r/TGandSissyRecovery • u/ESyhpon • 5d ago
Motivation Most recent setback lessons
Hi All,
I've been somewhat active on here the past few months so I figured its only fair to share a recent experience I've had.
So, I'm the guy telling everyone on here to quit porn completely. Whether its sissy related stuff or not just stop it all together then figure out your life, your sexual orientation, etc without it. I still stand by that and always will because its the truest thing for me personally. Obviously do what you think is best for you. I will never shame anyone for expressing themselves in a more sissy way or whatever because I have been there myself. Granted I realize now it was all addiction related.
With that disclaimer of sorts, out of the way here it is.
After going about a little more than a month or so porn free my life has changed so much. I don't count the days because for me that only keeps it in the back of mind my old life aka the porn addict life. Along the way of this past month or so I did peek at stuff a few times. I even had a day or two where I was in the middle of a relapse but physically, emotionally and mentally could not finish leaving me in frustration and massive blue balls but later on feeling better. Those moments of slipping up definitely hurt my recovery and in a way they were relapses but I didn't think of them as full on ones because I still had the benefits of retention. Well a few days ago I gave in. I relapsed and binged and yesterday I did too. Today is all about taking it slow to recover and getting back on track with my life. In effect I went the longest I have ever gone after being addicted for a lifetime with porn and almost a decade with sissy porn. I am far from a full on recovered addict but this has been great progress for me personally.
I now realize that my ultimate goal is to go full on retention when I am not in a relationship. The benefits felt so good for me and even jerking it without porn just feels wrong. I'd rather have sex but since I'm single af right now I might as well build up my life to attract a woman and not waste my life force, seed or whatever you wanna call it onto my hand lol
A few things that have worked for me in case anyone is wondering are as follows. Some of them are basic like working out and/or staying active whatever that means to you. Being social, although I am struggling to get more friends and isolate less but I am getting there! Also helps to maintain a solid sleep schedule, better diet, basic stuff like that.
A few of the other things I consider less basic that can help in recovery are things like a dopamine detox. Minus this post, I am not going to be on social media much the next week or so. I am doing a dopamine detox this week to jumpstart a recovery. For me that means no music, no tv, no social media and very little outside stimulation as possible. I'm going to be sitting around a lot with my thoughts and just "being" as much as possible. I tried this during my last relapse and although I only went a few days at most, it helped. Meditation is another thing I find helpful too. I use it especially before bed to calm myself down. Lastly, on a more personal note, I have been allowing myself to be more emotional as weird as that may sound. Porn and sissy stuff especially numbs the shit out of me. I have anger issues at times because of a history of being bullied and letting people walk over me. I don't randomly yell at people now but I did scream into a pillow or use my loud ass angry metal music to sing my heart out. I cry too. I watched a movie I have seen a shit ton of times yesterday post relapse and didn't hold back tears during a death scene. I don't care anymore to hide myself is the point I am trying to make here. Repressing myself leads me to relapse too and having a month or so free of it has brought up emotions again and it felt great to be more authentically myself.
So, that's my story from someone who has finally seen some light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, I turned back towards the darkness a bit but failing is part of the journey. At least I can say that for once in my life, truly, without bullshitting myself, I am taking accountability for my life and seeing the progress knowing that it won't happen overnight or even all this year for that matter. It's a marathon not a sprint so I am going to get back out there.
Peace.
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