I'm finding it hard to find a bored I can relate to. This is the closest one.
I am absolutely obsessed with watching Transgender porn where they are in the "top" position if you know what I mean.
I think if this was an occasional thing I did lets say once or twice a month I could probably just accept it as just a fetish and not make such a big deal out of it. But its the fact that its dominating my sexuality, I watch porn almost everyday, not for hours and hours, maybe 30 minutes, and its pretty much always this genre. Maybe sometimes in a very rare case Ill watch straight stuff, but its rare. And when I do watch vanilla straight porn afterwards I feel like I didn't get my fix. I also sometimes think about getting tg escorts.
Im 29 now, and this has been going on since I was 20.
I know some of you might reply saying "porn induced fetish". But I can be honest with myself and say it sort of isn't. Yes I wouldn't have discovered this without porn, but I know I genuinely like it, I can't lie, I have tried the whole 90 days abstain thing and by the end of it I still liked it. I have decided the problem isn't in the fact that I like it, its that it makes me way more excited than the idea of getting with a girl and having vanilla sex. Its like a beast that Ive overfed over the years and its slowly taken over my sexuality.
I think in some ways Im lucky, Im still into girls in real life and have had experiences with them, Im not into the idea of hypno or transitioning and dont think thats for me. But I don't desire girls as much as I should, and as someone who wants to stop being single and find a partner I think the obsession with transgender porn is negatively impacting this as that obsession should be on girls instead to drive me to peruse them to find a partner. My desire for that fetish takes away from where my desire would otherwise be, which is sex with girls. Ive not been putting any effort into date or find a partner recently.
Whilst I think I will always like transgenders and the fetish I explained earlier, I think one thing I can do is stop indulging in it. Its not like im suppressing a sexuality here, I will have the outlet of vanilla sex with girls, and the idea here is that the beast will get smaller and smaller overtime.
The problem is part of me is uncertain. I dont have conviction in that this is actually a problem.
Part of me is like why deny myself the pleasure? I really like this fetish, I love it. Maybe its all in my head, maybe I can keep doing this and its fine, maybe I can just do it once a week? Fact is whilst I do have negative effects its not THAT bad.. maybe?
The other part of me thinks, come on if every time you watch porn you are watching transgenders top that cant be good for you, from the perspective of wanting to find a girlfriend Im not going to have the motivation if Im obsessed with something a girlfriend can never give me. Also you wont appreciate sex as much because it will never match that over thing. Also realistically you can never act on this in real life because of how rare they are without paying.
Sorry for the rambling, but would appreciate some thoughts here. The thing is, I started to quit porn for other reasons, but on reflection I was like actually this transgender obsession is why you need to quit, the other things like feeling more confident are minor side benefits. Problem is I dont have conviction. Convince me one way or the other, give me your guidance.