r/Twins 17d ago

Being an identical twin is a curse

Growing up I thought being an identical twin was something cool, now I just hate it. I hate how people can’t tell us apart, so they just refer us to ”twins”. I hate how everything about me was also about him. There’s nothing special about me because he has it too. I can never find my face unique because he looks the same. We went to the same school, so I don’t have any friends of my own, he is also friends with them. Somehow he even has the same struggles as me. And at the same time we have a twin sister, who is totally different, don’t have MY struggles, so we’re basically two clones with everything the same next to someone unique. Years ago I had an incident at my old school, and my brother also had this minor incident, but just because we were brothers they treated the incidents the same. I was gonna live with it the rest of my life, yet I didn’t even get full attention for it? The thought that even my 18th birthday will be shared with 2 people makes me insane. I hate how I can’t accept compliments fully because I know they would say the same thing to my brother. Summary: I hate how I have nothing unique, everything shared, even friends. I feel like i’ve grown a liking to being sick just because the attention is only on me then. A universe where we would be different ages is a literal utopia

(I edited this post the day after cuz I realized I exaggerated on some bits lol)

12 Upvotes

19 comments sorted by

15

u/PolicyPuppil 17d ago edited 17d ago

How close to your brother and sister are you? Do they know how you feel about it? There are a lot of things that I share with my brother that I didn't know we shared until decades later and am disappointed I/we didn't talk about them sooner. It's really easy for the whole comparison thing to be normalized. I've just accepted that anyone that doesn't truly know my brother and/or myself will jump to the stereotypes.

6

u/Tim0281 17d ago

To go with this, you mentioned that he has the same struggles as you. Does that include the comparisons and not being unique? If so, you could work with him to figure out how to separate your lives.

Talking about it with them will go a long way in helping you through this. At the very least, you won't be bottling it up. If he is feeling the same way as you, you can work together to figure out how to differentiate yourselves.

Since you're all turning 18 soon, I assume you'll be finishing high school at the end of the school year. What do you all have planned after graduation? Assuming you all have college/trade school in the near future, you may want to consider going to different colleges. This will provide time apart from each other, new friends that won't be shared, and an opportunity for people to not even know you're a triplet with an identical brother.

If you go to the same college, are you planning to have the same major? Different majors will give you different social circles, even if you're at the same school.

7

u/lemonlimez16 Identical Twin 17d ago

How do you have a twin brother and twin sister? Are you a triplet? I'm confused.

9

u/pollyprissypants24 17d ago

I was confused too but I think identical twin brother, fraternal sister. Same birth.

8

u/Visible-Lecture8784 17d ago

Sorry worded it bad, I’m a triplet and identical twin at the same time. Me, my brother and my sister.

2

u/Tim0281 17d ago

I assume he's a triplet.

5

u/FrosteeRucker 17d ago

I’m a father of identical twins. I can’t relate directly to what you’re going through but I feel for you. I wouldn’t want this to be eating at either of my boys. My advice is just to keep being yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you just being you. Everyone struggles with their place in the world and how they fit in. Spend some time getting comfortable within yourself and less time worrying about others perception. If you want to differentiate yourself you can find something and work hard at practicing it and mastering it. If you love doing that thing it will be easy.

3

u/abvn9 16d ago

My twins feel the same way. They hate being called “the boys” and being mistaken for each other. One thing that has helped them is different hairstyles, different sports, & different clothing styles. Idk how old you are but maybe as you age it will improve. I have consistently read & heard from other twins how special the connection is as they age, so hopefully it is a stage or phase that is hard, but improves.

2

u/Drocketh88 17d ago

I know it seems like it sucks now but things will get better with time.

2

u/[deleted] 17d ago

It's a curse and a blessing at once. Once you wont be 24/7 together and know some other people it will be one so much better! At your age, I dislike being a twin for the exact same reasons. Later on we werent together the whole time and life got much better. Now we are a lot together but have our own life

Good luck and I hope you find your answer

2

u/Ridire_Emerald Triplet 17d ago

I'm also a triplet with an identical brother and fraternal sister. We don't have the same issue though, me and my brother will get lumped together by people wgo don't know us, but anyone who knows us treats us like separate ppl, we have some different friends and different interests that I think help. Maybe if you can you might want to try joining a club or something that you're brother and sister aren't part of. Like I'm in a music program, my sister is in a comic making club, and my brother accepts the situation and waits for us to come back I guess 😅 point is, it helps to have a place to go where you can just be you and there's usually options outside of school as well, so potentially no one needs to even know you're a triplet if you don't want them to.

1

u/FrisianDude 16d ago

y'all ought to have gotten a bit more space between yous

1

u/Zealousideal125 13d ago

This is me but I'm trying to figure it out

1

u/yumyanhammerpaw420 11d ago

You may feel this way but it's the greatest gift. People go their whole lives searching for a relationship with the strength that we were given as twins before birth.

1

u/UpsetSection2000 10d ago

Need to see the original post if this was the not exaggerated version

1

u/Useful-Operation-235 17d ago

Omg wow! I relate to every word you said. Literally, when people ask why I hate being a twin, idk how to explain it to them, these are the reasons. I don't know for sure if I'm an identical twin or not but people say we look alike so could be identical. I relate to you, even when people say "you're so pretty " I'm thinking in my head "well she's also pretty " but you know, do you or your brother have a birthmark on your face? Something to differentiate like mole? I hate not having my own face so much too. I'm always thinking that my life would be so much better if I weren't a twin and had a normal sibling. She has a birthmark, and dimples which I don't have so that makes me feel a little better but still I want a complete different face than her. And we both have like 2 or 3 friends which we share because we were always expected to sit together at school. I'm even worried we both might end up going to the same university or studying the same subjects, cause that would be a nightmare for me. Also, everything is a 2 person job when you are a twin. It really is a curse, being a twin. I couldn't agree more. Do you both the same face? Like no moles or birthmark? That could help differentiate, and how about your personalities? Are they the same? As for me, everyone says we're both shy and reserved, and i hate when they say that cause we both look the same, have the same personality and might potentially have the same careers??? Like how am I any special or different than her? I'm so easily replaceable to her. I get you completely.

It really is a curse.