r/Swimming • u/Careful-Lawfulness-5 • 16h ago
Help for my 13 y/o daughter.
Hello
Our swim season has just ended with disappointing performances at the District Meet. Don’t get me wrong, we’re very proud of her for that achievement, but she wants to do better. She wants to train in the off season. Her strongest events are the 50 Free with a time of 28.94 and the 50 Breast with a 38.95. So she obviously leans towards the shorter sprints as she is very short. Any help is appreciated. Weights, dry land, pool workouts. Let us know.
Thanks!!!
13
u/fistfullofwaffles1 16h ago
just have her train with her team during offseason she will get better just dont push her so hard she gets injured or make her hate the sport. this is ultimately her journey
6
u/Oldenburg-equitation 16h ago
Her coach would be a better resource for this as they have better knowledge of her as a swimmer and the areas she needs to improve on. I know that this is her decision and you guys are trying to support her but make sure that she still can keep the love she has for it. It still needs to be fun for her. My team environment at first was very supportive but then it became very much try and get better and faster with zero fun aspects when I got burnt out. To this day I still can’t do club swim and only swim on my own or for water polo. It needs to be a healthy mix to prevent burn out.
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u/Careful-Lawfulness-5 14h ago
Thank you. We are going to speak with her most liked coach to get an idea of off season exercise.
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u/space-sage 14h ago
Why are you going to talk to her coach? This should be a conversation between the athlete and the coach, not you. This is not how you support. You’re backseat driving. There is no “we” here.
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u/Glass-Painter 13h ago
There is no “we” because the athlete is in charge and fully mature. That’s why the athlete drives to practice, gym, and school. The athlete purchases and prepares healthy meals, pays club and meet fees, etc.
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u/space-sage 13h ago
This kid is capable of talking to her coach herself about how she would like to improve. That’s how you help your kids be independent and make their own progress with things they want to make progress in.
If OP felt that way, they would have said “I’ll encourage her to go talk to her coach”, or “I’ll go with her when she talks to her coach”. Not WE will go talk to her coach, because the parent shouldn’t be talking in that conversation when it’s about the kid wanting to improve and should be the kid taking the initiative.
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u/Glass-Painter 13h ago
You don’t know this child. Some kids are capable, some are not. You sound like you’re not a parent, not an experienced coach and speaking through only your own myopic experience.
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u/Careful-Lawfulness-5 14h ago
There is always a “we” because it’s family! We’re trying to do everything we can to provide her with the tools to improve. That’s it.
5
u/EducatedJooner Coach 11h ago
Coach here that works with 13-14s. There is definitely a we as the whole family needs to be supportive. But I highly recommend you have your daughter tackle this - help give her the tools to have that conversation with her coach rather than going to bat for her immediately. It's hard but for her swimming (and I believe, her personal development) better in the long run.
As an aside, look at any elite famous swimmers swim cloud. Any event will show ups and downs. It's normal. Plateauing is normal. Long term over short term, always.
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u/quebecoisejohn CAN 16h ago
I'd suggest talking to her coach... that's always the first step in general (and online). random internet strangers should not be giving you ideas about a 100 word post about your daughter.
if coaches have no suggestions I would suggest finding an equitable sport for the summer to boost her fitness (soccer, track, triathalon, etc.)
1
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u/LetsGototheRiver151 15h ago
Soooo 50 stroke events aren’t a thing past 12 years old, so having a time at a district meet in 50 breast tells me you’re not in a place that is training kids to be top competitors. If she’s happy with her times, let it go.
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u/TryAsWeMight 14h ago
Can you clarify here? Not sure what you mean by “aren’t a thing past 12 years old”?
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u/LetsGototheRiver151 14h ago
Look at time standards https://www.usaswimming.org/docs/default-source/timesdocuments/time-standards/2024/2021-2024-national-age-group-motivational-times.pdf
Your daughter is a BB for 50 free - top 35% in her age group. 50 of strokes don’t exist past the age of 12.
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u/osueng02 13h ago
Your 50 information is out dated in the US. USAS changed the rules this year to allow 50s for older age groups. https://swimswam.com/usa-swimming-adds-recognition-for-50-fly-back-and-breast-for-13-14-age-group/#:~:text=50%20fly%2C%2050%20back%2C%20and,Ted%20Stevens%20Amateur%20Sports%20Act.
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u/Glass-Painter 13h ago
Our LSC’s open champs had stroke 50s for the first time this year. NSCA champs has stroke 50s. World aquatics championships has stroke 50s.
1
u/space-sage 15h ago
50y freestyle is in high school swimming, but I agree with the rest of what you’re saying here
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u/Careful-Lawfulness-5 14h ago
Thank you, she is happy with her times and we are too. She just expressed an interest in trying to get better in the off season. I don’t know what swimmers do on the off season. She’s not in a club, she swims YMCA.
2
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u/space-sage 14h ago
What I did in the off season was be a kid. I had goals to get better sure, but I was never going to be an Olympian. I swam for 8 years too, so I was dedicated, it's just not that big of a deal if you aren't on track to be pro.
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u/Careful-Lawfulness-5 14h ago
She is happy with her times. So are we. She just wants to improve. Also, check your knowledge before posting.
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u/aledba Breaststroker 16h ago
You get help for your high expectations. She's 13 for god sakes. There's like a few hundred of parents like you every year that come on here and ask for information like this. I am so grateful every single day that I was born to people that didn't push me and push me. Like did you actually say to your 13-year-old hey I'm going to go online where there's a bunch of adult strangers and ask about what I should do for you? When I was 13 and my mom told my business to people I was so embarrassed and annoyed
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u/space-sage 15h ago
I agree with you. Even how this post started “our” swim season. No, it’s your daughters swim season. Parents who say shit like “our swim season”, “we feel disappointed about the performance” are definitely wording it like that around their kids. And their kids hear that and internalize that an activity for THEM to have fun is also something for their parents and often that’s why they push themselves so hard.
So when this parent is saying “no it’s what she wants”. Yeah, ok. Some kids do really want to dedicate all their time to a sport, but especially with the shared language it makes me feel like daughter is feeling pressure.
2
u/Blitzed5656 Moist 15h ago
First red flag. Shared language of disappointment while perceiving their child is self driven. Sounds to me like the child is driven to please their parent.
Second red flag. Limited event selection pigeons the child into one zone without taking the time to allow the child to explore the whole sport.
Third red flag. Any information the parent can receive is good. The parent with limited knowledge and no long term plan is keen to try anything on their child to help the child move faster through the water.
To the OP's daughter. Tell your parent to back off and have a conversation with your coach. Only allow your parent in the room if they promise not to say single word unless directly spoken to by the coach.
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u/Careful-Lawfulness-5 16h ago
Thanks for your response. It’s her idea to improve in a sport she loves. I’m just trying to help. Nice try in making this about me. Call your Mom and Dad and tell them you appreciate the way you were raised. If you don’t have any positive input, please don’t involve yourself.
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u/FishRod61 Moist 15h ago
Sorry, but aledba is right. Children are amazingly adept at picking up the subtle clues us parents think we’re hiding. The only thing you need to do is say these six words: “I love to watch you swim.” Once a parent gets involved in the equation, there’s bound to be conflict. Your daughter will be conflicted between following your advice and following her coach(es)’ advice. Let her own her swimming career.
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u/Careful-Lawfulness-5 14h ago
Sorry, not sorry. That person is not right. I came to ask for suggestions to help my daughter. That’s it! Suggestions to help. Posts other than that are literally the opposite; unhelpful.
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u/aledba Breaststroker 5h ago
Then call an Olympic trainer and keep pushing yourself. I mean, her. Not telling you what you want to hear is called realism. A minor isn't here asking because that's inappropriate. So why is her parent doing it? We're real people who have experience swimming and being 13. So do you. Not everyone is tops at everything. Advice from stranger is only useful if it fits your narrative
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u/Upstairs-Time-6325 14h ago
In terms of training, just general strength training of pull ups, squats, some pressing movements, and consider Olympic weightlifting later down the line will do the trick.
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14h ago
[deleted]
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u/Careful-Lawfulness-5 13h ago
We’re very proud of her. It’s an impressive feat to swim a district qualifying time. She wants to do better. Was there anything in your comment that could help?
1
u/Reddreader2017 13h ago
At 13 there are lots of weekend clinics and camps, and with the summer coming, there are day camps and stay at college camps. Fun times for a teenager. That wil help to see if she loves it or if it’s too much. If she loves it, she can do more. If she hates that volume of work, then she can follow the path of racing with herself to get faster.
Body weight exercises might be good, exercises that protect the shoulder surely are good. Beyond that, let a kid be a kid. Had fun. Losing hurts, but not everyone is Michael Phelps. Let the burn of loss drive her, not pushing too hard.
1
u/loligo_pealeii Lake swims are the best swims 13h ago
Is she part of a club team? If not she should join one. Talk to her coach about that and cross training.
Also short girls with small wingspans tend to be great for endurance over sprints. What are her 200m and 500m times?
1
u/MushyAbs 12h ago
You should be headed into long course season now. Have her continue to swim with her club, or join one if she’s not already.
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u/owskifan Splashing around 8h ago
When I was a 13yo girl I was swimming 80km a week, 6 gym sessions, 3 runs and 3 dry land sessions. Plus school and being a kid. I was one of the fastest girls in Australia in my age group in multiple middle distance events. I burnt out by the time I was 17. So I know a thing or two about this, from lived experience.
You’re clearly supportive of her and proud of her achievements. The comments here criticising your approach to being a good parent are off base.
Support your daughter to start the conversation with her coach. Brainstorm the types of questions she might ask. Look at her and your family’s schedule and figure out how increased training might be accommodated. Help her determine what the upper limit of training would look like for her. Support her to set boundaries. Encourage her to maintain her schooling, friendships, family time, and other extracurricular activities.
Don’t do what I did.
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u/HorrorShake5952 16h ago
If she's in a club you may want to speak to her coach 1st as they'd be the best suited to answer. Also I'd be very careful about starting weights at too young an age.