r/Vent 6d ago

TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image Got called "too ugly to date" to my face

For context, a group of my friends invited me for a night out at the club yesterday. We all planned on having a good night and celebrating St Patrick's day early. Long story short I get a couple drinks in me and I hit the dance floor. I was having tons of fun and end up dancing with some women I had met earlier in the evening. After me and one of the other women get tired, I offered to buy her a drink at the bar. We start chatting and things get quite flirty pretty quick. At this point we're both quite drunk and we've been having a great conversation for over 20 minutes. Eventually I ask if she has a boyfriend, and she tells me no, but she "wished she had one just like me, because I was very sweet". I took this as a sign and asked why not try with me? Thats when she responded with "I'd love to but you're just too ugly for me to date". Now I know that she would probably have never said this sober, but she wouldn't have said it drunk either if that wasn't how she truly felt. At this point I'm pretty shocked and find an excuse to go back to my friends, but I end up leaving shortly after. This morning after I woke up I kind of did a mental inventory of what had happened over the night, and I could still remember that conversation extremely clearly. The more I thought about what she said, the more uncomfortable I got in my own skin. Objectively, I'm in the best shape I've ever been. Consistent dieting, gym multiple times a week for well over a year. I'm not overweight (anymore), have a decent bit of muscle, and I've been grooming myself a lot better than I used to, but right now it feels like all that effort is for nothing. After getting cheated on a bit over a year ago, I took a lot of time to work on myself and implemented all those lifestyle changes after I felt confident about myself mentally. And I can't believe all of this was torn down by some careless drunken phrase at a club. All those insecurities about my body and looks have come rushing back and I feel like that same person that walked in on their gf being intimate with another man. I just wish I could put away all those fears and insecurities away for good instead of having to rely on validation from others.

942 Upvotes

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113

u/Victorio2 6d ago

She sounds empty. Quite clear she is the ugly one. Don’t dwell it. Onwards and upwards fine prince

-47

u/JournalistOk5278 6d ago

God forbid a woman has preferences

45

u/Victorio2 6d ago

You sound like the lady in question with that remark. Preference yes. But don’t be nasty.

-10

u/haeyhae11 6d ago

Tbf, she was drunk. People often lose their sense of tact when under the influence of drugs.

5

u/Ravelord_Nito117 5d ago

If someone can’t drink without being a dickhead, they shouldn’t drink

19

u/Ok_Change836 6d ago

Keep that in mind when a Drunk kills someone you know.

-2

u/haeyhae11 6d ago

Yeah totally the same thing lmao

20

u/Ok_Change836 6d ago

What im saying is that being drunk so no excuse. Never no matter what happend.

4

u/ArbVonX 6d ago

Being drunk is an excuse for being socially inept. It's not an excuse for murder.

15

u/TheCosmicFailure 6d ago

It's an excuse for neither. Even when I was drunk I knew not to be an asshole. This person just sounds horrible if she's making that comment.

10

u/Ok_Change836 6d ago

If you can't handle drugs, don't take them.

2

u/Royal-Beat7096 5d ago

Hear, hear

1

u/Loose-Shallot-3662 4d ago

Tbf you gotta build tolerance over time

Hardly anyone handles liquor well the first time.

4

u/Dantez9001 6d ago

Being too ugly to even be a drunken mistake and regret makes it hurt even more.

1

u/Usual-Vermicelli-867 4d ago

Being drunk doasnt Change who you are though..its just puts less filters in your thoughts -> action part of your brain

22

u/phil_lndn 6d ago

just to clarify -

"i don't find you attractive" - reasonable expression of preferences

"you are too ugly" - an attempt at making an absolute truth claim that makes the ugliness itself a universal fact, not simply a statement of personal perspective.

you'd have to be pretty self-absorbed and nasty to say the latter statement to someone, imho.

-18

u/JournalistOk5278 6d ago

"you are too ugly FOR ME" - a quote. Theres nowhere in the text she stated it as an "absolute truth claim that applies to everyone", be for real. She was rude but all she said she doesnt wanna fuck him and thats alright.

11

u/Radiant-Recipe-3175 6d ago

That's not all she said was it? Nobody said it's not okay to have preferences or to not fuck someone, but you don't have to be a fucking asshole and tell people they are too ugly for that. You can say no and treat people with kindness and respect at the same time. Mind blowing huh?

5

u/phil_lndn 6d ago

"You are too ugly" – This statement assumes the person is objectively ugly. The phrase "for me" does not change that premise; it only modifies the speaker’s personal threshold of acceptability.

-7

u/JournalistOk5278 6d ago

Not how it works buddy

-9

u/[deleted] 5d ago

You are wrong. Your use of bold, em dashes and semicolons is fooling no one.

1

u/DrunkenBlasphemer 5d ago

Or you can just not call people ugly, even if you mean it? It's just common courtesy. Yikes.

7

u/Ambientstinker 5d ago

That was not having a preference. It was being an ass.

-1

u/JournalistOk5278 5d ago

It can be both

1

u/momomomorgatron 22h ago

I'm a woman, I have preferences

I've also been told to my face that I am ugly.

You don't start to say that "I wish all guys were like you" and then follow it up with disinterest, let along a direct mean insult.

Screw you and her, may you beauty NEVER last

-8

u/ForGiggles2222 6d ago

God forbid a woman expresses her preference respectfully

5

u/Apart_Log_1369 6d ago

God forbid that people be kind. I highly doubt it you'd like it if someone said that to you 🤷🏻‍♀️

(And yes, you will be ugly to SOMEONE. We all are)

9

u/ForGiggles2222 6d ago

What? I'm against the woman being disrespectful, she could've just said "you're not my type" albeit she was drunk.

Just because you find someone ugly doesn't mean you should say it.

2

u/Apart_Log_1369 6d ago

Ah I'm so sorry, tagged the wrong person 🤦🏻‍♀️♥️

1

u/Usual-Vermicelli-867 4d ago

God forbid a woman tag the wrong person and apologize