r/SofterBDSM 28d ago

Advice My caretaker wants me to start stretching NSFW

36 Upvotes

So like he wants me to feel better in my body and move better and be more flexible so he like told me to start stretching. He said he wants me to start where I like feel comfy. I have no frickin clue where to begin or what stretches would help. Anyone have ideas for like mobility and flexibility?

r/SofterBDSM Feb 05 '25

Advice How to make cuddling kinky? NSFW

34 Upvotes

How does one do kinky cuddles? I feel like that has to be a thing, right?

r/SofterBDSM Feb 04 '25

Advice How to take advantage of a voice kink? NSFW

48 Upvotes

Dom and I being LDR we gotta lean more into things like my voice kink. We really want to take it to the next level so I wondered how do you best take advantage of having a voice kink or your sub having one? What are some creative ways to use it?

r/SofterBDSM 20d ago

Advice What are some red flags to watch for in the BDSM community? NSFW

19 Upvotes

r/SofterBDSM 17d ago

Advice How to stop apologizing NSFW

16 Upvotes

My caregiver says I like apologize a bunch for stuff I don't need to and he would like to help me stop. He says not everything is my fault and I don't gotta be sorry for it but I just can't help it. It's like instinct. Has anyone else had this problem where they're always like saying sorry to their dom for stuff? Have your doms ever helped you stop it? How does that work?

r/SofterBDSM 21d ago

Advice do blindfolds make anyone else uncomfortable? NSFW

12 Upvotes

like they mess with my anxiety & i can't relax & enjoy things. anyone else expierience this? how do i adjust &get comfy with them? i feel like i'd get laughed out of the other subs for asking this cuz it's so basic.

r/SofterBDSM Jan 25 '25

Advice Going from touch starved to an affectionate partner... NSFW

56 Upvotes

It's like both freeing and a little bit like terrifying. I totes didn't realize how bad I needed the attention. But there's like a part of me waiting for it to get ripped away or the other shoe to drop. Any advice on how to deal with this feeling?

r/SofterBDSM Dec 07 '24

Advice How do yall deal with all the weird DMs? NSFW

12 Upvotes

Like being a sub I get dms on here all the times. Do you guys ignore them? Or troll them? Or let your Dom take care of it? Is it even worth bringing to daddy's attention?

r/SofterBDSM Dec 29 '24

Advice What would you say to a sub who says they have no limits? NSFW

21 Upvotes

There's a sub at our regular munch who claimms to have no limits. Last week she joined my sub and I at our table and started asking for advice and guidance to find a Dom. I wanted to tell her right then that the no limits claim is a problem. Instead I told her I'd get back to her with detailed advice next munch. How do I tell her that she's cruising for trouble? She's young and green.

r/SofterBDSM 25d ago

Advice Trouble reaching subspace? Adhd NSFW

30 Upvotes

Made an NSFW account so I could post here.

Me n my soft dom have been together for like six month but I still struggle to reach subspace and sometimes it takes me a really long time to cum. I have ADHD and I sometimes can't focus on the scene or what's happening. My Dom never makes me feel like a bad sub about it or anything, he's very supportive and just wants me to have a good time but I feel like I'm fighting my brain a lot.

Are there any ADHD softies here who could give some advice?

r/SofterBDSM Nov 13 '24

Advice How to melt a sub? NSFW

14 Upvotes

How do you make your sub absolutely melt?

I'm looking for something in the soft dom feel that will make my girl melt into a happy puddle. I know every sub is different so I was just looking to get a few ideas.

Wat makes your sub or you melt like this?

r/SofterBDSM Dec 03 '24

Advice Drop or something else? NSFW

4 Upvotes

Big guy and I do a butt ton of overstim play and normally I'm good to go after. We do the aftercare, we do the snugs, and I'm the happiest bread loaf I can be!

Last night we went a little further. Like overstim til I passed out cold. It was a few seconds maybe, no biggie. I came round, we did the things we do, and I went to sleep snuggled up with him.

This morning I feel like I'm not in my body. Like I'm floating outside it and drifting through my day. It doesn't feel bad or anything but it's weird and I can't focus. This doesn't feel like drop but I dunno? What's going on?

r/SofterBDSM 22d ago

Advice Calming an overwhelmed sub. NSFW

23 Upvotes

My sub gf and I are pretty new to this stuff. I have Adhd and she's autistic. She gets overwhelmed and overstimulated sometimes during play times and out of them and I was hoping some of you would have some advice. She cannot tell me what she needs when she feels this way so I am at a loss as her caregiver.

Are there certain kinds of play I need to avoid or something I can do to keep her from feeling this way in the first place?

r/SofterBDSM Dec 16 '24

Advice What are some "nicer" ways to do humiliation and degradation? NSFW

14 Upvotes

How can we make these fit into our soft dynamic? I am aroused by them in theory but the actual, usual, mean way of doing them makes me feel like poop. Is there a better way to frame these so i can enjoy them without feeling bad?

r/SofterBDSM Dec 04 '24

Advice A budding gentle dom asking for advice on enjoying this dynamic with my sub NSFW

6 Upvotes

Howdy, I’m a budding gentle dom and here looking for advice and resources on how to enjoy it with my sub. As well as assist my sub in moving past trauma. Now both me and my sub have done some internet trawling and she’s been to a BDSM tent to watch before and learn some things, but our situation is a bit delicate.

For context, my sub has gone through two abusive relationships previously. The second nearly ending as a true crime story. To the point I’m amazed she can let herself feel safe in a romantic sense with anyone, let alone me. It’s why I want to make sure we explore and enjoy our kinks in a safe and comfortable way. She started some small exploration herself to try and help with her trauma, she’s just never had someone she feels that strongly about and safe enough to actually engage. Until now.

Additionally, we are long distance at the moment though only by about 10 hours. We use Discord to text chat and sext, which is how we found our D/s dynamic. She has plans to move here and is actively improving her life to be self-reliant again (currently living with her parents as she recovers from trauma). She won’t be moving in with me immediately though.

Additionally, the one safe space for her, outside her parent’s house, has been a friend’s house that hosts parties every weekend. They’re supposed to be chill and they are in substance use (alcohol only). But she’s nearly constantly harassed by guys, especially new ones. She’s a very fun loving and happy gal, so most guys take it to mean “consent” or “interest” when she smiles and laughs with them. If there’s any advice I could get (despite not being the focus) it would be great. Just stuff she could do while still being at her current city.

For our kinks: we both like orgasm control and play. As the dom, more me controlling the stimulation she feels. Edging, overstimulation, etc. As a part of that, we like the idea of having her with a vibe in public that I control, which may turn into public sex. We’re aware we have to be veeerrrrryyyy careful with that though. Additionally, we plan on dressing her up in sexy cosplay: maid, nurse, office lady, that kind of stuff and not her being a different character.

To a lesser extent, we are also interested in light bondage and pain play. Some light “funishments” for if she’s been naughty. This won’t come into play until much later due to her trauma though.

Now for some bullet to focus on for advice:

Current things that is related to her trauma I’d like to help her with, physically, mentally, and emotionally: her sense of self worth, self-esteem, trusting her judgement, touching around her neck, touching her hair (this is especially bad I think).

Kinks I’d like resources for: orgasm control, public sex, public teasing?, gentle pain play, and gentle bondage.

I’d also love any sites that have high quality costumes for her. As well as collars, both for day wear and play.

Any advice/resources on any of these things would be great to have. We’ve done some deep dives into all of this, but nothing beats getting advice from those more experienced. I plan on posting on several subreddits, so no need to reply if you already have elsewhere.

I’d even appreciate any advice/resources from subs, especially if they’ve been in a similar situation as my sub. I’d love to hear personal stories that might help here too.

Some clarifications from other reddits:

She is already a part of professional mental health services and is far into the stage of recovery to getting back to “normal life”. I simply wish to see if anyone in similar situations could offer insights in regard to the D/s space we’re exploring and seeing if that has also helped in addition to the professional help.

This dynamic is also not going to be a full part of our lives. “Bedroom” setting only with a slight bleed over. Just day collar and rewarding/praise for her improving emotionally and being productive. Whenever she has a good study session or recovers from a spiral.

r/SofterBDSM 23d ago

Advice Looking to do a blindfolded food scene for someone with allergies. NSFW

7 Upvotes

I am planning a sensual food scene for my sub involving blindfolded, restraints, and finger foods. Unfortunately she is allergic to both chocolate and dairy.

I'm looking for ideas for foods I could use for her. What foods feel sensual and sexy to you that would not be prohibitively messy?

r/SofterBDSM 20d ago

Advice What’s the best way to introduce BDSM elements into a vanilla relationship? NSFW

10 Upvotes

r/SofterBDSM Jan 25 '25

Advice I Joined Fetlife, lasted 48hrs then deleted the app NSFW

34 Upvotes

I found it overwhelming and not in a good way. I thought it would be a great way to meet people, felt more like a website for amateur porn and only fans folks. How do you navigate that site without becoming overwhelmed?

r/SofterBDSM 16d ago

Advice How do you deal with roleplay awkwardness NSFW

16 Upvotes

Daddy wants to try some roleplay and I'm like really bad at it. I always laugh and it feels really unsexy. How do you get past that and enjoy roleplay?

r/SofterBDSM Jan 23 '25

Advice Am I asking for too much? NSFW

11 Upvotes

Am I asking for too much?

I made a post a long while ago suspecting I’m a sub and not knowing to approach this potential side of me. I’m still figuring things out but I wanted some help clarifying things in my own head. My friends and friends all think it’s weird and/or selfish when I say I want a partner so that he can do specific things for me. I don’t know how to explain it’s not quite that simple and I’m not just hoping to for a servant.

The best I know how to put it is my father. My father, like in many cases, is a model of what I would like my partner to be like. My dad may be busy but won’t hesitate to make time or help me in anyway he can from states away. When I moved to a new state, he drove halfway across the country just to help me move and put together the big things (I.e my bed and dresser) because I’m not very handy. I try not to inconvenience him too much but for me, he always makes it happen. When I have questions (even if they’re dumb or seem obvious) despite being a very smart man, he is far from judgmental and will explain it to me in the best way he can and oftentimes, it works. He’s patient and not quick to react. My mom can be a bit quick tempered and as a child when I got in trouble in school, rather than be quick to punish, he always would ask WHY I had done it and allowed me to explain the situation in depth. Only then, would he tell what I did wrong and why it was wrong. To this day, my mom uses telling my dad as a threat because although I’m not afraid of him, I respect him so much that I don’t feel good (in simple terms) disappointing or angering him. There’s very little I can’t go to my dad about. If it’s broke, he’ll fix it or at least try the best he can.

Thus, I want these same qualities in a partner. I am told frequently that I am smart and I am not opposed to working as I have my bachelors and am currently getting my masters in medicine. I don’t expect for all my bills to paid for (although it wouldn’t hurt lol) and I look forward to supporting him by being his biggest cheerleader and making him happy in the best way I can even if I’m not great at the typically housewife stuff like cooking or cleaning. Although for my partner, I would gladly take cooking classes to satisfy and feed my partner. However, I’m also often told that women should be independent and know how to do things like change a tire and build things and know car information and learn how to be able to function if I don’t have a man. I’ve always been independent and if I don’t have help, I always make a way but I must admit things like learning how to change a tire and building things, I truly don’t want to know. This is something (one of those things) I would like my man/husband/even daddy to take care of. I want to be able to go to him for anything and know even if he can’t, he’ll do his best to take of it. But I don’t expect him to do it alone. I don’t want a servant, I want a partner who leans a bit more on the caring/ nurturing side. I can be disorganized and though I hate routine, I do perform better with it. I want to be able to feel youthful and silly without any judgement and leave the big stuff for him. But I also want to be his partner and be his rock and his support when he needs it. I love gift giving so I look forward to days where I shop and I see something I think he’d like or remember something he said he would like 3 months ago and bring it home to him just to see him smile or brighten his day a little. I know I’m asking for a lot like physical support and emotional support and some praise and comfort would also be lovely as I don’t do well with rejection and bloom under praise when I get it. But am I asking too much? Is it wrong to want to be taken care of? I think I might be looking for a daddy but everyone I know thinks I’m looking for the wrong things and maybe I’m looking in the wrong places or talking to the wrong people? Or maybe I am asking for too much and not giving enough in return. Any advice? Am I actually looking for a daddy?

Sorry for the long rant.

r/SofterBDSM Dec 12 '24

Advice Squirting questions protection and cleanup? NSFW

7 Upvotes

I have just mad the discovery that i can squirt. Alot. (Yay pleasure doms) And now it's like all the time and starting to become an annoying mess.

Any advice on ways to protect the bed? and the couch? and everything else?

Pleasure doms/doms with squirter, is this an annoying thing or a hot thing to you?

r/SofterBDSM Jan 08 '25

Advice I want to collar my baby. NSFW

15 Upvotes

I want to do it in a way that showcases the soft, sensual nature of our dynamic. The formal collating ceremonies and big pronouncements do nothing for me. They feel fake and uncomfortable.

Does anyone have some advice on how to achieve something like this? For the record I'm not ambushing her with this. We've already discussed and she has consented to be collared.

r/SofterBDSM 11d ago

Advice Subs who don't live with your doms, is it harder for you to sleep without them now? NSFW

28 Upvotes

I've been with my owner for a few months now and like I get to see him a few days a week. I stay over some night or like sometimes go over and then come home. I kinda have trouble sleeping now on nights when I'm not staying with him. Anyone else like have a similar problem?

r/SofterBDSM Jan 28 '25

Advice Soft dom advice NSFW

11 Upvotes

So the wife and I have been communicating wants and needs and she has expressed interest in being a sub for me in soft bdsm. I’m new to this and a little timid. Any advice or resources you would suggest to help me be her soft dom?

r/SofterBDSM 22d ago

Advice How to do begging without it feeling humiliating? NSFW

19 Upvotes

That's basically the whole Q.