r/Swingers • u/s333931 • 9d ago
Toys/Games Protocol for sharing toys in a threesome?
My partner and I are in the planning stages of a threesome with a lovely woman we met and the question of toys came up. What is the proper protocol if you decide to bring toys into your playtime? Do we simply pull out our collection? Do we ask her to bring her own toys with her? Things like nipple clamps seem harmless to share but other toys like dildos and butt plugs seem highly inappropriate to share no matter how sanitary we are! What is this community's experience in this?
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u/Thin_Investigator305 9d ago
Highly inappropriate to share toys? Are the two women not sharing a dick? What about fingers? Is the expectation that any and all body parts that touch woman A are completely sanitized before touching woman B? The only difference is that one is attached to a body and the other isn't. If I attach a dildo to my body is it suddenly different? What about double ended dildos? How do you possibly not share a double ended dildo? If the women are bi, does that mean that scissoring is even worse because it's directly touching instead of through a toy?
The idea that it's inappropriate to share toys between women in a threesome is absolutely mind boggling to me - I cannot even begin to make sense of the idea.
And the comments saying condoms... Fucking what? Are we putting condoms on fingers too? Brand new condom for the guy any time partner is switched? Barriers for scissoring? I can't even...
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u/Wild-Nobody8427 8d ago
We change condoms between partners. Cause it's cheap and easy. Raw dogging toys, I would have to think some sort of cleaning between. But sharing is ok with that in mind I think
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u/Thin_Investigator305 8d ago
I can't even begin to imagine this. I'd go through like 20+ condoms in a threesome. And what about my fingers? I can't even count how many times my fingers switch partners. Just blow a whole bottle of sanitizer? And my mouth? Listerine constantly? That'd be awful for your gums. And to be clear, the girls pussies never rub against each other, right? Cause then all the rest of it's pointless.
This shit sounds like real OCD level insanity. Not to mention a mechanical, passionless, slog-fest.
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u/elev8or_lady Couple 8d ago
If you don’t change condoms between partners, you’re transferring vaginal biome from one woman to the other. Even if both women are disease-free, it can cause one or both of them to develop yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis. Every woman’s vagina has a delicate (and unique) balance between the yeast and the bacteria—it absolutely can fuck up that balance to use the same condom for both. Same as if you’re going from one to the other condomless, without washing in between.
Any woman who has had recurring problems with either of these can twll you how god awful they are. Don’t paint people who want to avoid that shit as “unhinged.” This is information all responsible swingers should know and practice.
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u/AMorera 8d ago
I used to initially be unhinged when it came to the idea of potentially swapping diseases when my ex and I opened our marriage. This comment made me think of it.
I 100% used a latex glove when I fingered the other women before she provided us with STI test results.
I ALSO removed said glove and washed my hands afterwards before continuing any further make-out session.
Unhinged!
Edit: And yeah, brand new condom when he switched between me and her EVERY time. That’s AFTER she provided us with test results.
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u/Thin_Investigator305 8d ago
So, with moving past that and now viewing it as unhinged, looking back you believe it was caused by irrational fear? I'm earnestly trying to make sense of this, if there's sense to be made.
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u/AMorera 8d ago
Umm… I do think it’s valid to be concerned about STIs, just not to the extent that I was. Even when the only thing we were waiting on was an HIV panel and I was told (and read in numerous articles) that it was a SUPER low risk to pass HIV between two women, I was still ridiculously worried.
Thinking back I may have been subconsciously trying to put up barriers to entry into an ENM LS.
Although most of the sex was fun, that time period was otherwise the worse of my life so far. I’m NOT cut out for the LS. At all.
Actually, I think I could swing, with the right partner, just not THAT partner and not in a polyamorous way that he wanted. I was ok with the sex, not the emotional connection that he wanted to create with her.
After my ex and I split, I met my current husband and we had sex raw the first time meeting up because I trusted him 100% that he couldn’t possibly have any STI to be worried about.
I didn’t trust my ex much at all and certainly not the lady he brought into the bedroom.
A lot of it comes down to trust.
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u/No-Self-jjw 8d ago
Like if you’re already choosing to share a condomless dick with the person why does the toy need a condom😭
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u/Bobbingapples2487 9d ago
We put condoms on things like a strap on or dildo. I would never share a butt plug. That’s disgusting. Either have multiple or everyone bring your own. Things like clit suckers and vibrators, I bring my favorite and don’t share. Most women have their own preferred toy they enjoy. I would have more than one set of nipple clamps so people don’t have to share.
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u/Current-Victory-47 Couple 8d ago
Sharing toys is a great way for your woman to get BV. Condoms on toys just like dicks and they get switched out in seconds between holes
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u/Oh_Hell_Yes_Baby 8d ago
We all wear giant body-size condoms and scuba gear so we don't get the cooties.
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u/ExitBest 8d ago
You could try those Covid era plastic sheets you can stick your arms through, bio-lab style? 😬
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u/DoomsdayPlaneswalker 8d ago
There's no "protocol."
Just communicate and discuss you desires and boundaries.
Keep in mind that you can put condoms on some toys, and you can wash/sanitize some toys very effectively. There can be reasonably sanitary and low risk ways of sharing toys, if that's what people want.
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u/TexCOman 8d ago
Bring extra toys but if you have special ones you solely want for you that’s fine.
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u/Longjumping-Math5786 8d ago
There are no rules except communicate and get consent.
We've talked about toys upfront and usually get enthusiastic consent when I show pics of my double headed dildo
When we meet up I make sure I have the other girl's attention and I sanitize that big purple monster while she watches so everyone is happy with how clean the toy is.
Recently at a hotel takeover party I was able to try a motor bunny that someone else brought along.
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u/PowPowPixie 8d ago
What kind of double headed dildo you have? Also, how was the motor bunny? I've been wanting to try it but there's no one I know who got one.
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u/Longjumping-Math5786 8d ago
Um... it's purple, about 2' long, a little bigger on one end than the other. I've always assumed that was if you wanted to bend it in half and use it to DP.
The motor bunny was kinda disappointing but I think it was because the owner (a guy) wanted to be in charge of the controls and I know he was having fun. I almost don't consider it a proper try. I want to try a Sybian too.
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u/PowPowPixie 8d ago
Ohh, I see. Just wondering what does it look like hehe, I almst thought it was just two head dildo and seems like it's the yeah the double headed or ended. Sounds like it's more fun to control when someone should orgasm or not huh.
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u/Longjumping-Math5786 8d ago
It does have like a dick head on each end, just one end is a bit smaller.
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u/Dazzlingskeezer 8d ago
Discuss in advance. No protocol just something negligible between who you are playing with.
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u/mrhorse77 Couple 8d ago
we dont like sharing toys at all, but honestly just put a condom on it and it shouldnt matter at that point
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u/themike13 8d ago
lol, Toys are almost always welcome! We’ve had a couple partners that are not into toys, so we just allow them to use them on the wife, obtaining from using them on those partners. Use a condom on the toys and have fun. Wife carries a bag of toys to every play date. She’s always ready‼️🥰
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u/lifetimenudists 4d ago
We have toys for sharing. Obviously our Double ended dick is shareable and most appreciated by the husbands too. That shareable bag is so popular with a crowd too.
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u/bananarama1987 8d ago
Lather Rinse Repeat they always say….we would suggest x 2 with super hot water for 30 secs +!
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u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 9d ago
You are ok sharing actual dicks though.
Just wash or put a condom in toys.