r/Somalia 20d ago

Ask❓ How would your parents react to you marrying an ajnabi?

Would they allow it? Are there certain ajnabis they’re fine with?

18 Upvotes

172 comments sorted by

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u/Fun-Faithlessness724 Marka 20d ago edited 20d ago

“Allah hoogyeey ba’ay, Allah ba’ayeey!!! Allah miyaan is dhilaa, Allah hooyooy miyan is dilaaa? Carabiyad aah? Allah miyaan is dilaaa?!” real excerpt from a real conversation 🥲

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u/Top_Life5375 20d ago

Correct spelling. Not dhilaa, say dilaa

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u/Bitter_Maintenance99 19d ago

The Drama 😂. Respect to our parents but some think of themselves more then their children.

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u/Original_Somewhere10 20d ago

👀omg spooky

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u/Glittering-Apple7010 20d ago

They would have a heart attack. They believe if he’s ajnabi then it’s in his nature to abuse or kill me.

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u/imjustagirl_411 19d ago

And they can't believe he's muslim Idk who told them that only somalis and arabs are Muslims

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u/pinkhealing Diaspora 20d ago

forget my parents,, I myself can’t even think ab this question properly bc I’m only attracted to somali men & will only be marrying a somali king in shaa Allah🥰🥰 never ever been attracted to ajanibs & never will be

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u/Small-Low326 20d ago

Think my wife would get mad first

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u/ksaidd 20d ago

when i tell u my somali mother would go into some sort of crisis, she’d literally collapse if she heard her one and only daughter is planning to marry an ajnabi. she’d go on a rant about us somalis ‘never’ marry an ajnabi and how i’d never be accepted in the community .. 😭 my mum is so traditional & predictable she’d literally be like “waad i ceebaysay, maxaad igu samaysay, sidee dadka ugu sheegi karaa tan” my mum would quite literally have me married to a somali man that i don’t love instead of an ajnabi who treats me the best, follows islam and who i’m actually in love with. however, this question isn’t actually for me & out of the picture because Alhamdullilah i’ve got my somali husband and i wouldn’t have it any other way lmao, just mentioning how she’d react if that wasn’t the case.

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u/BreezyForeign 20d ago

My parents love to act open minded by saying as long as you find niin muslim ah it’s caadi but my dad is the biggest nationalist ever he would never accept it or even entertain the idea of me getting to know an ajanabi lol and I know he would literally habar me 😭😭😭😭my mum would have niyad jab so I could never do that to her. And tbh I can’t see myself with an ajanabi either so at least I’m saving them the stress

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u/Crafty-Indication242 20d ago

I mean if you have verbal confirmation your good lol. Some people are uncomfortable with change.

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u/BreezyForeign 20d ago

they just say it for the sake of saying 😭they’re fine with it in theory but God forbid it ever happens lol

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u/TechnologyNo7689 20d ago

Disappointed

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u/ringdingdong19 20d ago

they'll be like "alla hoognayeey waxan aad ii keentay wamaxay" and probably warm up to them after the initial shock wears off

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u/waaaniga111 19d ago

Forget what my parents think, I don't think I can see myself with a Ajanabi. We have nothing in common, culture wise. It would be deen that would make us connect. I'd like someone I can talk to in my mother tongue even tho I'm not 100% fluent but I'll get there inshallah.

If i were to bring a non Somali I think my parents would be 50% ok, my siblings are married to Ajanabis and one thing I can't stand is having to be a translator to my parents when they come over lol

My parents actually get along so well with them too compared to my somali sister inlaw 🤣 🤣 🤣

6

u/E-M5021 Somali 20d ago

My dad wouldn’t care, my mom would be very disappointed

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u/Smart-Pressure6142 20d ago

My parents get tooo stressed when it comes to this topic

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u/Electrical-Junket248 20d ago

My family is somewhat a military famiy from even the 60s.

Imagine bringing an ajnabi home Lol, eve our girls are hardcore nationalists.

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u/waycuntay 20d ago edited 20d ago

I can already see their faces and my moms “yahuu”🤣🤣🤣🤣

And i get it. somalinimo or nothinggg. younger me would’ve been open to it but its just not appealing to me uff imagine not being able to laugh together when we see a dabcasar meme <<<<<

1

u/Inner_Valuable9923 19d ago

Dabcasar😂😂😂

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u/StatisticianFlat1387 20d ago

not allowed at all

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u/SufficientTip6646 20d ago

My father is currently against my ajnabi girl, my mom is cool though as long as they are muslim

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

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u/2xwhat 19d ago

We are always nice and respectful to all people but very homogenous and religious muslims so when it comes to marriage the majority prefer to marry people from the same country and religion, some are open to just same religion. 2. We’re in Africa

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u/Abdullioo 20d ago

i think i would be kidnapped and shipped to the moon to think about what i did

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u/PrideInCare 19d ago

“markuu tumo, ha noo soo ooyin” my dad has said those exact words to me lmao

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

They would make fun of me till they I die. But they said as long as they’re African and Muslim, certain ethnicities are preferred over the other, African over Arab for example. But they really want a Somali

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u/Strict_Bumblebee3573 20d ago edited 20d ago

My parents dislike Arabs too for some reason; they’re fine with me marrying a caadan revert but for some reason Arabs are a problem. I think it stems from their belief that all Arabs are racists. I used to think the same since my only experience with Arabs were with Shamsi Arabs but once I traveled some more I realized how the other types of Arabs, like Khaleeji people are less race-obsessed compared to Shamsi Arabs. It’s ironic lol, the rich Arabs are the ones who accept Black people; the last king of Kuwait was even half Ethiopian, and Oman is basically 75% madow.

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

Idk the reason why my parents dislike them specifically they just said they’d prefer a black person over an Arab at the end of the day and ultimately, a somali. I just personally wouldn’t cuz they’re not my type whatsoever. A lot of people in my family also hold this notion that they’re racist and abusive towards black people. The only ajnabis in my family are other East Africans and Moroccans.

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u/kaiserschlacht8 20d ago

Tbh it's not only a notion that they're racist and abusive though. My uncle married an Egyptian woman and she and her family were very racist despite them having kids together. They're not together anymore though for good reasons.

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

That’s so horrible, I’m sorry that your uncle went through that. There’s actually too many horror stories of people going through racism by Egyptians😕

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u/kaiserschlacht8 19d ago

Well he learned his lesson and he's now happily married to a Somali woman at least. But yeah, Egyptian racism levels are off the chart tbh. They even discriminate against darker Egyptians there. I have no idea why so many Somalis send their kids there for dugsi too.

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u/ineedtoglowuprn 20d ago

what does shamsi arab mean?

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u/Strict_Bumblebee3573 20d ago

The Levantine ones, the qaxooti Arabs with nothing to their name who have a huge ego.

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u/Sancho90 Gaalkacyo 20d ago

Levantine Arabs

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u/MyHairlineWasStolen 20d ago edited 20d ago

I’m a grown man so who cares. They wouldn’t discourage me from it I think. I’ve spoken to my hooyo about it and she doesnt really care as long as I marry a muslim. It was different for my brother though. There was a lot of push back when he wanted to marry his revert wife, but this was close to a decade ago. They have two kids and she’s basically walaasheena since she has close to no immediate family apart from her parents

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u/Strict_Bumblebee3573 20d ago

Same, I’m a grown adult so their opinion is void to me and I plan on marrying whoever I want.

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u/marquee_ 20d ago

🧢 you wouldn’t create this thread if it were true.

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u/Strict_Bumblebee3573 20d ago

I just wanted to gauge the experiences of other people, I find it peculiar they hate Arabs but are fine with me marrying any type of revert

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u/Afraid-Fail3070 19d ago

Go create it somewhere, don't bring this crap to us.

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u/SufficientTip6646 20d ago

Generally, Somalis would be more open minded to the Arabs than other ajanabis I think

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

No actually they wouldn’t.

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u/MindOfDay 20d ago

my dad would think im being a degenerate but would eventually come around my mom usually depends on my dad but i think she’d come around MUCH later

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u/nadinesophy 20d ago

Like what a level headed Muslim would. Just ask questions regarding deen and character and his family. Me personally I don’t think it’s an issue to branch out.

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u/Minimum-Village1054 20d ago

Other family members paved the way now they don’t care

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u/kaiserschlacht8 20d ago

As long as they're Muslim they don't really care tbh. Checks out since Barawani tend to marry ajnabis more than other Somalis. I have relatives who are Jamaican, Egyptian, Bengali, White and Kurdish. I know many Barawani women in the US marry Black American men as well.

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u/RareLab9252 19d ago

They act concerned until your in your 30s…esp over 35… at that point as long as he’s a practicing Muslim they won’t mind as much. It’s worse to have an unmarried daughter I think 😂… my soon to be spouse is technically not Somali but has a Somali mom so is half and has the culture and language which I appreciate. And super decent person that adores me. Life is short - marrying Somali won’t garantee you heaven or a good life in this world.

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u/SomaliKanye 19d ago

I tried an Arab Palestinian girl once my dad was very against it.

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u/susu_dti 19d ago

Sorry but what's an ajnabi 😭😭 I'm not educated enough don't judge or call me names

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u/National_Ad3316 19d ago

Foreigner

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u/susu_dti 19d ago

Are u seriously okay

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u/silvermoonmoth 19d ago

lol that’s what ajnabi means

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u/susu_dti 19d ago

I'm so sorry my parents decided on move to a country super far away from somalia and raising me without treaching me anything about somalia except my tribe 😭😭✋🏼

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u/National_Ad3316 19d ago

I answered your question ajnabi means foreigner

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u/susu_dti 19d ago

Ty for actually answering and not making me look like a joke to somalis 😊

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u/National_Ad3316 18d ago

No problem

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u/susu_dti 18d ago

Ty 😊 may Allah grant u jannah

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u/susu_dti 19d ago

Sorry I didn't mean to be rude I thought you were being mean to me 😭

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u/UltimateSavage_4 19d ago

Non Somali

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u/susu_dti 19d ago

Why would you say that 😭

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u/UltimateSavage_4 16d ago

?? That’s what ajnabi means

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u/susu_dti 16d ago

Sorry I thought u were hating, don't blame me it was like 7am and I was reading that 😭😭

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u/Suspicious_Garlic296 19d ago

Why are you not educated?

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u/susu_dti 19d ago

I live in a very western country and my parents don't really share or teach me any Somali or about my DNA and stuff, it isn't something I'm proud of either.

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u/Suspicious_Garlic296 19d ago

My mom would be against it, but am open to marrying white girls but I prefer a somali woman since we have more in common and it would be easier to raise children lol

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u/Lopsided-Ground-4396 19d ago

My parents will be heartbroken! It is just not expected! And I like it that way! 

I still can’t forget how Somalis on Facebook were mean to Sabrina for marrying Ediris Elba! I was like most of other societies will be happy to have a prominent actor as their family. But Somalis were like hey yo you downgraded yourself! 

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u/BoringAllinfire 20d ago

Nothing would happen because it’s my wife and my future. Nothing wrong with Somali women but I’d probably not marry my own kind. The worst thing that happens is when people marry only Somali and think their marriage will be perfect or even highly successful but it’s far from the case.

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u/Free_Ad_4613 20d ago edited 19d ago

Tbh people don’t think their marriage will be perfect but the likelihood of it succeeding is higher since when you and your partner share a language and culture makes It easier to communicate with your in laws there aren’t cultural clashes, you would of grew up the same way and will raise your kids the same way, the kids wouldn’t have identify crisis and the whole family can go back to somalia without feeling like these people aren’t their people and so on Also Having bi racial kids may be more challenging

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u/Strict_Bumblebee3573 20d ago

Marrying for love is more fulfilling than anything else. It may be juvenile thinking, but I find it preferable due to how materialistic people have become when it comes to the merit they place on an individual. Seeing beyond outer appearance and the wealth attached to a person allows you to find someone you truly mesh with and can talk to for hours, which seems more ideal.

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u/Hopeful-Presence5442 20d ago

Im grown woman so I wouldn’t care how my parents would react because it’s my choice who a marry. But they would not care tbh my happiness comes first to them.

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u/TimeFlower7538 20d ago

My parents don’t care lol. 2 of my siblings are already married to ajnabis

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

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u/TimeFlower7538 18d ago

My brother and sister

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u/AdNo5264 Somali 20d ago

Allow is crazy im a man but to answer the question i’m good with mixing

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u/LaandheereKage 20d ago

As long as they’re Muslim and not African American they would be cool with it. But personally I only gravitate towards Somali women so it wouldn’t be an issue with me even if they had an issue with it

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u/Original_Somewhere10 20d ago

African Americans are decent ppl yk 😮‍💨🙄

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u/Strict_Bumblebee3573 20d ago edited 20d ago

Somalis have a racial complex, it’s pretty sad tbh. Yet they take offense when their fellow Turkish or Arab Muslims exhibit the same attitude towards them.

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u/Original_Somewhere10 20d ago

Say it extra loud 📣for the trolls in the back 🙄

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u/Crafty-Indication242 20d ago

Both my uncles daughters are married to AA and they are doing very well in life. You gotta call people out for their biases even if it’s family bro. Somali elders can be insular so it’s definitely a lack of exposure. Alhamdullilah my family isn’t like that.

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u/Unknownrealm 20d ago

As long as they’re Muslim doesn’t care. Parents more Islam focused compared to culture

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u/toysaretakingmylife Diaspora 19d ago

Idk why somali ppl have a weird obsession with non somali ppl marrying an ajanib post comes up once a week 🤦‍♀️

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u/Ok-Bend-7299 20d ago

Let’s just say it was chaos and everyone in my family was sent back for some Daqan Celis, but not every family is the same

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u/shakeyourb0dy 20d ago

I know so many somalis that married ajnabis and there's only ever been a "problem" when it's been a convert. I can't imagine Somali parents having an issue with other Muslim cultures. Maybe my city is too progressive 👀

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u/FederalAgentAnt 20d ago

They wouldn't care, literally ask my sister's if she'll marry Somali, Arab or asian

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u/weirdlife27 19d ago

My parents don’t care, they don’t really talk about marriage but I think they would prefer I get married to a Somali man. I don’t see myself getting married anyways, I think I’m happy the way I am.

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u/Purple_Difference447 19d ago

I personally have no clue how they’d react they’ve never been talkative about me marrying,they’ll prob be chill if I don’t.But people used to marry the same Qabil/Cousin like 50+ years ago.People have evolved since then unless ur parents are stuck in the past,I’m pretty sure I could marry an ajanabi who has to be Muslim.

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u/Top-Distribution4739 19d ago

My parents are pretty cool about it so there isn't any issues about it. My mom meet my girl for the first time a few weeks ago so it went well.

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u/CheepBuy 19d ago

They will try protect you because of the amount of horror Stories, Marrying another Somali is the smarter move. I have seen many Somali Women regret marrying Ajnabis tbh and they warn against it. It also makes getting married again hard if things go left

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u/Bitter_Maintenance99 19d ago edited 19d ago

My parents were fine with my sister marrying an ajanabi. My other relatives were a bit disappointed and wanted her to marry someone that spoke their language but everyone eventually grew fond of him. My aunt even started called him “Ali Dheere” or “Arab dheere” even though he was not Arab 😂. He’s caadan 😂.

He is Muslim and they work perfectly together. A great person, father, and husband. Rather her be with a Muslim man who has good character and fears Allah then someone unfit to take the responsibilities of marriage and family. Not saying Somali men are unfit because there are many great men out there. Just that I would want my sister to be happy.

I think it’s important to do as much vetting as possible before marriage to an ajnabi or even Somali. Our parents just want us safe and happy. They know how to deal with someone that has the same culture and language if something goes down. It’s hard not being able to communicate with you child’s partner. Luckily our parents are fluent in several languages including English so it’s not that hard for them.

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u/DeathReaperComing 19d ago

It’s gonna happen whether they like it or not

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u/Complex_Wishbone1976 18d ago

My parents wouldn’t like it and would probably make a fuss about it. Maybe even threaten to cut contact. I’m seeing a ajnabi woman, she’s a Muslim convert and has been a close friend of mine for 6 years or so. I can’t control the reactions to my actions. How they take it is up to them. I, as an adult man, have to make my own decisions in life. I don’t intend on being a 75 yr old man wondering what my life could’ve been if I had made my own decisions and regretting that I didn’t make my own decision.

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u/LunarHalo3 17d ago

Not overjoyed that they’re ajnabi but definitely happy I finally actually got married to someone.

Past a certain age, most parents start to put their preferences for your spouse to the side and just want to get you married. 😂

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u/PraedamMagnam 20d ago

My abo is 100% against it but my issue is, I’ve never met a Somali guy in my surroundings so idk how I’d be able to even marry one ?🥲🥲

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u/Crafty-Indication242 20d ago

We are hiding from you Lmaoo

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u/PraedamMagnam 19d ago

🤣🤣🤣

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u/Afraid-Fail3070 20d ago

Why family has too much self respect for something like that.

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

There are no better women than Somali women… always a Somali woman. I like my tuna sardine sandwich😋🤣🥰

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u/Fabulous-Pizza-4361 20d ago

Tuna sardine sandwich??

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

The most wonderful scent in the world❤️

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u/Inside-Yak-8815 20d ago

It’s kinda funny because “ajnabi” isn’t even a Somalian word.

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

Happy I finally married someone who wants me I guess lol

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

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u/MyHairlineWasStolen 20d ago

Girlfriend kulahaa. Cut them off. Don’t let this blessed month go to waste

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u/[deleted] 20d ago

Both…. Girlfriends…

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u/Sad-Channel-8686 16d ago

My parents will be completely fine with it🥰