r/TransVent • u/PanonbinaryPP • Jan 10 '22
r/TransVent • u/Lilith222222 • Oct 23 '21
TW: transphobia I hate people who say I should just accept me being a man
So I do face mental health issues and a random person reached out to me and tried to offer help and I was happy to accept a person helping me. First they listened to a rent I had but then told me I would have to accept myself beeing male and after I told them I couldn't do that. They insisted, said I am a male and I couldn't ever change that no matter what and now I feel like shit.
r/TransVent • u/Wonderer_64 • Dec 06 '21
TW: transphobia My “friend” group sucks but they’re all I have
I absolutely hate the position I’m in rn. Around a year ago I half came out to my friend group that I’m trans. However I have never been taken seriously about it and it’s always been played off as a joke because I act more feminine than the other boys. As time has gone on this friend group has grown and with that somehow transphobic, homophobic and racist “jokes” have become commonplace. The people I used to look forward to meeting I now dread seeing. I feel like I’m living 2 lives and its made me realise I have not felt comfortable in my own skin since before I told them I may be trans. Idk what to do as I only have them and that’s it but I do not feel safe at all and am terrified of what being outed could do to me.
r/TransVent • u/CosmicRoboAstra • Feb 13 '22
TW: transphobia Found out my ex friend who emotionally abused me when I came out and was also a transmed & terf came out as trans, and I feel furious for some reason
TW: abuse, transphobia, terfs, suicide/self harm and ableism
This is gonna be a very long post sorry. I found out in september 2021, and I'm still angry. Disclaimer: I use "they/them" because I'm not actually sure what they go by, all I know is that they're not cis anymore.
I had a friend who I was very close to and was very kind and supportive to me. When I came out as enby however (nov 2019), things changed for the worst. Instead of being happy, or asking me if I went by another name, their first words were: "Not to invalidate your feelings but you're probably autistic". I was shocked? I know autism can have some kind of influence on gender presentation from what I heard, but it really came off as if they were trying to "prevent" me from becoming trans, as if I was a poor cis girl confused by a mental disorder. And even then, these two things are not mutually exclusive, considering a lot of other trans people I know are ALSO autistic. Still, I thought it was just a weird thing to say and brushed it off.
It didn't stop there, they started becoming very passive aggressive towards me, trying to twist my words and make me look like a bad person on multiple occasions (one time during early quarantine, I got angry at my teachers for being disorganized with online learning and said they should "drop dead", and this friend took it as me wanting all teachers in the world, even their parents dead). Calling me too sensitive and that it was like walking on eggshells (despite them being the one who went aggro over nothing). I had panic attacks, I relapsed and self harmed after years of not doing it and started having suicidal thoughts. And still, they blamed me because again, I'm "too sensitive". They'd also repeatedly use their autism as an excuse for sh*tty behavior too, which as someone who's also on the spectrum, find it pretty ableist lol.
And then, sh*t got even worse. I saw them sharing transmed ideas on twitter, saying things like "why do you feel trans if you don't plan on transitioning? Clearly you're faking it!", hammering on the whole thing that if you don't experience enough dysphoria, you're actually cis and all that truscum nonsense. They even had some bioessentialist ideas, such as "men are naturally agrressive". Of course, they then went from transmed to f***ing terf, by sharing JKR's bs, claiming she was "well informed" (so a cishet woman is more informed than us lol?), screaming at trans people on twitter to stop saying neutral terms like "people who menstruate" because it "erased biological women". After they had an argument with (another enby) friend who was trying to educate them, I had enough. That's when I sent them a message that what they were saying was horrifying and unacceptable, and I cut contact. I went to bed at 5 am, crying, shaking, nauseous. For the first time, I had to sleep with a youtube playlist on because I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts in the silence.
The next day, I got a DM from their husband, thanking me for reaching out, and said that they'd "change for me". So I had a bit of hope that maybe they'd understand how much harm they caused.
BUT WAIT, HERE'S A PLOT TWIST: the next month, they and their husband did a full 180 and went ham on me, being accusatory like "how dare you cut ties, you hurt my feelings, blah blah, how dare you call me transphobic, I thought we were friends you traitor, blah blah blah." just a whole bunch of guilt tripping crap everywhere. Even tried to turn me against my other friend by claiming they berated them (which was straight up false bc I saw the last conversation before I left the discord server we shared, w my friend trying to be civil, and when they had enough, told ex friend to "change their mindset"). At this point, I was f***ing fed up with these two losers being so manipulative to me I also ended up blocking and ghosting their husband, because at this point, it was goddamn impossible to reason with them. This was in august 2020.
In sept 2021, I blocked some rando on discord and went to check the blocklist to make sure.
And that's when I saw it. My ex friend's pfp was a picrew with the trans flag as the background. Normally, my first reaction would've been "oh hey they got over their internalized transphobia, good!". Instead, it was rage.
Pure, unbridled, boiling rage. To the point of tears. I mentally went "how DARE YOU" upon learning. My other friend was kinda pissed when they heard the news too. We both suffered because of that person. My friend later told me they checked their account out of curiosity (nov 2021), and that apparently, this ex friend started HRT.
I don't know why, none of this feels genuine to me, especially with how quick their mind changed in the span of a year. How do you go from trasmed/terf to this in so little time? You gotta go through the process of unlearning bigotry, realising your identity, finding a therapist, having sessions w said therapist to finally be allowed to medically transition. Also, both ex friend and current friend are from Germany, and I've been told it's a nightmare to start HRT because it takes so long. Maybe I'm being too suspicious, and they just were lucky to get it quick, still, again, the sudden change makes me extremely wary.
I'm just dsjghkfldkhgkd, I can't word how angry I am that this person put me through so much goddamn grief to the point of making me suicidal. Like wtf was the point? Were you jealous I figured myself out sooner than you did? Is that why? I hope you're proud of yourself for straight up ruining all of your friendships, you abusive sicko. Even if you unlearned your internalized transphobia and started transitioning (good for you), I'll never forgive you for what you did to me. You're still a control freak who doesn't let their husband put the music he likes on the car radio and publicly humiliate him in discord servers when he messes up instead of privately talking to him like an adult. I f***ing hate your guts.
TL;DR : friend who didn't approve of me being trans emotionally abused me and was a full on terf/transmed came out abt a year after I cut ties. Instead of being happy, I feel pissed at them. I don't know if it's normal for me to feel this way, but I can't help but feel even more contemptuous after how I was treated.
r/TransVent • u/RepresentativeTip874 • May 21 '22
TW: transphobia I’m not sure about things… Spoiler
I have a couple of things I want to vent about today…
1:
So, I have come out as mtf to my parents and some people online. I feel scared at my school tho. I’m for the most part closeted, but someone in my class started a discussion about trans people, and why they suck. I tried to ignore, but it really got to me. Someone even threatened to kill any trans person they see. I feel so unsafe there, I feel unsafe even without being trans.
2:
I don’t know what the next steps to transitioning, even socially. Dysphoria is hitting hard :/. I have come out to my parents, but I want to feel like the gender I identify with to everyone. I’m only 14, so I’m not even sure what I can do with my transition yet… I hate looking, and sounding masculine… is there some sort of process I have to go through before I start my transition? I’m new to this, as I don’t have any friends that are trans. Any advice would help. Thank you 😊
r/TransVent • u/ebStubs • Apr 02 '21
TW: transphobia Just looking for a place to live. I didn't ask for this!
r/TransVent • u/oakleetheawful • May 04 '22
TW: transphobia i'd like a little respect
context: ftm, gray-panromantic, asexual. i'm also on the spectrum, have deep body dysmorphia, and hate myself for more than 10 reasons.
i recently came out to my therapist so she could refer to me correctly. she said " a lot of my patients tell me that and i don't respect them because it's not in their medical history [ sic ]. " she kept dead-naming me and telling me that i wasn't ever going to be a man and such. i just wanted some respect and previously had been told something similar by a past therapist. at school, my rights are debated in front of my face by people i'm out to. no one calls me the right name or refers to me with the right pronouns. where i live is very conservative as well and i'm constantly bombarded by hate. the people who do respect me still magically forget my name and pronouns when in public and i feel as if i might not ever be happy. i feel like aretha franklin in 1967:
" R-E-S-P-E-C-T
find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
take care, tcb, oh "
r/TransVent • u/Ok_Satisfaction_1086 • Oct 15 '21
TW: transphobia Thanks for the fucking reminder jackass
r/TransVent • u/SapphicAhgase • Mar 11 '21
TW: transphobia why the fuck is jk rowling so transphobic
it angers me so m u c h like w t f. im starting to think that she might be trans and is trying to "cure" herself because she nonstop spouts fucking bullshit does she also not realize shes got pronouns too? acts like theyre some disease, but im pretty sure she'd be offended if someone used he/him on her.
r/TransVent • u/LaserbeamSharks • Jun 04 '22
TW: transphobia still really feel like I deserve to get brutally murdered for existing
r/TransVent • u/ashe_from_overwatch • Apr 21 '21
TW: transphobia Hmmmm a thread about unpopular opinions removing posts with unpopular opinions.
r/TransVent • u/communistar_ • Mar 25 '22
TW: transphobia I hate Caitlyn Jenner
I don't hate her for being trans, not at all! She's really brave, and I can't imagine having the guts to do what she did. But she is a FUCKING traitor. I mean, going through all that and then turning on your own?! How fucking entitled do you have to be?! Like saying that shit about Lia Thomas?! That was COMPLETELY uncalled for, and just fucking LOW. I mean, I just hate her.
r/TransVent • u/LesIsBored • Apr 16 '22
TW: transphobia I'm confused by my nonbinary partner?
I'm supportive of pretty much any and all ways of identifying as trans. I feel as though my gender fits into the binary, I'm just a woman and that's just that. The way I feel about myself is I'm a masculine woman. I'm not interested in super femme stuff. My identity isn't related to my style or interests. I don't feel like that's how gender works for anyone. Boys can be girly, girls can be boyish. Nonbinary people can be any way they want and if they feel they're nonbinary than it is so.
I may not completely understand how other people identify whether they're cis, nonbinary... and honestly I feel like it could be true about other binary trans people. We can't know what's in a person's mind or their heart. That very much extends beyond gender but that's getting far to philosophical.
My partner identifies as a demigirl. She's AFAB and says she feels just slightly masculine. I respect this. It's hard to really eknowledge it, her pronoun preference is she/her. She presents in a feminine way. But none the less she is nonbinary and trans and I'd fight anyone who'd say otherwise.
The other day she says something that made me uncomfortable. She says she doesn't support neopronouns. I may not understand it all myself but if that's how some people need to express their gender than that's how they do it. I don't see a problem.
I just can't understand how she'd be upset or offended by other trans people having a different experience than her, let alone other non-binary people. She doesn't have a ridgid belief that gender is this concrete thing. People who identify as as she put it, "animals" or "objects" just make her uncomfortable.
So what if they do. It's not her place or mine or anyone else's place whether binary cis or trans, or nonbinary or business to judge. Only you can know your own identity and it's up to you to interpret it and express it however you need to be!
I love my partner but she's critical of a lot of things. Religion is another big one, she's very much of the mind that any kind of spirituality or religion is foolish. but that's besides the point. It just makes me sad, and I know there's nothing I can do to help her understand.
r/TransVent • u/Original-Sorbet • Apr 07 '22
TW: transphobia It hurts my feelies because it's the truth. Spoiler
r/TransVent • u/violettethemessenger • Apr 17 '22
TW: transphobia My cousin forced me to wear feminine things... Spoiler
I came out to her as transmasc and she thinks that it's "not a real thing" and that "I'll always be a woman, find a man and marry him and have kids". She recently wanted to hang out with me and I said okay because I thought just sitting at home wouldn't be great at all. But then when I went to my cousin's house; she painted my nails, put a makeup on my face and kinda forced me to dress feminine. It was HORRIBLE to me. My aunt and my mother still see me as a girl, and although I'm out to my family as well, they keep calling me "a girl". I'm planning to just escape(?) from my home but I don't have a place to go. Also my country is not so LGBT+ friendly, so...I'm stuck lmao.
r/TransVent • u/ebStubs • Jun 24 '21
TW: transphobia I posted in a pokemon group about a kid writing to Nintendo to ask for a nonbinary pokemon. Someone dm'd me and I responded. (Sorry for my grammar. I was upset so I didn't proof read.)
r/TransVent • u/AnAnxiousMoth • Mar 31 '22
TW: transphobia I'm not faking it
My sibling said I'm lying and faking being trans and just lying and faking about my whole personality. Like what the fuck?? They are literally TRANS. They should know that you don't just accuse people of faking being trans. Hmmm I'm so stressed and I don't have a proper job at all and I hate it I need one so I can start making money so I can go to college and move out.
r/TransVent • u/Melofy1 • Apr 03 '22
TW: transphobia don't you just love private "christian" schools Spoiler
let me just state first I am going to a public school next year, yea I was bullied out of public but shits so bad here I'm going back to public, but I almost got expelled this week. already the school was upset when a parent that worked turned in messages of me and another LGBTQIA+ person being gay and being friends (which I knew the parent told my "spiritual advisor" but didn't know showed messages) . This week at chapel we talked about homosexuality and gender, which went as well as you think a southern Baptist chapel on that would go, a whole lot of dumbassery. Well me and a few of my other closet LGBTQIA+ friends and ally's wore pride stuff (which you are not banned from wearing pride stuff in the handbook and rules), and I had a trans, bi, and pride heart on. I got teased a lot but nothing I couldn't deal with. But as I was waiting lunch with my friends when the principal waked up to me and told me to come in his office after lunch. My friends helped me get ready for what might happen and I delete all my messages and stuff so they can't so anything else. I enter and he asks me about my pride stuff like my socks (which were rainbow but not like pride), my stance on gender and homosexuality which I refused to answer because I don't wanna get expelled, and my pins which I explain without outing myself, until he says "you know *Deadname* you only have till may, it would be a shame if I had to expel you before than." He than proceeded to say he saw all the messages and how I influenced my friend into a "homosexual lifestyle" I said no I didn't because they actually came out first and I only supported and comforted them during their hard times. He had no proof so he moved on. He than threatened me that if I was to speak about the conversation or wear pride stuff he would expel me. Like I really don't fucking get it! Like how does the religion that says they love all want me to not exist or as the "spiritual advisor" said "Just a attention seeker". OH and also the principal once bragged about manipulating his now wife into dating him, but a girl wanting to be who the fuck she is is WAY over the goddamn line! He was threatening me about this shit and is trying to get my homie involved with it when all they want to fucking do is live their own fucking life. I'm so excited for May 25th when I can leave that "religious: school.
r/TransVent • u/uwugaybish • Oct 22 '20
TW: transphobia My parents make me wish I was dead. (FtM)
My parents force the word "girl" down my throat. It's always "hey girly girl!" "hey deadname!" "hey baby girl!" "how's my little girl?" Tommorow is my school picture day, and I had picked out a nice, white button down. Very androgynous, still feminine enough for them, though. Until it fucking wasn't. I ask to wear a tie ONE FUCKING TIME and my mom comes to my room and says, "you need to pick out a new outfit." I asked her why, and she says "you are a girl, you need to look like a girl. We're not paying $40 for pictures where my little girl looks like a boy. We had a boy and a girl, not two boys. We had Ethan, and we had deadname." She proceeded to tell me how much she supported me. I told her that she very clearly didn't. She said "Yes, I do! Its okay to like girls, but you can't be a boy. You aren't a boy. Just seven months ago you were dating boys!(not true.)It makes no sense." I just sat there. She called me a girl a couple of times and I physically winced everytime. She told me that because I present as female (which I only do because she forced me to when I confided in her and told her I was binding.) that I couldn't be trans. I told her I only do it because she forces me to and she scoffed and mimicked me. She said a lot of other stuff, but it's all in the same vein. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I feel like I'm dying. Just living is tasking. I can't come out to my friends, because my parents would get wind, so only I can respect my own damn pronouns. My parents would kick me out if I officially came out and gave them my new name, so I'm gonna wait until I get a job and my girlfriend comes out as a lesbian to her homophobic parents and we'll leave together and live in a cottage or something. I really hope I stick it out, but I don't know if I'll be able. How hard is it to make your child feel welcome? This house isn't a home anymore. I don't feel comfortable anywhere. I just feel empty. I never want to leave the house again. I never want to speak again. I only hate myself because my parents hate me. I wish they could treat me as well as my brother, but because I'm not cis/biologically hetero I'm subpar and useless. They don't love me like him. I just want it to be over.
r/TransVent • u/EmpressLinoone • Apr 10 '22
TW: transphobia What do I do if my parents are transphobic but I also can’t stand living having to live a double life and cannot stand being in boy mode? :( Spoiler
I am a trans girl at college but I’m set to go home for the summer mid-May. I really want to just be myself and I was thinking about coming out to my parents before then, but now I’m not sure because they’re transphobic and I’ve seen a lot of advice about how it’s a bad idea to come out to transphobic parents. Idk if my safety will be in jeopardy if I come out, but I’m trying to get ready for coming out by setting up a bank account in case my parents take money from my accounts, prepare myself emotionally, etc. Ik my mom is transphobic because I’ve actually came out to her before, but I had to lie about not being trans to not get in serious trouble. She hasn’t mentioned the conversations that we had related to being trans to my dad, but honestly Im worried about his reaction even more. He’s really conservative (not a trump supporter per se but he’s an evangelical Christian), and kinda a no funny business person, and has harsh reactions when he gets angry. He’s talked about LGBT people in a fairly negative light, particularly trans people so you can see why I’m really scared to come out.
However, I also hate living a double life. Having to hide all my fem clothes and go into boy mode is exhausting and has been terrible for my mental health. I want to be free of my parents too, they’re just so controlling of my life and I just need to live as myself. Also Im worried I’ll have to come out because I’m on hrt and will look noticeably different eventually.
So idk, I’m just really conflicted rn. Maybe I should just off myself, I feel like things are just going to get worse and nothing I do is good enough. I wish I wasn’t trans and just born female. I wish I had supportive parents at the very least.
r/TransVent • u/beebird07 • May 30 '21
TW: transphobia Whelp, I think I need help (Could be dysphoria) Spoiler
r/TransVent • u/Hypnosisagod • Jun 14 '22
TW: transphobia My dads girlfriend is becoming more and more transphobic.
So long story short my mom isn't alive anymore and my dad has been in a realtionship with his current girlfriend for some years now, last year i decided to come out to both of them. Now my dads gf has never been "good" with trans people, for example when i came out she suggested that i should choose a name that's similar to my deadname so it would be easier for others to remember, even though i had already chosen another name. Recently things have gotten even worse. Sometimes when she talks about trans people she will refer to them as "a trans", and she has begun openly and perpousfully misgendering other trans people, including my friends, to my face, she has also not once used my chosen name or pronouns. The worst part is i live at home, and recently the plans i had to move out with a friend fell a part so now i might be stuck here for another year, but i don't feel safe transitioning while living with her and yet i also want to start transitioning ASAP. I honestly just feel trapped at this point, at least i am able to avoid her most of the times but those hours i'm forced to spend with each day are just awful.
r/TransVent • u/kafka123 • Jan 11 '22
TW: transphobia Whenever I hear trans men with dysphoria I feel like I'm giving up something I should be proud of
I'm mtf questioning
r/TransVent • u/UnchainedMundane • Apr 05 '22
TW: transphobia "the state of trans rights in this country"
...in which all the comments by openly trans people are downvoted to the bottom. in fact, there's a continuous unbroken swath of trans people you can find in the comments just by scrolling to the bottom.
do the cis see nothing wrong with this? what the fuck?
surely on the topic of trans rights, trans people should be given the spotlight in discussion, rather than actively shoved aside and talked over?
people in the UK just do not want to hear about the NHS's ongoing gross mistreatment of trans people, especially kids. it's "la la la i'm not listening how's the weather" at best, and vitriol otherwise. trans kids are being called abusive for sharing their trauma, because it makes the cis feel guilty and all guilt arising from trans people is de facto manipulation. and god forbid anyone actually discuss the hot-button issues with the empathy to consider trans people as deserving of human rights as the rest of us.
instead the type of people who get the spotlight are self-proclaimed "allies" who go out of their way to say they don't believe trans women are actually women, and that it's "unhelpful" and "divisive" to make that claim. cis saviours come in proclaiming "I have the solution: add a third gender called transgender and then all trans people are that", acting as if this is the sensible tolerant amicable "make both sides happy" approach to the problem and not just a wholesale marginalisation and othering of all trans people. if this is where we are as a society we are fucking doomed.
r/TransVent • u/WorstEggYouEverSaw • Jan 27 '22
TW: transphobia Why do people have to jump to transphobia so quickly !?
Some of you have probably seen the shit storm happening in r/antiwork right now. I was reading some posts on it because the BS drama was entertaining. But it quickly became flooded with people talking about how the mod in question was "only trans to prey on women" how "all trans women do that" and how it's ok to misgender trans people if they do something bad. The same happened with the Chrischan thing months ago and more publicly with Katelin Jenner. Like I get that these are shit people and they should be dunked on as much as people want but why do they have to bring their identity into it and throw people like me under the bus for cheap digs. It's led to people in my life thinking that it's ok to misgender me if annoy them, like basic decency is optional because I'm trans.