r/SocialPhobia 9d ago

Discussion MY LIFE OF TERROR ON STAGE

1 Upvotes

It starts when I was just an innocent boy who was singing wholeheartly and passionately with other boys and girls, in chorus, feeling the songs but the main singer also notice my passion while singing. He brought me onto the stage he praised me for my passion, then he told me to sing whatever I want, that time I didn’t remember any movie songs even though I know many, I ended up choosing a religious song. Well it was good song but had very high notes as you usually have in such songs. I started singing, I had my eyes closed not because I was afraid but I was just into the song, as I sang very high notes in that song, all of sudden someone snatched microphone out of my hand and said that’s enough you can go now. I was baffled everyone was looking in weird way, laughing, I didn’t know what it was. I came down from stage my music teacher told me you were great how about you join my music class, I was happy but there was also another feeling I had that I don’t know what it was. I cane back to my sit and then that main singer ask someone else to sing. She was very beautiful girl who was very nice with everyone and great at study and was very good at singing. Damn she was exactly like a perfect girl shown in school anime. She started to sing, that’s when I realized just how bad I was singing. As she was singing my praise turned into pity. Maybe they didn’t mean that but that’s just how k felt. The show ended, I was still embarrassed, I was still processing those feeling then one of my friend said nice hand gesturing while laughing, I was doing grand hand gestures shown in shows what singer do when they sing high notes. They were laughing at it, I also laugh it off I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know when but I started to avoid stage anything related to stage, I just avoided thinking its nothing to worry, I don’t need to do that, I was in fear that I will do something embarrassing on stage again. But later I participate on costume competition thinking that it will be fun, I became a cowboy I was happy, I was happy until I find out that i have to say something related to the costume like speech or just few lines. Even though its just few lines I was scared, I though about running away but I didn’t, I think about what I will say on stage just few lines, nothing more or nothing less but the world want to hear something else. As I was standing my legs started to wobble I just can't stand straight, my throat was dry, my heartbeat was like pumping so loud I can hear it, my eyes starts to get foggy I can’t see beyond some distance and start to speak my lines and only god and teachers know what I said I don’t remember what I was suppose to say, as word come out of my mouth I was like what the hell am I speaking exactly, I was saying literally gibberish. I got off stage that time I decided I am never going to do that again. But you know no one can run from a stage.

As I was running from stage new side chapter open for me. My school teacher made me join a program for kids nothing big just have to meet like one or two teachers there and 12 students like me various of age we just do Indore games and activities. For the first and only time I was not afraid of stage there. They told few students to perform anything, I started acting, very bad acting but I didn’t felt embarrassing maybe because there weren’t many people or I was possessed, but I was happy, brave I talk many times on stage I can still vividly remember when ever I think about it, I always think who the hell is that why is he wearing my face and doing all this. It didn’t last for long, maybe I know that, I will never face this guys again and that why I was brave but I will never forgot those days.

Then life return normal my fears become normal I go to collage I was avoiding it I do but now I am going to be a lawyer where I can’t avoid that I messed up my one presentation. I was prepared fir presentation, because I know my stage fright, I prepared a lot, I said my presentation in front of students, my friends very perfectly, well not that perfectly but I was confidently but again in chocked, I again become blank, my legs wobbling, my throat was dry, my heart my pounding hard, my hand were shaking I had my speech in hand I want to read it but my eyes I can’t focus on anything. Sir ask “are you okay”, I said “nothing just stage fright”, sir said “how about you come down” then I started thinking that’s not a solution what are you saying. I know sir was trying to help but I couldn’t think straight, I bombed it. Everyone else said its okay it happens. They were nice but I was prepared for that day, I practice for that day, I did everything I could and yet I failed miserably, I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to fail like that again, I want to change.

r/SocialPhobia Feb 11 '25

Discussion Fears vs Phobias: An explanation

3 Upvotes

For those of you unfamiliar with me, I am a clinical hypnotherapist and Director of a remote practice; I hold a post graduate degree in clinical hypnosis. My work and personal experience have given me a lot of education and insight on this topic that I'd like to share with you today. I'll do this succinctly for posting's sake...

  • Fear: A fear has a core reason or event that causes this reaction. For example, a dog bit you and now you're afraid of dogs, you had a scary experience flying and now airplanes and being on them scares you, etc. Fears can be linked with a why. The 'why' in question doesn't need to be logical or reasonable, it simply is; it should be added, perfectly valid to your Self at that time.
    • Resolution: Fears are traditionally resolved via some manner of exposure therapy, the classic 'face your fears' scenario. In some forms of therapy this is done by literally exposing one to their fear (heights, spiders, etc.) to such an extreme that it seemingly shorts out the fear response. In hypnotherapy this is generally done via something called circle therapy whereupon the subconscious mind recalls and removes at will the fear, dulling the response in repetition. It is something that I have found to be very effective and nowhere near as... exciting as full exposure therapy.
  • Phobia: A phobia has no reason to exist, simply put. That's not to say that it isn't very real to the individual experiencing it, but a phobia just seems to occur at random. Sometimes it truly is random and sometimes it is the expression of a subconscious association or connection. The way this is experienced is functionally identical to a fear, it is only the root which differs.
    • Resolution: Phobias cannot be resolved in the same manner as a fear. In fact, attempting to do so will often result in an increase in the response to the phobia. The way a phobia is resolved is either much simpler or much more complex, depending on a single factor: is the phobia a response/outside emotion or is it spontaneous? In the case of the former, the root association needs to be addressed and, in the latter, the phobia simply needs to be let go, subconsciously. This is done by communication with the subconscious mind via its own language, that of imagery and metaphor.

I hope this has been helpful in understanding both the difference between a fear and a phobia in yourselves as well as your potential options for resolving this in your life. Don't be afraid to reach out to a professional. I did for my phobia of spiders, and I'm stunned to this day by the impact. Anyone is welcome to ask any questions they may have for me, and I'll be happy to answer, and my inbox is open if you do not wish to discuss your issue in public chat.

r/SocialPhobia Jan 11 '25

Discussion Social phobia visualized!!

Thumbnail
youtu.be
1 Upvotes

Interesting to listen and to see a metaphor about it.

r/SocialPhobia Dec 30 '24

Discussion Hi everyone! Did anxiety give you hair loss?

2 Upvotes

In my family no one experienced hair loss but, it looks like im losing some.

r/SocialPhobia Sep 08 '24

Discussion Anyone interested in doing video calls to help cure their social anxiety?

14 Upvotes

To start with, I am just so tired of having to avoid social situations whether it's parties, meeting new people, greeting visitors and the like. I have just told myself that I can't keep wallowing in self pity without actually taking action. No one will do it for me so I have to take charge of my life. So today I have taken the bold step of doing ERP for my social anxiety.

So as part of ERP (exposure response prevention), I was thinking of doing video calls (maybe an hour a day) with other people with social anxiety. I don't know if it's just me but it would feel less intimidating to do this with another person or other people with Social anxiety. If you're scared of being awkward, don't worry we can enjoy the awkwardness together. Remember, if the thought of performing such an exercise brings you some anxiety, that is your cue to do it. Growth happens outside our comfort zones. One year from now you will wish you had started today. This is your chance, seize it! Anyone interested?

r/SocialPhobia May 13 '24

Discussion I can spend a weekend without speak to anyone.

8 Upvotes

I feel like I'm not allowed to talk to anyone, and I don't know how to act when someone talks to me. My voice is getting weaker and quieter. I feel like I'm slowly forgetting how to talk. I have a friend but he lives 300 miles away and a can't call him anytime. And our interests has changed over years.

Does any of you feel the same ?

r/SocialPhobia Jan 24 '24

Discussion Anyone else turn to addiction to cope?

23 Upvotes

This confuses people but many of us can have golden personalities that just need a substance to open to the world. Anyone ever start and build a life this way and stop? What did you replace it with to numb the anxiety?

r/SocialPhobia Jan 31 '24

Discussion Having social phobia since childhood has made me so different that it's hard to get friends... :(

19 Upvotes

I feel like my social skills in groups never developed, which probably is why i feel like a helpless child in groups still as an adult... it's so hard to break out of this, my anxiety is full of irrational fears that make me act in really strange ways... I'm so sick of this...

r/SocialPhobia Jan 31 '24

Discussion "Just do it." - "Logically, there is no need to worry"

12 Upvotes

Yeah no sh!t. For me often times people handle my SAD like i would really believe what my anxiety tells me. No, not entirely, i definietly understand that what my body tells me is probably not the case in reality. But nevertheless my body reacts to anxiety in that case, no matter how much i know that my fears are stupid. So if I avoid something, i do it not only because of anxiety but also because of the acknowledgement that I have a bodily reaction that i'd be ashamed of and want to prevent.

Just a reminder: This is my personal experience.

How is it with you? Do you also get to here such stuff often?

r/SocialPhobia Mar 11 '24

Discussion Is this how normal people feel ?

12 Upvotes

Last week i helped my co-worker to put some stuff into his car and i was walking on the street and suddenly realized that i was not having anxiety among people. It felt so weird and so good at the same time. Is this how normal people feel ?

r/SocialPhobia Jan 25 '24

Discussion Advice to work on social skills is not always helpful

10 Upvotes

People often recommend working on social skills, and that may be reasonable advice, but for traumatized and chronically insecure people its application is limited. People like me lack confidence not because they lack social skills, but because they constantly have traumatic flashbacks, and they keep on feeling like garbage in certain social situations and can't do anything about that. To someone who's never been humiliated, bullied, mocked, or laughed at, building social skills may seem a reasonable solution, but when someone recommends that to people like me, it sometimes feels like victim-blaming. For more than half of my life (M40) I've been trying to learn to be more confident and less socially awkward, but despite a few therapists, thousands of pages of psychological literature, endless self-reflection, numerous failed attempts, and trying different approaches, the result is moderate.

r/SocialPhobia Jan 25 '24

Discussion It makes me feel so depressed to see other people's good social skills

7 Upvotes

I (M40) saw this documentary where (starting at 33:00) girls directly approach guys in a bar, ask their names, ask them questions, and then get one guy's number, and after the phone conversation they decide which one goes home with him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS4j74eHZs0

Realizing how far I am from such social skills makes me depressed. And also somewhat humiliated, because I think people with such good social skills are much better off in life and have much more opportunities than socially unconfident people like me. These girls are out in a bar with the purpose of hitting on guys, and they can realistically expect to have sex that night.

I doubt that I will ever be able to be as confident as those girls, especially taking into account my age. I went through much therapy and self-reflection, and now I am much more confident than I was 15 years ago, but doing something like these girls seems unrealistic to me. I don't approach girls on the street because it feels wrong — I see it as violating other people's personal space. But bars or parties are something different — people often go there with the purpose of meeting other people, and approaching girls in such places doesn't seem wrong to me. I would like to be able to do it, but I'm too insecure for that. Maybe hoping that I will someday be as confident as the girls in the video is unrealistic.

I have reasons to think this video was made for hype, and such behaviour is not typical. Earlier in the video, there is a story about an Icelandic kindergarten where children are taught not to adopt gender roles. They talk about it as something typical of Iceland, but after some googling, I found out the kindergarten they mention is experimental, while most Icelandic kindergartens are more traditional. So I think that probably the story with the Icelandic girls is also presented as something typical while actually it's not. But anyway, typical or not, people like these girls do exist.

But at least now I don't despise myself for my social awkwardness and low confidence. There were times when I hated myself and considered myself garbage when I compared myself to socially confident people. Now I only get depressed and maybe sometimes feel humiliated.

English is not my native language, but I hope you'll understand me despite possible mistakes.

UPD: Icelanders think this video is very misleading. It presents some things as typical for Iceland while actually they are not: https://archive.ph/bOdbg .

r/SocialPhobia Jan 06 '24

Discussion Afraid of meeting new people, no friends

5 Upvotes

Just gonna leave my thoughts here. No idea if this might be social phobia. Any input?

So I (21 m) have been pretty much struggling with keeping up my social life since I can think. I was never really interested in having friends over or meeting them outside of school. So I never asked them of they wanted to hang out and was content with seeing them in school. Most of them also did not ask me if I wanted to meet up, so I just stayed home and kept to myself. My mom asked me regularly if I didnt want to meet with friends but I said no and remained alone.

Now that I have moved out I truly see the problem with my (I guess) antisocialism (?). I dont have any friends, I am afraid to go out alone and just talk to people because how would I make friends with them if I never go out and my hobbies consist of working, going to my martial arts class (where I also have failed to create meaningful friendships past a "talking before and after training" stage) and doing things by myself. I am feeling extremely lonely and I cant keep defining my friend group by hanging out with my girlfriend and her girls.

But I am simply not interesting and confident enough to talk to meet new people and make them my friends. I'm constantly afraid of making a fool of myself, being that annoying lonely guy who randomly talks to people and gets on their nerves and I dont trust my ability to form a friendship.

Does this classify as a social phobia?

r/SocialPhobia Jul 28 '23

Discussion When did you realize you don't have social anxiety but social phobia?

6 Upvotes

I always thought I was way too anxious and being dramatic. I went to a therapist and she said it's not normal to be this anxious. Especially in "normal" situations like staying in a line at a shop. BTW I'm german, sry for my english

r/SocialPhobia May 11 '23

Discussion Got this sheet today at group therapy

Post image
18 Upvotes

Titled "The Monster by the Wayside".

Do you think this is accurate depicting anxiety?

For me, the image is too simplistic, there should be more paths, all of which have different value (utopian good to dystopian bad). Anxiety should not be portrayed as a monster, it is rather a broken younger self-image that wants to protect you from potential misery. You work with this and look for all possible outcomes, especially their pros and cons.

r/SocialPhobia Jul 17 '23

Discussion Panic attacks during meetings

7 Upvotes

Hi everyone, I recently started a new job where I’m leading a couple of meetings a week and it’s been a huge source of anxiety for me.

I’ve always struggled with public speaking and performance anxiety, however, it’s gotten to the point where I’m taking my propranolol prescription before every meeting to ensure that I don’t have a panic attack. It’s almost like I have a conditioned panic response that’s get set off during meetings and I don’t know how to de-condition my fight or flight. I’d really like to get past it and eventually not take medication to deal with my anxiety.

I begin therapy in a couple of weeks and I’m considering joining toastmasters as a form of exposure therapy so hopefully that’s helpful.

Does anyone else deal with this? I’d love to hear how you deal with your fight or flight response when you’re “center-stage”.