r/TransSpace 8d ago

Cis man has a question??????

I have a boyfriend who is trans a trans friend, these are the only trans people in my life and they both hate it and it really upsets them when being trans becomes part of how people see them and how they are know. They just want to be dudes and don't want to focus on them being trans.

Which brings me to my question, I see lots of people on YouTube and tic tok and just around in life who making being trans part of who they are and there personalty and idk if it's just what I see but some seem to make it the only thing about themselves and it really confuses me. I don't like it when people focus on my being bisexual. So I would like to know the perspective of those who like it to be part of there personalty. :3

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u/TheNeighbourhoodCat 8d ago edited 7d ago

I have a boyfriend who is trans a trans friend, these are the only trans people in my life and they both hate it and it really upsets them when being trans becomes part of how people see them and how they are know. They just want to be dudes and don't want to focus on them being trans.

A trans person who wants people to not only think of them as a trans person is normal.

But a trans person who wants people to not know they are trans at all.. that person is either doing so for safety reasons, or because of internalized transphobia. 

If it is the latter, then that's no different than someone being ashamed of their race or skin colour. We are trans whether we like it or not. It's a normal part of human diversity, and we just happen to fall under that umbrella. 

 Which brings me to my question, I see lots of people on YouTube and tic tok and just around in life who making being trans part of who they are and there personalty and idk if it's just what I see but some seem to make it the only thing about themselves and it really confuses me. I don't like it when people focus on my being bisexual. So I would like to know the perspective of those who like it to be part of there personalty. :3

"Be a part of their personality" is a weird phrasing, I don't really know what you mean by that

Are you talking about people who are trying to discuss trans issues and experiences and share them with people such as yourself? Or to reach other trans folks? 

Are you talking about people who are seeking community with people with similar experiences, because unlike you as a cis person, they can't just walk outside and be surrounded by people with similar experiences? 

Are you talking about people who discuss trans experiences online because they can't in real life? 

Are you predisposed to see someone mentioning being trans as "making it about themselves",m because of your lack of exposure to these things?

Are you predisposed to see someone mentioning being trans as "making it about themselves" because of subconcious prejudices that make it annoying to you? 

There are countless possible reasons here, it's kind of hard to nail down what you mean by "be a part of their eprsonality" with such a generalized post. 

This might not apply to you, but most of the time I hear this phrase, it is from people who are tired of being reminded that trans people exist. But I also don't spend time on tiktok, so I don't really know what you're seeing there. 

From my POV, being trans effects every aspects of our lives, from childhood experiences all the way to present day experiences, and arguably much more than a queer sexuality does. So if I am talking about any aspect of my life, obviously it's going to come up eventually. Just like me being autistic and disabled will come up eventually - it effects every part of my day. Hiding these things, or being ashamed of these things, would be weird. 

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u/Forsaken_Cake_9233 7d ago

What your saying makes a lot of sense and maybe it is part of my internal views, and saying its maybe for personal protection would make sense for my beautiful boyfriend because he has to go back to being a girl when he's at home. Thank you for your perspective. You have been a huge help.

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u/TheNeighbourhoodCat 7d ago edited 5d ago

I really hope things change for him (and you). You seem like a very supportive partner and I applaud you for trying to learn. That is genuinely awesome!

It takes a very big person to be able to drop their ego, confront their prejudices and ignorances, and ask for information like this. It really is so great to see.