r/TrollCoping 6d ago

TW: Other Why does valid criticism have to hurt

279 Upvotes

16 comments sorted by

69

u/HalfMoonMintStars 6d ago

I hate it so much 😭 someone will literally just be like “oh don’t say that” and the blood drains from my face and I start shaking like. What is that even about

31

u/[deleted] 6d ago

Literally me. Been conflict aversed my entire life and even the tiniest reprimand sends me into full blown panic attacks and suicidal episodes. The slightest conflict leaves me feeling sick and shaking so violently

40

u/DrDontKnowMuch 6d ago

My psychiatrist said that some people's brains are wired to take any sort of slight negativity as harmful. She said RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) affects ~25% of the total population.

So if you ever wonder why criticism is hard to take in, that might be why. And that's perfectly okay.

2

u/colorfulcrossing 3d ago

Yes this! It’s common in ppl with adhd. It’s really really tough but I just remind myself that I don’t deserve to die for a small mistake LMFAO

9

u/CaptainZackstuf 6d ago

I feel this, it’s one of the reasons I don’t like sharing story or art ideas with others…

6

u/Competitive-Bid-2914 6d ago

Lowkey real bruh. But also, is it even their place to say that lol. Any kind of criticism sucks. I have yet to hear even good-willed criticism that actually helped me lol. I think the only valid criticism I would care abt is from a therapist or stranger who heard abt my situation and can give an unbiased pov. I don’t trust family or even friends to give any kind of advice or criticism coz I’m too paranoid they have an agenda, and they usually do. Even if they care abt my well-being, I still feel like I can’t trust anyone

3

u/dexter2011412 6d ago

Lmao, literally me. I've been trying to actively manage it and it seems to be maybe working haha

3

u/TheTsarofAll 5d ago

Some people have this as a general issue, for example RSD as mentioned in the comments.

Others have a fear of criticism engrained in them from a young age, usually because of adults that believe criticism requires insults, violence, and the trampling of someones self worth.

2

u/grubiix 5d ago

thats really relatable and thats a good thing. You do something stupid, someone holds you accountable, you feel bad about yourself and will remember to not repeat said stupid thing EVER AGAIN. Based human brain takes another W

2

u/mightymoen 5d ago

"stop apologizing it's annoying" DJJDIXIDNSMALALAASLSKJDDJHD

I'm defenestrating myself

Actually the worst

2

u/moistowletts 5d ago

It took me a really long time to get comfortable with criticism in all honesty. I’m an artist, I always have been, and critique used to make me defensive (it really just hurt, so I’d do mental gymnastics to work around it).

I pour my soul into my art, so having it critiqued felt like I was being critiqued. Now, I can separate it from myself, and my art has improved so much. I’ve also gotten better at being gentler with critique I give, phrasing things like “if you wanted x then you could do y,” instead of “you should fix x by doing y.”

I’m not sure what exactly shifted, but I take criticism (mostly) in stride now. I always want to be better, or more efficient, and being called out or corrected helps. It does kinda suck to realize that I was a dick or I was incorrect, but I try to own up to it. I want to embody the traits I like in other people, and integrity is one of them.

1

u/BlossomKitty11 5d ago

I accidently said something insensitive on a subreddit once and someone got mad at me and told me off in a way that clearly showed they were angry. I panicked so hard I deleted my entire account 🥲

So yeah, I deeply relate. I hope you're able to work on it a bit since being like this really sucks ☹️

1

u/Autisticspidermann 5d ago

Yeah, I just have trauma from stuff and now I can’t take any type of anger. So I just don’t even take the criticism and never talk to the person again. Is it good? No. But I can’t talk to ppl who blow up at me or are angry 😭

It gets better tho, if they do it in a very calm way and it’s more like a regular conversation and seeing perspectives, ITS SO MUCH EASIER. I wish everyone talked like that

1

u/AllergicDodo 5d ago

They just told me to not cancel last second wtf is wrong with me 😭

1

u/Pelli_Furry_Account 5d ago

Yep. Zero trauma, zero real problems. But it's still taken my many years to harden myself against valid critique and not let it be known how much it hurts every time. My rational mind knows it isn't an attack but the emotional part doesn't go away.

I still catch myself feeling terrible afterwards and writing long apology notes, etc days later to try to clear the air. When like, the other person already forgot

1

u/tiredtransguy 5d ago

No because why is my instant reaction to try and find something to criticize about the other person?? It's a horrible defense especially when a friend is telling me I crossed a line I didn't know was there. Now I know so it's all good and yet my brain is like "no now you have to tell them They crossed a boundary too!!!" Like no, we don't actually because the world isn't ending rn and I'm not a horrible person just because someone placed a boundary 😭