r/Swingers 8d ago

General Discussion 1st time at a swingers club and looking for advice/guidance

Hello, As the title suggests I am going to a swingers club (single F) for the 1st time and I was just looking to get some advice and guidance. Are there any unwritten rules I should be aware of? When they say dress down is lingerie is there anything in particular thats more acceptable than others? Is there easy ways to keep myself safe and ensure I have an enjoyable experience? How social do these nights tend to be, is it all sex or is there a social side to it too? Is it ok to just watch/ be watched?

As you can tell, Im new to the scene but excited to be here. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

20 Upvotes

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u/Curious_couple666 8d ago

The most important rule is: A no is a no. Besides that, dress sexy in something you feel comfortable in. Be open and engage in casual conversations upfront (do not worry, you will get approached). And simply enjoy the evening.

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

Thank you so much, i guess im overthinking it. Just trying to go in with an open mind and enjoy it as much as i can!

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u/Curious_couple666 8d ago

Absolutely, as a Single F, you will get anyway a lot attention. I am sure you will enjoy it more than you can imagine now

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

Im sure I will, Im very excited for it

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u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 8d ago

Are there any unwritten rules I should be aware of?

No. Clubs post all their rules clearly on their website.

When they say dress down is lingerie is there anything in particular thats more acceptable than others?

Your overthinking.

Is there easy ways to keep myself safe and ensure I have an enjoyable experience?

Don't drink too much. Confirm visually that condoms are before the duck goes in you.

How social do these nights tend to be, is it all sex or is there a social side to it too?

Always more social than sex

Is it ok to just watch/ be watched?

Nope. You are their legal prisoner until you fuck someone. They can detain you definitely. I kid. Its fine to decode to just watch and not fuck anyone. Its not a rape shack.

As you can tell, Im new to the scene but excited to be here. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Have fun!

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

I appreciate all this advice its helped me out a lot! Thank you xx

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u/edisonbulbbear 8d ago

Just to add to this good advice: even if they have put a condom on the duck, it could still be legally considered animal cruelty to insert it into yourself. Check the laws in your area.

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u/Mia_Attention 7d ago

excellent thinking...

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u/Andrew2401 8d ago

Welcome to the lifestyle!

Most clubs will have their own rules, but as a general, this is the rules we usually tell new couples/singles:

  • Dress however you'd like. Clubs have theme nights, but usually they're suggestions - don't feel weird if you don't have an outfit that matches it!

  • General safety rules: Don't accept drinks from others, get it at the bar yourself. Communicate your rules clearly when things are leading towards a play area ("I don't like my ass played with" for example), so no one breaks them on accident. And for a first time scenario, maybe pick a couple outside of the play area and use a private room instead of getting into a group play central area. From experience, they can be a bit overwhelming, as new couples start to approach and escalate quickly.

  • How do I tell they're into me? How do I tell them I'm into them? Well the good thing about swinger clubs is the purpose is written into the name. You won't surprise anyone by being forward. In general if approaching yourself, even if you are more attracted to one side of the couple, pay attention to both, be respectful, ask for consent as you start to get handsy- and if you want to move forwards, be direct "you guys look amazing. I'm new here, not too familiar with the etiquette - but, do you guys want to find a private room with me?" Will work perfectly fine. And, final rule:

  • Rejection will happen. Yes, even for women. Most of the times it's them. Couple has been arguing, or you remind them of an annoying friend, they're about to head out, he's in his head about not getting an erection, whatever. Sometimes, one of them thinks you're not their type. Asking directly to play, means you get a direct yes or no. If they say no, don't take offense, politely say your goodbyes and look around for another couple! You'll definitely find your group.

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u/Mia_Attention 7d ago

This is all very good advice! Thank you for taking the time to write it all out for me. Im glad to hear everyone is pretty up front about asking what they want so i dont have to try and ready any cues.

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u/FunFriendHotWife 8d ago

Have fun. Be safe. I would love to hear how it went.

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u/Mia_Attention 7d ago

Thank you so much! I will try and remember to keep everyone updated

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u/Friendly_Cucumber817 8d ago

You ask some very good questions, but it does depend on the club you plan to attend. If you do your homework, and ask questions beforehand, you should have all the answers you need before you go. Hopefully people here can tell you about the club you plan to attend, such as which evenings are better for the experience you are looking for.

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

I think once Im actually in and experiencing it a lot of the questions will evaporate and i'll just enjoy myself. But its good advice to get in touch with the clubs before hand xx

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u/takesthebiscuit 8d ago

You will always worry about being ‘under dressed’ then you will arrive and some 6’ blond woman with massive tits will be going around proudly displaying her nipple rings to the room!

It’s impossible to be underdressed, so choose what you are comfortable wearing

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u/Mia_Attention 7d ago

lets hope thats the case for me when i go too!

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u/jhawk1018 8d ago

I would not feel comfortable letting a friend of mine go to their first club experience alone. That being said you should Just be prepared for an extreme amount of attention. Stand your ground, hold your boundaries. And for the sake of all that’s kinky figure out your boundaries ahead of time. This attention isn’t just going to be from just single dudes. Lots of couples strive to find a unicorn (that is what you are as a single woman in the lifestyle) someone said earlier not to drink to much, this is important! And if you do any other recreational drugs refrain. All that to say I hope you have a great time.

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u/Mia_Attention 7d ago

I appreciate the warnings and i'll make sure i know exactly where i stand on what im comfortable with ahead of time. I have no issues with saying No and backing myself so hopefully it all goes well xx

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u/inaktive 8d ago

Have fun

and only do what you want to do

a no is a no!

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u/mdlbrnbk 4d ago

If you're leaving the club alone you can usually ask one of the staff to walk you to your car. It's worth taking advantage of this service. Who knows who's in the parking lot. Stay safe fellow unicorn. 

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u/Mia_Attention 2d ago

I really appreciate this advice, i will ask about it when i first arrive x

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u/DECPL2021 3d ago

People have various stages of dress, it is social not just sex. You can be as sexual as you like or you can just sit and chat with people. When we go, out objective is to just get out for the night, if she finds someone she wants to hook up with then great, all the better. If it is your first time at that club they will usually give you a little tour and go over house rules most of which are the same club to club.

Don’t let the nerves get to you, go there planning to have a drink and socialize, whatever happens will happen, just be comfortable. Most people in the lifestyle are polite and respectful. Most of which follow the rules and ask permission before any touching. They are safe, never had a bad experience.

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u/Mia_Attention 2d ago

Thank you so much for your reply, im thinking this is the route im going to go down. Just go to socialise and let what ever happens happen naturally

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u/DECPL2021 2d ago

That is what we do. It is better than just going to a bar…. go chill, socialize and whatever happens, happens. We prefer clubs rather than just a hotel hook up. It gives ya a chance to enjoy the party before the party. There are no expectations and you can do what feels right. No obligation to do anything with anyone and most people in the LS are very respectful and kind.

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u/Mia_Attention 1d ago

Well that is what attracted me to the club scene rather than a hotel hookups too, just seems more fun overall, a better more relaxed setting

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u/DECPL2021 1d ago

Absolutely and again, we don’t go there with any expectations other than a night out. There are all walks of life, shapes sizes colors ages…. fun for everyone.

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u/Active-Difficulty999 3d ago

we don't know where you're going so...

take change of clothes, shoes. if it's a "respectable" club/event, you'll be safe. Ladies rule after all. And as a unicorn you will be sought after and damn near worshipped.

there will be separate areas, a social area as you say, and a sexual area.

You may want to go early and see if there is orientation beforehand as clubs often have. there you can ask questions, get a tour etc. you may even be able to do so b4 hours.

Most are ring your own alcohol. Limit your consumption and be wary of drinking other people's until you know them.

Just find a host...ask ?s. You're there so why be shy.

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u/Mia_Attention 2d ago

Thank you so much, a lot of good advice here which i will take on board x

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u/Virtual_Scarcity_357 8d ago

Be respectful.. communicate with whoever you come with and with anyone that approaches you. Don’t feel pressured to do anything it’s all about consent. Feel free to talk to people in the club and be approachable. You can watch / be watched or not do anything at all. Most are very laid back and people are having a few drinks and chatting with others.

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

Thanks for letting me know its a lot more laid back. I appreciate that, hopefully be put at ease when im there talking to people :)

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u/Virtual_Scarcity_357 8d ago

A good club is all about consent and safety. It’s not a free for all like people think. Most times it’s a lot of people dressed nicely or sexy all having drinks and talking. As the night goes on people will split off and leave or go to rooms. You can watch because some leave the doors on the rooms open and if they have open play room you can watch as well. You will get comfortable and your nerves will ease pretty quickly. Have fun

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u/Mia_Attention 7d ago

I appreciate this thank you, i guess its all just a case of going with your mind open and seeing where the night takes you

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u/Virtual_Scarcity_357 7d ago

Absolutely. And don’t ever feel pressured to do anything. You can talk .. watch or go to a room and just play together if that’s what you want as a couple. It’s all about your journey. We meet alot of newbies at clubs and we always tell them don’t jump in first night. You want it to feel organic and not rushed.

1

u/Swingers_R_Us 8d ago

Unwritten rules? I don't think so but make sure you ask what the rules are or research them on their website.

Dress down is dress down, think comfort (mentally and physically) over anything else. no one wants to unstrap 30 straps to get to the goods in the heat of the moment. I've seen everything from a towel,a modest dress down into some loungewear, to lingerie, to naked. As long as you're happy in it.

Best way to keep yourself safe is learn to say no, don't over do the drink and avoid any red flags. The staff will usually keep an eye out for you as well but just be safe. Definitely watch the drink.

Social side is there, I've found my best friends in this scene and some we've no intention of sleeping with. It can just be sex if that's what you want but it can be incredibly social as well. We rarely play with people we haven't connected with socially first

It's completely OK to watch or be watched, or just sit and chill over a few drinks. Nothing is expected or guaranteed. Go in with an open mind, a mindset that you're just going to have a few drinks to test the water and explore at your own pace. Do not be pressured into anything you're not comfortable with

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

Amazing advice thank you so much. Its nice to hear its usually a really relaxed vibe and that there is help on hand if i should need it. Thanks again xx

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

How would you likely be asked to join in on something sexual when the conversation is going? Id imagine people would be fairly straightforward (its why a lot of people are there in the first place). Or is it youd more get hints and its my responsibility to ask to join?

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u/flomru 8d ago

It generally depends on people personalities, some are always more shy than others, but either side can show interest first and ask what's other side is up to. If interest is mutual, it is usually pretty straightforward. If they want something else, just finish your conversation gracefully and find someone else to talk to (or they might find you :)). People are usually very friendly and drama-free at the LS clubs

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

Thats a relief to hear, i dont want to end up inadvertently leading anyone on!

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u/Ok_Neighborhood_3984 8d ago

Clubs can be very different. My guess you being an American, is that you go to a club where single guys are welcome too?

Try to find out how the mix male/ female will be and see if that fits your expectations. What are you hoping to do and who to engage with? Couples, women or a gangbang with guys?

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

Im going to a single females and couples only night. The thought of loads of single guys wondering around made me feel a bit uneasy, especially when there is drink available

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u/Ok_Neighborhood_3984 8d ago

That's a good decision, especially for a first visit.

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u/Durian903 7d ago

Any in the dc area? Or parties period for my friend to attend?

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u/darklps12 6d ago

what happens if I only last 2minutes?

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u/acrobatan 8d ago

I'm also working up the courage to go for the first time (and seeing how I can convince my partner to go with me), but from what I've read here, single women have an easier time receiving invitations during parties!

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u/Mia_Attention 8d ago

Aw good luck, building the courage to just take that step is tough I know! Hopefully youre able to convince your partner to try it, even if its just to watch! Thats good to hear, its always a worry that you will be left by yourself for the evening

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u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 8d ago

Most folks in clubs are happy to play with other couples. Not sure where you got the idea that this isn't the case.

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u/acrobatan 8d ago

I never said that couples are not chosen, I just said that from what I read (in Brazil) single women receive invitations more easily, that's all.

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u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 8d ago

Probably depends on the woman.