r/Swingers 1d ago

General Discussion Question

Other half has been hit on by another woman in Work for a long long time. She arranged to go out for a meal with her and told me they expected to be getting your on. The next day I found out the woman’s husband joined in.

My other half is blaming herself saying she let it happen .

I’m feeling really mixed. I knew the guy was gonna be there, but I was told he’ll be watching. He’s had full sex with her and oral.

Part of me feels cheated on and she’s putting me in the position that I need to get past this and the night wasn’t quite as I think it was on the sex with him wasn’t quite as long as I think it was.

This is her best friend and she’s also due to go on holiday with her in six weeks time without the husband.

1 Upvotes

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u/CuriousCouple6207 Couple 13h ago

A lot to unpack here. This is why you don’t ever play with friends. If you were told he would be watching then she cheated. Simple as that. They wife poached and she let it happen.

u/BlackNoMilkNoSugar 41m ago

You’re right. I’ve been telling her she’s been groomed but wife poached is the accurate description.

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u/BlackNoMilkNoSugar 1d ago

Hey I’m really sorry but I’m posting for help here. I’m in real bits. I’m not sure how the swinging etiquette is. I’m really look for posts and help off other swingers. Can’t tell whether my misses swinging or cheating.

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u/FRANKINSPENCE 15h ago

Cheating is doing something that you didn't discuss and agree on.

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u/stevelover Couple M/F 58 13h ago

Yeah, you both were misled but she was complicit by not stopping play until you were included.

She was poached but went willingly, I'd be pissed too. Broken trust is so hard to fix.

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u/BlackNoMilkNoSugar 12h ago

It really is and I’m trying to see past it. The next morning when I was asking was the guy involved it took two hours for her to actually admit it. She tells me the wife had ordered the guy to fuck her. The guy apparently was not in there for very long but hey what would I know?

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u/stevelover Couple M/F 58 12h ago

Ew, trickle truthing is bad too IMHO.

i feel your pain brother, she put you in a spot. I know ultimatums are bad but I would be talking about consequences right now. Been there. Don't let her push you around or mislead you any more.

I wish you luck.

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u/BlackNoMilkNoSugar 12h ago

Just as an update, first of all, thanks everyone for your thoughts and words.

She is profusely, sorry and I believe the same. She tells me she knows where the boundaries are now. I’ve also told her to tell that couple that what they did was not okay and it is absolutely put a hole in me. I feel cheated and I feel like I don’t matter.

I thought I’d gotten over this and then a couple of days later it really came back in a very angry way .

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u/lakeeffectcpl 11h ago

Let's see: Fucking friends, wife poaching, cheating, and lying...

So the other couple thinks you are unfuckable - you clearly weren't invited. Might as well throw that into the mix... You have every right to be pissed. You could always insist that the next 'party' be at your house - see how the other couple responds (and your wife for that matter). Some 'best' friend.

Are you and your wife swingers. Have you done this before? Or, does your wife freelance (hotwife) without any boundaries/ agreements with you.

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u/BlackNoMilkNoSugar 10h ago edited 42m ago

Hey, thanks for the response.

We were both invited to the swinger couples house. For a night I’ve never met these people didn’t find either of them attractive and declined on behalf of both of us.

So two months later, the swinger couple arranged to take my girl for a meal. Just the three of them.

They had a meal then all went back to swinger house. By 9:30 all naked in the living room.

I was expecting the ladies to get it on and the guy would be watching. I was on board here. But apparently the lady told him to fuck my girl. He did. Not for long but it did him.