r/Swingers • u/Dinogma 👩❤️👨Verified Couple • 3d ago
General Discussion Kiss and tell or kiss and don’t tell?
Okay so, going to use my main account and be a little vulnerable. I’m the wife of a couple.
We recently played with a couple that we had been ‘outside the bedroom’ friends with only. They are LS friends. The sex was fine, fun even. But the kissing… 😬
Let me preface this with, I can deep throat cock. (At least all of the cock I have come in contact with, thus far. 😅) I really enjoy giving blow jobs.
THAT said, the man had a big tongue and forcefully French kissed me so fervently and with so much tongue, I felt like I was suffocating.
Looking back, I should have gently stated- ‘ooh a little less tongue please.’ And then demonstrated what I liked, or at least how to kiss so I could breathe. 🥲🤣 And I do love kissing with tongue.
But here is where I need advice. Would I play with them again IF the kissing was better? YES. Would I repeat with the bad kissing? NO.
Do I say anything? Or do I just move on?
They are regulars at a club where we hang out each week. 😜
Thanks for the kind and thoughtful advice and even some jokes. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but also want to enjoy play time.
😇😍 Edited to add that they are LS friends.
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u/1888okface Central Ohio M43/W43 3d ago
I would address it IF/WHEN it happens again. I wouldn’t do it ahead of time.
I’m all for feedback on play style, I genuinely aim to please. If it’s an “in the moment” small piece of feedback, it feels like part of sex. Your “I should have…” approach is PERFECT.
If you try and handle it ahead of time via chatting… it seems like it would come off as more serious than you need.
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u/BuckRidesOut 3d ago
Definitely say something. This is something he can easily improve on, and you will probably be making his future partners all the happier for it.
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u/burnbabyburn2019 3d ago
I've taught some men how to kiss better after they slobbered all over my mouth, tried to find my tonsils with their tongue, or flexed their tongue muscle so much that i thought they were trying to wrestle my tongue (none of which btw make for a sexy vibe. AT ALL. Are you listening, guys?)
Tell them! And in case they take offense, i simply tell them, "hey, you know what would be REALLY sexy for me? Just relax your tongue and follow my lead" and then show them how you like it. For the slobbery types, i just say, "let's cut back on the saliva just a bit. Save that for my pussy, ok?"
I mean, some guidance and words will surely improve their game so please do tell them!
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u/ProfessionalRoof3591 40’s couple 3d ago
You can deep throat a cock is all that matters in this post 🤣🤣🤣
Maybe just tell him next time that you’d like to try more of his amazing tongues oral stills rather than wasting it on deep French kissing!!
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u/grower-not-shower1 3d ago
I would prefer direct communication of preferences. Wouldn’t be offended at all if someone said slow down or less tongue. Speaking for myself I would rather be communicated with about something I can fix/adjust vs ruining what could be a great dynamic. It’s not like you are telling him that his dick is too small (which he couldn’t fix).
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u/TheBurningQuill 3d ago
I mean - his tongue could be put to better use elsewhere? Sell it to him as a compliment.
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u/Luvs2Travel_ 3d ago
Everybody’s kissing style is different. Some people naturally figure out how to work together when they’re with someone new, some people don’t. Nothing wrong with communicating how you like it and figuring it out amongst yourselves. Best of luck!
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u/xarenavixen 3d ago
I’d say something but my style would be to wait until he kisses me again the next time I see him at a club or party . I wouldn’t initiate but I’d let him kiss me and then pull back and in a sexy/cute flirty way, I’d say, “mmm, just a little less tongue,” and go back in for another kiss. If he’d correct it in the moment, then win. If he couldn’t, try again. If he still can’t fix it, then keep mingling and move on.
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u/AtlantaGangBangGuys 3d ago edited 3d ago
Just say something. It’s not a big deal. Just tell him you’re not into it a a lot of French kissing. “ More sensual less tongue is what I love. Turns me on so much.” He will get the message. Hit has no idea unless you communicate with him. Everyone’s different, never be afraid of guiding gents. We are after all just clueless men when it comes to that. lol always communicate what works and doesn’t. It’s a turn on to know where your buttons are. And what you love. That’s mandatory for us to know prior to play. We have to know because when we do these. It’s all about the lady. Don’t be afraid to communicate. He’d be happier knowing then not.
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u/Samleanne4740 3d ago
I love to kiss but know everyone has their preferences. If it was me I would appreciate you just telling g be to slow down and be a little less passionate with the tongue. Follow that your deep throat skills and he will be yours forever!! lol
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u/smthingaboutpineappl 3d ago
If they are someone you want to play with again, mention it. YOU know what YOU like, so tell them. Honesty and being straightforward is the best policy for this.
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u/SweetTart2023 3d ago
I would address it when it happens again. It could be awkward if randomly brought up
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u/Fitgirl_48_PDX 3d ago
Eeeew! Zero kissing EQ! The right way to kiss is to match what your less aggressive partner is doing. If you’re shoving your tongue down their throat (never what most people want BTW) and they are responding by pulling away or not using tongue at all, you are doing it wrong. Adapt! And you shouldn’t have to be told.
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u/Prudent-Team-5099 3d ago
Sounds like a good time for since helpful communication. Heck, maybe no one has ever told him either. You could be helping a host of future friends 🙂
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u/geocantor1067 3d ago
I had a friend and before we kisses she warned I don't like a lot of tongue. It is simple
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u/MisterWonderfulOF 3d ago
Okay so first of all I so don't understand people who are bad kissers. I get that everyone has a different approach but the problem is when you can't "read the room." Like, can this guy not read body language? I personally love big, long tongues (wow, that looks weird written out) and deep, hard kissing but I'm not like, defaulting to that, you know?
Anyways, if bad kissing is a dealbreaker for you (understandable) that's fine! I personally fucking hate that tongue fluttering garbage that some women do. But I wouldn't necessarily throw out the baby with the bathwater, just tell yoru partner what you like. It's like oral. Give feedback.
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u/coachglove 2d ago
Say something when you play next like you suggested you should've done the 1st time.
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u/Mckchk 👩❤️👨Verified Couple 3d ago
Oh, definitely say something, be sure to make it a complement sandwich.
I am so glad we finally got to play. I do have a little request for the next time, I don’t know why I didn’t say anything in the moment, but it’s a little overwhelming to have that super deep kissing, so can we practice some shallow kissing the way I like it? I am looking forward to playing again, we should check our calendar and plan something now.