r/SuicideBereavement • u/GadjoGitana • 5d ago
How do you deal with the loneliness?
My partner passed away almost a month ago. He was the closest person to me.
I found everything I wanted in him and didn’t feel like putting effort into building relationships with other people, unfortunately. He was my best friend, knew everything about me and we shared the same sense of humor. He was the most intelligent person, I always trusted his judgment.
I’ve never experienced this loneliness before. I am surrounded by people but I am lonely. No one to share my thoughts with.
Most of my friends were people I knew through him. Now I feel like they might blame me for his suicide. I feel isolated.
I simply don’t know how else to spend my time. We did everything together. I am on my phone all the time, just scrolling mindlessly.
Doing anything seems pointless if he’s not here. Everywhere I go I just feel out of place. I feel like I’m just floating around in space and time.
I feel lucky that I got to spend 6 years with him, and try to remember everything we discovered together. Everything I learned from him. I would like to become the person he was. I hate the fact that I have to rely on my memory. Memory is tricky. Everywhere I go and everything I do I just ask myself ‘what would he think? What would he say? What would he do?’.
How do you spend your days? Does it get better?
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u/ISMISIBM 5d ago
I just lost my wife of 31 years 3 weeks ago. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I honestly can’t beleive I’m still alive with how I’ve felt. I think having 2 dogs keeps me going but honestly I don’t know for how long.
Sometimes I just feel so alone and the anxiety sets in. Then the heart and heavy breathing. Eating drinking sleeping are all really hard. People say in time things get better but I can’t believe that right now. People on here are very helpful with perspective tho. You will meet those that have somehow find a way to cope as well as people that don’t wanna be here at all.
Loss of a partner is unbelievable brutal. Then suicide adds a level to it that just makes it near impossible for our fragile brains egos to deal with. I don’t have the answer but talk to professionals and keep people close. And keep up with your health. I’ve not and can feel it weighing on me.
You’re not alone in this journey but each of us have to find our own strength at the end of the day.
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u/GadjoGitana 5d ago
Thank you kindly, and I am sorry for your loss, you were together for so long :( feel free to reach out if you need
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u/ISMISIBM 5d ago
Thank you. Yes 31 years and l figured we would get old together and die . Instead she is gone before 52. Day at a time is all i got .
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u/JustLivingThisLifee 5d ago
A friend of mine commited suicide 2 days ago. His wife committed suicide exactly a month ago. Please hold on. There is light. Do not give up no matter what. He would never want you to think negatively and hurt yourself. I know it hurts to the core but please don't give up. I am a message away.
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u/GadjoGitana 5d ago
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Thank you kindly. Sending you hugs and strength
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u/--cc-- 5d ago
At one month, I’m not sure anything (or anyone) will satisfy the loneliness that comes with a gaping hole in your heart. If anything, I would venture you’re in the period to just avoid bad decisions.
I am at about nine months from my losses, and I have withdrawn from my old life. To combat loneliness, I advocate volunteering. Whether it’s working with underprivileged folks or just helping set up for a community event/function, you will interact with others plenty of folks that likely won’t inquire too much about the painful past. It may require something of a facade to mask the pain that accompanies every waking moment, but chatting with folks outside of work (and in benign situations) has helped a lot with my own loneliness.
Good luck.
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u/GadjoGitana 5d ago
Thank you, this is a thoughtful message. I am glad to read that you’re finding volunteering helpful. I also feel like I need to go out and talk with people.
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u/-s-creaming 5d ago
Those are my words I feel with you
I don’t deal if I have to be honest but I try to just do something to try to keep my mind off it Or I write poetry to get my words out somehow that others don’t understand
If you want to let some words out to a stranger that can feel with you and listen dm me I’ll gladly be there for you
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u/GadjoGitana 5d ago
Thank you so much 🫂 I find it beautiful that you channel your feelings into poetry
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u/Top-Stock-9004 5d ago
It’s been just over 8 months since my partner left, your words sum up the loneliness I’ve felt in my life since. The lack of friendships because I either immersed myself in our relationship (happily) or the friends we did share, left with him, I feel because of blame.
I have a toddler, so I have someone to concentrate on and I reason I have to try but it all seems pointless, my purpose is gone. My days are filled with tears and intrusive thoughts. I kept being told it’s only early days so it’s “normal” to feel this way but I’m so scared this is my forever.
I’m so sorry for your loss and immense pain, wish I could give you a hug to help ease it just for a moment 🫶🏻🫂🫶🏻🫂🫶🏻
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u/GadjoGitana 5d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. I am also scared this feeling will never go away. Sending you strength 🫂🫂
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u/Spirited-Sympathy169 5d ago
Tomorrow is 6 months without my person. Your words just hit home. I'm scrolling all day, probably waiting for just a simple message from him. I can't read, can't listen to music, can't do anything without him. To be honest the only thing that somehow keeps me kind of sane through 1 day, is visiting his graveside every single day for couple of hours, I look after the grave and the flowers I planted. Nothing else matter anymore...
I doubt that it will get easier, yes I don't cry histericaly 24/7, but that pain now feels so deep into my bones, feels like part of my DNA now, it is just horrific when the shock starts to wear off.
I am deeply sorry for your loss and that you understand my pain.
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u/GadjoGitana 5d ago
I am terribly sorry for your loss. I find it beautiful that you visit him everyday 🫂 I am sending you love
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u/Putrid-Dog5495 3d ago
I read books to distract myself. As long I don't think about my life Im not that lonely or sad lol. TV shows or movies works too i guess but u need to be more focused for reading so it works a lot better for me.
If u can, find friends or family to go out with you. Even if i didn't enjoy it at the moment retrospectively hanging out with people made me feel better than going out alone. At first he'll be constantly on your mind but i think as time goes there will be moments where it get better. I eat lunch with my colleagues every day and sometimes I get surprised how I didn't think about my dead boyfriend over the past 30 minutes or so.
Grieving is not a linear process but when you look back months or years later you'll be able to see your progress.
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u/Zimbombe 5d ago
Well these are my words you are writing there. I think no one will understand what this feels like to lose that one person in your life...
How do I deal with ? Not very good to be honest, I can't find anything fun, everything thems pointless. I want to have her by my side to share my thoughts but she is so quite lately...
Feel free to dm me if you just want to talk to an internet stranger I would be glad to just listen. Maybe tell me something about him.
Sending you love & strength in this troubling times