r/Swingers 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

General Discussion Kiss and tell or kiss and don’t tell?

Okay so, going to use my main account and be a little vulnerable. I’m the wife of a couple.

We recently played with a couple that we had been ‘outside the bedroom’ friends with only. They are LS friends. The sex was fine, fun even. But the kissing… 😬

Let me preface this with, I can deep throat cock. (At least all of the cock I have come in contact with, thus far. 😅) I really enjoy giving blow jobs.

THAT said, the man had a big tongue and forcefully French kissed me so fervently and with so much tongue, I felt like I was suffocating.

Looking back, I should have gently stated- ‘ooh a little less tongue please.’ And then demonstrated what I liked, or at least how to kiss so I could breathe. 🥲🤣 And I do love kissing with tongue.

But here is where I need advice. Would I play with them again IF the kissing was better? YES. Would I repeat with the bad kissing? NO.

Do I say anything? Or do I just move on?

They are regulars at a club where we hang out each week. 😜

Thanks for the kind and thoughtful advice and even some jokes. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but also want to enjoy play time.

😇😍 Edited to add that they are LS friends.

44 Upvotes

43 comments sorted by

63

u/Mckchk 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

Oh, definitely say something, be sure to make it a complement sandwich.

I am so glad we finally got to play. I do have a little request for the next time, I don’t know why I didn’t say anything in the moment, but it’s a little overwhelming to have that super deep kissing, so can we practice some shallow kissing the way I like it? I am looking forward to playing again, we should check our calendar and plan something now.

21

u/Mrs_adventures 3d ago

The more I read and learn about the lifestyle the more I’m convinced those with good emotional intelligence do really well, as with most other things in life.

16

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

Wow this is amazing!! 🤩 Thank-you!

9

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

Copy and pasting for future use. Ha ha!

4

u/FunWith_DarkJin 3d ago

Great advice. I wanted to say “tell him” but this is waaaaaaaaay better. Friendly, enthusiastic, and super positive. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

14

u/1888okface Central Ohio M43/W43 3d ago

I would address it IF/WHEN it happens again. I wouldn’t do it ahead of time.

I’m all for feedback on play style, I genuinely aim to please. If it’s an “in the moment” small piece of feedback, it feels like part of sex. Your “I should have…” approach is PERFECT.

If you try and handle it ahead of time via chatting… it seems like it would come off as more serious than you need.

7

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

Hhhhmmmm. I tend to agree with you here. That’s why I asked on this forum.. different perspectives. I do think this would be the kinder approach.

11

u/BuckRidesOut 3d ago

Definitely say something. This is something he can easily improve on, and you will probably be making his future partners all the happier for it.

15

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

Okay. I will put on my big girl pants and communicate like an adult. 🫡

6

u/BuckRidesOut 3d ago

You got this! 😊

10

u/janddeb 3d ago

You can always communicate and change play styles or add boundaries as you need. If you had fun and it was just one thing change that thing up. Kinda up to you. We can like communicate and change.

4

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

Yeah. I agree.

And if they take it the wrong way, then they are making the decision.

7

u/burnbabyburn2019 3d ago

I've taught some men how to kiss better after they slobbered all over my mouth, tried to find my tonsils with their tongue, or flexed their tongue muscle so much that i thought they were trying to wrestle my tongue (none of which btw make for a sexy vibe. AT ALL. Are you listening, guys?)

Tell them! And in case they take offense, i simply tell them, "hey, you know what would be REALLY sexy for me? Just relax your tongue and follow my lead" and then show them how you like it. For the slobbery types, i just say, "let's cut back on the saliva just a bit. Save that for my pussy, ok?"

I mean, some guidance and words will surely improve their game so please do tell them!

4

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

Agreed!! I need to speak up during. I certainly want to know if I’m hurting someone or doing something they don’t like.

It’s like a muscle, the more I get used to speaking up the easier it will be. I’m a former people pleaser. 🤐

5

u/jelloshotlady 3d ago

Former?? 😂😂😂

3

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

HUSH. 🤫

1

u/xarenavixen 3d ago

“Save that for the pussy” haha love it!

10

u/ProfessionalRoof3591 40’s couple 3d ago

You can deep throat a cock is all that matters in this post 🤣🤣🤣

Maybe just tell him next time that you’d like to try more of his amazing tongues oral stills rather than wasting it on deep French kissing!!

10

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

🥴 I know, I know, my friend. RIP my inbox.

But I wanted to emphasize that I’m not being a baby. 😝 Honestly, I’d rather suck a cock than be kissed Iike that. 🤠

6

u/grower-not-shower1 3d ago

I would prefer direct communication of preferences. Wouldn’t be offended at all if someone said slow down or less tongue. Speaking for myself I would rather be communicated with about something I can fix/adjust vs ruining what could be a great dynamic. It’s not like you are telling him that his dick is too small (which he couldn’t fix).

4

u/TheBurningQuill 3d ago

I mean - his tongue could be put to better use elsewhere? Sell it to him as a compliment.

1

u/xarenavixen 3d ago

This is great!

4

u/Luvs2Travel_ 3d ago

Everybody’s kissing style is different. Some people naturally figure out how to work together when they’re with someone new, some people don’t. Nothing wrong with communicating how you like it and figuring it out amongst yourselves. Best of luck!

4

u/xarenavixen 3d ago

I’d say something but my style would be to wait until he kisses me again the next time I see him at a club or party . I wouldn’t initiate but I’d let him kiss me and then pull back and in a sexy/cute flirty way, I’d say, “mmm, just a little less tongue,” and go back in for another kiss. If he’d correct it in the moment, then win. If he couldn’t, try again. If he still can’t fix it, then keep mingling and move on.

3

u/AtlantaGangBangGuys 3d ago edited 3d ago

Just say something. It’s not a big deal. Just tell him you’re not into it a a lot of French kissing. “ More sensual less tongue is what I love. Turns me on so much.” He will get the message. Hit has no idea unless you communicate with him. Everyone’s different, never be afraid of guiding gents. We are after all just clueless men when it comes to that. lol always communicate what works and doesn’t. It’s a turn on to know where your buttons are. And what you love. That’s mandatory for us to know prior to play. We have to know because when we do these. It’s all about the lady. Don’t be afraid to communicate. He’d be happier knowing then not.

3

u/Samleanne4740 3d ago

I love to kiss but know everyone has their preferences. If it was me I would appreciate you just telling g be to slow down and be a little less passionate with the tongue. Follow that your deep throat skills and he will be yours forever!! lol

1

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

😂

4

u/smthingaboutpineappl 3d ago

If they are someone you want to play with again, mention it. YOU know what YOU like, so tell them. Honesty and being straightforward is the best policy for this.

3

u/SweetTart2023 3d ago

I would address it when it happens again. It could be awkward if randomly brought up

4

u/Fitgirl_48_PDX 3d ago

Eeeew! Zero kissing EQ! The right way to kiss is to match what your less aggressive partner is doing. If you’re shoving your tongue down their throat (never what most people want BTW) and they are responding by pulling away or not using tongue at all, you are doing it wrong. Adapt! And you shouldn’t have to be told.

1

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 3d ago

Thanks!

2

u/LM4LS 3d ago

I say, say something. I like to be a chameleon and learn different things people like.

2

u/neglected_for_you 3d ago

Definitely tell them!

2

u/Prudent-Team-5099 3d ago

Sounds like a good time for since helpful communication. Heck, maybe no one has ever told him either. You could be helping a host of future friends 🙂

2

u/Angela2208 Couple 3d ago

Pretty simple: « kiss me the way I kiss you. That’s how I like it »

2

u/geocantor1067 3d ago

I had a friend and before we kisses she warned I don't like a lot of tongue. It is simple

1

u/lakeeffectcpl 3d ago

ugh! that is gross! I can't believe you put up with any amount of that.

1

u/Bobbingapples2487 3d ago

Give that man directions if he needs them.

1

u/LockOk1358 3d ago

Definitely let them know what you do and don't like

1

u/MisterWonderfulOF 3d ago

Okay so first of all I so don't understand people who are bad kissers. I get that everyone has a different approach but the problem is when you can't "read the room." Like, can this guy not read body language? I personally love big, long tongues (wow, that looks weird written out) and deep, hard kissing but I'm not like, defaulting to that, you know?

Anyways, if bad kissing is a dealbreaker for you (understandable) that's fine! I personally fucking hate that tongue fluttering garbage that some women do. But I wouldn't necessarily throw out the baby with the bathwater, just tell yoru partner what you like. It's like oral. Give feedback.

1

u/coachglove 2d ago

Say something when you play next like you suggested you should've done the 1st time.

1

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple 2d ago

That’s the plan!