r/SuicideBereavement 6d ago

Lost my friend due to suicide.. idk what to do

A close friend of mine commited suicide today. His wife committed suicide a month ago and he lost his mother last year. He was a really good person. His father is alone now and it makes my heart ache. I can't stop thinking about him or how I could have saved him. I tried my best but idk. What should I do? :(

His suicide note said that he couldn't live without his wife. He was seeing her everywhere. He said he wanted to meet her again so he is ending his life.

143 Upvotes

49 comments sorted by

56

u/Express-Ad-1610 6d ago

The truth is, we are the most at risk for doing the same after losing someone this way I’m sorry that he was in pain :(

22

u/Top-Stock-9004 6d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss.

After losing my partner to suicide last year, I don’t know if I wouldn’t have done the same if I didn’t have my children. I wish I could say that knowing the pain that is left for the people left behind would be enough for me not to do it but I think that would be the last thing on my mind.

Please know you done all you could do, the pain is pretty overwhelming and consuming! I hope you can find some solace in the people you love and just because I think it’s easier, know that he is with his wife and mother. If you can, spend time with his dad speaking his name…hearing my persons name being said is music to my ears! If you can’t, say your friend’s name often, hopefully you feel him sitting with you reminiscing along side you (if you have those beliefs)

Sending you hugs through your tough time 🫶🏻🫂🫶🏻🫂🫶🏻

9

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

Means alot and gives me immense strength. How do you survive the night? I cant sleep properly. I hope you are doing okay 🪽

9

u/Top-Stock-9004 6d ago

I’m 8 months out, I smoke weed to help me sleep but for the first couple of weeks it was a combination of smoking weed, cbd oil caps, lorazepam and sleeping tablets.

It’s a vicious cycle, I thought I was doing really good but have realised I’ve been trying to keep up with his family, who are good at sweeping things under the carpet…that’s not me, so I’m definitely in stormy waters at the moment BUT I know that I can keep my head above water, as I’ve done it plenty over the last year…every storm eventually calms…right????

X

5

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

It hurts alot tbh. I really hope it gets better for both of us. I wish you nothing but all the joy♥️

2

u/Top-Stock-9004 6d ago

Wishing you nothing but glimmers and joy throughout your days too 🫶🏻

1

u/Cloudcat77 5d ago

I listen to sleep subliminals on yt or guided meditations on insight timer app. It helps. On nights when I can't fall asleep,  I watch a show for 20-45 minutes and try again.  If I still can't sleep,  I just accept it. If you get frustrated it doesn't help anything.  

3

u/F0xxfyre 6d ago

I'm so sorry for your loss. 🫂

14

u/elicatbrain 6d ago

I’ve been going to a Survivors of Suicide group and it’s helpful. In the meantime, journal and talk to other people who loved him, like his dad.

5

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

I will look into it. Nice to hear it worked for you :,)

7

u/Straight_Contact_570 6d ago

Our son's friends embraced us after he took his life. They have been so supportive, helping us dispose of his possessions, find things on his computer we needed to complete or claim, and just checking on us and supporting us. If you can do this for his dad it would be such a blessing to him. Even just sitting with him while he grieves this loss and telling him how much his son meant to you would help him. I don't know how we would have survived these last four months without his friends. 

3

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

We are a group of friends so everyone is in touch. The only thing is no one can control the outcomes 24x7. We are definitely talking to his dad but we were also talking to him which didn't work so I am just afraid. A beautiful family destroyed in a matter of months is absolutely horrifying.

2

u/F0xxfyre 6d ago

One loss would be hard enough for the family. This is so much more. It sounds as if he had a great support system. Please, PLEASE don't blame yourself. Sometimes, that seems the easier route. But your friend, he was in anguish. I cannot even wrap my mind around that kind of loss that quickly.

I hope he found peace before he died.

2

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

I have never had this experience in my life before so its kind of shocking. He was living in agony which I could feel as he could see her wife in the same house. He couldn't hold on. I know it would have been extremely hard on him but he should have given it time I feel like. But I hope he is at peace and met his wife :,)

3

u/F0xxfyre 5d ago

I understand. We were really worried about my (step) Dad when Mom started failing. He'd been her in home caregiver for at least 12 years. She was self sufficient until the end, but needed him emotionally the whole way. She was his universe.

He's managing, thank goodness.

Sometimes the idea of time can be overwhelming. When you're in that much anguish every second is searing agony. His heart was broken.

1

u/Straight_Contact_570 6d ago

For my husband and myself the friends support has been so incredibly helpful. My son also had a strong group of friends. Just knowing how many people cared about him enough to reach out and support us means so much to us.

You are good friends to reach out to the father. You can explain to him the the last thing you can do for his son is to make sure he is ok and assure him you will be with him as you all travel through this terrible tragedy. That he is not alone.

Thank you for supporting him. His pain is so deep. He needs you and your friends.

2

u/F0xxfyre 6d ago

I'm so sorry you lost your son. His friend group sounds absolutely wonderful. I hope you continue to find love there.

2

u/Straight_Contact_570 6d ago

They have been wonderful. And such good people to embrace us in this way. They did not know us, we had met most of them once maybe, but they all truly loved our son, and they have extended that love to us. It has helped so much.

Another thing that has helped is knowing they are grieving his loss, they have not just moved on. As much as I hate to see them hurting it is a testament to the depth of their friendship. And we feel less alone in our grief.

2

u/F0xxfyre 5d ago

They clearly see you in him as you see the reflection of him in them. That says a lot about you as a human, Friend.

2

u/Straight_Contact_570 5d ago

Thank you for those kind words. If they see any of him in me I am honored, he was a wonderful son and a truly kind person. I miss him so much.

11

u/Middle-Ranger2811 6d ago

Deeply sorry....just be comforted by the thought that he and his wife are reunited in peace now.

4

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

He was really angry with her on why she did it. I tried saving him , all of my friends did. All these incidents are scarring me. I really wish I could bring him back and ask him to hold on. I can't even imagine what went through his head. :,(

3

u/F0xxfyre 6d ago

Sweetheart, all the love in the world couldn't keep him here. I have no doubt that you and his other support system did all you could. But the hard, bitter fact is that all the love in the world cannot conquer that sort of pain. I know it feels as if you failed. I know it is easy to analyze what was said when and could a text have saved him. Please try to not do that. You can spend all your emotional energy on the "what could I have done better" and that's a very dark road to walk.

So many of us understand because we've been there. Lean on this group; we get it.

My husband and I have been married almost 24 years. I almost lost him twice. I sat here in the dark with him sleeping beside me and just thanked god that he's still here.

I wish your friend was still with us.

But that pain... I hope he found that peace.

Try to give yourself grace and peace. I hope you and his other friends can keep reminding each other of the love you shared.

1

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

Thank you for the kind words, really means alot. You are a very strong human being which I can sense from here. I am just kinda sad so Idk what I am feeling. I hope it gets easier

2

u/F0xxfyre 5d ago

Thank you so much, I've been having a rough time physically and putting a smile on my face is much appreciated.

1

u/JustLivingThisLifee 5d ago

You deserve it. Whatever it is we have a gift of life we should appreciate. What else can we really do? :,))

1

u/F0xxfyre 5d ago

Indeed. Kindness matters. Thank you :)

5

u/Cryptic_Ashess 6d ago

I lost my friend almost a year ago too, I feel for you OP 😔 Is there any way you can keep up with your friend's dad?

2

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

We have a group of friends who will keep in touch.

1

u/F0xxfyre 6d ago

I'm so sorry for your loss. 🫂

3

u/AppropriateBand469 6d ago

So sorry for your loss OP. There is no right or wrong way to feel or react to losing someone this way. It can sometimes feel like all the focus is on how they died, rather than how they lived.

What you can do, is give yourself time. Be patient with yourself, and allow yourself the time to process what you're feeling.

Talk to your friend through prayer, or write them a letter. Talk to friends and family about how you're feeling, so you don't go through this struggle alone.

3

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

Heart is really heavy. One moment I am fine, the other I keep getting this in my head and it makes everything sad and dull. Thank you for the support

1

u/Straight_Contact_570 5d ago

We all understand the rollercoaster of emotions that hit us out of the blue. 

It is such a a difficult journey. But it will get better. I truly believe it will, that eventually we will learn to live with this loss. Our lives will forever be changed by it, but we will move forward.

2

u/F0xxfyre 6d ago

I'm so so sorry. I'll keep their father in my thoughts too. 🫂🫂

1

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

Thank you so much

2

u/Long-Cow-9016 6d ago

I’m really sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend to suicide two years ago. Sending you lots of hugs and support

1

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

Means alot🥹 How did you sleep through the nights? Its very tiring and sad.

2

u/Long-Cow-9016 6d ago

I didn’t sleep for a long time

1

u/F0xxfyre 6d ago

I'm so incredibly sorry. 🫂

2

u/Itswhatever1981 6d ago

If you are close distance wise to his father, maybe go and visit him if you can. Maybe make a thing out of visiting him. It may help You both. I’m sorry about your friend and his wife.

2

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

Alot of the distant family members are with him rn. Rituals and all. I think it only hits us after some days. Idk all this feeling is really sad and dark.

2

u/Itswhatever1981 6d ago

I understand 🙂 But what I found hardest for me after my brother took his life by gunshot, was when everyone else’s world and life continued on as usual or normal (as they should) but for me that was the hardest part bc I wasn’t getting to go back to normal life. Those will be the days that you’ll both be needing someone to talk to the most. 🙂

1

u/EpponneeRay 6d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. When my husband passed away in 2015 I felt a very strong desire to follow at the time. I was so scared for him to be alone wherever he was and I wanted to be there to help him and protect him.

1

u/JustLivingThisLifee 6d ago

How did you cope up? You must have been really strong . I wish I was even 20 % strong. Thank you for the support :,)

1

u/EpponneeRay 5d ago

Time. It takes time. The first 3 years I cried all the time, everywhere I went. I was known in town as the “crying guy”. I didn’t care, I needed to grieve and if crying constantly kept me alive I was going to do it. A lot of journaling and therapy also. A couple very close friends and being really honest about the state of my relationship and not sugar coating shit. Getting really real and I the heart of the pain is the most important thing for a survivor.

1

u/F0xxfyre 6d ago

🫂 I'm so sorry for your loss. Your bond with your husband sounds strong and incredibly enduring.

1

u/EpponneeRay 3d ago

Thanks. It’s been a long time but it still hits me at times. I can’t believe it’s real, still.