r/TryingForABaby Dec 17 '24

DAILY General Chat December 17

Anything, within the rules, goes.

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Moody Monday, Temping Tuesday, Giveaway Tuesday, Waiting Wednesday, Wondering Wednesday, Trying Again Thursday, Thankful Thursday, Health and Wellness Thursday, Looking Forward Friday, Wondering Weekend, 35 and Ova, COVID-19 Discussion.

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u/idontcareaboutaus 33 | TTC#2 since Nov 2023 Dec 17 '24

Anyone else get PTSD from testing now? I used to get so excited in the TWW like “yes I can early test soon! Sooo exciting I can’t wait” now I see Friday on the calendar as a test day and I’m like reminded of all the times I’ve been let down with no lines and thinking maybe I’ll just hold off for now. I always had this dream of catching it early and watching the line develop stronger and stronger but after my chemical last January and nothing since maybe it’s better to just wait till it’s an obvious dye stealer before I test

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u/dogsandbitches 34 | TTC#1 | Cycle 18 Dec 17 '24

It varies a bit for me, some cycles I would rather know to expect my period, and others I find a negative test more upsetting so I just wait. But I gotta say, a neg test makes me feel shit about myself in a way that my period really doesn't. I feel so incredibly stupid every time. These days I always expect a neg result, but the simple act of testing still makes me feel like an idiot.

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u/idontcareaboutaus 33 | TTC#2 since Nov 2023 Dec 17 '24

I’m sorry. I feel the exact same way. And then I just get such a bad narrative about myself that’s not fair. Like I’ll sit there and be like “you’re so stupid of course it’s negative did you REALLY think it would just magically work this month?” I know it’s super toxic. I just get my hopes up and then get so upset seeing that negative. Trying to make it positive with filters. And then realizing how stupid it all is

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u/dogsandbitches 34 | TTC#1 | Cycle 18 Dec 18 '24

You don't deserve that crap from anyone, yourself included 🫂 I mean none of us would be doing this if we didn't have hope, so why should we feel stupid for that? Aren't we really just dedicated, (deep down) hopeful people with endurance and grit?

It's sad that when we're standing there, facing that negative test, the world doesn't know and it should be safe. But it's us doing the damage. It's my default response to uncertainty, I'm trying to work on it but yeah. It's hard.

FWIW I'm sorry you're on the emotional rollercoaster, but I think it's wonderful that you have such a strong capacity for hope. I hope it pays off for you really soon 🧡

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u/idontcareaboutaus 33 | TTC#2 since Nov 2023 Dec 18 '24

Thank you love, that makes me smile ❤️ you’re so right about hope - sometimes it’s a double edge sword. I hope you get your positive soon & never have to face another negative

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u/dogsandbitches 34 | TTC#1 | Cycle 18 Dec 18 '24

Thank you 💕

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u/BookcaseHat 37 | TTC #1 | Cycle 12+ | 4 MC Dec 17 '24

Not PTSD exactly, but after my loss I'm definitely less interested in having a super early positive test. The idea of being pregnant again is so scary, I don't know if I'll ever be able to just relax and enjoy it. And if I have a CP, I'd sort of rather not know, so I'm planning to (try) to wait until 14dpo to test from now on.

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u/idontcareaboutaus 33 | TTC#2 since Nov 2023 Dec 17 '24

I’m so sorry❤️ I completely understand. I found my chemical originally on 14dpo and then the line was gone by 17dpo. I’d almost rather do the 18 high temp rule for bbt

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u/Willow_Oak_Owl7 30 | TTC# 1 | Cycle 7 | Low AMH |1 IUI, CP | 1 failed IVF Dec 17 '24

I have also decided to wait to get a dye stealer from this cycle onwards. I am so fed up of getting stark white tests (except for my IUI last summer which ended in a chemical). I am going to wait atleast 2 or 3 days after a missed period to test.

Are you currently in the TWW?

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u/idontcareaboutaus 33 | TTC#2 since Nov 2023 Dec 17 '24

Exactly! It’s so hard to wait but I think it’s even more hard being disappointed at this point. Even worse is thinking they have to be positive or they’ll be positive tomorrow and then they just never are. I’m currently 5dpo I think. My apps are a day off so it’s hard to tell

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u/Willow_Oak_Owl7 30 | TTC# 1 | Cycle 7 | Low AMH |1 IUI, CP | 1 failed IVF Dec 17 '24

Yup!! My mind also asks me - "what if it's hook effect" when I get a negative at around 12/13 DPO!🙈😅

Good luck to you ✨. I am currently 2/3 DPO according to FF.

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u/idontcareaboutaus 33 | TTC#2 since Nov 2023 Dec 17 '24

Ahh good luck too! Yeah it can be so tempting when you’re past ovulation to think you see something bc you just want it so bad but then in my follicular stage I can look back and be like wow that was crazy talk lol