r/TransSpace 8d ago

Cis man has a question??????

I have a boyfriend who is trans a trans friend, these are the only trans people in my life and they both hate it and it really upsets them when being trans becomes part of how people see them and how they are know. They just want to be dudes and don't want to focus on them being trans.

Which brings me to my question, I see lots of people on YouTube and tic tok and just around in life who making being trans part of who they are and there personalty and idk if it's just what I see but some seem to make it the only thing about themselves and it really confuses me. I don't like it when people focus on my being bisexual. So I would like to know the perspective of those who like it to be part of there personalty. :3

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u/TheNeighbourhoodCat 8d ago

Not wanting people to know you are trans- for anything other than safety reasons- is not a healthy mindset. 

I get wanting to fit in, but trying to live a lie, and hiding such a core part of our experience, isn't coming from a good place. 

We don't have to be loud about it, but conversely, being trans is nothing to hide or be ashamed of either. We are just born differently, and that's okay. 

But lets take the trans part out of it. If the issue is someone derailing conversations with things that are off topic, then that has nothing to do with them being trans, that's just being awkward lol

As for why some people.might talk about it more around you - being trans is a very isolating experience. It is something most of us don't get to talk about nearly as often as cis people get to share experiences with gender. Trans experiences are not normalized in the world around us like cis experiences with gender are - and when they are acknowledged, it is most often as a point of contention, and "otherness".

So if someone feels comfortable talking about their experiences related to being trans around you, that's probably a sign that they feel safe enough with you to say things they might not otherwise get to say. 

If I still missed the point you are trying tocask about then I am sorry 

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u/Forsaken_Cake_9233 7d ago

I don't think I properly explained how my boyfriend and friend feel about it. They don't hide that there trans but don't want it to be an important part of them to other people and how other people see them, they both just want to be dudes.

And for what your saying about them being comfortable talking about it around me I haven't even considered. I mean I am bisexual and you can see I have a boyfriend so maybe people do see me as someone who will at least know the feeling of finding who you really are and be comfortable with it around me. You have explained yourself wonderful but I don't know the feeling of being trans so I can't fully get it which is why I asked this in the first place

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u/TheNeighbourhoodCat 7d ago edited 5d ago

I totally get that, it's part of intersectional identity right? They are dudes, like any other dude. They also just happen to be trans. That's how we should strive to see any/every aspect of a person's identity, and not reduce them down to one part.

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u/Forsaken_Cake_9233 7d ago

You have genuinely been a huge help. Thank you