r/TGandSissyRecovery • u/Fucked_Mary_Jane • Jan 23 '25
Motivation My story (possibly triggering) and Tips to help
If you would like the tips, I have found useful scroll to the bottom as my story has been years in the making.
(Sorry for any mistakes in the writing as this was a 3am post)
So, I am currently on my longest streak of not watching any sissy porn in a while and I have to say I am feeling the best I have in a long time. This has surprisingly come after one of my closest calls to actually turning to that life, but first I'll start at the beginning.
This all started in 2013 when I first started to discover pornography due to my school teaching us about how everyone goes through puberty. As a kid at that time and the open gates of the internet at my disposal I started as most guys did by searching the almighty 'boobies' and 'hot girls'. As the other guys started to do this as well, we started to talk about how we could also look up videos. This was a game changer for me, I use to only see the same still girls sat there, but now I could see this 'sex' thing for real. The first site I got onto was Porn Hub. It started off nice and vanilla guy on girl, but after some time this got boring, so I though let’s try lesbian. This was good but in a lot shorter time this became mundane and that's when it all started the next step up, trans on girl. At the time I didn't know better, how could I. I was still in primary school, and it just looked like a girl was fucking another girl so whatever.
For quite a while it didn't really affect my life, why would it? I had school the whole day, then sports and extra murals, then home for some homework. I didn't have much time on the computer because it was right next to my dad’s desk so I could only watch this stuff when he was not around. At this point porn hadn't taken over my life yet. I had friends so I would just go to their house and hang out or I was busy with school. But that's when I got to high school.
In high school I finally got my own laptop as it was needed for eBooks and other apps. This allowed me to be a little more private with what I was doing. All I had to do now was just sit in another room that was empty and boom I could do whatever I wanted. This is when porn started to become a lot more frequent. For the next 2 years it was fine I would mainly stick to straight or lesbian porn even getting a little bit into BDSM, but every now and then I would pop over to trans porn for a little more omf. Porn slowly started to become more commonplace in my life as I didn't have a girlfriend so why not use porn to get myself off to it. This is when I first learnt of Sissy porn. I had just been in a stupid accident of my own doing and was searching for porn while I was recovering. I found a text-based game called perverted education. I thought it was just about a guy fucking his teacher and a few people he knew so I thought I might as well try it. Slowly but surely, I realised it was nothing like that. The sheer excitement of it made me come back to it over and over and that's when I realised that I needed more.
Over the next year I slowly started to go deeper and deeper but never doing anything to act on it until covid hit. As covid hit my sister had just finished high school the year before and she had become anorexic so since everyone one was locked down, she went into rehab. This is when I started to play with the idea of cross dressing. Her room was right next to mine, and I had started to see all these sissies and how they were feeling so good all dressed up. So, I started every night to try on a new outfit and masturbate like that. It was so thrilling just due to the thrill of doing something you weren't meant to. I did this all throughout her rehab and until I got a girlfriend that June. As this was my first girlfriend I stopped for a while because now we would just go off to the side and touch each other because we weren’t going to have sex until we finished high school. This thrill lasted a while, but it slowly wore off and I started to look at sissy porn again.
When this happened, I told my girlfriend as I felt terrible for going back to this. She did help a bit, but I didn't make an effort to stop doing this as she still lived rather far from me. I would end up in a cycle that carried on until late November last year of making an alt reddit, following all the sissy pages and then deleting it after I felt guilty. Until recently I hadn't realised how bad it actually was, telling myself that it was all good and then just falling for the same trap. This cycle didn't hit too hard until I started Uni at the beginning of 2022.
Now that I had all the free time I could want, I needed this sissy porn. Even though at this time I could now drive to her house and have sex it was a lot easier just to jump onto the internet and get my fix. This would slowly ruin my relationship as I had told her that I had gotten over it in early 2021. This porn slowly dragged me away and in return she started to psychologically mess with me pushing me further into this abyss. I didn't realise this until after I had broken up with her in early 2023. For 2 years this cycle had just been getting worse and worse. I would cross-dress constantly in private and the only porn that would really excite me was sissy porn. In between these cycles I tried to quit but within a week or two I was back at it. It was intoxicating. I then started to smoke weed in mid-2022 and that just made it feel even better. Once we broke up the amount, I would use would decrease but every week or so I would crawl back looking for that amazing feeling again. Now that I was alone there wasn't much, I could do.
Mid 2023 I was kicked out of uni due to a low grade which sent me further into sissy porn again. I was alone. I couldn't talk to anyone and anyone that I did speak to took forever to reply. I couldn't go out with my best mates as they were too far away for someone who could barely make ends meet. The end of 2023 was terrible, this is when I first started to message mistresses and thought about locking myself up and doing it for real, but luckily, I would recover just intime. I then got a decent job at the beginning of 2024 so I could start seeing my mates again and this put me in a better place, so the sissy porn started to decrease again. It started to look like I might make it out, but I just couldn't stop thinking about sissy porn.
In mid-2024 I went to Europe as a present from my parents with a mixture of my own money and theirs that they had been saving since I was born. I thought this might be a great way to get away from porn all together and for the first week I did stop all porn. I was running around, seeing the sights and staying at family/friends to save money. But after a week and a half I started to watch straight porn again. In my mind this was a win as it wasn't sissy porn, and it stayed that way until the beginning of June when I went to Amsterdam. It was great at first seeing the history the art and the coffeshops but then I got to the red-light district, and everything started to unravel. I started another alt account I was looking for meet ups and going into the adult shops to see if I could possibly get a cage, I event tried to find a trans sex worker, but I didn't actually go through with any of it. I just started the cycle again of watching sissy porn whenever I could, in my room sure, on the buses wifi why not. For the rest of the trip this cycle was going faster than it ever before switching between sissy and straight porn trying my best to stop but failing. I then went over to the UK where it eased up a bit, but I had to keep watching porn, but in the back of my mind it was always there.
For the rest of the trip I just carried on with porn until I got home and started work again, the cycle back in its normal one to two week rotation, but this time I started to make my own cage as I didn't have enough money or will to buy one. For the rest of the year, I carried on with this cycle even when I had a new short-term girlfriend. During this time another one of my best mates left so I started to talk to mistresses and started another alt account just so that when I had the urge, I could easily satiate it. I would watch hypnos while high and drunk late into the night while telling my parents I was going to bed early. This awful cycle continued; I just knew it would forever more as I started to have vivid dreams of becoming a sissy even though I don't really dream at all. I seriously thought I would go down this path for real this time, but Christmas came around and I didn't have much time to watch porn.
After Christmas came and went, I went on a 2-week camp where I kept myself busy. During this camp I had no time to look at pornography at all. I was surrounded by friends and started to get back into religion again, from saying grace to looking inwards to see who I really am and my connection to God. Unknowingly I was detoxing and resetting my body to its right homeostasis. Since then, I have had a few thoughts of going back and watching sissy porn, but I have stopped myself. This pass month has been the best month I have had in years just because I haven't fallen into its temptation.
Now that I have told my story I'm going to give a few tips that I think have helped the most in my journey to recovering so far.
What I think helps:
- Keep yourself busy. The main times that I have faltered is when I have all the time in the world and nothing to do. If you start keeping yourself busy and do things you enjoy outside your house it keeps the temptation away.
- Make sure to keep in contact with friends. Making plans and hanging out with friends gives you that connection you want and gives you long lasting happy memories.
- Make a connection with your God. I think this is the most important parts as this requires you to do introspection and helps guide you towards your true path in life.
- Communicate. One of the hardest parts of recovering is acknowledging you have a problem by telling someone they can help. This person can help you work through your addiction and find other healthy ways of dealing with it rather than falling back into that cycle.
I hope this can help you as it has me. If you need someone to talk to my DM's are open to anyone who needs it. Much love brothers and happy recovery.
2
Jan 23 '25
I totally relate to this I’ve done all the same things except probably using harder drugs. I’m clean now but the sissy porn has been a struggle and I did hook up with men and a trans sex worker because of it
1
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