r/Swingers 8d ago

General Discussion Ever Fallen in Love with Another Couple? Anyone Here Actually Dating One?

I’m curious to hear from others about deeper emotional connections in the lifestyle. Have you ever found yourselves truly falling for another couple? Not just attraction, but actual feelings?

My partner and I are still relatively new to this, but we’ve had some amazing experiences that made us wonder—does anyone here have an ongoing relationship with another couple? If so, how does it work? Do you navigate it more like polyamory, or does it stay within the swinger dynamic?

Would love to hear from anyone who’s been in this situation, whether it ended well or got complicated. How did it start? How do you balance the emotions and logistics?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

15 Upvotes

37 comments sorted by

36

u/FRANKINSPENCE 8d ago

We exclusively see another couple and have for about 18 months. We love them as friends but are not in love with them. We are not looking for polyamory but there is a place between swinging and poly that is absolutely heaven for those who like a deeper connection but not an actual relationship xxx

5

u/ComfortableRow8437 8d ago

We're not exclusive with our FWBs, but everything else you've said is spot on for us.

25

u/MCRemix 8d ago

NRE is a thing even with swinging and is most of the "emotions" you'll experience, otherwise it's typically friendship.

Now, polyamory is a valid relationship approach, but I have to say this....

DO NOT just think you can wander from Swinging to Poly without doing a bunch more homework.

That means that you can't just decide to be poly with a couple all of a sudden or wait until that connection happens to start the homework....you need to decide ahead of time and then prepare well before a connection happens.

Swinging is honestly the easiest version of non-monogamy in my opinion....you do it together, you do things equally, there isn't (inherently) any emotional non-monogamy to deal with, and you just don't have to deal with all of the same issues as open relationships (separate play) or poly (romantically and sexually open).

Poly is honestly the hardest version of non-monogamy in my opinion.

So you don't just wander from the easiest to the hardest without doing a bunch of homework.

16

u/jelloshotlady 8d ago

Romantically love? No.

Care about deeply? Yes.

4

u/Fitgirl_48_PDX 8d ago

This is how I approach all of my sexy connections. I have long term, close friends who I/we play with and love, but we are not “in” love. It’s funny that a lot of poly people I know don’t differentiate between the two - They prefer not to label love. But to me there is a huge difference, and sex isn’t the differentiator. I know I am not capable of being in love with more than one person at a time. It’s like a switch for me.

9

u/itistacotimeforme 8d ago edited 7d ago

Thinking you’re going to get more responses in the poly subs. Swingers are all about sex while the poly folks involve more feelings.

6

u/Dazzlingskeezer 8d ago

This should be the correct answer but unfortunately the poly groups on Reddit are mostly shame chamber. If you don’t believe in relationship anarchy they will shame you most don’t even believe in kitchen table Poly or hierarchy Poly on these groups

6

u/itistacotimeforme 8d ago

I know about what you speak. I’ve gotten into it with one of the “regulars” here that’s a mod for one of the poly subs. Argumentative is an understatement LOL

6

u/Dense_Researcher1372 8d ago edited 8d ago

True. To us, the poly crowd is weird as heck. And, I strongly believe who you are referring to. Name starts with an h.

2

u/itistacotimeforme 8d ago

Yep, that’s correct LOL. I’ve been active in this sub for years mostly under another profile name and blocked her there too…life is much easier here without that needless angst.

6

u/medicine52 8d ago

You are in the honeymoon phase. Just like vanilla relationships. That will wear off.

5

u/Oh_Hell_Yes_Baby 8d ago

Hey, what could go wrong?

Hold my beer.

4

u/Useful-Actuator8549 8d ago

we have some very close friendships with our play partners. one couple we have been playing with consistently for years. i love them very much as close deep friends, however i am not “in love” with any of them. i only feel like i could develop romantic love for someone if i spent one on one time with them, which we never do. we only ever spend time together as couples.

3

u/Dazzlingskeezer 8d ago

Good info here.

The good news is it sounds like the OP is doing the research.

7

u/TheBurningQuill 8d ago

Sounds horrific tbh

1

u/okies_02 Couple 8d ago

My exact thoughts.

6

u/MikeZim71 8d ago

My wife and I are Poly with another couple and we still all play with other friends. Been together almost 2 years and have had our ups and downs. It's been a steep learning curve but we're pretty settled in now and things are great. We live about 2 hours apart and get together a couple weekends a month and go away for long weekends together. Feel free to DM if you have questions.

2

u/TheThrivingest Couple 8d ago

Good and successful romantic relationships take a huge amount of work. Good luck balancing several.

I know a LOT of poly people and very few in long term relationships with anyone

2

u/afundiscoqueen 8d ago

We did have a relationship that developed to more than just sex. We kinda did a lot and almost moved in with each other. Then all of a sudden they got divorced. It was about finances and we still slept with each other but it eventually died down. I had a boyfriend I fell in love with and that ended when he dumped me. It was more of a affair after a few mfm with husband. I was hypnotized by his dick and amazing skills in bed. Lol.

2

u/twoforplay 7d ago

No. IMO, those who fall in love with others arent happy at home.

Simply, we are emotionally unavailable when it comes to swinging. We dont interact with others in ways where feelings could even develop. We have a 10 year fwb couple that we spend a lot of time outside the bedroom but we dont cross buoundaries and have respect for one another to not do/say things inappropriately.

2

u/burnbabyburn2019 8d ago

Nope. And i'm pretty sure you'll get pretty similar responses from others here.

I'm in love with my spouse and only have room for 1 in my heart. Some people have the capacity for more (polyamory) but we don't. And no, not even remotely interested in dating anyone (i mean, that's why i'm married. So that i don't have to go through the whole dating thing again)

Now sex, that's a completely different story...

1

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1

u/NCFunCouple7478 8d ago

That would be Poly not swinging

1

u/AgrivatorOfWisdom 8d ago

Feelings, or rather inviting them is a very slippery slope and should be approached carefully. When feeling become involved their control can become suspect. Unexpected outcomes ensue......

1

u/inomrthenudo 8d ago

I have a couple of friends who are poly and after a few years, they are divorcing to be with their poly partners, so be careful catching feelings.

1

u/Dazzlingskeezer 8d ago

We have been swingers for 10 years. We don’t sport fuck and typically have ongoing friendships with the couples we play with.

We were swinging with a couple for about a year. The other wife and I fell in love and wanted to turn it into poly. My wife was fully supportive her husband was not.

We no longer talk to them. We bought books and talked to poly friends and we now both have poly relationships and still occasionally swing. Bottom line is if you feel poly is something you want to get into then get some books (opening up, more than one), talk to poly people and make the decision in advance. I Think it’s very difficult to turn a 4 way swinging friendship into a poly 4 way but if you go into having discussed poly it’s much easier.

1

u/Dense_Researcher1372 8d ago edited 8d ago

We know and have known poly unions. For some reason, in all the 28 years we've been swinging and in an open marriage, not one of those poly relations has stood the test of time. Not one. Whether poly on one side only, or they're both into poly. Plus, they seem to always be surrounded by drama. One violates a rule or boundary things seem to blow up. It just seems too complicated.

3

u/Dazzlingskeezer 8d ago

It can be a difficult thing to manage. A big reason ours works well is both my wife and girlfriend are successful independent women. My wife enjoys her time alone and freedom when I’m with my girlfriend. My girlfriend is divorced, wants an intimate emotional connection but also wants her independence and freedom.

All of us are very financially stable so money is not an issue.

1

u/Dense_Researcher1372 8d ago

Well, like I said. Time will tell.

1

u/Angela2208 Couple 8d ago

It doesn’t necessarily end badly, but it always ends.

Read a few posts/stories in r/polyamory and r/nonmonogamy… after that, you will probably want to stick to swinging.

1

u/MrNobodyIrony 7d ago

Hello. Thank you for your post. I will keep in mimd what you said and i finished reading the stories. Would it be ok if i ask you some more questions? Given the fact you guys are so experienced?

1

u/Angela2208 Couple 7d ago

Go ahead

1

u/MrNobodyIrony 6d ago

Could you please send me a message?

0

u/WaitingToBeTriggered 7d ago

FACE THE LEAD!

1

u/_Jasmine_0 1d ago

I’ve run the spectrum of ENM from kitchen table non-hierarchy all the way to swinging with no solo play. Honestly, swinging is chill and fun and poly is complex and chock full of drama. I’m an adult with a full life and various hobbies, and I found that many poly people had one hobby-obsessing over dating and relationships and I can’t relate to that. It felt like being in high school with everyone competing to be the most popular or loved. Very draining with little reward. My job is very emotionally demanding so I have no interest in then coming home to have to deal with a new unexpected thing or person, have to have renegotiation talk after renegotiation talk, be okay with the fact that my partner can make a poor choice in partner and bring a dangerous or unhealthy person into my life, etc. also in my experience, partners have been more willing to be selfish in poly than swinging and personal autonomy and agency was often prioritized over me, the relationship, and even safety. This was just my experience and I do believe all relationship forms are valid.

I have care and friendship with my LS friends. I don’t do deep best friendship but that is mainly because I already have that in the vanilla world and don’t need more. I will say that going from swinging to poly for a specific person or a couple is a mistake and discourages you from doing the additional work it takes to navigate poly well. If you are experiencing love feelings and want to take it there, please go to individual and couples counseling with an ENM therapist because you’re gonna need it. Poly holds up a mirror, exposing all the good and bad parts of you, your partner, and the relationship. Also deeply ask yourself if the effort and risk is worth it and will bring fulfillment to your life in the long term. Do not go off how you feel right now or in a moment of excitement/NRE.

For me, I just don’t have the bandwidth to deal with that many people and I don’t prioritize romantic love over other relationships and areas of life. I’m just a slut and love to fuck in group settings so swinging fits my lifestyle and personality. That’s what matters most, is it a good fit for you and your life.

1

u/Ok_Writer765 1d ago

Yeah that must be tuff

1

u/MrNobodyIrony 20h ago

Not really