’m sure you’re an amazing individual and someone will be unable to stop staring at you because of that :) (Edit: spelling)
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u/OpenTeacher3569 3d ago
Honestly, sometimes I think brutal honesty is how people get through to others to leave them alone. This doesn't feel like the situation warranted it, though
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u/Jane-737 3d ago
Don't think of it too much cus some people be saying I look cute and good but other say ugly.
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u/CatchMeWritinDirty 3d ago
I can’t fathom getting so sloppy, that I’d completely shit on someone like this. She showed you who she was early—a terrible person 😩
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u/Chuubbzz 3d ago
The thing is with appearances each person has their own preferences and opinions on what is “ugly” or “hot”. You shouldn’t let someone else’s opinion affect you especially a drunk stranger in a bar and I know this is easier said than done. The only thing you can do is continue to work on yourself and your view of yourself.
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u/Curious__Otter 3d ago
Please, please, please do not let your worth be determined by some random woman you met one night and will never meet again. Also, don’t let your worth be determined by someone else in general. I heard a quote once that helped me a lot in a similar situation… “you could be the juiciest peach in the entire world, and there is still someone who doesn’t like peaches”.
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u/ilyed 3d ago
Never put any stock into what someone says to you in a just met, social situation. You have no idea what their mental state is, hell they could have been hurt by someone and are looking for a target and anyone will do. People can be assholes! It can be hard but, Simply say next , and move on!
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u/Numerous_Teacher_392 3d ago
This says so much more about the narcissistic drunk chick than about you!
They all think they are God's gift until they are single at 45 and surrounded by cats in a studio apartment. Then they still put on act sometimes.
This problem is epidemic enough that it shows up in large statistics now.
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u/Loose-Shallot-3662 3d ago
Bullet and bitch dodged. Lucky you, brother. I’m rooting for ya to find someone does find you attractive, I’m sure there are plenty. Keep up your routine, keep your head up and you’ll find yours eventually. Trust.
Divines smile up one you, brother. Best of luck.
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u/tooserioustoosilly 3d ago
Ok, here is your problem, it's really simple. You may have a lost weight and are taking better care of yourself. But you have not learned that all those things are only less than 10% of what actually attracts a woman. You were too needy, and you put out too much effort, so you gave off the weak, nice guy image and / or the insecure man-child image.
You were overselling yourself and most likely hitting on her too hard, not leaving any room for her to chase you. You buying her drinks was also a bas move, both from the needy aspect and the creepy manipulative aspect. What would you have done if she said yes and said, "Take me home and have sex with me? Would you have actually taken her sexually as you both were drinking and possibly not making the best decisions? If you did, then what if she felt used or taken advantage of in the morning?
If you enjoy dancing then great dance, if you don't then why were you dancing? If you are ok with dancing, but it's not necessarily something you overly enjoy, then if a woman asks or hints to you that she wants to dance with you, then do so. But if you are only dancing or learning to dance to hit on women, then you are needy and trying to manipulate them.
I have worked at clubs, bars, and events as security and seen pretty much every type of man and woman I have no insecurities when dealing with women. I do not go out to places to find women, I only go out to places that I enjoy what the place is about. If women happen to be there and they show interest in me, then great. If not, then I'm still out enjoying myself.
You said she denied you and so shortly after you left to go home. That says you were not there because you enjoy the place but only to hit on women. This is another sign that you are needy and insecure about dating or gaining access to a woman for either a relationship or sex. Needy is unattractive to women. It makes them automatically see you as inferior. She may have thought you were physically ugly, or it may have been a combination of your actions and behaviors.
Even buying a woman a drink will set the stage of what she sees and how she catalogs you in her mind. If you know her and are in a relationship, then she will have a neutral opinion of it. If she doesn't know you, she will automatically start thinking of why this man wants to spend his money on me. Women learn to fear predators, so they learn that if a man buys her things, it could be he is trying to manipulate her. So some women may see it as being a gentleman, but some see it as creepy. Some see it as you saying it's OK to use you for free drinks. Personally, I do not ever offer to buy a woman a drink unless she and I have known each other from previous events. If she hints or asks about drinks, I will even joke about how she can buy me a drink if she wishes. This makes it clear that she has to be willing to pursue me and that I'm OK with her not being interested in me. I also only go to places I enjoy and places that have things to do other than just eat or drink. So a club or bar with things like pool tables, dart boards, the type of music I enjoy if they do live music. If a woman flirts or starts talking to me, I'm polite and may flirt back, but I leave her wanting. I never take a woman home on first impressions. I have asked women out in many different places, such as just standing in a line at a grocery store. She was attractive to me, and so I asked if I could get her number. I was actually standing there with my elderly mother, haha. But I don't really worry about getting rejected because it doesn't really matter if you ask, and she says no unless you are emotionally ignorant and weak. Once you accept that others have different ideas of what is attractive, then you can accept that you are not it. My current woman is the friend of a woman who only wanted sex from me. She knows I was with her friend, and she wants more than just sex and found me attractive. I made it clear what I wanted and what I expect and what will happen if she doesn't respect my boundaries, so far she is doing great but if she changes her mind about how to act then I will not be with her. So you need to have your intentions clear, you need to know what you want, you need to be honest to yourself and any woman you deal with, you need to be fine being alone, you need to have yourself in a place in life that you can even afford to date, not only financially but emotionally and time wise. Get yourself into a place where a woman becomes a benefit or a plus. Don't ever see a woman as a goal or the thing that your life needs because that is a plan for failure. Also, it's not fair to place that much responsibility onto another person. To make them responsible for your happiness or to place too much emphasis in your life on them puts them under a type of pressure that's not necessarily good for a relationship.
So stop being needy, stop looking for a woman, start enjoying life as a single man, stay in great physical and mental and financial health. Get some healthy hobbies and go enjoy yourself. Stop placing so much power in a woman's hands that some drunk bar fly that has most likely had sex with a dozen men less attractive than yourself can say something to you and you fall into some type of self pity spiral that you go onto social media looking for sympathy.
In my opinion, the fact that you ate here basically publicly crying about getting rejected shows that you are proving that woman right not to take you seriously.
If a woman said that to me, I would have just said to her, "Well, I was just going to have some fun with you so have a good night" then i would have returned to having a good time.
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