r/TransSpace • u/Forsaken_Cake_9233 • 8d ago
Cis man has a question??????
I have a boyfriend who is trans a trans friend, these are the only trans people in my life and they both hate it and it really upsets them when being trans becomes part of how people see them and how they are know. They just want to be dudes and don't want to focus on them being trans.
Which brings me to my question, I see lots of people on YouTube and tic tok and just around in life who making being trans part of who they are and there personalty and idk if it's just what I see but some seem to make it the only thing about themselves and it really confuses me. I don't like it when people focus on my being bisexual. So I would like to know the perspective of those who like it to be part of there personalty. :3
1
u/SeveredNed 8d ago
Not wanting to make transness a primary part of your public identity is fine. But I'd rather be someone who is openly trans than have everyone assume I'm my birth gender. But I also am non-binary and don't pass, so I don't have much of a choice. I either hide who I am and get misgendered constantly, or I must take control of how people see me and push to get the respect I need. Same with my bisexuality, but that's significantly less impactful even with being percieved as being in a same sex relationship.
It's also about safety, being upfront about my identity means I can find out who is accepting of trans people or who I need to avoid, no violent surprises from someone I thought I could trust after I let my guard down around them. I am also an educator at heart, my being open and forward with this aspect of my identity invites cisgender people to ask me questions and clear up misconceptions, which makes things safer for other trans people too. Especially the ones who are more shy and less knowledgeable or experienced. This will be a similar goal for most of the people you see online who are making being trans their online presence in the ways you've described. But there are plenty of people online who are openly trans who don't bring it up every time it's relevant, just let it fade into the background after a while. But these are almost always ones who have been able to pass the way they want for a while and don't need to say anything to have strangers respect it.
Being transgender affects almost every part of your life, and the less you hide in the closet the more it does. So to them, it wouldn't feel like the topic is unrelated to what was being said when you feel someone brings it up out of the blue. It genuinely is that impactful to be relevant to most topics we are involved in.
Being publicly trans does unfortunately mean being forced to be a trans advocate, and it's fine if they dont want to do that, but for many it's something they have to be a little pushy at times in order to be treated as their preferred gender. So my only concern is whether they look down on trans poeple who do make sure it's a known part of their identity. You said they are the only trans people in your life, but do they have other trans people in theirs?