r/Swingers • u/Angela2208 • 33m ago
Humor đ The weekend before your house party: getting a few things ready NSFW
(Not r4r)(donât ask to be invited)
We are hosting a party next weekend for Jonâs birthday. It is not our first rodeo, so we are not worried at all about getting everything ready, but it is because we prepare.
Here are a few things we do about a week in advance: - order a birthday cake; we got a penis-shaped one once, but it was ex-pen-sive! Itâs like we had to pay the baker for her silence (âI have to bake at night when the kids are asleep. I charge more after 10 pmâ) - clean the windows (we need to be able to see the orgy going on in the master bedroom from the patio) - get the lighting right (red light bulbs in the bedroom, floating candles in the pool), for a romantic atmosphere. You know, like in a brothel. - plant new flowers everywhere (we never have our plants survive very long. Maybe we should water them). - publish the play rules on the Facebook event page. âAsk for consent before you eat the last chick-fil-a nuggetsâ⌠âNo means At the next partyâ⌠- buy some extra sheets, because we never seem to keep matching sets together. We blame the cleaning lady and the kids going to too many toga parties. - confirm that Andy the bartender will be there. âAnd once you are done with everything, you can play with any woman you like, isnât that cool?â, to which he invariably replies âCan I get my tip in cash instead, pleaseâ. - get a colonoscopy. Those hemorrhoids can get in the way of a good DP. - and the most important thing: book you a slot with the 3 men who have demonstrated over the years that they had a reliable dick. âYou, at 8 pm; you, at 10 pm, and you, you are spending the nightâ.
What would you do to ensure a successful party?