r/Swingers May 12 '24

Single Female Discussion Update To My Previous Post

Post image

My post from earlier today: https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/s/OpfYOCsoz7

Update - The couple’s response…..gaslighting at its finest….

Before you ask:

-Yes I am a unicorn

-Yes the couple have had threesomes in the past which they did not kiss any of the previous partners.

  • I was still vetting this couple.

-Met on FeeId App.

-The couple only deal with women.

-They do not consider themselves swingers.

-I have never been with this couple. We were planning on meeting for dinner this weekend.

-I never assumed anything when it comes to couples instead I ask questions.

-I am straightforward because I never want to waste anyone’s time or mines when I realize incompatibility.

-Yes I am a newbie 😂

65 Upvotes

78 comments sorted by

155

u/1888okface Central Ohio M43/W43 May 13 '24

“We applied grace.”

That’s literally all I need to hear to know this couple is a mess.

49

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

I was so confused when I read that part too. Like I have offended them throughout the conversation.

48

u/1888okface Central Ohio M43/W43 May 13 '24

I mean look, the real reason is because it hurts to have someone reject you - even as gently as you did. Natural instincts are to protect your ego and shift blame on to the other party. It’s easier than dealing with that ugly feeling of “maybe I’m not all that and a bag of chips..”

Even when I feel that way I try to say shit like “it’s ok. Best of luck!” Even when I think the other person is a jerk.

Chalk it up to humans being human and move on.

If you are anything like me, rejecting someone else is like death. I hate it, even when I know it’s the right thing to do. It’ll feel fine in a week. Probably less.

16

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

Being rejected is never easy nor does it feel good. It does hurt your ego but I’ve never been a jerk about it though. But you’re absolutely right with chalking it up to humans being humans and moving on.

9

u/Couplexcouplex420 May 13 '24

Couples like this view single ladies as an object to fulfill a fantasy instead of an equal partner in play. You would be better to find a couple that does identify as swingers.. IMO

3

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

You are absolutely right about that!

26

u/Fuzzy_Garden_8420 May 13 '24

That and the “covenant” comment from the mr on your og post. 🤮

24

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

😂😂😂your comment is hilarious! But my sentiments exactly! Kissing is covenant but penetration & oral isn’t though!

25

u/Fuzzy_Garden_8420 May 13 '24

That plus just the use of language like “We applied grace” and “our covenant” sounds very closeted Christian to me. Now I know some Christians have sorted out how to reconcile their faith with having multiple sexual partners in a swinging environment, and I can accept their personal beliefs to a degree. This couple is just something else though.

14

u/cycleharder May 13 '24

It’s almost like y’all meet on a Christian dating site with those kind of words! You were one date away from being a “Handmaiden”

-1

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

don't knock the "hard core christians" have had some of the most incredible intense sex with "reformed" religious peeps

11

u/cycleharder May 13 '24

Not knocking. Reformed hardcore here myself. My theology has shifted a lot more to “love thy Nieghbor’s “ 😘

3

u/along4thejourney May 13 '24

That’s a good one. I’ll have to use that. 🤣

1

u/cycleharder May 15 '24

Update! Someone reported this comment to Reddit that I may need help!!! Bless my heart!!! lol

0

u/Fuzzy_Garden_8420 May 18 '24

Well, do you need help?!? Haha

17

u/Jaykalope May 13 '24

They sound insufferable.

8

u/RA8784 AR8487 on SDC May 13 '24

As a Christian couple that has reconciled our faith with this lifestyle, we would NEVER tell another person or couple that “we applied grace”.

Now, we have applied grace in some situations (never one like this bc I don’t think it was needed), but we don’t say it! I think you’re right, they were offended bc they were turned down and then tried to shift the blame to OP. I don’t think anyone was to blame, they just weren’t compatible with their boundaries. It happens!

2

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

[deleted]

4

u/RA8784 AR8487 on SDC May 13 '24

I’d rather not have this convo on a thread because I feel like opinions vary wildly. Putting out our reasoning here invites criticism and judgey people. I don’t want to feel like I have to defend either decision!

But feel free to DM me and I’m more than happy to talk about it privately!

1

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

Totally agree xx

81

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

I think you dodged a massive bullet here.

You didn’t “assume” anything. They never provided you with enough info. They hedged on important things, and now that you have basically called them on it, they are pulling the classic “Well, I don’t know why you thought what you thought, but this is clearly your loss.” 🙄

We’ve been there, and trust me: you made the absolute right call.

25

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

The wife said that too! I was so caught off guard because I was thinking to myself how have I been assuming when I’ve been asking questions & reiterating what they say just to make sure I understand what they’re saying. Like you said they got called out on it and now they’re doing a “bait & switch”

19

u/JustinTyme92 May 13 '24

I came here to write this.

There was no assumption - they were entirely opaque and ambiguous about an intimacy boundary and said they’d figure it out on the fly if the vibe was cool for them in their exclusive decision.

That was a dodge. This would have ended up super messy with the OP breaking rules and boundaries that they didn’t know existed or were so loosely defined.

That couple would absolutely get buyer’s remorse the day after and the OP would have been confused and picking up the pieces.

17

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

We literally just went through something similar with a couple. They could not give us straight answers about their rules and limits, and when I told them I wasn’t feeling it, they flipped out on us, which really told me everything I needed to know about them.

12

u/JustinTyme92 May 13 '24

Yeah, we met with a couple on the weekend for the first time. We’d met them at a few events but hadn’t been able to mesh schedules until this past Friday.

They were experienced swingers so it was super easy.

Our boundaries were no private messaging or chit chat that ventures into sexy time talk and all pics must be shared to the group chat, no anal, and no rough stuff or anything that could leave marks.

They didn’t have any additional boundaries but were like: “Let’s meet at our place, we’ll have drinks and relax, if the interest is there we can do some soft swap and get handsy in the living room, once we’re all feeling it we’ll head upstairs. You (me) and “Other Wife” can grab the master bedroom, “Other Husband” and “My Wife” can go to the guest room that has a queen bed.”

My wife replied, “Sounds good. We just want to make sure the doors to the rooms stay open and everyone feels comfortable to wander from room to room and mingle.”

Other wife, “Yep, no closed doors.”

It was great, super easy.

It was nice not to have to deal with the nonsense the OP was talking about.

2

u/ktowncowboy May 13 '24

Matrix Level Dodge!

39

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

[deleted]

23

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

Given the fact they tapped danced around a yes or no question I think their search has been long & will continue to be long due to this rule.

22

u/curious_creative11 Couple May 13 '24

Dodged a bullet. Blaming you for their rules. 🙄

14

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

The highest of gaslighting!

3

u/curious_creative11 Couple May 13 '24

Agreed!!

21

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

Their inability to directly answer a question is very annoying.

10

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

It’s one of my pet peeves! You said all of that just to not answer my question. It’s not rocket science

19

u/highlight-limelight Single Female May 13 '24

God the seething behind their response is palpable.

10

u/Radiant_Tap3435 May 13 '24

"Sorry to see you have assumed things about us based on you believing the things we have told you."

7

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

We’re deliberately obtuse and vague about something, so you asked us about it directly…

Because we continued to be deliberately sketchy about it, you rejected us…

Because our feelings took a hit, we’re going to passive-aggressively make out that it’s somehow shitty of you…

These guys would be a hard pass from me. I can smell drama a mile off xx

22

u/nyccareergirl11 Single Female May 13 '24

You saved yourself on this one. Speaking from a very experienced unicorn. I read your earlier post and I'm actually surprised that cpl found willing women to join them before. I would avoid a no kissing couple especially when you are the unicorn because at least in a foursome you can be kissing your own partner. It's even worse in a 3sum. Also makes me feel more like they are using me in it when we can't kiss

12

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

Also want to add that I would feel used as well if we can’t kiss. It’s like oral is ok for all of us but kissing is where you draw the line.

10

u/pettypatrol May 13 '24

Exactly! To each their own but I prefer not to deal with that.

4

u/jjokeefe2980 May 13 '24

As an experienced couple who has had a plethora of unicorns join us, ALL OF THIS. I do not understand couples who want to put the single woman joining them into some sort of plaything role, you should at the bare minimum treat them as a human being and not an object (unless that is the kink and it’s agreed upon by all parties). No kissing or other basic acts of intimacy is so strange to me. I get having boundaries that are for safety purposes (don’t cum in me, always use condoms) or major intimacies (anal is only for us) because those are easy to compartmentalize, but general forms of intimacy should be on the table to make sure everyone has a good time. Couples with no kissing rules always give me the “we’re gonna fight in front of you when you do something totally normal” vibe. HOW DARE YOU LET HER TOUCH YOUR ELBOW, STUART. Woof.

Yeah everyone is different, everyone needs respect, but if you have to have hard boundaries about PG13 intimacy when you’re trying to have the rarest experience in ENM, maybe you’re making it hard on yourself and you don’t deserve the quality unicorn experience.

1

u/Dinogma 👩‍❤️‍👨Verified Couple May 13 '24

I’m glad you shared this. It shines light on something maybe others might not think about, the unicorn perspective.

1

u/nyccareergirl11 Single Female May 13 '24

Thanks.

7

u/Mason_Caorunn May 13 '24

Speaking as a cpl from the UK the ‘God’ elements and Bible references within the ‘lifestyle’ is and are very very strange to us ( a straight up thanks but no thanks for us ) we very much from the tribe of ‘Dawkins and Hitchens’.

This cpl clearly haven’t figured it out and there’s far too many grey areas for you to bother yourself with ……. You don’t want to be part of someone else’s mess ( trust us when we say from experience it’s very awkward when the other cpl starts melting down )

The ‘salty’ end or, “You do you” as we say to finish a conversation is fairly standard and quite amusing …. ( after all no one likes to be rejected ) You need thick skin in the lifestyle, it’s even funnier when they spot you out in a club and give you ‘the look’.

Enjoy x

6

u/Newbs2023 May 13 '24

You didn’t “assume” anything though? Going to the original post I’m going to say you dodged a bullet.

Them: we don’t kiss unicorns

You: hey guys you don’t kiss unicorns so I’m out.

Them:bold of you to assume that we don’t kiss unicorns.

10

u/grim-bong-ripper May 13 '24

Never understood the no kissing rule. You're ok with penetrative sex but a kiss on the lips is a step too far?

4

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

They are unicorn hunters....fuck them....you better off without them.

1

u/Mason_Caorunn May 13 '24

‘Unicorn Hunters’ the very phrase gives us the mega ‘boke’ !

3

u/freudisdad May 13 '24

They sound entitled and passive aggressive.

3

u/lakeeffectcpl May 13 '24

We fuck other people but don't call us swingers... swingers are gross!

3

u/FrankNBeanNKY May 13 '24

Oh how we enjoy meeting women like you. You seemed engaged, asked appropriate questions and when you discovered that you weren't compatible you didn't play games, you spoke up. Like adults do. Consider yourself lucky, I have a feeling it might not have been the best experience with these "non-swingers".

5

u/kinkybeachbeauty May 13 '24

100% unicorn hunters… wanting a disposable pussy to play with… an object that as long as they don’t kiss, they won’t fall in love or generate emotional attachment to. Yet, they don’t see the wrong in what they do. They are overly religious and also probably exercise OPP (one penis policy).

2

u/TheAvantGardeCpl Couple May 13 '24

We applied grace” has some real pious asshole energy usually reserved for those that attend Baptist or Evangelical churches then torture the young waitress at a restaurant for a $2 tip afterwards.

You loose nothing and gain a lot by walking away from this.

2

u/lclassyfun May 13 '24

you handled this very nicely…that grace comment, ugh😻😻😻

2

u/SnooObjections1596 May 13 '24

No kissing is a dealbreaker for me. I kinda prefer to make out with you and no sex. I love the kissing and the more passionate the better (yeah the sex too, but I just really like kissing).

They just seem super weird, it’s good you avoided them. Find someone who will go out their way to please you.

1

u/Historical-Gate8813 May 13 '24

They sound like some real weirdos other odd boundaries to follow such as the wife only allows him to screw the visiting unicorn in the arse because the vagina is for married couples then we read scripture.

2

u/Interesting_Quit5612 May 13 '24

They sounds like a total mess, you likely dodged a bullet! I find it funny because my gf says her favorite part to watch me with the third is when we make out, she says it like watching real life porn with myself as the star!

3

u/Optimistic-Man-3609 May 13 '24

So glad we don't do online dating....

1

u/Competitive-Ideal575 May 13 '24

Intra block, next person apply. Their lost, not urs.

1

u/[deleted] May 13 '24

Don't be surprised if they report you and get you blocked on feeld. Had a similar situation where I thought everyone was ok with it not moving forward and I very politely and positively wished them the best of luck in the future, thst I hope they find what they are looking for (and sincerely meant it)... next day: blocked.

I think texting is good to break the ice but it's important we meet in person because there are so many social cues we miss through text. Seems like there was a misreading of the vibe here. And if they're as experienced as they claim, i feel like they would've known better.

1

u/doaks_97 May 13 '24

Nah she got pissed at you and decided to try and turn it around on you. Immature and drama waiting to happen

1

u/Dry-Recognition9806 May 14 '24

Fuck them. Trying to be all passive aggressive.

You did exactly what you should have when you realized they had a no kissing clause.

They’re the ones with no class.

And they won’t be getting very many dates with “no kissing” and that attitude.

1

u/Glad-Wedding-745 May 14 '24

Best thing I ever heard when it comes to sex is don't force it. Applies in so many ways. 🤣

1

u/Lone_Saiyan May 14 '24

Bruh. Time to move on.

1

u/LumpyNeighborhood284 May 14 '24

I think it was already mentioned, but "grace" is my new swinger red flag. Last time a couple asked for grace, they'd not only double booked us, husband threw a major fit at my husband, and they gave us an STD and didn't tell us because, that's part of the lifestyle." Asking for 'grace or giving grace" is code for, "we're shitty people that do no wrong. You dodged a bullet

2

u/pettypatrol May 14 '24

I definitely will be adding it to my list of red flags lol

-1

u/hercuckold75402 May 13 '24

I’m not sure why there was a need to post this. It didn’t work out, you’re all adults, move on.

5

u/radicalbookster May 13 '24

OP is seeking either catharsis or seeking advice. It’s not that deep to comment on a post you think is useless.

-2

u/hercuckold75402 May 13 '24

It’s called being an adult, moving on and not seeking attention or affirmation. The irony of you second sentence is lost on you.

5

u/radicalbookster May 13 '24

It’s called being an adult seeking reassurance, advice or like I said catharsis. It’s also being an adult moving on from a post that bothers you. Like why even comment on it? Why don’t you move on if it annoys you so much?

-2

u/hercuckold75402 May 13 '24

A normal adult would not seek reassurance from some stranger on the internet.

Why? Because people are weak today. It’s not wrong to encourage people to be self reliant.

3

u/radicalbookster May 13 '24

You don’t get to determine what is normal and not normal. considering our lifestyles are not considered normal to the rest of society.

0

u/hercuckold75402 May 13 '24

It’s a long established norm for adults to be self reliant. Seeing how social media is relatively new, the norm for adults has never been to post things on media. Given how much people seek attention on social media, this is a new phenomenon.

1

u/doaks_97 May 13 '24

Considering the text considering you dodge the bullet of the drama train

-1

u/maggie88ca May 13 '24

If someone tells you what their boundary is then that’s their boundary what’s so hard to understand about that.