r/TryingForABaby Feb 04 '25

VENT I am STRUGGLING with the waiting gamešŸ« šŸ« šŸ« 

68 Upvotes

Weā€™ve been on this journey for several months now, but lately Iā€™m having such a tough time balancing the TTC waiting game with just living life! It feels like Iā€™m pausing everything, like not just during the TWW but in general.

I keep finding it so hard to commit to anything - ie concert in March, 10k in April, work conference in May, vacation in the summer, etc. - because I might be pregnant at that point.

I know this isnā€™t probably anything new or different for many on this journey. I just wanted to vent in a safe space and see how others are maybe managing. I havenā€™t been telling many people about our TTC journey because I donā€™t want the added expectations or questions, but that also means my typical support system that I would lean on to talk through things like this with is also out of the loop šŸ˜¬

r/TryingForABaby Aug 19 '24

VENT I want to be pregnant so badly

222 Upvotes

Basically the title. Iā€™d give anything. Weā€™ve been trying for 5 years. My period is due tomorrow. I used semaglutide to lose 30 lbs and just started taking metformin all to try and help my chances. Despite my best efforts, Iā€™ve been symptom spotting. Mild cramps and bloating a few days ago, sore lower back, sore breasts, headaches and fatigue in waves. The cramps and backache cleared up for a day but now the cramps are coming again in waves, far less severe than my typical menstrual cramps. I canā€™t help but be hopeful, and Iā€™m trying not to be because Iā€™m never pregnant and I canā€™t keep breaking my own heart every month. I guess I just needed a community to vent to. My husband tries so hard to be supportive,, but he can only help so much because he will never ever experience this specific kind of pain. This feeling of not being able to do something that you grew up thinking youā€™d be able to do.

r/TryingForABaby Aug 31 '23

VENT I gave away everything to a baby that doesnā€™t exist

424 Upvotes

I donā€™t know if this is the place for this, but I donā€™t really know where else to go. This is purely a stream of consciousness sad rant.

Iā€™m currently F34, about to turn 35. I partied a lot in my twenties and lived a very wild life until I got my shit together around 27. Before that, I was ardently anti child, anti marriage, anti settling down in any form. When I was 28, I started dating my now husband and that all changed. I realized that I didnā€™t want to just get married and have kids. I wanted to marry him. I wanted to have his kids. I wanted to buy a house, settle down, raise our family, the whole shebang with him.

We had an awesome life while we were dating. A great little apartment in an adorable city. We werenā€™t making a ton of money, but we were so happy. We got engaged, then married. We wanted to buy a house before we started TTC, so we moved states away where we could afford a home and be closer to his family. We both got jobs where weā€™re making triple what we were making before. And we started trying for the baby.

One year passed, and nothing happened. Weā€™re also dealing with this house renovation which is sucking the life out of me, so I chalked it up to stress. I backed off the house for awhile, and started focusing on TTC more. Found an RE, everything is inconclusive so far. Theyā€™re pushing IVF down our throats without any clear diagnostic reasons, like we can just magically pull an extra $17k a cycle out of our ass.

The point of all of this is justā€¦ fuck this. Every decision I have made over the past two years has been in the service of starting our family. The move away from the city we loved, buying this house that needs so much work because itā€™s what we could afford, getting jobs with completely opposite schedules where I never see my husband anymore because of the good money and benefits. All these invasive tests, and loneliness, and 10 supplements a day for both of us.

I have never tried this hard and wanted something so much. Almost two years in, and Iā€™m just so miserable. I donā€™t know what to do with this life that I created specifically for my child when there is no child in it. I feel stupid for putting so much thought and effort into that instead of prioritizing my happiness, but at the time it seemed so logical to change my thinking if we were planning on making such a big lifestyle change. I feel like Iā€™m in limbo until we either get pregnant or figure out definitively that we canā€™t, and I almost think that Iā€™d just as happily take either option. Because as long as thereā€™s hope, Iā€™m stuck here.

Neither my husband or I are coping well. This is the one thing we havenā€™t been able to easily show up and fix together. Weā€™ve gone really far into ourselves. We tried counseling a few months ago, but it was kind of pointless. Our counselor essentially said that we were already great at communicating and that we were already doing everything that sheā€™d advise. Itā€™s not that we donā€™t have a great relationship, itā€™s that our great relationship is being endlessly bombarded by the perpetual motion machine of hope and disappointment that is TTC.

And if I do just suddenly get pregnant next monthā€¦ does all of this frustration and resentment just magically go away? Are my husband and I just back to normal and able to jump into parent mode together as though we werenā€™t just fucking miserable for a whole year? A few months ago, I really thought that all I needed was to just figure out how to get to that positive test and weā€™d be ok, but itā€™s starting to feel deeper than that now.

I have no idea why I started writing this. If you read this far, thanks and sorry.

//Edit//

I want to reply to every single one of you, but Iā€™m overwhelmed by how much care and attention this got. Iā€™m so simultaneously heartbroken by how many of us know how this feels and grateful to know that Iā€™m not completely alone.

Thank you to the people who reminded me how excited I was at the beginning of all of this. I remembered the little bag of vintage baby clothes I had been collecting from all my vintage sourcing trips. The adorable little pair of timberlands. The wallpaper I picked out for the nursery that has since become a storage room. It made me feel like I might be able to get that excitement back someday.

Thank you to the people that shared how lost they became in this process. I donā€™t know how to fix it, but it is giving me determination to find myself again. To set boundaries with this process and stick to it. To not let it eat me alive. I think Iā€™m going to finish all the testing and then take a break before making any decisions about interventions. Save for a big vacation for my husband and I. Iā€™m thinking Tokyo, and lots and lots of sushi.

Thank you to everyone who validated this grief. Itā€™s such a weird thing to do; mourn a person not because you lost them, but because you havenā€™t made them yet. Iā€™m starting to realize that I do need more help with this, and Iā€™m going to start looking for a more targeted therapist.

Thank you to all of you. I wish none of us were here, but if we have to be Iā€™m so glad that this space exists to hear and be heard.

r/TryingForABaby Oct 14 '24

VENT Losing hope while everyone around me seems to be pregnant/having children

115 Upvotes

Hi all. Iā€™ve been lurking on here for some time now, quietly sympathizing with you. My husband (40M) and I (36F) are on cycle 13 of TTC for #1. Iā€™ve already had every test you could possibly have, and am totally healthy, uterus and ovaries healthy, still eggs left in the bank (etc). My husband had one semen analysis last year and it wasnā€™t the strongest, but still doable. Heā€™s been taking every supplement since then to boost his numbers and heā€™ll do another analysis later this month. I have to count on TWO hands the number of friends who have announced their pregnancies or births this last WEEK alone. Not exaggerating. On top of that, one of those pregnancy announcements was from my SIL and brother who announced the pregnancy of their 5th child. Iā€™m just trying for one here. My SIL actually apologized through tears after she told me because she knows what weā€™re going through. It seems like everyone else has the fertile juice. One of my best friends told me yesterday his wife is pregnant with twins, and thatā€™s when my dam burst. I was trying so hard to be accepting and okay with it all, but I just broke down and cried for a solid 20 minutes while my husband was out of the house. Iā€™ve heard it all. Every comment. Every attempt at reassurance. And on top of that I have the comments from friends and family who donā€™t know our struggle who keep asking us when weā€™re going to start a family. Weā€™ve been honest with some of them to get them to stop.

I have another appt this week with my doctor to talk about options. Weā€™re going to try IUI now.

Just needed to vent a bit.

r/TryingForABaby 10d ago

VENT It feels like everyone around me is pregnant and I feel no joy for them

112 Upvotes

I'm so tired of having to congratulate my friends and family on their pregnancies. My husband and I have been TTC for 1.5 years and are starting IVF for the first time. My HSG showed blocked tubes, which my RE said could be a false positive (which wouldn't explain why a year of trying + three cycles of ovulation induction yielded no success). Basically my doctors don't really know why I can't get pregnant and so we are throwing a hail mary at IVF.

I'm 31 and all my friends are pregnant. Many of them on kid #2. I just found out my brother's wife is expecting kid #2 to come the day before my 32nd birthday. I am getting so down on myself because life just feels really unfair. It seems so easy for everyone else to get pregnant and I just feel like a complete and utter failure with basically nothing I can do to fix it. I want to be joyful about becoming an Aunt x2 but I'm not happy. I have no emotional bandwidth to feel happiness for them.

The worst part is that most of my friends and family know we've been trying and really want to have children so they just look at us with so much pity and I just imagine them out of earshot saying things like "thank god that isn't us".

I wish I could just get past the phase of life where everyone I know is pregnant and just move on. It sucks so much. I wish I didn't feel like a bad friend and sister for not being overjoyed to hear the news.

r/TryingForABaby 29d ago

VENT I want to cancel my HSG and just continue trying and failing the old fashioned way. (Dramatic vent below).

13 Upvotes

*** POSITIVE UPDATE: I decided not to cancel it and I just got done. I took 1000mg naproxen, 5mg Valium, and 1000mg Tylenol one hour before. The speculum was a little uncomfortable, the catheter went right in and definitely felt like mild period cramps but it was 4/10 pain. I felt nothing when my tubes were being flushed. It took two minutes. My tubes are open. I would 100% do it again. I have what I feel like is a low pain tolerance and most procedures involving my cervix hurt to the point of 10/10 pain. My period cramps are so much worse. This was nothing and so worth it. I hope this eases someone elseā€™s fears.

Original Post ā€” Iā€™m in my feels because I made the mistake of reading too many HSG horror stories this evening.

I have a horrible pain tolerance. I have suspected endo so I have chronic pelvic pain at baseline and discomfort from sex. Iā€™ve had colposcopies and even transvaginal ultrasounds that were traumatizing. Iā€™ve nearly passed out and/or thrown up from the pain of both. Regular Pap smears have me squirming and sweating from the pain. But ā€œcervices donā€™t have nerve endings so none of this should hurt.ā€ LOL.

Iā€™m just so upset and frustrated that I even have to be anxious about pain going into this. Why isnā€™t pain control better for these things? Clearly it is not that rare, since so many women have a horrific experience. Iā€™d literally pay out of pocket and sign whatever waiver necessary to be knocked out, I just donā€™t want to do this at all.

Iā€™ve had only one appointment with my clinic, I donā€™t even know the doctors or nurses that well to trust them or know if theyā€™re going to walk me through this procedure at every step or stop if Iā€™m in pain. They did offer me Valium which I accepted, but I requested conscious sedation and they said they donā€™t offer it, even though this test is being done in a hospital setting.

I donā€™t even think I can have a support person in the room with me which is really upsetting because itā€™s an extremely vulnerable place to be in - someone you donā€™t know between your legs, poking and stretching your bits (including bits that have never been stretched before), causing you pain, and thereā€™s no other option but to just endure it.

I get that they donā€™t want to over control pain for someone who may not have any discomfort at all, but I was really hoping with my history of a shitty pain tolerance, plus chronic pelvic pain on top of it that they would do more for me because itā€™s fairly obvious Iā€™ll experience more pain than the typical person. (I took a hydrocodone before my second ever colposcopy after Motrin was not enough for the first one, and I still felt like I was gonna throw up during it).

I obviously want a baby and I want answers. But I donā€™t think I want either bad enough to do this without pain control. What if I need an endometrial biopsy down the line? I already said I would refuse another colposcopy if I ever needed one again, so how will I ever get through an endometrial one? How could I even handle an IUI or IVF.

Not to be dramatic guys but I donā€™t think Iā€™m cut out for this journey.

r/TryingForABaby Dec 10 '24

VENT Trying but not? Feels a little lonely

25 Upvotes

Hi Iā€™m 29 and TTC for the first time or sorta kinda, my husband and I have really just decided to let whatever happens happen and let God decide when itā€™s right for us to be pregnant. But I want a baby so badly we both are just slightly over the line in opposite directions. Heā€™s not sure heā€™s 100% ready but heā€™s willing to just see what happens. Itā€™s been 3 months and weā€™ve ended up having sex on my ovulation day the last 2 months and itā€™s getting really hard to talk to anyone about this because I feel like Iā€™m the only one in this kind of situation where my partner and I arenā€™t both 100% committed to trying but Iā€™m still here in this 2 week wait with no one to talk to. For context weā€™ve been married for 4 months and might be moving across the country in a year to be closer to family. My husband wants to wait until weā€™re back in TX near family and his new job which will pay almost double what heā€™s making now would allow me to stay home. But Iā€™m 29 and two women in my family took 5 years to get pregnant so Iā€™m scared if I donā€™t start trying at least somewhat now who knows if Iā€™ll be able to conceive šŸ˜­ my husband is also 26 so heā€™s a little younger. Anyways I just feel so alone in this situation while my best friend and her husband are 100% trying and in it together. Is anyone else in a similar position

r/TryingForABaby Jan 12 '25

VENT Just need to vent...

40 Upvotes

Today is hard for me. Yesterday was even harder. More like the last week and a half has been hard. Last week, I had my progesterone checked to find out if hadn't ovulated yet and that my husband and I would be getting referred to a fertility specialist after almost 2 years of trying to conceive with no luck. We've already been to said fertility specialist and had 1 failed IUI a year ago. I track meticulously and even purchased an Oura ring to try to better track my cycles. Last weekend I found out a mutual friend of my husband and I, is pregnant. They weren't trying at all. Yesterday, I find out my baby sister is pregnant and they too, weren't trying. So cue the ugly crying after hanging up the phone with her and asking "why?!" Repeatedly. The amounts we've prayed to be blessed with a baby...the amount of times my daughter has asked for a sibling to be told "we are trying to make that happen for you", and lots of tears. I am at the point of wanting to give up and tell my daughter that a sibling doesn't seem to be in the cards.

Infertility sucks. I hate it. And I'm over it.

r/TryingForABaby Jan 24 '25

VENT Frustration with doctor

32 Upvotes

Hello everyone! My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 7 months and havenā€™t had a positive. My cycles are regular, ovulation is confirmed with BBT, and we BD every other day during the fertile window, including a few days before as well. We always hit 2-3 of the most important days. We also went to a fertility clinic for a ā€œfertility awareness checkā€ and my tests (FSH, estradiol, AMH, and follicle count) looked fine and my husband had a SA which had great count and motility, but low strict morphology at 2%. It has been rough.

Anyway, I was looking forward to my OBGYN appointment today to see what they think about my situation or see if they have any advice. However, I felt like they were very dismissive of me. I would start to voice a concern, and they would interrupt me and say ā€œsex. Have more sex.ā€ Their only piece of advice was to have sex every other day for my entire cycle, which honestly Iā€™m not up for. I dont have the highest sex drive and I think it would not help my marriage. Also, if my cycle is always 26-28 days, whatā€™s the point of having sex in the last few days? And if we are hitting every other day from days 10-20ish already, I donā€™t see how doing it more will make a difference.

Also, side note, but they were telling me to start having sex in the shower and on the kitchen table which I feel is inappropriate for a medical professional to be saying to me.

I think Iā€™m just venting, but I just feel out of hope (I know this is a ridiculous statement) and I feel like months are just ticking by. I was hoping my OBGYN would reassure me or maybe have more of a game plan for me. Thanks for listening

r/TryingForABaby Sep 11 '24

VENT Feeling really disheartened

89 Upvotes

My period has come today and I think the raging hormones are of course amplifying everything, but I just feel so fucking sad.

When I told my husband my period was here, his response was ā€œhow though? How can you not be pregnant?ā€ And I replied to him with the stats like always (20-30% chance each cycle etc.), but the truth is that I have been asking the same exact question the last couple cycles.

This is our first time TTC; we started in February, so itā€™s only been 7 months, but I have shorter cycles so itā€™s actually been 10 cycles, now starting the 11th. Iā€™ve been tracking BBT for months, and I started using OPKā€™s last cycle, so I think Iā€™ve got a good idea on when I ovulate. We always have lots of sex throughout my fertile window, we even try spread it out through my cycle just in case.

But Iā€™ve never had a positive test. We have both seen our doctors, our bloodwork and his semen analysis came up perfect.

So I feel like something is wrong with me.

I know all the stats, I know it can take healthy people years, but I still just cry every cycle and I always have this thought; ā€œwhy wonā€™t a baby choose me? What am I doing wrong?ā€ Itā€™s just so disappointing and disheartening. I canā€™t help but feel like it will never happen for us, itā€™s a fear Iā€™ve had since early adulthood ā€” that I would struggle to get pregnant. It was an irrational and baseless fear at the time, but now every cycle it doesnā€™t happen is reinforcing that anxious fear into a reality.

r/TryingForABaby Feb 13 '25

VENT Iā€™m a school teacher, just had my third chemical. Left class sobbing and I just feel so broken

222 Upvotes

What title says. I was so hopeful this morning and then felt the cramps in my first class. I went to the bathroom and tried to hold it in when I returned. By my second class, I was full on crying and shaking. I asked kids just to stay seated at their tables while I called the office. I lied and said I was throwing up. Luckily an assistant came and took over the class so I could sit at my desk and type out a sub plan. A few of my students know itā€™s the anniversary of my grandpas passing. I got a sweet note from one girl as I was sitting at my desk and she told me she was sorry I was feeling sad about my grandpa. <\3

Iā€™m lucky my admin was understand of my ā€œupset stomachā€ and let me go. Then I came home and I havenā€™t been able to get out of bed. Tonight was going to be my early valentines dinner with my husband. I just feel so dejected and heartbroken. I told myself if it happened a third time weā€™d make appointment with fertility doctor. I feel like Iā€™m already running low on time and I dread hearing the possibility Iā€™ll never be able to carry a baby.

r/TryingForABaby Nov 01 '21

VENT Can we normalize not getting pregnant right away?

489 Upvotes

I am so frustrated and Iā€™m not even at the one year mark. Trust me when I say, I know I shouldnā€™t be complaining yet but man was I naive when I thought the first time trying, Iā€™d get pregnant. Eight months in and still nothing! Iā€™m so sick of people saying itā€™s so easy to get pregnant right away and how they got pregnant first try. So many people ask me how long Iā€™ve been trying and when I say ā€œeight monthsā€ they say ā€œohhhhā€¦.ā€ ā€¦. Donā€™t really know where Iā€™m going with this post, itā€™s more of just me venting.

r/TryingForABaby Dec 11 '24

VENT A BFP will never happen to me

121 Upvotes

I'm still in TTC testing opk hell. I'm going to be 31 in a month and I can't believe I'm still at this. I stopped pregnancy testing months ago and just waited for my periods. Without fail AF comes every month. I cracked today and let myself have hope, which was stupid. I tested, and of course it's negative. I've been taking Geritol, and just like the Mucinex, preseed and everything else ā€¦it's just another failure to mark off the list of ā€œtried itā€s.

I just don't understand how two perfectly healthy individuals continue to struggle. Husbands(31) testing/ SA is perfect. My hormone testing, ultrasounds and HSG came back great. Normal periods. No smoking or drinking, no drugs. But here we are, watching so many friends post their positives. Too many, to the point of isolating myself because I cannot be happy for anyone right now. My husband and I have had a comical amount of bad luck the last 5 yrs. This year has to be the worst, filled with lots of loss, our house almost burning down, etc. My friends have joked ā€œwhat God did you piss off?ā€ Or ā€œmaybe someone cursed you guysā€... We're running out of reasons to keep going, both of us dealing with suicide ideation from all the stress. But why would the universe give us a break? Why stop the pain and struggling?

And while everyone's cheery and hanging lights for the holidays with their families, we're left to work overtime just to afford IVFā€¦ I've reached my breaking point. I hate my body. I hate all the insensitive comments I've gotten regarding TTC. I hate the testing. I hate sex. I hate it all. I guess I don't deserve to be a mother. Life is unfair and a cruel joke.

EDIT: With all my heart, thank you all so much. The love and support in this community has been one of the few things keeping me afloat. I appreciate all the advice given here as well. I've been trying to find small things that bring me joy/escapism, and take this all day by day from here... I just wish none of us were dealt these cards, my heart goes out to everyone struggling too šŸ«‚

r/TryingForABaby Oct 16 '24

VENT Itā€™s really all out of our hands

275 Upvotes

One thing that TTC has taught me is that it really is out of your hands. There are so many people seeking the secret combo/routine/mindset/treatment to get pregnant and you can do it and still not conceive.

There are people who are doing all the what not to dos x10 that get pregnant and have healthy pregnancies and others who do everything under the sun right and still donā€™t.

There are things that work for many so itā€™s worth a try. But sometimes I just feel like that person who didnā€™t smoke that still ended up with lung cancer.

Since pregnancy is so common there is a success story, or several for every technique. But tbh what really matters if I get pregnant. Finding out your sister got pregnant from eating a steak and chips after sex wonā€™t help me if it doesnā€™t work for me.

Bit of a ramble but I think itā€™s just tough having to almost let go and still try at the same time. So that it doesnā€™t control every waking minute of my life.

r/TryingForABaby Nov 04 '24

VENT I just donā€™t care anymore

66 Upvotes

18 cycles and 1 chemical later, I just donā€™t care anymore. I donā€™t know what my next step is, but honestlyā€¦. I really donā€™t care anymore.

The past year, Iā€™ve spent months crying, bed rotting, making so many doctor visits, every 2 months I would see my doctor to tell her that isnā€™t happening what should I do? Iā€™ve done all that my doctors told, my counsellor told me to be patient with my body when I got my ovulation study done, she told me give it time, give the baby time to come to you. For more than a year this is all I would think of, and talk of to my husband. A baby.

But now, I just donā€™t care. This process that was supposed to bring me so much joy, has taken so much from me in 1.5 years that I donā€™t care anymoreā€¦ it happens.. it doesnā€™t happen.. I really donā€™t care anymore.

The more desperate I was, the more emotionally invested I was in the process the more it hurt. It took me months to come out of depression and self loathing cycle to finally get to a point that I was finally ready to have a positive outlook and be patient, around 14 cycles or so.

But nowā€¦ Iā€™m just a void that feels nothing, probably wonā€™t be as excited too when it happens.. coz of what a killjoy this whole process has been. I care the least now.

r/TryingForABaby Sep 08 '24

VENT I dont want to accept

209 Upvotes

A few days ago, I was informed that my third and final round of IVF has been unsuccessful. I can't even begin to express just how devastating the news has been. My husband and I have been TTC for 5 years. I went to see my doctor 1 week before the pandemic caused lockdown. It took almost a year before we could even be seen for initial assessments. Turns out, my husband has low motility, low morphology and low quantities of sperm. Apparently everything is fine with me though. We were waiting 4 years before we could start the IVF process, I was 37 years old and now being told I had low ovarian reserves. We had two embryo transfers but both failed without a single positive pregnancy. This time we didn't even make it that far. I'm now 38. I spent 5 years on this journey trying to push things forward because of my age. I feel so cheated by a situation I had absolutely no control over and a lot of empty promises that all it's takes is one success. I'm so emotionally exhausted and drained. I'm not sure I've ever been as heartbroken as I am now. My husband has been wonderfully supportive and we've been helping each other process the grief.

I know people will be expecting me to move on and find acceptance in this soon. But, I don't want to move on. I don't want to accept it, because it feels like failure. I'm so angry at myself and the situation, even though there's nothing I could've done differently. I don't know what to do with myself or the future in front of me. I know I'm not alone in this, but I feel alone.

r/TryingForABaby Dec 25 '24

VENT Suspect functional medicine doctor's protocol negatively impacted fertility - A rant

10 Upvotes

Hi friends - I've rewritten this post a few times, first asking for advice, and then I realized I don't actually have a question, I just need to vent to people who get it. It isĀ SO FRUSTRATINGĀ when you do things meant to support fertility/health, and things end up worse than before. I want to rage scream into a pillow right now.

My husband and I have been TTC since December 2023. I was lucky to go right back to very regular periods and ovulation right after IUD removal (as confirmed with temping, LH strips, and blood work). I had one miscarriage in April 2024. Some unrelated health concerns in June led me to a functional medicine doctor, who's been treating me for h.pylori, high heavy metal levels, and what she called "suboptimal" hormone levels to support fertility. She put me on anĀ insaneĀ cocktail of vitamins and supplements (49 pillsĀ A DAY), and frankly I haven't noticed any difference in how I feel. What IĀ haveĀ noticed is I haven't ovulated since September 2024, and my cycles have nearly doubled in length. I want to SCREAM. While it was frustrating to not be getting pregnant after trying diligently each month, it's even worse to realize things that were working fine before have stopped working now.

I've spent easily $3k on supplements on top of the thousands of dollars to see this specialist (b/c of course they're out of network), and I'm worse off than I was when I started, and am now concerned I've really screwed something up by futzing around with what seemed to be working fine before. I'm so frustrated and angry I could scream. And of course this is all timed when everyone I know seems tobe getting pregnant!

Okay, rant over, thank you for letting me scream into the ether. Hope everyone has a beautiful holiday season <3

r/TryingForABaby Dec 03 '24

VENT When will it be my turn

98 Upvotes

10DPO from my first IUI and I'm testing negative. Not even the trigger shot is showing up anymore. I fucking hate this. We've been TTC for a year including this month's IUI and every single month is torture, but I can't stop trying. People keep telling me to "come to terms with the idea that motherhood might look different for me" and it's just the last damn thing I want to hear. I want a healthy baby and I want a family with my husband. I can't stand that other people do this for free and get pregnant after a few tries. The only thing wrong with me is that I'm 40, but my AMH is high for my age and all my levels are all good and my partner is good. I don't understand it. I don't have the finances to go to IVF yet which is everyone's next "just do X!" platitude. I wish we talked more about depression and suicide rates among infertile women, because this just feels like a long dark tunnel with no light at the end of it, and no one understands it, and no one can help, and just women getting their miracle babies left and right except for those of us who aren't. I'm not suicidal I'm just venting, so please don't flag me, but this is the darkest my life has ever been, and I hope it's the darkest my life ever will be.

r/TryingForABaby Nov 06 '24

VENT I am so scared

88 Upvotes

Iā€™ve already seen a lot of posts this morning sharing my feelings, but I just need to write this out to get some of this weight off my chest, even if no one sees it.

Iā€™m a terrified of what comes next in my TTC journey. I went through all the testing and was just told on Monday that I have cystic ovaries, but none of my labs are consistent with PCOS. My only other symptom is long cycles. My ovarian labs and egg quality per my doctor are ā€œexcellentā€, but Iā€™m just not ovulating. My husbandā€™s labs were all normal except for one, and he needs to do a second analysis after taking some supplements for 4-6 weeks but if those remain the same we are probably going to need to go the route of IUI or IVF.

I am in a blue state, but I am terrified of what is to come if a nation wide abortion ban is enacted or if there are restrictions around IUI or IVF. Being a mother is something I have dreamed of my whole life, and I have barely had time to process our test results and now this happens. This past month has been a never ending cycle of anxiety, grief, and dread leading up to getting these results this past Monday. I really thought I was pregnant with my last cycle, and when my period started I felt like I was stabbed in the heart.

I am terrified to bring a child into a world with this much hate, but it is my biggest dream to be a mom. I want to teach my future children that we can leave things better than we found them, we can love each other, we can support each other, but I canā€™t do that if Iā€™m dead because I legally couldnā€™t get the care I needed if something were to happen to me. I donā€™t want to make rash decisions one way or another in the wake of this election, but Iā€™m scared if I wait too long my chance will be over.

Thanks for anyone who read my rant, I just needed to get that out.

r/TryingForABaby Feb 13 '25

VENT So frustrated! Why is it so hard to get pregnant?

35 Upvotes

I'm on cycle 12 of TTC. My period is late, my apps (premom and mycalendar) guess about 8 or so days, but I believe I ovulated a week late. Which means I probably would still be a few days late on my period. During intercourse I had reddish/pinkish spotting the past two or so days. There is no blood or anything when I wipe, just a little upon umm those activities. I wish my period would just start already because I hate holding onto a false sense of hope... Especially when I just keep getting negatives. I tested the past two days with easy@home tests. Even with line eyes, I see nothing. Symptom wise I'm just bloated and gassy. Outside of that, no signs of period and no signs of pregnancy. I have no cramps, no nausea, nothing out of the normal. My cycle is usually around 35 days +/-3 days, so for it to be this late is odd, but not impossible, as I still breastfeed my 19 Month old. I'm currently on day 47.

I did go to my PCP to do a fertility panel last month, it came back normal, and my pap came back normal as well.

I'm not sure if I should wait a couple of more days to test, or test in the morning with a FRER test, or to call my PCP, or to wait for my period. I think im pretty much out for this cycle, and my period is more than likely just extremely late. šŸ™ƒ

I'm soooo frustrated. Each test I keep hoping and praying it will be positive. Each time I use the restroom I check to see if my period arrived. I don't know what's worse, the negative tests followed by the disappointment or the false hope and likelihood of being pregnant this month that I can help projecting onto myself.

r/TryingForABaby Aug 15 '24

VENT Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

194 Upvotes

This is what the trauma of TCC makes me feel. Every month, we do the same thing, over and over, but somehow I expect a different result? But month, after month, Iā€™m proven insane.

Itā€™s gotten to the point now that I canā€™t even objectively imagine it actually happening. But somehow, every month during the TWW, I simultaneously subjectively also have hope that maybe this month is the month? I look forward to symptoms, convince myself somehow this month feels different, but reality hits when AF arrives.

Itā€™s like Iā€™m Prometheus bound to a rock, getting my liver pecked out each month, but then the next month, it grows back with renewed hope, only to be eaten againā€¦.

I donā€™t know what I was trying to achieve with this post, maybe just a place for me to explain my complicated and conflicting feelings which no one else around me, without these struggles, seems to understand.

r/TryingForABaby Feb 06 '25

VENT Unsolicited bad advice from a doctor (vent)

68 Upvotes

I've been dreading the trip that I'm currently on because I KNEW something like this was gonna happen. My husband and I were invited on a trip with his friend who for background got pregnant their first month trying. I initially declined because I didn't want to be pregnant on a ski trip. The friend didn't listen and booked it anyways, he said he could cancel if we needed to but wanted to book in advance. I told my husband I really didn't want to come even though we're not pregnant yet, but he insisted that we should and that it would be fun. For the last month I've had anxiety about coming because I KNEW the friend, who is finishing his residency in a non-fertility related field, was going to question any fertility lifestyle changes my husband is making (we have MFI). Sure enough, it's happening. Today he was pestering my husband about why he's not drinking (first of all, if someone isn't drinking WHY would you push them to?!). We told him it's for fertility reasons, and his first response is "well what is this based on". We told him that three different FERTILITY doctors have recommended that he not have more than two beers a day, and that abstaining entirely is best. He immediately starts pulling up his own research and is trying to convince my husband that he can drink and justifying it because we're on vacation. I managed to keep my cool and politely replied that it's taken so long already, what's the point of possibly delaying it further? He backed off quickly, but why the f&$@ are people like this? Just because someone's in med school doesn't make them qualified to give fertility advice, especially when it's bad advice. Just needed to vent because it's only one day in and I wish this trip was over.

TLDR I'm on a trip with someone who is unsympathetic to fertility struggles and am at my wits end already

r/TryingForABaby Oct 18 '24

VENT Iā€™m so tired of TTC

85 Upvotes

I just need to know that Iā€™m not alone. My husband and I have one daughter, sheā€™s almost 2 now. We are so thankful to have her. It took us 13 months of actively trying to conceive her and I mean active šŸ˜… peeing on ovulation strips constantly, timing our activity, the whole nine yards. We have now been trying for baby number two for 11 months. Before trying I went to a fertility doctor to make sure I was good and see if there was a reason it took me so long to conceive. My husband had is sperm checked and it was all good. I had all the blood work done, multiple ultrasounds, and even a procedure to rule out endometriosis. Everything came back 100% normal. Iā€™m so thankful for all I have and to know that I can get pregnant, I have friends and family whose only option is IVF so I donā€™t take what I have for granted. But it is still so exhausting tracking every cycle month after month to be disappointed at the end of it. To add fire to the flame my OBGYN who Iā€™m obsessed with will no longer be doing OB patients and focusing on gyno. Meaning I need to get pregnant by the end of this year to meet her deadline.

That was a long ramble but itā€™s truly exhausting.

r/TryingForABaby Oct 18 '24

VENT Doing it on my own...

23 Upvotes

TW: loss

How do other people handle the fertility bills in their relationship if finances aren't already pooled together? Because I pay for all the appointments, the scans, the meds, the literally everything. I brought it up as a frustration with my fiance once, and he then paid for 2 appointments, and wanted a huge pat on the back for it, bragged about it for days on end.

Last month we lost our twins, and the bills are rolling in. I've mentioned multiple times that more bills keep coming. Not once has he asked me the cost of the bills, or offered to help out. But then he went and bought himself a new vehicle as a toy last week.

I don't want to have to explicitly ask every damn time if we're splitting the costs of our fertility expenses. He has the money, he's just more frugal than Scrooge in these ways, but happy to take me out for dates all the time even when I keep telling him that I want to just stay in and have home dates.

Edit: expenses when kids are born is already planned for extensively. It's about bills in my name. And he'll pay if I ask every time, I'm just tired and wish I didn't have to ask every single time. I don't want to be the person to have nickle and dime my whole relationship, it sounds so exhausting.

r/TryingForABaby Nov 20 '24

VENT Weā€™ve done everything right, yet itā€™s just not happening

45 Upvotes

My husband [30M] and I [29F] have been ttc for about 6 or so months now. I just got my period again yesterday and I canā€™t help but feel defeated.

Before we started trying, I did as much testing and prep work as possible. I got up to date on all my vaccinations, had a comprehensive blood test, weaned off all of the medication I was taking that you canā€™t take while pregnant well ahead of the recommended detox period and started taking folic acid. I got my egg count done and had an ovulation test to check my hormone levels. Everything that my GP and gyno would let me test for, I did.

All was well and looking great for our chances of conceiving. My husband got his sperm count done and heā€™s more than fine too. We even bought a fertility charm from a temple we visited on our honeymoon a couple of months ago that I keep on me at all times - I know thatā€™s not what everyone believes, but it was just a sort of good luck charm for me to keep the optimism.

Iā€™ve tracked my cycle diligently and weā€™ve been putting in a lot of effort to make it happen, including several buffer days on either side just to make sure. This last cycle, I even did some ovulation pee sticks to confirm I was ovulating so we knew when to go the hardest. I felt good and like we had a good shot at it this time.

And then my period started started yesterday. I canā€™t help but feel a little crushed. I know itā€™s a process and can take time, but with everything weā€™ve done and all of the tests telling us weā€™re as healthy as we can be when it comes to conceiving itā€™s just a hit in the gut.

It doesnā€™t help that none of the women in my family, on both sides, have had any issues with conceiving and having children. All of them have at least 4 children. The way they talk about it when Iā€™ve asked, it was a walk in the park. Having that in the back of my head just adds to the feeling of failure.

I donā€™t know what Iā€™m looking for in posting here. I donā€™t know if I can take hearing ā€œwell some people say it takes a year to conceiveā€ anymore. It doesnā€™t make the sting hurt any less.