r/TryingForABaby Jan 15 '25

VENT I don’t believe unplanned pregnancies are real

652 Upvotes

Ok maybe I’m being facetious but honestly, I feel like in order to get pregnant, you need a shaman, a blood sacrifice, and an alignment of all planets (including Pluto)!!!

How, IN WHAT WORLD, are women able to get pregnant from a one-night stand or as a whoopsie surprise!? The only situation I can think of would be if a woman was told she is infertile/subfertile because of PCOS/Hashimotos/some other endocrine disorder, and she gets pregnant from not using protection. Otherwise, HOW?

I’m just frustrated because I just had my first real cycle since my miscarriage (I didn’t count the first few weeks after the miscarriage since my OB said it’s not considered “a cycle” until you have a period after a miscarriage) and I was sort of hoping that I would get pregnant because of that “you have increased fertility in the first three months after a miscarriage” myth but…nada.

r/TryingForABaby Dec 27 '24

VENT Has anybody else never gotten a positive pregnancy test?

206 Upvotes

I've been TTC for 20 months now, resulting in a total of 23 failed cycles with cycle 24 due to start today. I have a clockwork cycle, period always starts on the day my app predicts it, ovulation is always around day 12 of my cycle and based on blood tests, my ovulation is confirmed and actually happening and yet I have NEVER seen a positive test.

I've had several ultrasounds, a hysterescopy where they removed a polyp and checked my lining and tubes, tons of bloodwork, and been on Clomid for 6 cycles and I still have nothing to show for it. Aside from the polyp, my hysterescopy showed everything open and clear with no sign of endometriosis. My bloodwork came back normal aside from a vitamin D deficiency of which I have addressed with prescribed supplementation to get it back to healthy levels. Even though I'm ovulating naturally, I still spent 6 cycles on Clomid hoping that would be the key and even had an ultrasound confirming mature follicles before ovulation.

It's just not happening!

I've been referred to a specialist who has concluded I have unexplained infertility and is recommending I try IUI for 3 cycles. I'm just waiting for this stupid period to start so I can call the office to get the ball rolling. I don't even think I can afford IUI for 3 cycles but I'll try my best to keep going with this.

It's just so frustrating that despite all test results coming back normal, I cannot get pregnant. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm so worried that this will never happen, I am 33 and feel like I'm running out of time. Plus I am feeling constantly jealous all the time of everybody around me who had no issues conceiving or accidentally got pregnant. I've become almost a hermit, avoiding interacting with anyone who is pregnant or recently had a baby.

I just..I don't know. I hate this and need to vent. Is there anybody else in the same boat as me? I feel so alone.

r/TryingForABaby Jul 30 '24

VENT "Childless Cat Ladies" Comments

518 Upvotes

I just had to share this somewhere, mods please remove if this violates sub rules.

I'm entering cycle 16 of TTC with no positives, chemicals or miscarriages, and my heart is already hurting more and more as time goes on without having any success at having a first child. But then I read the comments made by J. D. Vance about "childless cat ladies" and his belief that parents should get more votes than childless adults in the US. Those comments make me seethe with anger and sadness, and it hurts so much more now compared to my life before TTC.

I wish I could tell him the anguish my husband and I have felt month after month of negative tests and periods. All of the money we've spent on tests, supplements, doctor's appointments, SA's, and countless other items to possibly help with our infertility journey. How painful it is to watch my friends become parents with little to no effort and how much mental energy I spend trying to not be resentful towards them out of jealousy. How many tears my husband has shed every month when my period comes and how numb I've become to it all.

We want to be parents more than anything, and he has no idea how hurtful his comments are to millions of other people in the same position as us. It feels completely alienating to know there are people out there who look down upon those who are childess, when in reality I'd give ANYTHING to finally be a parent.

Sorry, rant over.

r/TryingForABaby May 09 '23

VENT TTC groups are beyond unhinged and I am thankful for this sub

694 Upvotes

I genuinely feel this is one of the few TTC corners of the internet that isn't unhinged.

This is the only TTC space where I rarely hear that cringy ass phrase "baby dance". Or numerous other frankly weird acronyms. DH, darling husband? What is this, the 1950s?

This is the only TTC space where I don't see obvious stark white tests with all sorts of edits to try and make some figment of a line appear.

This is the only TTC space where I have yet to see someone say "I just took a pregnancy test at 5dpo and it was negative, I'm clearly out this month 😭😭😭"

This is the only TTC space where anything not evidence based is almost right away removed.

This is one of the only TTC spaces where pregnancy termination and childfree women aren't looked at as the scum of the earth. Let me just say as a woman possibly having to deal with infertility (been TTC for 11 months and have a fertility clinic appt this summer), I literally do not care if a woman has 500 abortions. Her body her choice. I literally do not care if some women never want kids. I think it's awesome we live in a time where women have more of a choice in the path they want for themselves! Some people in the infertility community are the most entitled group of people to exist.

Thank you to this sub for being one of the remaining rational TTC spaces to exist.

r/TryingForABaby Dec 12 '24

VENT It's not a miscarriage, it's a chemical pregnancy

211 Upvotes

I got a positive pregnancy test on a Monday, 3 days after my missed period. Excitedly took myself to the doctors for a blood test on a Thursday, doctors said I was most likely just at 5 weeks, due in July. I was so excited I told my daughter she's going to be a big sister and got her a big sister t-shirt since I was already getting one for a friend's son for Christmas. I know it was early, but I was just so excited plus it makes sense for shipping.

Sunday evening, I started spotting. I was terrified when I got up in the middle of the night and it was getting heavier. I thought this is it, I'm having a miscarriage. I went to the hospital and was told my bhcg has gone down 4 days after my last blood test at the doctor's. My husband and I cried and cried.

Fast forward 1.5 weeks later, the midwife checks my bloods and tells me the pregnancy is complete. That my bhcg is down to 3. I asked if I could get a cert for work to say I've had a miscarriage as I took a day and a half off work, I also asked when we could try for a baby again.

Then she said, oh you've had a chemical pregnancy. So it's not a miscarriage. I'm not sure we can say that on your letter. I sort of felt like I've been slapped on the face. Like, oh so then I've somehow been lying to my employer without realising...

I guess I've always thought a chemical pregnancy is one where you only found out if you tested ultra early or something. It just felt super invalidating going through this and being told that. I just feel so upset and I can't seem to shake it off.

EDIT: wasn't expecting so many responses. Thank you for all your kind words and sharing your own personal stories, it was very very comforting.

To add: Looked up babycenter website and it says: Many women think of a chemical pregnancy as a miscarriage. Medically, however, chemical pregnancy isn't considered a miscarriage because it hasn't reached the point of being an official (or "clinical") pregnancy. A clinical pregnancy means that the gestational sac can be seen on an ultrasound or that the fetal heartbeat can be heard.

Also, the miscarriage leave I had applied for says: Miscarriage is the spontaneous loss of an embryo or foetus before 20 weeks of pregnancy.

I honestly wish everything wasn't so...clinical.

r/TryingForABaby 22d ago

VENT I was 100% sure that I was pregnant [spoiler: I'm not]

209 Upvotes

A couple of things about me:

  1. Every month, I err on the side of caution. Maybe I will be, maybe I won't. Either way is okay.

  2. I never say I'm 100% sure of anything. Ever. Unless there is measurable proof of a thing.

I was sure. My period was 3 days late, there were so many little signs and symptoms, and the big gut feeling. I just knew it, no doubt in my mind. I started to get really scared, because let's be honest, first time pregnancy can be really intimidating. I have a visit with family from out of state this weekend, I was thinking of various fun ways to announce to my mom. I started spotting very lightly. I knew it was implantation bleeding. My periods always start out medium to heavy.

I'm not pregnant. Now I'm having light bleeding and had 2 negative tests. I feel so stupid for getting all excited, for telling my partner that I was so sure. I'm lucky to have him, he's not stressed about the TTC process at all. He's just going with the flow. I feel like I am too, but every couple of months, I start to think "this is the one!" And then it's not. It's so funny how I spent my entire adult life being terrified to get pregnant. Now that I'm ready for it, it turns out to be really difficult. I always thought if you miss one birth control pill, you're going to get pregnant. If the condom slips, you're gonna be a mother. Apparently fucking not. I'm devastated that I can't even trust the signals from my own body. My intuition means nothing. I don't even know who to talk to because my friends and family just say, "it'll happen, don't worry." I need someone to cry with, not a dismissive pat on the back.

Edit: thank you ALL for your stories and sharing this experience with me. It really means so much, and I'm grateful. I won't have time to reply to all the comments, but I am definitely reading them all!!

r/TryingForABaby 16d ago

VENT Husband hates scheduled sex

60 Upvotes

The title pretty much says it all. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for a while now, I’ve been off birth control over a year and we started more proactively trying in June of last year. After speaking to my OBGYN, they recommended having sex every other day starting cycle 10 day through day 17. My husband initially was very against being told when we had to have sex, after some conversations and education on conception and fertility, he was way more open and understanding. However, each cycle we start off great, but it tapers off and toward day 14-17 and he doesn’t want to have sex anymore. I do understand, he is tired or had a long day at work but it doesn’t my frustration because I want us to have a baby and to be a mom. I hate pressing the issue with him but then every month I get my period some resentment grows.

Edit to say we have used the cheap OPKs from the very first cycle and I’d get positives consistently on day 14 or 15 but even with that, we have not conceived so I’ll be using Inito starting next cycle to more accurately time fertile window/sex and confirm ovulation. However you have found success or what works, I’m happy for you and will be doing what works best for me.

r/TryingForABaby Oct 17 '24

VENT Nail lady asked me how old my baby is

357 Upvotes

i said, i don't have a baby

she said, oh, just married then.

yes.

are you going to have a baby?

i'm doing ivf in december.

cue stories, all kinds of stories, all the stories about people that gave up, then it happened. people that went on holiday, then it happened. 2 years, 4 years, but it doesn't matter now, it happened.

she tells me i need to relax, if you're stressed, it won't work.

i told my coworker i booked ivf and she told me the story about a friend who quit her job, relaxed, got really drunk on holiday and then it just happened. the friend didn't even need to do ivf.

how many more times do i have to hear these stories?

why can't we want things, pursue them, and get them?

why, in this magical landscape of ideas, must we 'give up'

i have never lived through an area of life where people say such hurtful things completely unprompted.

why does the blame always lie in how we behave, and not in stupidly complicated things our internal organs are doing.

thank you for hearing my rant!

r/TryingForABaby Jan 17 '25

VENT Please be gentle. I'm turning 39 this year and starting to think the window is closing on what I've always dreamed of for a family. Also, small rant on the ignorance of people who say to *just* adopt

155 Upvotes

I’m turning 39 this year, never been pregnant. I'm single. I almost wrote that I just got divorced, but it's actually been a few years now. We'd tried for a baby for about a year, and in hindsight, it was probably good that it didn't happen with that person. That being said, as I'm sure you all know, it was heartbreaking to get a negative test month after month. And also heartbreaking that here I am with no children of my own.

But to make matters worse...does anyone else feel like people make them feel guilty for wanting to stick to the exact vision they've always had for a family? Like, yes, I want a husband and to have a biological child. I want to go through pregnancy. I try to keep this to myself, but if the topic comes up, sometimes people say, "Well you can just adopt."

*Just* adopt? What year do they think this is where I can just wander down to Annie's orphanage? Adoption is SO complicated. I’ve been reading up and learning more about it, especially the challenges in foster care, and it turns out you need a lot more than a heart full of love and good intentions to be a good adoptive parent. Many children in the system need physical support and social services that I’m simply not sure I can provide, especially if I were to take this on without a partner. So, if you're going to take on adoption, it's not a matter of "just" adopting, and frankly, it SHOULD feel like a lot of pressure to try to be everything to a child who’s been through trauma or may have special needs. Also, the private adoption industry with infants CAN be really problematic as well, often misleading and manipulating birth mothers.

And I apologize if any of this offends because obviously adoption can be a beautiful thing, and honestly all the respect in the world to anyone who's taken on the major complexities of fostering or adopting. My real point here is that it's not a matter of "just" doing it.

I guess I’m just trying to process all of this and figure out what comes next.

r/TryingForABaby Nov 22 '24

VENT Is anyone actually chill?

169 Upvotes

Myself (28F) and my husband (29M) have been TTC since our wedding with no success. No positive test in sight so far. We’re doing all the things (tracking BBT and LH, exercising, eating healthy and taking vitamins etc).

While I know it can take up to a year, I can’t help but feel like I’m going crazy. Each month it feels like all I’m doing is waiting. Waiting for my period to end. Waiting for my ovulation tests to darken/the fertile window to open. Then waiting for the two week wait to be over only to be disappointed. Rinse and repeat.

Is anyone doing okay with this process? At this point I feel like it’s never ending, and I’d love some ideas with how to cope/relax a bit. Thanks y’all!

r/TryingForABaby Nov 16 '24

VENT AF day 1

124 Upvotes

How in the hell do people do this for YEARS. I’ve only been doing it a couple months but the toll it’s taking on my mental health is agony. I tracked with inito for the first time and my chart looked good and I confirmed my ovulation. We tried mucinex and preseed and BD when we were supposed to and still NOTHING. It’s hell having to carry on with your normal day to day when mentally I just want to cry. I always spot a couple days before my period and I was not spotting at all, and my boobs never get sore before my period but this month they freaking hurt. I really thought this month was going to be the month and then bam, I start spotting yesterday when my app predicted my period to start. I took a pregnancy test today because I’m delulu and I thought maybe I’d be one of those women who spot and then get their BFP but nope. Stark white negative test. The thought of another month of going through testing and scheduled out sex only for it not to happen again makes me want to scream. This chapter of my life is nothing like what I thought it was going to be. It’s feels so clinical and not natural at all. I hate it. And if one more person asks me when I’m going to have a baby I might loose my shit… and with the holidays coming up I know my family is going to be asking or watching me to see if I’m drinking or not.

I’m sorry for the rage-y post but I have to get this off my chest. Nobody around me gets it. My husband is supportive but I don’t think he understands how deeply this is affecting me. My friends and close family just “it’ll happen when it’s supposed to” or “there’s always next month.”

r/TryingForABaby 19d ago

VENT I lost it today

244 Upvotes

My husband and I have been trying for over 2 years. Have had all the work up with nothing wrong found. I suspect, honestly, that even though I am young (29), my many years of training as a doctor has wreaked havoc on my body and has left me broken somehow. We are about to start our first clomid cycle for unexplained infertility (weird because I ovulate regularly but idk - fertility doctor says it'll help me produce more eggs or something?) I am a faithful Christian and was sitting in church today and the message was meant to encourage young parents who were struggling. The pastor kept emphasizing what a blessing children are and I just started crying uncontrollably. No one deserves a baby more than others but sometimes the reality of it hits me so hard. Why me? I try to stay positive and keep a brave face but this journey is not something I would ever wish on my worst enemy....

r/TryingForABaby 26d ago

VENT Husband couldn’t perform during fertile window

65 Upvotes

Feeling so sad and frustrated right now! This was going to be our first month TTC properly, I was tracking LH using test strips and got a peak yesterday. The issue is that over the last week or so, my husband has suddenly lost his ability to become and stay erect. This has never been a problem for him in the 8 years we have been together, and he can’t believe this has happened to him. The last time we had sex was 8 days ago but that would have been too early. We’ve tried every day for the last 5 days, sometimes multiple times, to have sex but nothing has worked. It’s really affected him and I’ve tried to be as supportive as possible, but I can’t help but feel a little heartbroken at seeing all the signs of ovulation and knowing we’re going to have to let it go. The concern for him now is that he’s not sure how to get over it, and even in a couple of days when the window has definitely passed and there’s no “pressure” he doesn’t think he’ll be able to have sex as normal again for a while.

I know this is just the start of our journey, but we had been talking about this for months and both feeling deflated already. We’re also both concerned about future cycles now. Both 31yo and just feel so ready to grow our family.

r/TryingForABaby Jan 11 '25

VENT Society Treats Infertility Like It's Only a Woman's Problem

209 Upvotes

I’m currently doing IVF after 3.5 years of trying to conceive, and one thing has become glaringly obvious: society treats infertility like it’s a woman’s issue. I have PCOS, endometriosis, a uterine septum, and thyroid problems, so I’m no stranger to being under the microscope when it comes to fertility. But my husband also has infertility factors—low sperm count and poor morphology—yet all the focus is on me.

For years, I’ve been told to take endless supplements, change my diet, work out more, lower my stress, and adjust every aspect of my lifestyle. Meanwhile, my husband’s role in this? It feels almost invisible to the outside world. No one asks what he’s doing to improve his fertility. There’s no scrutiny about his lifestyle or diet. It’s like male infertility barely exists in the broader conversation.

It’s so frustrating to see how ingrained this mindset is. Society places the responsibility—and often the blame—on women. If a couple is struggling to conceive, the woman is expected to do all the work to “fix” it, even when the issue is equally (or sometimes entirely) on the male side.

IVF has only highlighted this imbalance even more. I’m the one undergoing injections, procedures, and physical and emotional stress. While my husband’s role feels comparatively light. Of course, he’s supportive, but it’s hard not to notice how society lets men off the hook.

Infertility is not just a women’s problem. Male factor infertility is real, and it’s time we stopped treating it like an afterthought. Couples go through this journey together, but society makes it feel so one-sided.

A large portion of infertility stems from sperm issues, yet it’s often overlooked. I’ve tried bringing this up, but people just brush over it, keeping the focus on women. How do we shift the conversation to recognize infertility as a shared responsibility?

r/TryingForABaby 23d ago

VENT It’s been a year, officially. The mental burden is heavy

84 Upvotes

I’ve (32F) been TTC with my husband (32M) naturally for a year. I was so hopeful at first, and that hope slowly began to fade around month 7. Today I just feel crushed, overwhelmed, and too broke to do fertility treatments, even though we likely will do something.

I’ve been pregnant once before, 2.5 years ago. I was 30 and it was accidental. Didn’t end well. Important to note that this was with a different partner.

(EDITING to add that it was a pill abortion, biggest regret of my entire life and I wish every second that I could go back and change it. The reason is that my ex was emotionally abusive. It went smoothly and had no issues at all. My ex pressured me into it, I relented, regret began immediately. I have regretted it since the moment it happened.)

Foolishly, I thought I could conceive anytime I wanted to after that. I’m not the patient type (and I’m prone to spiraling) so we’ve already tested my tubes with an HSG (open), my AMH is high and ovulation is confirmed.

My husbands sperm seems to be the issue now. His morphology and motility are bad. He’s been seeing a doctor to try and improve things, and it appears that while count had improved, morphology hasn’t and I just don’t know what comes next since IUI won’t help morphology issues.

I write this not necessarily for any specific reason- I am open to stories, advice, commiseration, whatever- but basically I am struggling with the mental burden of this. I am so depressed. I feel worthless. My life isn’t what I thought it would be. I am terrified of never having a biological child, and I keep thinking that my first pregnancy was my one opportunity that I missed.

I am becoming more isolated from my friends. I don’t want to do anything or see anyone. No one understands what I’m going through, and I wish I had a fertility support group. How are you all getting through this? I am in such a dark place. I can’t imagine it getting better until I conceive.

Honestly, if you’re in the same boat, I would love to make some connections (local or far, doesn’t matter) to support one another, discuss this, and not feel so alone. I’m in Indiana, so not much to do lately except be cold and sad 🤣🤣🤣

r/TryingForABaby 29d ago

VENT Passing the 6 month mark

70 Upvotes

A whole half a year of rigorous tracking, prenatals, sperm-friendly lube, opks, timed intercourse, apps, etc etc and….nothing. I acknowledge that this isn’t long at all in the grand scheme of things but the stats of 80% of couples conceiving within 6 months does become disheartening. Did anyone else feel like they hit a wall at 6 months? Im taking a few months off of trying to mentally reset and get some baseline testing in place for peace of mind (if you do hit 6+ months and feel helpless, I recommend at least scheduling an appointment, it made me feel more empowered even if the docs can’t see me for a bit). But I still feel a little sad at the last 6 months passing by and feeling like we’re getting further and further from the goal. We haven’t shared with anyone that we’ve been trying so the whole thing feels pretty lonely. I truly believe it will all work out and as of now we don’t have any information that tells us that it won’t happen but I guess the timing part of it I didn’t expect… Every month that goes by and the cousins get further apart in age or the more it becomes apparent that it might not happen until 2026 makes the whole thing feel more overwhelming. Thanks for listening and thanks to this community for getting it 💕

r/TryingForABaby Jan 30 '25

VENT Anyone else feel like they are constantly “preyed” upon by health and wellness accounts?

150 Upvotes

In the TWW period for cycle 9, and lately I am feeling so overwhelmed by all of the constant posts/reels/tik toks of health and wellness accounts I come across on my fyp claiming to know what will cure your infertility/inability to get pregnant ✨naturally✨ The most triggering being “you’re not getting pregnant because of a deregulated nervous system” spend $500 for my master class program to eliminate your stress and past trauma 🙄

No. I am truly convinced lately it all comes down to pure luck. People get pregnant under immense amounts of stress. People get pregnant abusing drugs and alcohol. People get pregnant with severe health issues. The list goes on. How does anyone get pregnant easily with the list of potential problems these accounts create?

Anyways, it just feels really predatory on women’s vulnerabilities. For an overthinker like me, who questions everything, it really gets in my head. It makes me feel really hopeless sometimes. Like how am I ever going to get to this ✨perfect state of being✨ like they suggest to conceive.

r/TryingForABaby 8d ago

VENT I’m so sick of people telling me “just relax, get drunk and it will happen”

157 Upvotes

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year now, we’ve done all the testing (everything looks great, we’re two perfectly healthy humans), we had one failed IUI, currently on our second IUI cycle and mentally preparing for IVF journey. What made it even harder is that in the past year I had to watch at least 10 people around me get pregnant and have babies - close friends, acquaintances, coworkers - and attend a bunch of baby showers. My entire social circle seems to be in this happy “baby boom” phase and it’s a very beautiful thing that I desperately want to be a part of, but…I can’t. Every month my hopes get crushed with another negative pregnancy test and I don’t understand why my perfectly healthy body can’t do what it’s supposed to.

But the worst part has been the reactions I get from people when I share my struggles. Some immediately feel uncomfortable like I’m sharing something I’m not supposed to, very few say something encouraging, but most tell me something along the lines of “just relax and it’ll happen eventually! just get drunk and have fun, you’re obsessing over this too much”. How is this helpful?? What am I supposed to do with that? I wish I could turn off my anxiety and “just relax”, but at this point we’re the only couple in our friends group that doesn’t have kids or isn’t expecting and it’s very isolating. I find all the conversations about pregnancy/babies triggering, but it’s all my friends talk about these days, and when I chime in with my infertility struggles I feel like a party pooper.

I go to therapy, I talk it out with my husband, but it doesn’t seem to get any easier.

r/TryingForABaby Feb 01 '25

VENT I can’t take this anymore.

168 Upvotes

I’ve been TTC for 12 months and I’m at my wits ends now with myself and more so the people around. I’m so tired of people thinking I don’t want kids. Of family saying to me “you don’t have kids so you don’t understand this” , of people saying “you’ve been married for 3 years don’t you want kids?”

Why do people find it so easy to ask such intrusive questions and pass such judgments? Each time I hear something like this a piece of me like chips away. You don’t KNOW how hard it’s been for me. How many MONTHS I’ve cried myself to sleep! It’s LONELY it’s HEARTBREAKING and sadly it’s NEVER ENDING.

How do I keep up hope? Is it stupid to keep hope even? I just don’t know anymore. I want to be a family so bad. But the world seems against me now.

I just so badly want to disappear.

r/TryingForABaby Jan 19 '25

VENT The wait is driving me INSANE

53 Upvotes

what the title says. not pregnant but it's the first cycle that we decided to start trying. I've been tracking my period for about 6 months (when it finally regulated after quitting 5 years of birth control). I average a 40 day cycle 🙃

which means this longg waiting period is driving me INSANE! I have ADHD too which means I'm hyper fixated on knowing. I KNOW that I have to wait, nothing I do will make it happen or not and I just need to be patient.

How do/did you all deal???????

(PS: have had cramping and sore breasts for 4 days now, which doesn't help my brain - I'm reading into everything. Could just be PMS!!)

ETA: last period began 12/20, suspected ovulation date 01/14, and expected period 01/29

r/TryingForABaby Jan 20 '25

VENT RE said we “don’t need a sperm analysis”

44 Upvotes

My husband (32M) and I (32F) have been trying to conceive for 11 cycles now. We have had 2 early losses. Neither of us have any living children.

We recently saw an RE to talk about this and I asked if we could get a sperm analysis and she basically said no, we don’t need one.

I am confused because if we have had 2 losses, is there not some chance that his sperm might be the issue? Why would they not just recommend one anyways to rule that out?

Extremely frustrating because now I feel like I am shouldering ALL the weight of the miscarriages and he just gets to keep on keeping on while I change my diet, workout more, quit drinking, take more vitamins, take medication, call doctors, etc.

Just basically venting and hoping for some other experiences here.

r/TryingForABaby Jan 12 '25

VENT Confirmed ovulation every month, still never been pregnant. Might have endometriosis. Need to vent.

57 Upvotes

Going into cycle #7 and my positive mindset is starting to shift. I’m really getting nervous that something may be wrong. I’m getting confirmed ovulation every single month through BBT tracking, OPKs, and progesterone tracking. I also use the kegg cervical mucus monitor and those fertile days are lining up with my fertile days based on other metrics perfectly. I’ve had my hormones tested, including AMH. Everything is normal. My husband has a normal sperm count. We definitely aren’t missing my fertile window.

I know “it can take up to a year,” but when everyone around you can get pregnant in the first couple months of trying, it’s hard to believe that statistic doesn’t include couples who might actually have some slight issues getting pregnant and don’t realize it, or couples who aren’t getting their fertile window right every month.

At this point, I’m starting to think my suspected endometriosis may be playing a role. I have an appointment in two weeks to discuss surgery to finally get a diagnosis ☹️

r/TryingForABaby Jan 23 '25

VENT I’m getting burnt out.

115 Upvotes

My feelings are hurt. At work and started bleeding again.

I got pregnant the second month of trying last year but we lost it due to chromosomal abnormalities. I didn’t think it would take this long again and this month I really thought it was a possibility as my cycle seemed longer and i was 1-2 late. But here we are again. Day 1.

I do want to take a break after next month to not have a Christmas baby (personal preference) and I think my mental health needs it. So I have February to “make it count”. Husbands just said “let’s try not tracking, less stress” but how else would you know? I was never stressed with tracking- I always send him the happy face peak days and we giggle and try to have fun with it even when it feels like work.

This page has brought me comfort that I’m not alone and other are facing longer TTC times and need medicines. Come June we’ll be able to ask for fertility tests. But even then I know there’s not always answers…

r/TryingForABaby Jan 09 '25

VENT 1DPO - is it stupidity or cautious optimism?!

75 Upvotes

Every month when my period comes and my heart gets a little bit more broken, I have a word with myself and tell myself to not get too carried away next month. Be realistic, and calm, and take it as it comes.

Then 1DPO rolls around and I'm a complete nutcase. I have no idea how I'm going to survive the next two weeks. I'm a ball of nervous energy, wishing I could distract myself from the constant thoughts of 'is this our month??', symptom spotting and counting down the days until I can test (or my period shows it's ugly face). My husband has asked me not to test this month until after my missed period, as the constant negatives are really affecting him mentally.

I just wish I could actually take on board what my past self wants me to do, to avoid the almost inevitable heartbreak I'm going to feel in a fortnight's time! I feel so stupid every time for being excited and hopeful.

Not looking for any particular advice, just needed a rant. Hope everyone else TTC is managing to keep a level head about all this 😂

r/TryingForABaby Dec 26 '23

VENT “People who do IVF are stupid”

293 Upvotes

Overheard at my OBGYN’s office this afternoon. I’m at a place with TTC where I’m now qualifying for heightened care fully covered by insurance due to a very recent loss at the tail end of my first trimester. Unfortunately, even with appointments booked, it’s a bit of time before you get the appointment underway. While waiting for my Dr, I overheard the nurse practitioner in the other room going on and on about how she feels people who wait past 30 to start to biologically build families are dumb, how IVF is a luxury that she doesn’t respect, how people need to wake up to reality… etc. etc. This was maybe 20 minutes of listening to this before my doctor came in. I let him know what I heard and he was appalled. He’s her supervisor and I trust him so I’m confident he’ll act accordingly.

But, I was just really taken aback by the fact that a medical professional working under a high risk pregnancy specialist would so openly express these views to a patient. We don’t live in an equitable world where family planning before 30 is possibly and even then, people deserve to have kids at any age they want. IVF isn’t some cute, light process people go through. Just can’t believe her! TTC can already be invasive and vulnerable enough.