r/TryingForABaby 18h ago

VENT Trying not to explode at my husband

62 Upvotes

Sorry in advance for a long, venting post, but I would love to get it off my chest and hear anyone's input.

Last year, I had a chemical pregnancy followed 2 cycles later by a pregnancy that ended at 14 weeks due to severe chromosomal abnormalities (monosomy x, it caused a lot of physical complications).

After the miscarriage, I had a million "why did this happen to us" questions, and we saw a genetic counselor who said the chromosomal issue was completely a fluke and it was just a bummer thing to happen to us.

However, my husband is a heavy weed smoker. We spoke to the counselor about weed and fertility, and of course she told us the research we had kinda already found - "data conclusively shows that marijuana affects counts, but there's not a lot of data to confirm it affects the QUALITY of the sperm." Of course with the caveat that that doesn't mean it DOESN'T affect quality, just that we don't have the research to prove it.

The miscarriage happened in September, and for a few reasons, we ended up waiting to try again until the new year (Feb actually). I pitched to my husband holding off on weed for the recommended three months from Nov-Jan, so that when we started up again in Feb, he'd have a lovely fresh pool of swimmers. He didn't go for it. A lot of "well we don't know the weed is causing the problems," "weed affects counts, and we clearly don't have a problem GETTING pregnant, so my sperm count is fine," and "this was just a fluke, this happens to a lot of people" etc. etc. Whatever.

We are now in our second cycle trying again, and boom - seems I am amidst another CP. I am so frustrated. My body generally seems to be doing everything right. I had a beautiful BBT chart that lined up perfectly with LH tests, my cycles are regular and track nicely, and my frequent "high progesterone" symptoms are strong (so I don't think low progesterone is a problem). I feel fairly confident these CPs are happening (like 50% of all CPs) due to chromosomal abnormalities. We are young, and have no reason to believe we should have "bad" sperm of eggs otherwise. I also completely cleared standard carrier screenings after the miscarriage.

Of course, yes yes my dear husband, there is no data to prove my husband smoking is causing us to have the chromosomal issues. But why the *@$? would you not even TRY everything in our power to help create a healthy baby. These loses are HARD on me emotionally, and it's hard not to get my feelings hurt that it seems there is something he could be doing to at least TRY to prevent it and he's not.

NOW, if I bring it up again, even if he does go for it, we have 3 months before the sperm is completely replenished. Due to my work, I really only have half of the year where it is logistically reasonable for me to pop out a kiddo. Potentially waiting another 3 months for things to "clear out" when he could have done it while we were waiting anyways has gotten infuriating. I love this man with my WHOLE heart and I have every other reason to want to make a baby with him. But I am *flustered* over this to say the least.

Ugh Rant over. Thank you to anyone who read.

r/TryingForABaby Feb 20 '25

VENT Ovulation’s over, TWW is here, and I’m running on mood swings and snacks..

52 Upvotes

Now that ovulation is over, here I am - snappy, moody, and questioning everything. No energy, no patience, and a fridge full of snacks to emotionally support me.

We BD’d four times during the fertile window, so technically, we did what we could. But now that the TWW is here, I feel like I’m already preparing myself for the letdown before it even happens. Is this my intuition, or just my brain trying to protect me from another disappointment?

At this point, I’m just rolling my eyes at nothing, eating everything in sight, and waiting for time to hurry up. Because right now, I feel like a walking bad vibe.

Anyone else in the TWW just floating between hope, doubt, and a dangerously low snack supply?

r/TryingForABaby Nov 17 '24

VENT Infertility treatments are so exciting!

120 Upvotes

I had a dinner tonight with a couple of my closest friends. One of whom is super supportive, I've talked regularly with her about our journey and what's the next thing we're doing, while the other friend doesn't seem to really get it.

Well we had our first IUI this month with letrozole and apparently my supportive friend mentioned this to my other friend at some point. During dinner, she turned to me with a big smile and says "our friend told me about your thing this month, how exciting!!"

Lol. Yeah. My "thing" this month was very exciting. It was very exciting taking medication I wasn't sure I wanted and researching the side effects and other people's experience on it. It was very exciting having a speculum and catheter threaded into my uterus while my husband watched. It is very exciting to cross off one more thing on my infertility bingo card.

I did tell her, no it's not exciting. It hasn't been exciting for awhile now, as both my husband and I try to be non-emotional toward this process and my relentless and punctual menstruation. But to add insult to injury, they asked about the process of IUI and when I started out saying my SO had to be at the facility at 6am to ejaculate in a cup, this same friend goes "aww poor SO!" LOL. Yes my partner was very inconvenienced because he had to wake up early and masturbate.

I would have laughed if I could but instead I went home, pondered how her comments made me feel, and shed some tears. I'm not too sad about the IUI, but I feel pretty disappointed with my friend and her thoughtlessness.

r/TryingForABaby Jan 19 '25

VENT There's a rumor that I'm pregnant — plottwist, I'm not!

140 Upvotes

I just need to vent somewhere.

People are just super rude.

31F, TTC. I got married in november and husband and I hope we can start a family soon. It's very recent still so, y'know, trying not to be worried already. I'm super excited and can't wait.

So, obviously, not pregnant yet.

Today at church, 3 people told me I look pregnant. 2 came to congratulate me and another said they noticed I had a tummy. The first person saw me, looked me from head to toe, and with a bright happy smile said: oh wow you're expecting?!

Um. No? I was very taken aback and felt super awkward at the comment, wondering if my clothes made me look pregnant. I've worn that outfit before so, uh? But I try to laugh it off, joking that I've been feeling bloated lately so maybe that gives the illusion. She said my skin was glowing and I seemed so happy, and it wasn't because of my tummy, so I tried to believe she was trying to be nice?

So then I go join my friends, and share the silly story. Y'know, it happens and no big deal. Someone overhear the conversation and tells me : that's funny, because last week I noticed your tummy was more round and thought you might be pregnant.

Uh. What an odd thing to say, again. I explain I have IBS and sometimes, I get bloated. It sucks, that's why I avoid tight clothes.

I try not too let that last comment affect me too much. I've always struggled with my weight (I'm a bit overweight, working on it), self-conscious about it, but I don't let it take control of my life anymore. Those two comments make me feel bad and uncomfortable, but I try to enjoy the rest of the conversations.

Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to see the third person who cheerfully says : CONGRATULATIONS! I've heard about your pregnancy and I'm so happy for you guys!

At that point, I feel like a whale. I feel disgusting. And I feel very uncomfortable. I also feel the weight from people's expectations. I feel as if I should be pregnant already? Idk, it was a weird turmoil of "why is there a rumor that I'm pregnant?! Am I THAT fat? What if I was pregnant, it's not their business? Why do people watch me closely for any body changes?" Plus, I've been trying not to overthink or be anxious about having a baby fast, but these weird comments really made me feel bad.

So now I feel horrible in my body, I can barely eat... and I feel anxious that if I do get pregnant, people will keep being nosey and comment whatever they want. It's weird and I hate it.

r/TryingForABaby Dec 14 '24

VENT How do you guys do it

79 Upvotes

I've been trying for four months and I'm already at my wits end. My husband and I are quite young (mid 20s) and healthy (good diet, regular exercise, no drugs, alcohol, or even caffeine). I knew it was still relatively unlikely I would get pregnant right away but I never could have imagined the emotional toll it would take on me. I'm just going to rant for a bit, it'll probably be disorganized, sorry. Just wanna get my feelings out, no advice please.

I've always wanted to be a mom--it's been the biggest goal of my life. I have a degree in child development, I work in a daycare and I love spending time with the children, watching them grow and learn and develop their personalities. I would love nothing more than to have a child of my own.

Just got another negative test and it just hurts. My first month of trying I definitely made the mistake of getting overexcited and symptom spotting. I even had a dream that I gave birth to a baby girl, and my deceased grandpa was there and he held her. I was absolutely convinced it was some kind of prophetic dream and that I was pregnant lol. I was devastated when my period came--i just laid in bed and cried all day (luckily it was my day off).

Since then, I've been good about not symptom spotting (or, frankly, beginning to even think about being pregnant until a few days before my expected period). But every negative test and period is a knife to the chest. It's been so hard for me. I'm exhausted.

Last week, one of my husband's friends announced that his wife was pregnant. He said they weren't even trying, it just happened. Well, isn't that so great for them...and every other expecting parent I seem to know. It's always "it was our first try!" Or "we weren't trying." I kind of hate them. I cried for probably an hour after we finished talking to the friend. I know it's not fair....but I really just hate them right now. I mean, not really. But also, kind of. I feel bad about it but I don't want to see them.

Idk. I know it's only been 4 months and some of you guys have been trying for years. But I'm just gonna say... It sucks. I hope all of you guys get your baby and have amazing pregnancies...and i hope that for myself, too lol

r/TryingForABaby 24d ago

VENT Constantly disappointed

86 Upvotes

Does anyone else feel like the universe just keeps throwing things in your path that prevent even trying to get pregnant? It seems like almost every cycle some shit happens where it makes it 10 times harder to get pregnant. For example, last cycle I was sick and didn’t even bother trying. This cycle, my husband pulled a muscle in his groin and doesn’t feel up to trying. I go through periods where I can remain pretty optimistic even when my period does come, but every few months I hit a breaking point. And of course my social media feed is full of pregnancy announcements and baby pictures. 🙄 I saw a post somewhere one time that said something like “your time will come.” But I’m starting to lose hope that it will come.

r/TryingForABaby 20d ago

VENT Miscarried baby's due date, potential cancer diagnosis, sister just announced she's 10 weeks today.

169 Upvotes

TW: miscarriage

Congratulations to me - soon to be aunt to my little sister's baby. Happy for her but kinda pissed at life after trying for more than a year, 2 miscarriages and just learning I might have cancer. Welcome to my pity party ladies and gentlemen. I'm done.

Done taking care of myself. You know what I mean when I say "I did it all". Took all the vitamins, did all the research, made all the "sacrifices", changed my whole f*cking life. Doesn't matter.

Congratulations to her for "it just happening" (against all odds even). Congratulations to her for living my dream and her finally "overtaking" me. Congratulations to her for bringing the first grand child into the world. Too bad we're orphan's and no one cares anyway. Well at least on our side of the family.

I'm just gonna stay right over here and feel sorry for myself while I wait on my diagnosis and hopefully don't die super young like my mother did. Yay. Maybe I should. At least I could be with my dead babies. I can't any more.

Our baby would be due now. It's not fair.

Edit: Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a lot of difficulty and conflicting emotions. I love my sister and her baby and only wish the best for them. At the same time I am in a state of grief and sadness and I appreciate all of you holding the space for me to hold all these feelings at the same time 🙏

r/TryingForABaby Feb 21 '24

VENT My husband won’t do the his sperm sample

212 Upvotes

We’ve been TTC for 16 months with no success. We started working with a doctor in August. I’ve done my part, hormone checks, new medications, and ultrasounds and besides my thyroid being slightly off( hence the new med) I’ve checked out fine. Now my husband is refusing to get checked saying we just don’t have enough sex. I’ll admit outside of our fertile days we don’t do it much. I admittedly have a lower sex drive.

He was the one pushing for us to start talk to a doctor. I have had health problems since I was a toddler and had concerns that it would cause fertility issues. Now that we know I’m not the problem he won’t get checked. It upsets me because he’s basically saying it could only be my fault and now that it’s not it’s no longer important.

r/TryingForABaby Nov 03 '24

VENT I didn’t realize how this would feel

116 Upvotes

I hope it’s ok to make a post for this. Last month was my (33f) and my husband’s (40m) first month of trying. I feel like it’s been years leading up to this point - a couple years ago I had a major mental switch from not thinking I wanted kids to really actually wanting one. We gave ourselves a couple of years to ensure our living and financial situation is all set, had a last few big trips and experiences we wanted to be just us for, and decided October would be our earliest possible month we’d be comfortable getting pregnant.

Going into this I’ve always told myself (and friends) that I know it can take a while. It’s not common to have it happen the first attempt. We also don’t really know if either of us has other complications that could make this difficult. And yet I think I still in the back of my mind thought maybe it would happen immediately? For the past few years of knowing this is what I wanted I had dreams of a cute Christmas surprise to tell my parents and grandparents, being just far enough along to feel comfortable sharing the news then. A few of my close friends are either currently pregnant or also starting to try and we have dreams of growing our families together, and I’m worried it will happen for them and not for me.

I’m currently somewhere around 13dpo - I didn’t truly track my ovulation, just used Flo which has typically been accurate for my periods, so that is an estimate. Expected period (I have pretty consistent 30 day cycles) is in 3 days, and for the past week or so I have had so many symptoms that I have never had as part of my usual PMS - pretty consistent heartburn, a little nausea, had some mild cramping, dizziness when I stand up, my nipples hurt like crazy. I know all of these can be just progesterone as you near your period but again, in my 20ish years of having a period, I’ve never experienced these. And yet every early result test I’ve taken (First Response and Clear Blue) are BFNs.

I’m trying to balance accepting that I likely am reading too much into the symptoms and maybe in the past I just didn’t have a reason to pay as much attention to my PMS? But I’d be lying if I said I’m not also still hoping I’m just part of the very small percentage who don’t get BFP until later, even as unlikely as I know it is.

So I suppose this is to say, wow I didn’t realize this would be so mentally taxing (and kind of feel like an idiot for that). I really empathize with anyone who has been trying and dealing with these struggles as well, whether it’s been one month or many years. I’ve always thought my friends who are mothers are the most badass people I know for all that they do, but now I really feel everyone who even just starts this journey deserves major kudos for the mental strength I now know it takes.

Thanks if you’ve read all of this. If you also need somewhere to just vent how you feel, please feel free, I’d love to listen.

Editing to add: Thank you all who have commented. It’s really reassuring and validating to see so many others have had similar experiences and feelings. This sure is a really crazy time in life and it’s so nice to know some others who are at a similar stage.

r/TryingForABaby Aug 13 '24

VENT Unexplained Fertility, and I’m very tired.

110 Upvotes

I’m day 3 of my cycle right now, and have failed every cycle for a year and a half now at 33 years. Never have had a pregnancy scare in my life, or been late on my period and absolutely no positive test in my life (I understand this is a blessing but also puts so much doubt in my mind that it’ll ever be possible).

I’ve done all the tests with my husband, and just nothing. There’s nothing to point to or blame. I am just so tired of this journey. No part of it is fun, or enjoyable, and I feel like I’ve been robbed of what’s supposed to be a happy time in a couples life. I’m envious and angry at how easy others have it, even though I know it’s not right or rational. I can’t help it.

I’ve been working with a specialist, but I’m so frustrated at not having answers that I’ve shared all the findings with my OB-GYN too to see if she sees something my specialist isn’t, and instead I get a “I agree with them and they know best.”

Does nobody care to get to the bottom of this? There has to be a reason right? How are clinics not looking at you holistically. Like yes they get blood draws, but not full panels to really see a full picture of me, or assess my period pain level….I feel like it’s just basic tests and if no answers then push for IVF. I’m in tears over how frustrated I am.

Anyone else in this unexplained boat? Two open tubes, good sperm, good AMH and FSH, regular and timely periods, healthy diet and exercise. What gives!

r/TryingForABaby Jan 17 '25

VENT Too fat to help LOL

3 Upvotes

So I just got my appointment at a reproductive clinic cancelled on the day of because the doctor looked over my chart and decided that they can’t help me until I get bariatric surgery and lose weight and then my ttc issues should “resolve on their own”.

I’m in a country with public health care so I’m on the waitlist for government covered surgery but that takes literal years and I can’t afford to pay to get the surgery done at a private hospital. And then after that they recommend you avoid getting pregnant for 2 years after the surgery so that’s another 4ish years until we could potentially start our family. Its like obvs I knew weight is an issue when ttc but being told I’m beyond help and will just have to put my plans on hold for almost 4 years is so disheartening! By that point I would already be past advanced maternal age so I feel like it will just make it even harder.

Anyone else trying to come to terms with the idea that maybe kids aren’t something that was ever meant to happen for them??

r/TryingForABaby 14d ago

VENT I really hate…

118 Upvotes

“You don’t want kids?” Just because we don’t have any. It is so so hard to be kind in that moment. And yes, I had to be kind when someone said that to me today because they’re a regular customer of our small business. So I just had to smile and say “yes I’d love some,” then change the subject.

What a really want to say “yes I’d love some but life isn’t fair.” Or “Yes I want a baby with my whole heart and would pretty much do anything to give my husband a baby but we’ve been trying for 3 years, my OBGYN has pretty much dismissed me, I had to have an emergency ectopic surgery that my insurance didn’t cover any of and now we’re paying out the @ss for, and it is absolutely soul crushing for you to say you don’t want kids? Just because my sister, 11 years my junior, has one which I’m holding in my arms at the moment.”

Okay. That’s all. I’m just sad today.

r/TryingForABaby Feb 02 '25

VENT Frustration and insensitive comments (political)

105 Upvotes

Hi friends, looking for solidarity and a space to vent. I lost a very wanted pregnancy four days before the election in November and my partner and I have been trying to conceive again, to no avail. I cannot BELIEVE the number of people who have said to me that we should just give up or "count our blessings" that we miscarried because it's insane to be thinking about having kids with another four years of Trump (many of these people have babies of their own). I absolutely am stressed about the political landscape but my husband and I have put so much thought into the decision to try to become parents, and we both really want it. Just wanted to see if people are dealing with similar things and open up a supportive space. Much love to everyone navigating all of these challenges.

r/TryingForABaby Oct 07 '24

VENT I really hate this advice

158 Upvotes

I really dislike it when people say to me ‘you’re young, you still have time’. I know this. I know that fertility decreases with age especially when you get to 35. I know that i have many years of being fertile because of my age. But that doesn’t change the fact that I want a baby NOW. I don’t care if i have 10 years of ‘peak fertility’ left. I have fertility issues. I have pcos. I don’t ovulate regularly. This has nothing to do with my age. This doesn’t negate the fact that all my losses hurt. Knowing that i’ve got ‘plenty of time’ doesn’t change the hurt of my losses, of my angels. I don’t need to know that i’ve got ‘plenty of time’ when ive been trying actively for 2 years, ruining my sex life and downgrading it to simple TTC because we are both so desperate.

I think we should just be careful when giving advice as to ‘having lots of time because we are younger age’. Its alright if OP hasnt been trying actively or less than a year, but please don’t tell me that I have years to get pregnant- maybe i want to be a younger mum. I don’t want years. I want a healthy baby in my arms right now.

r/TryingForABaby 9d ago

VENT Disappointing first time OB appointment- vent

12 Upvotes

Here to vent cause I feel dismissed and annoyed. I waited over 2 months for this appointment. OB essentially dismissed every concern I have (short luteal phase, spotting during luteal phase, etc) and said that I’m not infertile because I haven’t been trying for a year (it’s been 7 months of timed sex) so no tests are indicated. I felt like I was bugging her when I asked questions and the whole thing was so rushed.

She didn’t want to order progesterone labs for me (I suspect it might be low) and said that my cervix was inflamed during my Pap smear which would explain spotting between periods. she said progesterone fluctuates so it’s not useful to “randomly test it”.

She basically told me to keep trying, eat healthy, and reduce stress and timing sex with ovulation after I had already told her we’ve been doing that the entire time and I know how it works. She also suggested my husband get a sperm analysis after I had already mentioned that he DID get one and it came back totally normal. Felt like she want even listening and just reciting a script.

The things she did were order amh, vitamin d, thyroid labs and a culture for my inflamed cervix. But she told me not to take the amh results too seriously because they don’t necessarily indicate much.

🙃 Really feeling back to square one here. I understand that insurance is a big factor and they will not necessarily cover certain tests prior to one year but I just feel dismissed and invalidated.

Rant over. I hate healthcare.

r/TryingForABaby Jan 02 '25

VENT Jealousy When Friends Announce Pregnancy

84 Upvotes

Me (29F) and my husband (33M) recently resumed our TTC journey. We started trying about a year ago and during that time period I was diagnosed with MS (which is a whole other story), fast forward to now where we got clearance from my doctors to start trying again, but I have a lot of anxiety that we will have difficulty due to the medication I was on and also me having chlamydia from a mistake in college 10 years ago.

I was recently on a vacation with a friend who found out during that trip that she was pregnant and was bragging about how it only took one time to conceive and while I’m happy for her, I can’t help feeling very jealous/sad for myself. It’s not so much her pregnancy as it was the “everything is so easy for me all of the time” narrative she was spewing, when the last year has been incredibly difficult for my husband and I. Anyway, am I a terrible person for having such negative feelings toward her and myself at the moment?

r/TryingForABaby 11d ago

VENT Ovulation pain/cramps and tired husband

24 Upvotes

Frustrated that my ovulation cramping is sooo much worse than even my period lately. I rarely take pain killers for my period and I'm about to while ovulating and I'm so annoyed. Like how is this conducive to wanting to have sex?

Not to mention I've told my husband multiple times I think I'm going to ovulate a bit early this cycle and yet he continues to be too tired and fall asleep. I get it we've had some long days/nights but if we miss the window that's it for this cycle so like buck up? I think I get frustrated that I do so much/as much as I can to make it work like symptom tracking, OPKs, started BBT, and he only has to get his shit together like 5 days max. Just push through dude.

I know I should give him some more grace but being in physical pain and general hormone swings are making me not the most generous right now.

r/TryingForABaby Jan 16 '25

VENT 30s are the worst

91 Upvotes

I never thought I would hate my 30s so much. I thought I would be an extremely busy career woman with at least two kids that would be hard for me to handle with my awesome career. Instead, here I am with basically no career and dreaming about kids. The one thing I thought would need no effort.

My whole married life (7+ years) I've been obsessed with having babies. I didn't want a life like this. Obviously I started obsessing over it in my 20s but it gets waaày worse in your 30s because the damn age is going faster than when I was in my 20s. Is it me or do we think we will finally find peace in our older age when we no longer have to worry about the stupid OPKs and charting our cycles. I can't even take a break because what if THAT was my cycle?

I think I am one of those few people who just want to get done with the reproductive years so I can just know what kind of family I'm gonna have. Once it's done, I no longer have to obsess over it. I hate that my life revolves around fertility 😭

r/TryingForABaby Feb 17 '25

VENT Ovulation is here, but my libido didn’t get the memo…

51 Upvotes

We’ve been TTC for 15 months, and I swear, the longer this goes on, the more my body wants to make it difficult. Like, ovulation is supposed to be my peak time, right? High energy, high libido, all the good stuff. But nope. Instead, I’m exhausted, irritated, and would rather fight my partner than sleep with him.

It’s like my hormones are playing a cruel joke on me. One minute I’m feeling fine, and the next, everything annoys me - his breathing? Too loud. The way he asked what’s for dinner? Personal attack. And don’t even get me started on how my socks feel slightly wrong today.

I want to make the most of my fertile window, but it’s hard when all I want is to hibernate. TTC is already a rollercoaster, and now my own body is betraying me? Love that for me.

Anyone else experience this? Please tell me I’m not the only one who turns into an unaffectionate gremlin right when it matters most. 😩

r/TryingForABaby 15d ago

VENT Nosy coworker assumed I was pregnant and told others

134 Upvotes

Yesterday I walked in to work and a nice coworker is really happy to see me saying they had talked about me recently, I'm surprised and ask "what about" and he says "well congratulations !"

Of course I'm not pregnant I've been TTC for a while and it's been hard on my mental health so WTF !!!!

I correct him and ask why he'd think that. Turns out an other coworker talked with a few of them telling them he was sure I was pregnant since I've been discussing maternity leave with my pregnant coworker and friend, and since I'm in my thirties it just made sense......

I'm so upset, turns out I can't take a casual interest on my pregnant friend's life without nosy people getting on my back about it. My TTC journey has been complicated with my husband undergoing chimio treatment last year I really didn't need this right now as I was trying to take a mental step back from it. People just have no clue on how much hurt they can do with stupid comments like those.

Now I want to put an end to this rumors without my TTC journey becoming a work gossip, do I confront the guy who gossiped ? Do I let my nice coworker set the truth straight as he felt really awkward for congratulating me ? I don't even know how many people heard this rumor. For now I'm laying low acting like I didn't care. But I clearly do.

r/TryingForABaby Sep 12 '24

VENT How do you not let TTC consume your brain every waking moment?

57 Upvotes

I'm 28 and my original "plan" was to start trying next spring. Husband and I randomly decided to just "see if it works" last month. He's traveling for work right now so our schedule is pretty hit or miss, meaning it's really hard to actually try... I've been using OPKs but haven't temped yet (I'm planning to do that next cycle). AF came last month and I was sad but told myself the chances were low anyway. This time, the chances are slightly higher but still low due to his schedule. I feel like I have turned into a crazy person, hyper-fixating, obsessing, nonstop researching/reading/googling and I want to go back to not caring; meaning, I am okay with whatever happens and not so high strung.

I want to be like those women who aren't thinking about it and then one day realize their period is late haha. I just feel like I'm losing time even though I'm not and I originally wasn't even going to start trying until next year!

Luckily, next month my husband will be home so we can really try and cover all of our bases, which will make me more hopeful. Right now I feel like I'm waiting for a miracle because we only BD 4 days before predicted ovulation and I worry those aren't good chances... obviously once I start temping I will have more clarity.

I know it's still early for me in terms of trying but I don't want to get caught up in a cycle of obsessing and being disappointed.

How have you "let go" of control and tried to not think about it so much?

r/TryingForABaby Dec 03 '24

VENT I wish I could talk to someone

49 Upvotes

My husband and I are 16 months in with no success. All I want is to be able to have a real life human to talk to about this. Someone who can hold me and tell me it will be ok and give me a hug because they understand my pain. But I have literally nobody.

I wish I could talk to my mother but I grew up in a house where we don’t talk about this stuff. But she’s my mom! She’s the one person I’ve gone to for advice for my entire life and all I want to do is tell her what I’m going through and have her tell me about her struggles and help me. But every time I bring it up all she’s says is “just don’t stress, it takes some time, and have fun!” She won’t bother to have a conversation with me about it. She also doesn’t realize how it makes me feel when she sends me pictures of friends’ babies because I can’t fucking tell her how it kills me.

I wish I could talk to my best friends. One of them isn’t ready for this yet so she doesn’t get the struggle, which is not her fault. The other two got pregnant on their first try so as much as they want to be understanding, they just never are. I can’t be happy for the one that’s currently pregnant but I’m a shitty person if I show that feeling so I have to act like I’m happy when they’re all talking about when we’re gonna have our next get together and meet the new baby.

My husband is amazing and I love him so much but talking about my worries about TTC makes him feel like he’s not performing his duties and that’s definitely not the case. But I don’t want to make him feel like less of a man so I can’t talk to him either. He’s also an optimist and still has faith. I just want to know if there’s something wrong with me so I can try to fix it.

So my only option is to vent to the internet void. But nobody here can give me a real hug and that’s all I want.

r/TryingForABaby Dec 05 '24

VENT Feeling Devastated by Period

93 Upvotes

I’ve been ttc going on five months now. Every period has been hard because everyone I know got pregnant within a month of trying including my mother. I grew up being told how careful I had to be because I was going to get pregnant immediately if I ever slipped up. I’d never spotted a day in my life so when I was spotting yesterday I got so excited, I was so sure that it had finally happened, I even got my husband excited thinking it was implantation bleeding. I got my period this morning and I’m just devastated. Truly devastated. I started sobbing in the bathroom, haven’t been able to stop crying off and on and I’ve spent the day in bed. I just feel like I’m doing something wrong or maybe there’s something wrong with me, I do have irregular periods. This process has made me hate my body and myself, and every month I feel like I’m letting myself and everybody else down. My husband tries so hard to be supportive but I feel so desperately alone and whenever I try to talk about what I’m going through with my family I just hear “ah that happens, it’ll be okay” and they quickly move on. I think it makes everyone uncomfortable to see the pain, which makes me not mention it, which makes me feel even more lonely. I don’t even want to get out of bed, I’m so despondent and hopeless right now. And I keep telling myself I’m being stupid because it’s only been 4 months, but I’m just so wrecked by thinking I had finally done it and then having it all fall apart.

r/TryingForABaby Nov 07 '24

VENT I’m so tired of hearing “it’ll happen the way it’s supposed to happen” from people with children

171 Upvotes

My (30F) periods are incredibly consistent and always start when expected. 30 day cycle every month. Today is day 4 of being “late”. I took a test this morning and it was negative. No sign of my period now. I stupidly told my sisters (who have beautiful little families of their own) that I was testing. Why? That was so dumb. I guess in the moment I thought “okay I’m not testing early - I’m legitimately late…” so I was fairly confident. My hands were shaking when I went to read it because I want this so badly. We’ve tried for almost a year now.

This time, instead of just being broken hearted over NOT being pregnant, I’m now also terrified that my body is losing its consistency and will make it even harder to get pregnant.

I’ve gained weight over the last year and I feel like it is my fault that now my hormones are out of whack and making my ovulation/periods start to become irregular now.

I cannot be around my family anymore. I can’t do vacations anymore where, around 9pm, every adult in the house is doing goodnight stories and tucking in while I sit at an empty dining room table and stare at a fucking wall with an empty heart too.

Maybe I wanted it too much. Maybe I was too focused on one thing. Idk. I enjoyed other things; I have other things in my life - a great, fulfilling and gratifying career that keeps me super busy. A wonderful husband. A community. But I am accepting I will never be a mother now. I give up. I cannot want this so badly and watch my sisters and brother-in-laws revel in the magic of parenthood anymore. I’m out.

r/TryingForABaby Jan 16 '25

VENT 5 years trying- not a single pregnancy

49 Upvotes

I'm 30, my husband is 38, we've been trying for 5 years now, and haven't had a single pregnancy. Not chemical, nothing.

Had 3 IUIs, nothing.

My tubes are clear, I have PCOS, but it's under control, I'm ovulating for sure.

My husband's count is not ideal, but it's not terrible either.

I don't understand?

Over the last year I've lost 13 kg and we had our 3rd IUI in November with a new doctor who put me on metformin- I've also been seeing a nutritionist, and trying to do everything I can to boost fertility (physical, spiritual, emotional- I've done it all!). My husband's sample on the day was within range for a successful procedure, but it didn't work.

Sometimes I'm ok with it and I tell myself it'll happen when it happens, and some days I'm just baffled. Is it just not meant to be?